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Bill the Vampire | [Rick Gualtieri]

Bill the Vampire

There are reasons we fear the night. He isn't one of them. Bill Ryder was a dateless dweeb...then he died. Unfortunately for him that was just the beginning of his troubles. He awoke to find himself a vampire, one of the legendary predators of the night. Unfortunately for him, he was still at the bottom of the food chain. Now he finds himself surrounded by creatures stronger, deadlier and a whole lot cooler than he is. Worst yet, they all want him dead...permanently this time.
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Publisher's Summary

There are reasons we fear the night. He isn't one of them.

Bill Ryder was a dateless dweeb...then he died. Unfortunately for him that was just the beginning of his troubles. He awoke to find himself a vampire, one of the legendary predators of the night. Unfortunately for him, he was still at the bottom of the food chain.

Now he finds himself surrounded by creatures stronger, deadlier and a whole lot cooler than he is. Worst yet, they all want him dead...permanently this time.

Bill isn't exactly average, though. A vampire like him hasn't been seen in centuries. He's got a few tricks up his sleeve, unlikely allies, and an attitude problem that makes him too damn obnoxious to quit.

Join him in this hilarious tale of monsters, mayhem, and the unlikely hero who's not afraid to tell them all off...even if it gets his teeth kicked in.

©2011, 2012 Rick Gualtieri (P)2012 Rick Gualtieri

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.2 (268 )
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4.1 (248 )
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4.3 (246 )
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3 star
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2 star
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Performance
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  •  
    Kii 09-06-13
    Kii 09-06-13

    Kii

    HELPFUL VOTES
    8
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    148
    8
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    Story
    "Interesting story but main character's a creep"

    The story is kind of interesting, not very complicated. But I couldn't get past the attitudes of the main character. The story is told from his perspective so his rampant objectification of any and every female is on display for the entire book. For him, a woman is a thing. A collection of body parts to be possessed. The main female lead is very smart, brave, and resourceful. But all the main character thinks about is her bottom, her lips, and how annoying it is when she rolls her eyes. At one point in the book, a powerful male vampire threatens a female vampire by saying he might compel (magically) her to allow the main character to do "whatever he wants." When the male vamp says this, the main character thinks about great that would be, because then the female vampire would have no choice but to have sex with him. So... he's ok with rape.
    The main character also complains about the bad attitudes, the "frat boy" mentality, a group of male vamps have towards women but he is just as bad.
    The author seems believe that because the main character is a nerd/geek who plays D&D and video games, programs for a living, and lives with two other really nerdy men, that he must also objectify women and see them only as objects for sex. And the character never evolves. Despite being exposed to to a strong-willed smart female who can and does kick him around several times. He doesn't change his attitude at all, just keeps all his smarmy thoughts to himself out of fear the lady will hit him.

    I don't know who the author has been hanging out with, but this characterization of nerdy guys as incapable of recognizing a woman is a person and not a moving sex doll is giving nerdy guys a really bad name. And the rape thing really bothered me.

    5 of 9 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer Livermore, CA, USA 09-05-14
    Amazon Customer Livermore, CA, USA 09-05-14 Member Since 2003

    who am I?

    HELPFUL VOTES
    28
    ratings
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    Story
    "Better read than listened to"
    Any additional comments?

    Definitely worth a read. The narrator has a good voice, unf, he doesn't "do voices," so all characters sound the same. I found this frustrating. I ended up reading (most of) the book on an android tablet, and imagining voices from the "Monster Hunters International" narrator (sorry, can't remember his name)

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer USA 06-26-14
    Amazon Customer USA 06-26-14 Member Since 2011

    Mother of 8, grandmother of 7, RN and book nerd

    HELPFUL VOTES
    103
    ratings
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    483
    38
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    10
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    Story
    "Fun, fun, fun!!!!!"

    Vampires, geeks, humor & great story. Characters were great too. Narrator did and awesome job. Am downloading the next two in the series as I type this. Well worth the credit or the price!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    James Powderly, KY, United States 04-13-14
    James Powderly, KY, United States 04-13-14 Member Since 2013
    HELPFUL VOTES
    8
    ratings
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    28
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    Story
    "The anti-hero in vampire form!"
    What was the most interesting aspect of this story? The least interesting?

    For me the best aspect of the story is the twist on the lore. The least interesting aspect is the way Bill kinda BS's his way through much of the story.


    What about Christopher John Fetherolf’s performance did you like?

