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Bill the Vampire Audiobook
Bill the Vampire
Written by: 
Rick Gualtieri
Narrated by: 
Christopher John Fetherolf
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Bill the Vampire Audiobook

Bill the Vampire

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Publisher's Summary

There are reasons we fear the night. He isn't one of them.

Bill Ryder was a dateless dweeb...then he died. Unfortunately for him that was just the beginning of his troubles. He awoke to find himself a vampire, one of the legendary predators of the night. Unfortunately for him, he was still at the bottom of the food chain.

Now he finds himself surrounded by creatures stronger, deadlier and a whole lot cooler than he is. Worst yet, they all want him dead...permanently this time.

Bill isn't exactly average, though. A vampire like him hasn't been seen in centuries. He's got a few tricks up his sleeve, unlikely allies, and an attitude problem that makes him too damn obnoxious to quit.

Join him in this hilarious tale of monsters, mayhem, and the unlikely hero who's not afraid to tell them all off...even if it gets his teeth kicked in.

©2011, 2012 Rick Gualtieri (P)2012 Rick Gualtieri

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.3 (728 )
5 star
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4.3 (672 )
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4.4 (669 )
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1 star
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Performance
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  •  
    Johnny Tunbridge Wells 05-08-16
    Johnny Tunbridge Wells 05-08-16 Member Since 2015
    HELPFUL VOTES
    92
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    "Getting tired of eating these words."

    I used up all my good vampiric mixed analogies, and jokes in the last review of a vampire novel where I mentioned that I'd sworn off reading any more of these. Then Drew Hayes, the guy who wrote the last vampire novel started a podcast with Rick Gualtieri among it's participants. Now, I'm reviewing another vampire novel.

    It shouldn't still be possible to write vampire stories that I want to read, but Rick does it. Over and over again too. Bill is amusing, mortifying, and outrageous in turns. I found him highly relatable from the very beginning with his complaints about horrible rap music, to his gaming, D&D books, psychotic DM, and weirdo roommates.

    Bill is great original vampire tale, the beginning of a series that I adore, and it's well told. I can't recommend it enough. I only dinged it one star on performance because the narrator failed to pronounce the author's name correctly, and I needed an excuse to point it out. He get's it right starting in book 4 or 5.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jeff and Laurie Bristow Huntsville, AL, US 04-22-16
    Jeff and Laurie Bristow Huntsville, AL, US 04-22-16 Member Since 2012
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Awesome and Snarky"

    Really good, love the new take on the old vampire lore. Can't wait to read the rest in this series.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Eugenia Chatsworth, CA, US 04-18-16
    Eugenia Chatsworth, CA, US 04-18-16 Member Since 2009
    HELPFUL VOTES
    345
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    "Totally Fun Snarky Humor"

    Totally fun snarky humor done with an excellent narrator. Fun characters like Bill's roommates and sexy vampires that Bill, aka Dr. Death, loves to ogle.
    This is silly, trashy fun and I really enjoyed it as a guilty pleasure.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    1_2_read 04-07-16
    1_2_read 04-07-16 Member Since 2016

    I have always been one who loves to read. I found if you follow your passions you'll always be happy.

    ratings
    REVIEWS
    74
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    Story
    "Funny, slightly crude humor"

    Though it was nothing like my usual taste, I must admit I laughed out loud at times. I enjoyed the story and would read another book if this is a series. it made me smile.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    berta 03-24-16
    berta 03-24-16 Member Since 2008
    HELPFUL VOTES
    6
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    37
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    "This book is absolutely fantastic if you are an 18 year old boy"

    It was fun to listen to if I completely forgot that i actually had any maturity. Those folk who saw DEADPOOL more than once will go nuts over this series. Don't Get me wrong it wasn't a bad story. It was freakin funny at times. The narrator was spot on. But it was a bit juvenile for me to purchase the next book.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Chad Wellington, FL 03-16-16
    Chad Wellington, FL 03-16-16 Member Since 2016
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Much better than I was expecting"

    Great story! I came into it with fairly low expectations and was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed this book. Give it a try. It a quick well paced story.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Bob Washington State 03-12-16
    Bob Washington State 03-12-16 Member Since 2013

    I am an avid lover of books and stories. Audible has provided a great outlet for me to read when otherwise I couldn't. I love dogs.

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Solidly Not Disappointing"
    What did you love best about Bill the Vampire?

    The geek factor was well integrated into the story, reminiscent of Blood Sucking Fiends, overall good book


    What other book might you compare Bill the Vampire to and why?

    Gee, let me think, Blood Sucking Fiends comes to mind.


    Which scene was your favorite?

    Him getting mugged.


    If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?

    The Big Fang Theory


    Any additional comments?

    Much better book than it could have been, not a bad effort at all, good enough I'm buying the sequel

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Frank 03-09-16
    Frank 03-09-16 Member Since 2015
    HELPFUL VOTES
    2
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    80
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    "Comedy is Scary"

    Do not piss off nerds from Queens! So what if you are an all powerful creature of the night, it just doesn't impress.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Julian Lanza 02-19-16 Member Since 2016
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    26
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    Story
    "Hilarious, and Perfect narration."

    This book is really funny, and the reader is absolutely perfect. Highly recommended for anyone not looking for a typical stupid vampire story.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Laura Port Saint Lucie, FL, United States 01-09-16
    Laura Port Saint Lucie, FL, United States 01-09-16 Member Since 2014
    HELPFUL VOTES
    20
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    428
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    "Ridiculous, geeky and absolutely fantastic!"

    Ridiculous, geeky and absolutely fantastic. I tried, unsuccessfully, to control my laughter since I was at work while listening to this. I am pretty sure my co-workers think I am insane since there is nothing even remotely funny in an accounting office!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful

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