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Bill the Vampire Audiobook
Bill the Vampire
Written by: 
Rick Gualtieri
Narrated by: 
Christopher John Fetherolf
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Bill the Vampire Audiobook

Bill the Vampire

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Publisher's Summary

There are reasons we fear the night. He isn't one of them.

Bill Ryder was a dateless dweeb...then he died. Unfortunately for him that was just the beginning of his troubles. He awoke to find himself a vampire, one of the legendary predators of the night. Unfortunately for him, he was still at the bottom of the food chain.

Now he finds himself surrounded by creatures stronger, deadlier and a whole lot cooler than he is. Worst yet, they all want him dead...permanently this time.

Bill isn't exactly average, though. A vampire like him hasn't been seen in centuries. He's got a few tricks up his sleeve, unlikely allies, and an attitude problem that makes him too damn obnoxious to quit.

Join him in this hilarious tale of monsters, mayhem, and the unlikely hero who's not afraid to tell them all off...even if it gets his teeth kicked in.

©2011, 2012 Rick Gualtieri (P)2012 Rick Gualtieri

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.3 (730 )
5 star
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4.3 (674 )
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4.4 (671 )
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1 star
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Performance
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  •  
    Amazon Customer Livermore, CA, USA 09-05-14
    Amazon Customer Livermore, CA, USA 09-05-14 Member Since 2012

    who am I?

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Better read than listened to"
    Any additional comments?

    Definitely worth a read. The narrator has a good voice, unf, he doesn't "do voices," so all characters sound the same. I found this frustrating. I ended up reading (most of) the book on an android tablet, and imagining voices from the "Monster Hunters International" narrator (sorry, can't remember his name)

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer USA 06-26-14
    Amazon Customer USA 06-26-14 Member Since 2011

    Mother of 8, grandmother of 10, RN and book nerd...

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Fun, fun, fun!!!!!"

    Vampires, geeks, humor & great story. Characters were great too. Narrator did and awesome job. Am downloading the next two in the series as I type this. Well worth the credit or the price!

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jennifer Pickering 03-11-13

    Supernatural Fan. Lifelong audiophile.

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Total Dude Book - seriously."
    What was one of the most memorable moments of Bill the Vampire?

    When he realized he was the bomb


    Any additional comments?

    It took me a couple chapters to decide if I loved or hated the book. Then I realized what I was not sure about was the "total guy point of view". Once I excepted I was listening to a dude's point of view (his smelly gym socks and all) I found myself really rooting for him. Now I am on Team Bill...that stupid lovable bastard.

    6 of 9 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Brian Oshkosh, WI, United States 08-27-14
    Brian Oshkosh, WI, United States 08-27-14 Member Since 2016

    Im some guy in Oshkosh, WI that walks to work and has found the joy of listening to good books and values good narrators :).

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Subtitle: A manual on how NOT to build a man."

    “Killing a hot chick is like clubbing a baby seal”

    If your ok with that quote then you’ll enjoy the book. The book paints programmers and geek culture with a huge brush. It assumes that most of them are game playing, bros before hoes, doll (action figure) collecting, social rejects one step away from the cave. Id say they talk about women as adolescents would but that assumes that boys are born with these beliefs. Out of the men in the book not one of them shows respect for or talks highly of any women unless their referencing their appearance. Bill and his friends are all about how women look or how they can get laid by them. The book is awash in stereotypes. Misogyny might be taking it too far but its certainly something that needs to be thought about. The strongest female character in the book helps Bill acquire power and keeps him from getting killed and his attitude is one of entitlement. "What more will she do for me?". They even make fun of it, Bill assumes that the female lead was a stripper because she’s beautiful (in this book you can’t be pretty and not be a stripper or hooker). She takes offense and begins to tell him that she was pursuing her PHD before she was turned. Then while Bill is trying to come up with an apology she tells him she’s kidding and that she really was a stripper.

    Im bothered by the message that books like this send. We have enough problems attracting women and girls into technology related fields without encouraging and promoting a flat out hostile environment. Its such a huge part of the story that its hard to ignore. Its one comment after another.

    Now for rest of the book.. I like that Bill is snarky. He’s the kind of guy that id like to be if I was getting the crap kicked out me. Rather than whining about how painful a steel toed boot to the head is Id have a quick come back that would make the beating worth it. Thats kinda how Bill is. I laughed a bit at some of his quips listening to the book. I also like that Bill can’t keep his mouth shut about being a vampire. All his friends know and its cool that they don’t freak out about it and help him keep his secret. The narrator has a good voice for Bill as well.

    A question I ask. Is this book worth listening to if the result is that it violates my own since of ethics? I donno, for now I’m going to assume that Bill is going to learn and grow. Im hopeful that he will change. As for my recommendation. There are plenty of books with awesome snarky characters out there I can recommend that don’t treat women as the next lap dancer. Look at the “Dresden Files”, or “IronDruid”, or the “Greywalker series”. They have great female characters and any of those books will be enjoyable and without the possible misogyny you’ll get here.

    4 of 7 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jeremy Fournier 07-18-16 Member Since 2015
    ratings
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    "performance is to fast"

    Performance is fast and narrator sticks to only a few voices. The story is interesting though

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Shelley Wessels 06-22-16
    ratings
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    Performance
    Story
    "Quirky!"

    I loved the story and characters, but found the foul language off-putting. I would have given it 5 stars if it hadn't been for the all too frequently used f bomb.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Turner Hendersonville, TN, United States 06-17-16
    Turner Hendersonville, TN, United States 06-17-16 Member Since 2009
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Fun and funny read"

    I'm a fairly harsh critic so it's rare that I find a book that I will shirk responsibilities to enjoy. I shirked a little bit for this book.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Matthew 05-31-16
    Matthew 05-31-16 Member Since 2011
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    "Hilarious!"

    Just what the Dr. ordered to bring a laugh and a grin to your day!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer 05-17-16 Member Since 2014
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "give it a chance"

    the first few chapters I hated this book. hated all the language thought Bill was annoying. but the more I listened the more I liked it. I am constantly laughing.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Patrick Lowman 05-11-16 Member Since 2015
    ratings
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    46
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    ""Bitch!...""

    The book was great! Right amount of swearing, geekiness, and sarcasm. Love the fact that it's like a middle finger to that Twilight crap. Can wait to start book two! By the way, don't do that thing where you contemplate getting this one. I did that for months, coming up with excuses why I shouldn't get it. Just get it! You won't be disappointed.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful

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