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When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? | [George Carlin]

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

Following his two New York Times best sellers, Brain Droppings and Napalm & Silly Putty, comes George Carlin's third audiobook, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, a riotous journey through the mind of one of America's premiere comic observers.
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Publisher's Summary

Following his two New York Times best sellers, Brain Droppings and Napalm & Silly Putty, comes George Carlin's third audiobook, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, a riotous journey through the mind of one of America's premiere comic observers.

Ranging from his absurdist side (Message from a Cockroach; TV News: The Death of Humpty Dumpty; Tips for Serial Killers) to his unerring ear for American speech (Politician Talk; Societal Cliches; 13 Sections of Euphemisms) to his unsparing views on America and its values (War, God, Stuff Like That; Zero Tolerance; Tired of the Handi-crap), Carlin's legendary irreverence and iconoclasm are on full display as he vainly scours the American landscape for signs of intelligence.

He also has a silly side:

  • You know what kind of guy you never see anymore? A fop.
  • A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed."
  • I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
  • A lot of gay men stay in the closet because they're interested in fashion.
  • I have an impersonal trainer. We meet at the gym, we don't talk, he works out alone, and I go home.
  • Here's something you can't do by yourself: practice shaking hands.
  • When it comes to God's existence, I'm not an atheist and I'm not an agnostic. I'm an acrostic. The whole thing puzzles me.
  • Good news for senior citizens: Death is near!
  • O.J. Simpson has already received the ultimate punishment: For the rest of his life he has to associate with golfers.

    ©2004 Comedy Concepts, Inc.; (P)2004 Hyperion

  • What the Critics Say

    • Audie Award Finalist, Humor, 2005
    • 2005 Quill Award Nominee
    • Grammy Award Nominee, Best Spoken Word Album, 2005

    "There's no better way to enjoy one of Carlin's books than to hear him read it himself....Carlin has his comic timing down pat. His energetic reading is punctuated by conversational bits and enhanced by his deft vocal variation, making listeners feel as if they've got a front-row seat at one of his comedy shows." (Publishers Weekly)

    What Members Say

    Average Customer Rating

    3.4 (938 )
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    3.8 (195 )
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    4.1 (199 )
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    Performance
    Sort by:
    •  
      William Dallas, TX, USA 10-24-04
      William Dallas, TX, USA 10-24-04 Member Since 2004
      HELPFUL VOTES
      32
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      "Build Your IQ While Laughing"

      Fortunately Mr. Carlin is not running for President, as his perspective is way out of the "mainstream". His cynacism and his almost God-less agnosticism combined with a carefully delivered, gratuitous raunch, can be a challenge to the most open minded of God fearing folks. However, brandishing a super-sharp intellect, and a subtle but real concern for the well being of humanity, George presents insightful alternative points of view, the consideration of which is immensely rewarded with continuous, uncontrolled bouts of liberating laughter.

      8 of 13 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Joseph Australia 11-02-04
      Joseph Australia 11-02-04 Member Since 2002
      HELPFUL VOTES
      120
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      "A book I COULD put down"

      I've loved George Carlin. And I identify with many of his views on life. But his latest book is missing the most important ingredient of the ones I've loved in the past; humor. This book (and I confess I could not finish it) is just not funny. I wanted it to be. I expected it to be. It wasn't.
      I listened beyond my normal tolerance hoping for a major turn, but after I had dutifully hung on for nearly 75%, I put myself out of my misery and turned my iPod back to something funnier; the presidential debates.

      19 of 36 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Nan 08-10-14
      Nan 08-10-14 Member Since 2012

      Listening, allows the mind to enter the magical realm ......

      HELPFUL VOTES
      1
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      "Not for me"
      This book wasn’t for you, but who do you think might enjoy it more?

      No one that I hang with!


      What could George Carlin have done to make this a more enjoyable book for you?

      Like someone could tell George Carlin how to write or speak?


      0 of 0 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Jim Sheils Wellingtom, New Zealand 07-19-14
      Jim Sheils Wellingtom, New Zealand 07-19-14 Member Since 2012
      HELPFUL VOTES
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      "Hilarious!"
      If you could sum up When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? in three words, what would they be?

