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Bill the Vampire | [Rick Gualtieri]

Bill the Vampire

There are reasons we fear the night. He isn't one of them. Bill Ryder was a dateless dweeb...then he died. Unfortunately for him that was just the beginning of his troubles. He awoke to find himself a vampire, one of the legendary predators of the night. Unfortunately for him, he was still at the bottom of the food chain. Now he finds himself surrounded by creatures stronger, deadlier and a whole lot cooler than he is. Worst yet, they all want him dead...permanently this time.
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Publisher's Summary

There are reasons we fear the night. He isn't one of them.

Bill Ryder was a dateless dweeb...then he died. Unfortunately for him that was just the beginning of his troubles. He awoke to find himself a vampire, one of the legendary predators of the night. Unfortunately for him, he was still at the bottom of the food chain.

Now he finds himself surrounded by creatures stronger, deadlier and a whole lot cooler than he is. Worst yet, they all want him dead...permanently this time.

Bill isn't exactly average, though. A vampire like him hasn't been seen in centuries. He's got a few tricks up his sleeve, unlikely allies, and an attitude problem that makes him too damn obnoxious to quit.

Join him in this hilarious tale of monsters, mayhem, and the unlikely hero who's not afraid to tell them all off...even if it gets his teeth kicked in.

©2011, 2012 Rick Gualtieri (P)2012 Rick Gualtieri

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.3 (402 )
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4.3 (375 )
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Story
4.3 (371 )
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3 star
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2 star
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1 star
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Performance
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  •  
    colleen ANCHORAGE, AK, United States 06-01-13
    colleen ANCHORAGE, AK, United States 06-01-13 Member Since 2015
    HELPFUL VOTES
    2089
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    "Cute-almost funny"

    Great book for the young adult. Tries out an original story line but falls back on the old tried and true Vampire lore. Not a bad attempt. Not a thriller, Not that funny, just okay.

    15 of 17 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Cliff madison, MS, United States 07-25-13
    Cliff madison, MS, United States 07-25-13 Member Since 2015

    I like scifi and urban fantasy. I don't like romance novels. If you are the same my reviews should help.

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Fun and Refreshing"
    Where does Bill the Vampire rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

    I have listened to about 500 audiobooks now (man I need to get a life). I would say this one is above average. The story and characters are interesting and I enjoy seeing a new take on a genre that has been done to death. I like the book because (unfortunately) I can identify with the main character in many ways. It almost reads like what would happen if I or one of my friends were in the situation in the book.

    The main thing I enjoyed about the book is the snarky sense of humor. I found myself laughing out loud several times while listening to this book. The constant, nerd pop-culture references which seem to becoming maditory in urban fantasy are here but handled in a very entertaining way. The story and world the author created is interesting and fun. He definitely left me wanting more!

    I will put a warning out there. If you are big into politcally correct behavior you will want to pass on this book. This is written from the point of a good guy without any PC filter whatsoever. It is clear as the book goes on this is just the sense of humor and coping mechanism for the main character but if you are sensitive you might get your feelings hurt.

    Also, please keep in mind this book is for adults. This is definitely one I would not listen to with my 12 year old daughter. Overall, the book was enjoyable. I liked the characters and the humor was great! It isn't Tolstoy. If you want depth go somewhere else. It it is a light, fun, refreshing read and is a great pallet cleanser after reading heavier or more complex books.


    What other book might you compare Bill the Vampire to and why?

    I can't really find a similar book. It has a lot of the standard urban fantasy elements but has a much different viewpoint on vampires than other novels. The author takes so pretty funny jabs at tropes from the slew of other vampire novels. If you like Jim Butcher or Kevin Hearne you will more than likely enjoy this book.


    What three words best describe Christopher John Fetherolf’s voice?

    Funny, Snarky but somewhat limited. He does a good job with the main character but the majority of the voices in the book sound like the same character. Still, overall I have no problems with the narrators performance.


