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Fat Vampire | [Johnny B. Truant]

Fat Vampire

When overweight treadmill salesman Reginald Baskin finally meets a co-worker who doesn't make fun of him, it's just his own bad luck that tech guy Maurice turns out to be a two thousand-year-old vampire. And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it's just Reginald's own further bad luck that he wakes up to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever born, doomed to "heal" to his corpulent self for all of eternity.
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Publisher's Summary

When overweight treadmill salesman Reginald Baskin finally meets a co-worker who doesn't make fun of him, it's just his own bad luck that tech guy Maurice turns out to be a two thousand-year-old vampire.

And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it's just Reginald's own further bad luck that he wakes up to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever born, doomed to "heal" to his corpulent self for all of eternity.

As Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire - too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead - he discovers in himself rare powers that few vampires have…and just in time too, because the Vampire Council might just want his head for being an inferior representative of their race.

Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife's lemons into tasty lemon danishes.

©2012 Johnny B. Truant (P)2014 Johnny B. Truant

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.6 (15 )
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  •  
    colleen ANCHORAGE, AK, United States 04-30-14
    colleen ANCHORAGE, AK, United States 04-30-14 Member Since 2005
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Amusing concept"

    I really like the idea of an overweight vampire. It's fresh and new and it promises something different. Alhough it was original it really didn't take off. Wasn't as clever as I hoped it would and it falls a little flat. No believability in dialog or characters either. There were some great ideas, but all and all it reminds me of a rough draft. In different hands this story really could have turned out well.

    7 of 8 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Rock Star Kimberly 06-23-14
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    3
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    "You've never read a vampire tale like this."

    Bram Stoker wrote the rules on vampires. Those rules held firm until Anne Rice came along. She changed the rules and upped the sexy. Now, vampires are everywhere and come in myriad varieties. There are sparkly vampires, time traveling vampires, no-need-for-blood vampires, demon vampires, Christian vampires — all kinds of vampires. Authors have been set free from the Stoker and Rice rules, but apparently, one rule remains. Vampires must be hot. Dead, apparently, is sexy. It’s the unbreakable vampire rule. Until now.
    Johnny B. Truant has written a hilarious book about a …you guessed it … fat vampire. Turns out, dead really isn’t so sexy after all. Just ask Reginald.
    Reginald Baskin is an overweight, middle-aged cog in the modern corporate machine. He’s totally average, completely ordinary, except that he is fat. Very, very fat. Reginald is a playground bully’s wet dream — that kind of fat.
    When Reginald goes on a rare evening out with the new guy at the office, he gets a lot more than he bargained for. What he gets is dead. Vampires have to be hot, right? Everybody knows that, so Reginald is initially pretty stoked. But it soon becomes clear that the “hot” rule is not going to apply to him. His maker informs him that when people make the decision to become one of the undead, they train relentlessly to acquire the body and skills that they’ll have for eternity. Over time, their natural talents and aptitudes will get a boost, but it’s not a sure bet from the outset. Since Reginald’s turning was a spur of the moment situation, he’s destined to spend eternity in his own, fat body.
    Reginald’s efforts to thwart the realities of his new existence were both touching and entertaining. Sure, this is a vampire tale, and we all know there are enough of those around, but Truant goes out of his way to avoid all the usual vampire tropes and tells a fresh story with humor as its anchor.
    The author’s conversational style and tone is a perfect fit for spoken narration. From the second I started Fat Vampire, it was as though I’d just sat down at the local pub, and the guy next to me said, ‘Hey, let me tell you what happened to this guy I know.’

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Kindle Customer Des Moines, IA 06-13-14
    Kindle Customer Des Moines, IA 06-13-14
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "A great audiobook to a great book"

    I received this audiobook as a review copy from the author. I had already bought the Value Pack a few weeks before but hadn't gotten around to reading it, so I figured it was a good time to start. I'll keep my review strictly to the audiobook, but I will say that I enjoyed the story. It was fresh, original, and hilarious--probably one of the few stories this year that actually made me laugh out loud while reading.

    The quality of the audiobook is excellent. The narrator does an exceptional job with the characters. His expression was spot on for each, and he did a great job switching between narration and voices. I particularly liked Reginald and Logan's character voices (especially Logan's). The narrator is clearly a professional, and he "got" the novel.

    I enjoyed the performance, too. A lot of audiobooks I've heard are simple reads of the book. When needed, the narrator actually acted out the scenes and gave the characters emotion, which I wish more narrators would do. This audiobook will keep you engaged and entertained the whole time.

    My only criticism of the audio version is that there were a few sections where there were either: hesitation on the part of the narrator or sentences/paragraphs repeated twice, which was slightly jarring. But as someone who produces audiobooks myself, I understand that you can't catch everything. These don't detract from the overall experience of the novel and are easily fixable by the narrator.

