We are currently making improvements to the Audible site. In an effort to enhance the accessibility experience for our customers, we have created a page to more easily navigate the new experience, available at the web address www.audible.com/access.
 >   > 
Bill the Vampire | [Rick Gualtieri]

Bill the Vampire

There are reasons we fear the night. He isn't one of them. Bill Ryder was a dateless dweeb...then he died. Unfortunately for him that was just the beginning of his troubles. He awoke to find himself a vampire, one of the legendary predators of the night. Unfortunately for him, he was still at the bottom of the food chain. Now he finds himself surrounded by creatures stronger, deadlier and a whole lot cooler than he is. Worst yet, they all want him dead...permanently this time.
Regular Price:$17.99
  • Membership Details:
    • First book free with 30-day trial
    • $14.95/month thereafter for your choice of 1 new book each month
    • Cancel easily anytime
    • Exchange books you don't like
    • All selected books are yours to keep, even if you cancel
  • - or -

Your Likes make Audible better!

'Likes' are shared on Facebook and Audible.com. We use your 'likes' to improve Audible.com for all our listeners.

You can turn off Audible.com sharing from your Account Details page.

OK

Publisher's Summary

There are reasons we fear the night. He isn't one of them.

Bill Ryder was a dateless dweeb...then he died. Unfortunately for him that was just the beginning of his troubles. He awoke to find himself a vampire, one of the legendary predators of the night. Unfortunately for him, he was still at the bottom of the food chain.

Now he finds himself surrounded by creatures stronger, deadlier and a whole lot cooler than he is. Worst yet, they all want him dead...permanently this time.

Bill isn't exactly average, though. A vampire like him hasn't been seen in centuries. He's got a few tricks up his sleeve, unlikely allies, and an attitude problem that makes him too damn obnoxious to quit.

Join him in this hilarious tale of monsters, mayhem, and the unlikely hero who's not afraid to tell them all off...even if it gets his teeth kicked in.

©2011, 2012 Rick Gualtieri (P)2012 Rick Gualtieri

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.3 (381 )
5 star
 (192)
4 star
 (124)
3 star
 (46)
2 star
 (12)
1 star
 (7)
Overall
4.3 (355 )
5 star
 (183)
4 star
 (101)
3 star
 (55)
2 star
 (11)
1 star
 (5)
Story
4.3 (351 )
5 star
 (197)
4 star
 (95)
3 star
 (44)
2 star
 (9)
1 star
 (6)
Performance
Sort by:
  •  
    Henrietta Wickware 05-16-15 Member Since 2014
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    1
    1
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "funny"

    it was really different,realistic,funny,I will recommend to every one I know that likes vampire stories

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Creating Serenity Reviews Plaquemine, LA, United States 04-10-15
    Creating Serenity Reviews Plaquemine, LA, United States 04-10-15 Member Since 2008
    HELPFUL VOTES
    2
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    18
    8
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    2
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Hilariously outstanding!"
    Would you consider the audio edition of Bill the Vampire to be better than the print version?

    Did not read the print version but after falling in love with Rick's writing I will probably buy the books in print.


    What did you like best about this story?

    Every. Single. Thing. The geekiness behind Bill is just fabulous!


    What does Christopher John Fetherolf bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

    The point of view of Bill is great but Christopher John Fetherolf really brings Bill to life.


    If you could rename Bill the Vampire, what would you call it?

    The Big Fang


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    TeaLover 03-12-15
    TeaLover 03-12-15 Member Since 2011
    HELPFUL VOTES
    1
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    5
    4
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "GO BILL!!"

    Loved It! This was awesome. The narration was spot on and the wise crack banter between characters was well played. Not over the top story telling. The weakness of a character was actually a strength. Refreshing in every way.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Tara Bryner Noury 02-08-15 Member Since 2015
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    24
    15
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Geek + Vampire = Pure Comedy"
    Where does Bill the Vampire rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

    Bill The Vampire (and the entire series) is one of my top three favorite audio book series of all times (and I have a huge library)


    What did you like best about this story?

    Most vampire stories have the main character as this beautiful handsome man that, when turned, women swoon and the horror of being a vampire is romanticized. WELL NOT THIS BOOK! Rick Gualtieri puts such a clever spin on this vampire series that I've never seen before. I love that he took an ordinary nerdy geeky guy, who you would see walking around at Comic-Con and turned him into a vampire.


    What about Christopher John Fetherolf’s performance did you like?

    Fetherolf's narration is one of the best narrations I've heard. He can pull off all the sarcastic comments and comedy that Gualiteri has in the book, and his voice is enjoyable to listen to. I'm a big critic with narrators, and this one is def one of my favorites.


    Who was the most memorable character of Bill the Vampire and why?

    The most memorable character is, of course, Bill himself. However, Sally is a great character that has hilarious dialogue with Bill throughout the book.


    Any additional comments?

    If you are looking for a really fun read and love books that make you laugh, this series is a MUST!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Andrea Luhman 01-02-15 Member Since 2014
    HELPFUL VOTES
    1
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    15
    7
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    1
    1
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "This a very funny and entertaining book."
    Would you consider the audio edition of Bill the Vampire to be better than the print version?

    The voice narration was fabulous, and I preferred listening to it.


    What other book might you compare Bill the Vampire to and why?

    Guiltier has created a unique vampire culture, but their overall capabilities follow the more well known vampire lore. The self defacing character comedy and comedy of error remind me of the whit found in a Neil Simon play.


    Which scene was your favorite?

    When Sally hits on Bill on the Subway and Bill mentally freaks out over her grabbing his battle mage.


    If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?

    A date movie you'll both enjoy.


    Any additional comments?