    Who was the most memorable character of Bill the Vampire and why?

    The main character. He is kind of a bumbling dufus but with a good heart. The main character and his inner circle are fun and the type of people I would pal around with. The constant snapping and sarcasm of the characters would fit in well with most of the people I know. I like how he takes the world in stride and isn't the usual emo vampire we have come to expect.


    Any additional comments?

    After finishing this book I went ahead and got the rest of the series. I think that says it all.

    5 of 6 people found this review helpful
  •  
    A. Hogue Birmingham, AL 06-02-13
    A. Hogue Birmingham, AL 06-02-13 Member Since 2010
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Pretty funny, very enjoyable"

    I enjoyed this book a lot. There were a few moments in the beginning before Bill is turned that made me wonder if I was going to be able to stand the guy. A bit over the top with his silliness and horniness. But, that cleared up as the story continued. Definitely worthy of a credit. I went on to listen to the second book, and it was really good too.

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jennifer Ewing, NJ, United States 03-16-13
    Jennifer Ewing, NJ, United States 03-16-13 Member Since 2015
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Surprisingly good"

    Good self-deprecating, only moderately geeky main character was easy to like. Every time he did something ... or didn't do something , that could have lead to a hole in the plot, there was an "Oh yeah.." moment that brought things back to a logical conclusion. I'm also reading the Besty Vampire queen series, and they are similar in comic flavor.
    I say it's surprisingly good, because I only bought it for the low price tag.

    5 of 6 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Mike Naka 03-03-13
    Mike Naka 03-03-13 Member Since 2012

    Avid Zombie fan who's starting to listen to more and more Fantasy and Sci-Fi stories. So, my description is apt to change. Dog lover who's known to have cats. LOL C# coder, part-time prepper, B movie fan, AMC watcher, recovering but successful day trader, perpetual student, overjoyed uncle, former adrenaline junkie with a flare for cooking, and lots more. LOL

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "imagine howard stern as a vampire"
    Any additional comments?


    bill was lured to a party by a hot chick only to be fed upon. when he wakes up as a vampire, he learns that he and the other geek vampires are going to be killed as a joke. somehow, bill is able to resist night razor's, the coven leader, compulsion and embarrasses him in front of everyone. before he can kill bill, the regional coven leader, ozymandias, overrules night razor and puts bill under a temporary protection order.

    sally, the girl that lured bill to the party, is ordered to show bill the ropes and teach him the coven's ways. night razor and the rest of the coven try to find loophole's in the temporary protective order and try to kill bill.

    under ozymandias' and sally's tutelage, they convince bill that he needs to live up to the bad a$$ reputation he created when he stood up to night razor on the night of his birth. so starts bill's like as a vampire. things get a little more complicated when ozymandias is sent away on a mission and bill realizes sally is more of a "frenemy" than he suspected.

    there are a lot of funny scenes: bill's 1st feeding, bill trying to convince one of his friends he's really a vampire, the way sally treats bill when they're away from other vampires, optimus prime as a weapon...

    narration is great. the narrator is the perfect fit for bill and sally.

    overall, a very fun ride. it's short and sweet.

    8 of 10 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Shawnda Albuquerque, NM, United States 01-27-13
    Shawnda Albuquerque, NM, United States 01-27-13 Member Since 2006
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Laugh Out Loud!"
    If you could sum up Bill the Vampire in three words, what would they be?

    Funny, clever, awesome


    What was one of the most memorable moments of Bill the Vampire?

    I love the banter between Bill, his roommates and Sally.


    Which scene was your favorite?

    Not really a favorite scene but Bill's internal dialogue when hearing the coven names. I laughed out loud when he renames them.


    If you could take any character from Bill the Vampire out to dinner, who would it be and why?

    Bill - he's clever and hilarious. There would not be a dull moment.


    Any additional comments?

    Can't wait for the next book!

