• When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

  • By: George Carlin
  • Narrated by: George Carlin
  • Length: 7 hrs and 30 mins
  • 3.8 out of 5 stars (1,546 ratings)

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When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?  By  cover art

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

By: George Carlin
Narrated by: George Carlin
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Publisher's summary

Following his two New York Times best sellers, Brain Droppings and Napalm & Silly Putty, comes George Carlin's third audiobook, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, a riotous journey through the mind of one of America's premiere comic observers.

Ranging from his absurdist side (Message from a Cockroach; TV News: The Death of Humpty Dumpty; Tips for Serial Killers) to his unerring ear for American speech (Politician Talk; Societal Cliches; 13 Sections of Euphemisms) to his unsparing views on America and its values (War, God, Stuff Like That; Zero Tolerance; Tired of the Handi-crap), Carlin's legendary irreverence and iconoclasm are on full display as he vainly scours the American landscape for signs of intelligence.

He also has a silly side:

  • You know what kind of guy you never see anymore? A fop.
  • A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed."
  • I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
  • A lot of gay men stay in the closet because they're interested in fashion.
  • I have an impersonal trainer. We meet at the gym, we don't talk, he works out alone, and I go home.
  • Here's something you can't do by yourself: practice shaking hands.
  • When it comes to God's existence, I'm not an atheist and I'm not an agnostic. I'm an acrostic. The whole thing puzzles me.
  • Good news for senior citizens: Death is near!
  • O.J. Simpson has already received the ultimate punishment: For the rest of his life he has to associate with golfers.
  • ©2004 Comedy Concepts, Inc. (P)2004 Hyperion

    Critic reviews

    • Audie Award Finalist, Humor, 2005
    • 2005 Quill Award Nominee
    • Grammy Award Nominee, Best Spoken Word Album, 2005

    "There's no better way to enjoy one of Carlin's books than to hear him read it himself....Carlin has his comic timing down pat. His energetic reading is punctuated by conversational bits and enhanced by his deft vocal variation, making listeners feel as if they've got a front-row seat at one of his comedy shows." (Publishers Weekly)

    What listeners say about When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

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    • Overall
      1 out of 5 stars

    Bitter

    In his younger years, I adored George Carlin, and have seen him several times in concert. In his later years, his humor was hateful and bitter. I thought this book would be different. I was wrong.

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    2 people found this helpful

    • Overall
      1 out of 5 stars

    This is not a good book

    Struggled to get even half way through this book. Perhaps i just don't get this kind of comedy. I would suggest at least getting a sample of this guys work before you download. Sorry George.

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    2 people found this helpful

    • Overall
      1 out of 5 stars

    Don't Bother

    And I'm an old Carlin fan. I remember well the "Hippy Dippy Weatherman". I always thought that he had a uniquely intuitive comic mind. But it sure is a shame that such a witty and gifted individual has succumbed to the philosophy that a "foul mouth is a way to their hearts".

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    2 people found this helpful

    • Overall
      1 out of 5 stars

    Not Funny or Insightful

    I first listened to a George Carlin record in 1972. His commentary on Baseball and Football is a brilliant classic! When I got this latest book, I was prepared for some foul language and the typical anti-establishment rhetoric, but I also expected plenty of humor. I got none of it. He's sacrificed the humor for lame attacks on anything related to religion or American values. Sadly, he has no alternative view to promote, just pure hollow, amoral nihilism. When he got to the point of endorsing child rape, I decided I couldn't make it to the end of this one - a complete waste of time.

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    2 people found this helpful

    • Overall
      2 out of 5 stars

    George Carlin = Angry Old Man

    Without question George used to be my favorite comedian. However, as time has gone by I've noticed much of his "humor" has turned into complaint filled ramblings that make him sound just like any other bitter old man except he curses a whole lot more. Sadly he just isn't funny anymore. :(

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    • Overall
      5 out of 5 stars
    • Performance
      5 out of 5 stars
    • Story
      5 out of 5 stars

    George Carlin Greatness

    George Carlin is his usual, awesome and articulate self. You need to be an adult to appreciate this, that is, an adult mentally. If you have a problem with the work fuck, or shit then don't bother, grow up first.

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    1 person found this helpful

    • Overall
      2 out of 5 stars
    • Performance
      4 out of 5 stars
    • Story
      2 out of 5 stars

    Dissapointing

    What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?

    This is just a series of rants ranging from daily observations to political/social issues, but it gets really tiresome to listen to it in audiobook form.

    Any additional comments?

    The continuous theme of euphemisms and the general weirdness of the American dialects is interesting.

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    1 person found this helpful

    • Overall
      1 out of 5 stars
    • Performance
      1 out of 5 stars
    • Story
      1 out of 5 stars

    Not for me

    This book wasn’t for you, but who do you think might enjoy it more?

    No one that I hang with!

    What could George Carlin have done to make this a more enjoyable book for you?

    Like someone could tell George Carlin how to write or speak?

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    1 person found this helpful

    • Overall
      3 out of 5 stars
    • Performance
      4 out of 5 stars
    • Story
      3 out of 5 stars

    It was classic Carlin.

    Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not?

    Any fan would enjoy this book.

    Which scene was your favorite?

    I love his views on politics and religion. I only wish I could verbally match his sentiment and articulate such opinions on both subjects. I agree with him on all counts.

    Any additional comments?

    A few parts did drag in my opinion, but overall, I would recommend this book to others for some great insights and laughs.

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    • Overall
      2 out of 5 stars
    • Performance
      4 out of 5 stars
    • Story
      2 out of 5 stars

    a huge fan of GC but this book sucks!

    This book wasn’t for you, but who do you think might enjoy it more?

    the def

    What could George Carlin have done to make this a more enjoyable book for you?

    not write it

    Have you listened to any of George Carlin’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

    not good at all

    What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?

    it is tired and not funny, sorry GC god rest your soul.......or not. (depending on you veiw)

    Any additional comments?

    this book sux, save your money.

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    1 person found this helpful