An Unattractive Vampire

By: Jim McDoniel

Narrated by: Drew Campbell

Jim McDoniel's debut novel, An Unattractive Vampire, is a darkly comic urban fantasy of ancient horrors in suburban cities.

After three centuries trapped underground, thousand-year-old Yulric Bile, also known as The Cursed One, The Devil's Apprentice, He Who Worships the Slumbering Horrors, awakens only to find that no one believes he is a vampire. Apparently he's just too ugly. Modern vampires, he soon discovers, are pretty, weak, and, most disturbing of all, good. Determined to reestablish his bloodstained reign, Yulric sets out to correct this disgusting turn of events or, at the very least, murder the person responsible.

With the help of part-vampire wannabe Amanda; Simon, the eight-year-old reincarnation of his greatest foe; and a cadre of ancient and ugly horrors, Yulric prepares to battle the glamorous undead. But who will win the right to determine, once and for all, what it truly means to be a vampire?

©2016 Jim McDoniel (P)2016 Audible, Inc.

Critic reviews

"Jim McDoniel's first novel is quirky, wild, and weird, and definitely for those who hate those sexy vampire stereotypes who like their monsters nice and gross." (Geeks of Doom)

Buy it !!

Chapter 6 "a history of a haunted house" IS THE FUNNIEST THING IVE EVER HEARD!!!!!

Im going to buy this book again in hard cover... The narrator is super human, I don't know how he can read this without laughing..

You wont regret buying this one.!

Exceeded Expectation

If you could sum up An Unattractive Vampire in three words, what would they be?

Funny, Silly, Worthwhile

Any additional comments?

I didn't have very high expectations when I got this book, but it ended up being hysterical and well worth my time. I really enjoyed it, and I'm glad I listened. It's got humor and nonsense, and is a wonderful way to take your mind off the real world.

Ton of Fun

If you like books about vampires you will love this. It is lighthearted, funny and entertaining. Overall just a good time!

Hilarious, snarky, a MUST listen!

Who was your favorite character and why?

Yulric Bile- his dry comments and reactions as his old school expectations run up against barriers in this new world just make for such hilarity!

Which scene was your favorite?

Our first encounter with Yulric in the house as the mob approaches is fantastic, and the description of his varied reactions as Amanda drives him into the city had me cracking up.

Any additional comments?

If you like books with dry wit and snarky characters, this is a must listen. An ancient villain wakes up in the modern world, develops an intense aversion to cars and a great love of television, and is disgusted to learn that vampires are expected to be sexy, attractive and GOOD. After learning how to navigate this new world- with a little help from a busty, blonde 22-year-old but mostly through hilarious series of trial and error- he teams up with an 8 year old who would rather play with crossbows than hang out with the other kids in his neighborhood, a comatose woman, and several old colleagues in order to set the record straight. Hands down one of the funniest books I've listened to.

Entertaining. Not for the Twilight lover.

If you could sum up An Unattractive Vampire in three words, what would they be?

Dark. Hilarious. Legit.

What did you like best about this story?

When most authors take a character and make them jump from pre-industrial revolution to modern day eras, they lack the detail and nuance that this book has magnificently touched, covered, and massaged into the narrative.

Seriously, who thinks of trapped lightning jars hidden in walls? Also, who considers children to be badass in their own individualistic way and doesn't condescendingly patronize them or take away from their potential tenacity? A great writer, that's who.

Which scene was your favorite?

When an eight-year-old murders a plethora of vampires to the surprise of any and all adults present, no other scene can trump the hilarity and epicness of this dramatic performance.

Who was the most memorable character of An Unattractive Vampire and why?

The three main characters are all completely and entirely memorable. You cannot choose between a pragmatically blunt vampire, a kid who can be a better researcher or vampire hunter than any adult, and an older sibling who takes it upon herself to raise, care for, and protect a younger sibling.

Any additional comments?

I don't reread nor do I relisten to books as a general rule. They tend to bore me in a "you hear it once, you've heard it a million times" type fashion, yet this may be the only audiobook I would ever make an exception for that rule.

Good First Effort By Author.

It had its humorous moments for sure, but I struggled in spots to follow along. Great first effort by the author.

Fantastic book

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

Highly recommend this audiobook. It is a refreshing, humorous change from the standard modern vampire book.

What did you like best about this story?

I loved the dark humor and the return to the old days of vampires being evil instead of sparkly. (Loved those too, but this is entirely different) The clever blend of violence and humor is great. The unexpected alliances make for an interesting story.

What does Drew Campbell bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

The narration is lively and really portrays the emotions of the characters.

If you could take any character from An Unattractive Vampire out to dinner, who would it be and why?

I would take out the main character. Then again, he does like to eat people so that might not be a good idea. lol

Any additional comments?

Can't wait to see more from this author. What a fantastic first novel.

Interesting concept, falls flat

The idea behind this book was clever (i.e. an old-order ugly, mean vampire challenging modern Twilight/True Blood type vampires) and there were some giggle out loud moments, but in the end the book fell a little flat. First, sometimes the author just tried too hard with the humor, like pushing the same "busty female gets ogled" joke 485786892374 times. Second, the narrator was very good, but as the book is set in America and most of the main characters except for the vampire and one villain are American, his British accent was not right. Most importantly, this story suffers from the fact that from an objective perspective, the antagonists are really the good guys, while the protagonist is, and remains, a mass murderer.

Difficult to finish but wortth it

A good story overall, but the slow parts make it difficult to finish. Keep going and it will be worth it.

Loved it

This book cut a great balance between ridiculousness and ancient horror. My only disappointment was that, occasionally, the narrator seemed to get the voices mixed up between different characters.

I'll probably listen again sometime, and I would enjoy reading it also.