We are currently making improvements to the Audible site. In an effort to enhance the accessibility experience for our customers, we have created a page to more easily navigate the new experience, available at the web address www.audible.com/access.
The Butcher, the Baker, the Candlestick Maker: An Erotic Memoir | [Suzanne Portnoy]

The Butcher, the Baker, the Candlestick Maker: An Erotic Memoir

After a love affair with a man 3,000 miles away, whom she met online, Suzanne Portnoy, mother of two and a top executive in the entertainment industry, begins her sexual reawakening. Insatiable, she dives into the swinging scene and works her way through an entire spectrum of sexual experience, including exhibitionism, group sex, and fetish clubs. The Butcher, The Baker, The Candlestick Maker is a story that is shocking and heart-warming in equal measure.
Regular Price:$23.89
  • Membership Details:
    • First book free with 30-day trial
    • $14.95/month thereafter for your choice of 1 new book each month
    • Cancel easily anytime
    • Exchange books you don't like
    • All selected books are yours to keep, even if you cancel
  • - or -

Your Likes make Audible better!

'Likes' are shared on Facebook and Audible.com. We use your 'likes' to improve Audible.com for all our listeners.

You can turn off Audible.com sharing from your Account Details page.

OK

Publisher's Summary

"It was 1 pm when I said to my receptionist, 'I have a meeting. Back in two hours.' A half hour later, I was having sex with a complete stranger. It was fantastic.

"At 29 I got married to live the life of the perfect wife with the gorgeous children. I did that for 10 years, the last four of which I was completely celibate. Then I went online and everything changed."

After a love affair with a man 3,000 miles away, whom she met online, Suzanne Portnoy, mother of two and a top executive in the entertainment industry, begins her sexual reawakening. Embarking on a sensational and prolific series of liaisons, Suzanne beds a top London chef, who cooks her a 5-star meal on the day her husband moves out. An affair with a famous men's magazine editor quickly ensues, followed by a top cameraman who takes pictures of Suzanne naked. But that's just the beginning.

Insatiable, Suzanne dives into the swinging scene and works her way through an entire spectrum of sexual experience, including exhibitionism, group sex, fetish clubs, and a predilection for picking up men during her lunch hour.

The Butcher, The Baker, The Candlestick Maker is a story that is shocking and heart-warming in equal measure. Freed from the restraints of marriage and monogamy, Suzanne takes pleasure without commitment and tells her story without a trace of shame. She's not looking for Prince Charming anymore; she's looking for fun. And she finds it.

For Adults Only: Explicit language. Must be 18 years of age to purchase.

©2006 Suzanne Portnoy

What the Critics Say

"Gritty and explicit." (The Observer)
"Eye-poppingly unambiguous prose." (Esquire)
"Intelligently written and brutally honest." (Metro)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

2.8 (46 )
5 star
 (6)
4 star
 (10)
3 star
 (12)
2 star
 (7)
1 star
 (11)
Overall
3.1 (14 )
5 star
 (4)
4 star
 (2)
3 star
 (3)
2 star
 (1)
1 star
 (4)
Story
3.5 (13 )
5 star
 (5)
4 star
 (2)
3 star
 (3)
2 star
 (1)
1 star
 (2)
Performance
Sort by:
  •  
    Cherith Denver, CO 04-17-07
    Cherith Denver, CO 04-17-07 Member Since 2005
    HELPFUL VOTES
    6
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    6
    2
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    "Predictable Porn"

    My first listen in the erotic romance category...not impressed. Memoirs told from a female perspective focusing on how many, how big. I was looking for something with more romance, emotion, feelings. Occassionally titillating, but after a few stories, nothing but boring. Will pass on this author and narrator in the future. Found the narration to be distracting - 1/2 American accent, 1/4 British, 1/4 weird.

    5 of 5 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Lawrence Birmingham, AL, United States 05-23-07
    Lawrence Birmingham, AL, United States 05-23-07 Member Since 2004
    HELPFUL VOTES
    34
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    97
    33
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    "Don't Waste Your Time"

    This is about as erotic as a protology exam. I could only get about halfway through. I've given it a single star because there is no rating lower. The author has a good command of the language, but the story is sad and depresing.