    Great Job!


    If you could take any character from Bill the Vampire out to dinner, who would it be and why?

    None, as I would probably be on the menu.


    Any additional comments?

    Fun book. Not the best new vampire story, Bill is too mediocre in personality, but better than most the romance novels disquised as fantasy out now.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    TRAVIS HONOLULU, HI, United States 04-10-14
    TRAVIS HONOLULU, HI, United States 04-10-14 Member Since 2010

    Travis

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Fun and entertaining"

    This book is Ready Player One meets Sandman Slim. A bit goofy with healthy heaps of vulgarity and violence. Each book in this series has been even more fun than the last. If you don't like this series, you're a pretentious bore.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Marie C. Millard 01-12-14
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    8
    1
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    Story
    "Just what the Doctor ordered!"
    What made the experience of listening to Bill the Vampire the most enjoyable?

    The narrator, an audible dead-ringer for a nerdy sarcastic friend, brought Bill to life (pun intended). I absolutely loved the juxtaposition of gamer-geek guy with all the pretty kids. It had a post-high school feel, vis-à-vis social pecking order, that made it all the better. In short, Bill and his well-developed friends (and enemies) kept me wanting to hurry up and drive so I could listen more!


    What did you like best about this story?

    The verbal interchange between the characters, both nerdy and glam.


    What about Christopher John Fetherolf’s performance did you like?

    His dead-on nerd. If this guy looks like the Polo-wearing, model-looking douchebags that Bill hates, I'd say he's an amazing vocal actor.


    If you could take any character from Bill the Vampire out to dinner, who would it be and why?

    Sally Sunset. While she looks like one of the model types, she's got it going on. Very smart but knows how to get things accomplished and work her resources. A drop-dead gorgeous politician in the vampire world.


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Robert sweetwater, TN, USA 10-11-13
    Robert sweetwater, TN, USA 10-11-13 Member Since 2005
    HELPFUL VOTES
    5
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    "Be nice to Nerds!"
    What made the experience of listening to Bill the Vampire the most enjoyable?

    It made me laugh out loud.


    What other book might you compare Bill the Vampire to and why?

    Myth Inc


    What about Christopher John Fetherolf’s performance did you like?

    Did a good job with a variety of voices.


    If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?

    Nerds vrs Vamps!


    Any additional comments?

    Picture the cast of Big Bang Theory as you are listening to this....

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Robert A. Lupella N, Carolina 09-26-13
    Robert A. Lupella N, Carolina 09-26-13 Member Since 2005

    Dog Lover

    HELPFUL VOTES
    20
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    "Funny Book, Good Reader."
    Who was your favorite character and why?

    My favorite character(s) were Ed and Sally. I like Ed's droll attitude and Sally's attitude and smart aleckness


    What about Christopher John Fetherolf’s performance did you like?

    He seemed to capture the attitude of the characters. BUT learn that you pronounce Viola in this context as "WaLa" not "Viola" :-)


    Who was the most memorable character of Bill the Vampire and why?

    BIll was the most memorable


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Mark S Clingan 08-24-13
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "No Sparkly Vampires"
    If you could sum up Bill the Vampire in three words, what would they be?

    A good premise if not believable. Wimpy nerd becomes Vampire King. At least the Vampires don't sparkle. No whinny teenage love struck girls. A little heavy on the gratuities language that is not necessary. An truly intelligent author can express their story and be humorous without resorting to the Fin-himer.


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    The Rekindled Reader Pasco, WA 08-07-13
    The Rekindled Reader Pasco, WA 08-07-13 Member Since 2012

    Boom.

    ratings
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    21
    3
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "I didn't expect to like this, ended up loving it!"
    Would you listen to Bill the Vampire again? Why?

    I'm not generally someone who will listen to the same audiobook twice, but I wouldn't be opposed to it. I may actually buy the Kindle version so I can read through it, though.


    What other book might you compare Bill the Vampire to and why?

    I can't honestly think of another book like this. If it were made into a movie, I think Seth Rogen would be perfect in the role of Bill (does that help?)


    Have you listened to any of Christopher John Fetherolf’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

    Just on the other Tome of Bill books, but I think he's fantastic. His impressions are amusing and he does a great job of delivering the sarcastic and hilarious lines that make this book so awesome.


    If you could take any character from Bill the Vampire out to dinner, who would it be and why?

    Definitely Sally. We could hit up the mall, get our hair and nails done and then go out and kick some butt.


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
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