    I highly recommend this audiobook to anyone looking for a great novel to listen to while traveling to/from work, or if you like audiobooks. It won't disappoint. I assume that this will be available on WhisperSync for Voice, which will make it an even better deal because Book 1 in the series is free anyway, and you can get the audiobook for super cheap!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer Peoria, IL, USA 06-12-14
    Amazon Customer Peoria, IL, USA 06-12-14
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    "A vampire for the rest of us"
    Would you consider the audio edition of Fat Vampire to be better than the print version?

    I'd rate them similarly for their functionality. The audio edition can be listened to while doing many activities. Due to that, my mind tends to wander and I have to re-listen to segments. The print version keeps me focused, but I can't get much else done. I switch between them as my needs arise (though WhisperSync would be a welcome addition).


    Who was your favorite character and why?

    Certainly Reginald is my favorite. The way he handles his transformation into vampirism with his difficulties makes the story far more intriguing than your typical pretty-boy vampire cliche.


    Have you listened to any of Matt Josdal, VOplanet Studios’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

    I have not listened to any of his other works.


    If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?

    Let's get real.


    Any additional comments?

    This was an interesting start to the series. It has left me with a thirst to see where it goes next.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Susan Reynolds Northridge, CA United States 06-12-14
    Susan Reynolds Northridge, CA United States 06-12-14
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    "Loved it!"
    Would you consider the audio edition of Fat Vampire to be better than the print version?

    I'd rate the print version and audio version equally, though I enjoyed being able to listen while I was driving and walking. This book is hilarious, and I thought the narrator captured the voices very well, along with the humor. It was thoroughly entertaining.


    What other book might you compare Fat Vampire to and why?

    The only other books I can compare this to would be those written by the same author and his partner, Sean Platt.


    Which scene was your favorite?

    I loved the scenes with Reginald and Claire.


    If you could take any character from Fat Vampire out to dinner, who would it be and why?

    I'd like to take Reginald to dinner to discuss how he came up with what happened towards the end of the book. How did he figure out that algorithm?


    Any additional comments?

    Do yourself a favor and get this book, and the audiobook. I already downloaded the next one and am going to start it right now. And get on Sean and Johnny's mailing list. You won't be sorry you did. They sometimes give away free items, and I requested this audiobook for an honest review. Their writing is clever, funny, poignant....just cannot say enough good things about these guys.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    David M. Blaylock Round Rock, TX USA 06-11-14
    David M. Blaylock Round Rock, TX USA 06-11-14

    Cable-Monkey

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    "I Love Me Some Fat Vampire"

    Great story that will have you wanting more...which is good, because the story does go on to several other books in the series.

    This Vampire does not sparkle, but he is fat.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    J. PHOENIX, AZ, United States 06-10-14
    J. PHOENIX, AZ, United States 06-10-14
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    "Unique and entertaining take on the vampire mythos"
    Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

    I would totally recommend this audiobook to fans of vampire books. But I would also recommend it for anyone who likes to look at this mythos and would enjoy a book that pokes a little fun at it too. I mean, c'mon...he's a vampire...and he's fat.


    Who was your favorite character and why?

    Reginald is definitely my favorite character in this book. Reggie has one thing that is often lacking in vampire books. He has a heart and he is a very sympathetic character. He didn't choose to be this way, but now he is. He isn't filled with angst like many vampire characters. There is much to feel sorry for Reggie about. He was fat and made fun of when he was human. He has unique problems being fat and being a vampire too. He is the main character and really stuck out for me.


    Which scene was your favorite?

    I do not want to reveal any part of this book to anyone because it would definitely spoil it. I couldn't stop listening to this audiobook, and you won't be able to either.


    Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

    It was so damn funny, I am waiting for the rest of the series on Audible so I can check it all out. Thoroughly recommended!


    Any additional comments?

    Matt Josdal has the perfect voice for this audiobook and helps the audiobook in a great way.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Thomas Orono, ME, United States 06-10-14
    Thomas Orono, ME, United States 06-10-14 Member Since 2003
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Refreshing, funny take on vampires stories"

    This is light and fun entertainment that doesn't take itself too seriously. I really enjoyed the irreverent sense of humor the book maintained throughout.

    I laughed more than once while listening to this book. I expected to enjoy it because I like Johnny as an author. What I didn't expect was to like it as much as I did! The narrator really got Reginald's voice down. It really helped the humor of the book shine through.

    If you want your fiction to be serious, gritty and realistic this book is not for you. If you like a story with a sense of humor that has the ability to make fun of itself I think you'll love this book as much as I did.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
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