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    OnlineShopper 02-05-13
    HELPFUL VOTES
    344
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    431
    27
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    17
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Erotica Read By Human Robot"

    This was unintentionally funny, because the narrator was simply out of her depth in reading an explicit memoir like this. Picture that recorded voice that welcomes you to the mall when you're given your ticket. Picture the recorded voice in the airport that tells you which zones are for loading and unloading. Now imagine that voice reading a dirty memoir. I don't know about you, but I laughed my ass off for the first ten minutes until i realized two things: the entire memoir will sound like this, and the sinking knowledge that I had wasted yet another precious credit...DAMN!!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Erich Auckland Park, South Africa 09-14-12
    Erich Auckland Park, South Africa 09-14-12

    Speaker, Leader, innovation consultant, kilt-wearer, South African.

    HELPFUL VOTES
    35
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    37
    22
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    2
    3
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Filthy fun memoir"

    I don't know if this is true -- it's certainly narrated as if it is -- but what Suzanne gets up to is nothing short of astonishing.
    Erotica and funny, I really enjoyed this book. And Suzanne's narration is spot on.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Belinda Newcastle, Australia 11-02-10
    Belinda Newcastle, Australia 11-02-10
    HELPFUL VOTES
    3
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    3
    2
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    "This is not erotica - but I didn't expect it to be"

    I'm not sure why, but this book intrigued me, and that's why I bought it. I had no expectations about the erotica, and read it as a memoir, albeit a woman talking about her sex life.

    This is definitely an adult book, but it was also what she was saying about sex that was interesting too. How she got tired of the swinging scene... In the end, perhaps sex was not what she was looking for after all. For me it was a discussion about sex and the value we place on it, not a description of sex.

    I think this was an answer to the question of what happens when you do get everything you want, is it of as much value as you thought it was? Is it really what you think it is? It was interesting to hear her priorities change through the story. For example: The description of her evolving relationship with her sons. Her sons go from just 'things' to be dropped off at the ex's place, to having actual names and father / son type relationships with her 'boyfriends'.

    I read it as a memoir, and while it's not the best book I've ever read, I'm pleased I read this to the end - it was well worth it and I'll be reading it again. Very thought provoking.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    R. Gallegos Houston, TX USA 08-30-08
    R. Gallegos Houston, TX USA 08-30-08 Member Since 2007

    47 is the real answer

    HELPFUL VOTES
    17
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    20
    8
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    "Good start, but got too repetitive"

    I gave this book a chance because I wanted to read something erotic. The first half of the book was great, but after that it seemed to get too repetitive. It's like she kept doing the same things over and over. I mean, how many different ways are there of having sex? I suppose if you judge the book on sexual content alone, it was great, but the plot could have been a bit better. There was not enough depth to the characters. So, if you are looking for some good sex scenes, this book is for you, but if you want a meaningful plot, be warned.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  • Showing: 1-6 of 6 results
Sort by:
  • JonR
    Kettering, UK
    7/18/09
    Overall
    "Pretty boring"

    Not sure whether this was a novel or an "erotic" diary! Very quickly turns into a catalogue of sexual encounters, none of which are written about in a particular exciting manner. In addition the author had two annoying traits in her story telling. Firstly she seems to have total recall of every outfit she was wearing on any particular occasion, and tells us how well it showed a particular part of her body; and secondly has her male partners compliment either her sexual prowess or looks regularly; making her come across as a very vain person. Should have been sexy, but is very much a logistical account!

    4 of 4 people found this review helpful
  • Allan
    Atherstone, Warks, United Kingdom
    2/23/08
    Overall
    "Disappointing."

    Not erotic - at least not for me. Simply coarse and brutal without any finesse at all. She complains about lack of variety in her sexual partners and I must admit I felt the same about her book. At times it reads as a sex manual, at others as a personal diary creating little interest.

    5 of 6 people found this review helpful
  • Showing: 1-2 of 2 results

    There are no listener reviews for this title yet.

Report Inappropriate Content

If you find this review inappropriate and think it should be removed from our site, let us know. This report will be reviewed by Audible and we will take appropriate action.

Cancel

Thank You

Your report has been received. It will be reviewed by Audible and we will take appropriate action.