      Very Very funny


      What other book might you compare When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? to and why?

      Brain droppings also by George Carlin


      What does George Carlin bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

      Himself


      Any additional comments?

      This was great from start to finish

      0 of 0 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Carlos Brunswick, ME, United States 12-26-13
      Carlos Brunswick, ME, United States 12-26-13 Member Since 2013
      HELPFUL VOTES
      5
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      "It was classic Carlin."
      Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not?

      Any fan would enjoy this book.


      Which scene was your favorite?

      I love his views on politics and religion. I only wish I could verbally match his sentiment and articulate such opinions on both subjects. I agree with him on all counts.


      Any additional comments?

      A few parts did drag in my opinion, but overall, I would recommend this book to others for some great insights and laughs.

      0 of 0 people found this review helpful
    •  
      L. Heath Mcdonald SLC, Ut 08-15-13
      L. Heath Mcdonald SLC, Ut 08-15-13 Listener Since 2010
      ratings
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      22
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      "Entertaining and Thought Provoking!"
      What did you like best about When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?? What did you like least?

      I think George Carlin has some wonderful insights in this book.


      What was your reaction to the ending? (No spoilers please!)

      What can I say, it's George.


      What does George Carlin bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

      His delivery! Audio all the way.


      Do you think When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? needs a follow-up book? Why or why not?

      No. Well, because he's dead. R.I.P. I think he'd appreciate that sentiment. No, really... I wish he was still around, but I do feel he left a great legacy that has influenced some of our great comedians today.


      Any additional comments?

      Sometimes the truth is best served with humor!

      0 of 0 people found this review helpful
    •  
      bruce Hobart, Indiana, United States 06-12-13
      bruce Hobart, Indiana, United States 06-12-13 Member Since 2012
      HELPFUL VOTES
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      "a huge fan of GC but this book sucks!"
      This book wasn’t for you, but who do you think might enjoy it more?

      the def


      What could George Carlin have done to make this a more enjoyable book for you?

      not write it


      Have you listened to any of George Carlin’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

      not good at all


      What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?

      it is tired and not funny, sorry GC god rest your soul.......or not. (depending on you veiw)


      Any additional comments?

      this book sux, save your money.

      0 of 0 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Trash man Tokyo, Japan 03-19-13
      Trash man Tokyo, Japan 03-19-13 Member Since 2010
      ratings
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      15
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      "Very funny."
      Would you consider the audio edition of When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? to be better than the print version?

      Yes, much better. Hearing George Carlin's words with his voice made the book funnier.


      What other book might you compare When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? to and why?

      Bossypants by Tina Fey. I think comedy books read by the author is similar to listening to a comedy album.


      Which character – as performed by George Carlin – was your favorite?

      I can't really remember.


      Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

      I definitely laughed a lot.


      Any additional comments?

      Nope.

      0 of 0 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Sandy Thomas Hanalei, HI United States 07-04-12
      Sandy Thomas Hanalei, HI United States 07-04-12 Member Since 2002
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      "Full of belly laughs"
      Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

      This is an extremely entertaining performance--epic George Carlin. Funny, challenging, and good for the non-existent soul.


      What other book might you compare When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? to and why?

      Any of Bill Maher's


      Have you listened to any of George Carlin???s other performances before? How does this one compare?

      They are all wonderul, but this fits my religious views.


      Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

      Laughed and cryed -- for joy.


      Any additional comments?

      For those who don't agree with George or me, it's still funny. Always good to challenge your views.

      0 of 0 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Donna LaPorte, IN, United States 07-02-12
      Donna LaPorte, IN, United States 07-02-12
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      "George at his best"
      Would you listen to When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? again? Why?

      No, he said it all the first read.


      Who was your favorite character and why?

      George, of course.


      Have you listened to any of George Carlin’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

      Yes. It's as entertaining and thought provoking as all of his work is.


      Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

      Several.


      0 of 0 people found this review helpful
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