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Bill the Vampire Audiobook

Bill the Vampire

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Publisher's Summary

There are reasons we fear the night. He isn't one of them.

Bill Ryder was a dateless dweeb...then he died. Unfortunately for him that was just the beginning of his troubles. He awoke to find himself a vampire, one of the legendary predators of the night. Unfortunately for him, he was still at the bottom of the food chain.

Now he finds himself surrounded by creatures stronger, deadlier and a whole lot cooler than he is. Worst yet, they all want him dead...permanently this time.

Bill isn't exactly average, though. A vampire like him hasn't been seen in centuries. He's got a few tricks up his sleeve, unlikely allies, and an attitude problem that makes him too damn obnoxious to quit.

Join him in this hilarious tale of monsters, mayhem, and the unlikely hero who's not afraid to tell them all off...even if it gets his teeth kicked in.

©2011, 2012 Rick Gualtieri (P)2012 Rick Gualtieri

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.3 (837 )
5 star
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4.3 (767 )
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Performance
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  •  
    Bob Washington State 03-12-16
    Bob Washington State 03-12-16 Member Since 2013

    I am an avid lover of books and stories. Audible has provided a great outlet for me to read when otherwise I couldn't. I love dogs.

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Solidly Not Disappointing"
    What did you love best about Bill the Vampire?

    The geek factor was well integrated into the story, reminiscent of Blood Sucking Fiends, overall good book


    What other book might you compare Bill the Vampire to and why?

    Gee, let me think, Blood Sucking Fiends comes to mind.


    Which scene was your favorite?

    Him getting mugged.


    If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?

    The Big Fang Theory


    Any additional comments?

    Much better book than it could have been, not a bad effort at all, good enough I'm buying the sequel

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Rachel Hill SPRING, TEXAS, US 05-06-15
    Rachel Hill SPRING, TEXAS, US 05-06-15
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "♡ B I L L the V A M P I R E ♡"

    Was very hesitant to purchase this audiobook. I've been an almost daily audible listener for 2 years; for 3 years before that I would listen 4x a week minimum. All together I've been a very happy audible member for 5 years. When I buy a new audiobook it has to be in a series, and is usually compared to my favs. Basically it kills me when, after completing a really great book, I go to the audible shop & find that nothing comes after it, EVER.

    When your favs are THE DRESDEN FILES, HOLLOWS SERIES, IRON DRUID CHRONICLES, MONSTER HUNTER INTERNATIONAL, THE GRIMNOIR TRILOGY, and many many more similarly amazing book series... it can be tough to find others that can meet, or even come close to touching, the high standards you've (unknowingly) set.

    Bill the Vampire pleasantly surprised me! When I realized there was about 33 minutes left, immediately I went to the shop, bought book 2, and downloaded it; had to be prepared to start it right after hearing "we hope you have enjoyed this program". Give it a try; hopefully you'll find that it's funny, witty, interesting, kind of quirky, no touchy feely romance or love triangles, with a few new vampire ideas , and best of all it's about "real" vampires (that burst into flames where sunlight touches, not start to shimmer & sparkle like they fell into the glitter supply closet at an all girls tween summer camp... Hoping my lame joke shows I have no intention of offense whatsoever toward the Twilight Saga author, millions love it,
    & though not my kind of thing, I respect the work).

    TRY IT!

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer Livermore, CA, USA 09-05-14
    Amazon Customer Livermore, CA, USA 09-05-14 Member Since 2016

    who am I?

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Better read than listened to"
    Any additional comments?

    Definitely worth a read. The narrator has a good voice, unf, he doesn't "do voices," so all characters sound the same. I found this frustrating. I ended up reading (most of) the book on an android tablet, and imagining voices from the "Monster Hunters International" narrator (sorry, can't remember his name)

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer USA 06-26-14
    Amazon Customer USA 06-26-14 Member Since 2011

    Mother of 8, grandmother of 12, RN and book nerd

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Fun, fun, fun!!!!!"

    Vampires, geeks, humor & great story. Characters were great too. Narrator did and awesome job. Am downloading the next two in the series as I type this. Well worth the credit or the price!

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jennifer Pickering 03-11-13

    Supernatural Fan. Lifelong audiophile.

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Total Dude Book - seriously."
    What was one of the most memorable moments of Bill the Vampire?

    When he realized he was the bomb


    Any additional comments?

    It took me a couple chapters to decide if I loved or hated the book. Then I realized what I was not sure about was the "total guy point of view". Once I excepted I was listening to a dude's point of view (his smelly gym socks and all) I found myself really rooting for him. Now I am on Team Bill...that stupid lovable bastard.

    6 of 9 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer Salton City, CA 12-08-16
    Amazon Customer Salton City, CA 12-08-16 Member Since 2016

    Lost

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "fun romp"

    William, cough, Bill is a geek, now he is an undead geek surrounded by a group of vamps. Not just any vamps but the asshole cool kids crowd we all met up with in High School, and they aren't planing on giving Bill a swirly. How will our protagonist survive? Will his years of battle prevail or will the fact that all his Batley experience come with points and where handed out with a d20 mean he's screwed?

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer 10-29-16 Member Since 2015
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    "Language"

    Probably a good book but the constant vulgar language was not necessary. A few less fu**s and so on would be helpful to enjoy the story.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Janet Chada Woodbridge, VA United States 10-13-16
    Janet Chada Woodbridge, VA United States 10-13-16
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    "Bill is a jerk"

    Did not finish but I sincerely hope Bill gets staked by one of those fat chicks he needs to get drunk to feed off of.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jonathan 10-11-16
    Jonathan 10-11-16 Member Since 2014
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    "incredibly fun series."

    This is a great series. It is full of laughs, and thrills. I absolutely recommend it. It certainly isn't your typical vampire book. The humor is the best part.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    T. Rathsack Baltimore, MD 10-01-16
    T. Rathsack Baltimore, MD 10-01-16 Member Since 2016

    The Momster, in ALL my glory.

    ratings
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    "Hated it. Hated the characters. Hated the dialogue"
    What would have made Bill the Vampire better?

    A less douchey guy who wasn't a misogynistic a-hole. Women who weren't basically fantasy sheroes all but clad in a scrap of leather and some metal. A better antagonist that wasn't so obvious.


    What was most disappointing about Rick Gualtieri’s story?

    Honestly, this entire book was difficult for me to finish. It has taken me months to work my way through it. The main character is more than offensive, he's slimy offensive, oily, sneaky, and just plain gross.

    It just felt like a pi$$ ing contest between all the men. THey all but thumped their chests. If not being giant blood sucking apes, then they were busy reducing all the women to boobs and butts.


    What aspect of Christopher John Fetherolf’s performance would you have changed?

    Nothing. He was fine.


    You didn’t love this book... but did it have any redeeming qualities?

    Not really. Could really have been an interesting take on the whole vampire idea, but Bill is so unlikeable I couldn't get past him.


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful

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