    I look forward to reading the entire series.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Linda 12-28-14
    Linda 12-28-14 Member Since 2010
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    3
    1
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Bill the Vampire is hilarious!"
    What made the experience of listening to Bill the Vampire the most enjoyable?

    Except for a few mispronunciations ( viola, instead of voilà) the narration in this book was great. The characters--especially Bill--sounded hilarious.


    What other book might you compare Bill the Vampire to and why?

    I might compare it a little to the Black Knight Chronicles in the sense that both are comedic takes on vampires, but Gualtieri tells a waaay better story, much funnier, with characters that you become more invested in.


    What does Christopher John Fetherolf bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

    I did read the book first, before I purchased it from Audible, and although I thought it was a terrific read, Featheroff did a great job of really bringing the characters to life so that the book was even funnier.


    Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

    I loved this book, and all the ones that follow! I laughed through the whole book.


    Any additional comments?

    I highly recommend this series--not just "Bill the Vampire"--to anyone who is into paranormal stuff. It's a great, light read with lots of action and comedy, and nothing heavy to bring you down.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer Livermore, CA, USA 09-05-14
    Amazon Customer Livermore, CA, USA 09-05-14 Member Since 2012

    who am I?

    HELPFUL VOTES
    31
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    19
    8
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    1
    1
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Better read than listened to"
    Any additional comments?

    Definitely worth a read. The narrator has a good voice, unf, he doesn't "do voices," so all characters sound the same. I found this frustrating. I ended up reading (most of) the book on an android tablet, and imagining voices from the "Monster Hunters International" narrator (sorry, can't remember his name)

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Brian Oshkosh, WI, United States 08-27-14
    Brian Oshkosh, WI, United States 08-27-14 Member Since 2012

    Im some guy in Oshkosh, WI that walks to work and has found the joy of listening to good books and values good narrators :).

    HELPFUL VOTES
    38
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    80
    20
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    2
    2
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Subtitle: A manual on how NOT to build a man."

    “Killing a hot chick is like clubbing a baby seal”

    If your ok with that quote then you’ll enjoy the book. The book paints programmers and geek culture with a huge brush. It assumes that most of them are game playing, bros before hoes, doll (action figure) collecting, social rejects one step away from the cave. Id say they talk about women as adolescents would but that assumes that boys are born with these beliefs. Out of the men in the book not one of them shows respect for or talks highly of any women unless their referencing their appearance. Bill and his friends are all about how women look or how they can get laid by them. The book is awash in stereotypes. Misogyny might be taking it too far but its certainly something that needs to be thought about. The strongest female character in the book helps Bill acquire power and keeps him from getting killed and his attitude is one of entitlement. "What more will she do for me?". They even make fun of it, Bill assumes that the female lead was a stripper because she’s beautiful (in this book you can’t be pretty and not be a stripper or hooker). She takes offense and begins to tell him that she was pursuing her PHD before she was turned. Then while Bill is trying to come up with an apology she tells him she’s kidding and that she really was a stripper.

    Im bothered by the message that books like this send. We have enough problems attracting women and girls into technology related fields without encouraging and promoting a flat out hostile environment. Its such a huge part of the story that its hard to ignore. Its one comment after another.

    Now for rest of the book.. I like that Bill is snarky. He’s the kind of guy that id like to be if I was getting the crap kicked out me. Rather than whining about how painful a steel toed boot to the head is Id have a quick come back that would make the beating worth it. Thats kinda how Bill is. I laughed a bit at some of his quips listening to the book. I also like that Bill can’t keep his mouth shut about being a vampire. All his friends know and its cool that they don’t freak out about it and help him keep his secret. The narrator has a good voice for Bill as well.

    A question I ask. Is this book worth listening to if the result is that it violates my own since of ethics? I donno, for now I’m going to assume that Bill is going to learn and grow. Im hopeful that he will change. As for my recommendation. There are plenty of books with awesome snarky characters out there I can recommend that don’t treat women as the next lap dancer. Look at the “Dresden Files”, or “IronDruid”, or the “Greywalker series”. They have great female characters and any of those books will be enjoyable and without the possible misogyny you’ll get here.

    1 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    James Powderly, KY, United States 04-13-14
    James Powderly, KY, United States 04-13-14 Member Since 2014
    HELPFUL VOTES
    17
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    47
    46
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    2
    1
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "The anti-hero in vampire form!"
    What was the most interesting aspect of this story? The least interesting?

    For me the best aspect of the story is the twist on the lore. The least interesting aspect is the way Bill kinda BS's his way through much of the story.


    What about Christopher John Fetherolf’s performance did you like?

    Great Job!


    If you could take any character from Bill the Vampire out to dinner, who would it be and why?

    None, as I would probably be on the menu.


    Any additional comments?

    Fun book. Not the best new vampire story, Bill is too mediocre in personality, but better than most the romance novels disquised as fantasy out now.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    TRAVIS HONOLULU, HI, United States 04-10-14
    TRAVIS HONOLULU, HI, United States 04-10-14 Member Since 2010

    Travis

    HELPFUL VOTES
    27
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    187
    31
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    5
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Fun and entertaining"

    This book is Ready Player One meets Sandman Slim. A bit goofy with healthy heaps of vulgarity and violence. Each book in this series has been even more fun than the last. If you don't like this series, you're a pretentious bore.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  • Showing: 11-20 of 33 results PREVIOUS1234NEXT

    There are no listener reviews for this title yet.

Report Inappropriate Content

If you find this review inappropriate and think it should be removed from our site, let us know. This report will be reviewed by Audible and we will take appropriate action.

Cancel

Thank You

Your report has been received. It will be reviewed by Audible and we will take appropriate action.