    4 of 5 people found this review helpful
  •  
    TLing 03-12-13
    TLing 03-12-13
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Incredible"

    This is the funniest book i have ever listened to in my life. I am serious. I could not stop laughing. I never knew it was possible to fit so much humor into a good story line. The writer is a genius.

    6 of 8 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Rachel Hill SPRING, TEXAS, US 05-06-15
    Rachel Hill SPRING, TEXAS, US 05-06-15 Member Since 2015
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    "♡ B I L L the V A M P I R E ♡"

    Was very hesitant to purchase this audiobook. I've been an almost daily audible listener for 2 years; for 3 years before that I would listen 4x a week minimum. All together I've been a very happy audible member for 5 years. When I buy a new audiobook it has to be in a series, and is usually compared to my favs. Basically it kills me when, after completing a really great book, I go to the audible shop & find that nothing comes after it, EVER.

    When your favs are THE DRESDEN FILES, HOLLOWS SERIES, IRON DRUID CHRONICLES, MONSTER HUNTER INTERNATIONAL, THE GRIMNOIR TRILOGY, and many many more similarly amazing book series... it can be tough to find others that can meet, or even come close to touching, the high standards you've (unknowingly) set.

    Bill the Vampire pleasantly surprised me! When I realized there was about 33 minutes left, immediately I went to the shop, bought book 2, and downloaded it; had to be prepared to start it right after hearing "we hope you have enjoyed this program". Give it a try; hopefully you'll find that it's funny, witty, interesting, kind of quirky, no touchy feely romance or love triangles, with a few new vampire ideas , and best of all it's about "real" vampires (that burst into flames where sunlight touches, not start to shimmer & sparkle like they fell into the glitter supply closet at an all girls tween summer camp... Hoping my lame joke shows I have no intention of offense whatsoever toward the Twilight Saga author, millions love it,
    & though not my kind of thing, I respect the work).

    TRY IT!

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer USA 06-26-14
    Amazon Customer USA 06-26-14 Member Since 2011

    Mother of 8, grandmother of 7, RN and book nerd

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Fun, fun, fun!!!!!"

    Vampires, geeks, humor & great story. Characters were great too. Narrator did and awesome job. Am downloading the next two in the series as I type this. Well worth the credit or the price!

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jennifer Pickering 03-11-13

    Supernatural Fan. Lifelong audiophile.

    HELPFUL VOTES
    9
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    "Total Dude Book - seriously."
    What was one of the most memorable moments of Bill the Vampire?

    When he realized he was the bomb


    Any additional comments?

    It took me a couple chapters to decide if I loved or hated the book. Then I realized what I was not sure about was the "total guy point of view". Once I excepted I was listening to a dude's point of view (his smelly gym socks and all) I found myself really rooting for him. Now I am on Team Bill...that stupid lovable bastard.

    6 of 9 people found this review helpful
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  • mrs.d.skates
    United Kingdom
    1/30/15
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Easy reading light Vamp series"
    If you could sum up Bill the Vampire in three words, what would they be?

    Greek becomes Vampire


    What other book might you compare Bill the Vampire to, and why?

    Light reading Vampire, funny, not too blood thirsty or x rated. good characters, you can listen to this while driving in the dark and not be worried what's out side.


    Which scene did you most enjoy?

    I enjoyed the character discovering what he can do.


    Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

    no, this is a put down and pick up, easy to get back into book.


    Any additional comments?

    Will buy book two, need to know what happens to Bill, and if he ever learns to fight.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  • james
    12/12/14
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "It doesn't get better than this"
    Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

    This book, in fact this whole series is well written, well performed in a well realised world. I felt that the voice acting gave Bill and the other characters voices that allowed the reader to be drawn in, in such a way that I've yet to experience in other audiobooks. By far the best audiobook I have heard from audible.


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  • jake
    oldham, United Kingdom
    4/29/13
    Overall
    "Really good"

    I loved this book and I need more!!! This is one of the best vamp books I've ever read simply amzing

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful

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