The Last Testament

A Memoir by God

By: David Javerbaum - Contributor

Narrated by: David Javerbaum

Length: 9 hrs and 27 mins

Publisher's summary

Over the course of his long and distinguished career, God has literally seen it all. And not just seen. In fact, the multi-talented deity has played a pivotal role in many major events, including the Creation of the universe, the entirety of world history, the life of every human being who has ever lived, and the successful transitioning of American Idol into the post-Simon Cowell era.

Now, as the earth he has godded so magnificently draws to a Mayan-induced close, God breaks his 1,400-year literary silence with his final masterpiece, The Last Testament.

As dictated to his mortal amanuensis, 11-time Emmy Award-winning comedy writer David Javerbaum, God looks back with unprecedented candor on his time in the public sector. He takes us behind the scenes of Genesis, setting the record (un)straight on the real first couple, Adam and Steve, and challenging long-held notions about the viability of containing a phylogenetically complete double bestiary within a 450,000-cubic-cubit watercraft.

For the first time, he breaks his silence on Jesus Christ, shedding light on a father-son relationship as heartwarming as Will and Jaden Smith’s. And he reveals his true feelings about his third great faith, Islam, WHICH ARE NOTHING BUT POSITIVE AND RESPECTFUL.

But The Last Testament doesn’t just look back. It also offers God’s perspectives on the perennial quagmires of love, marriage, and smiting. And he takes an 27.99 unfiltered look at contemporary society, addressing such hot-button topics as:

• Why he loves America
• What he listens for in a good prayer
• Which sports teams he really roots for
• Which celebrities are totally gay

Sometimes preachy, sometimes holier-than-thou, but always lively, The Last Testament is a tale of courage, adversity, and triumph. It’s the ultimate celebrity autobiography, sure to appeal to not only hardcore God fans and "worshipers", but to anyone who’s ever had total omnipotence. If you place complete faith in the literal truth of one book written by God, make it The Last Testament.

©2011 David Javerbaum (P)2011 Simon & Schuster

Critic reviews

"Damned comical. Amen." ( Kirkus)

The Testament Everybody Needs

This book is a masterpiece of comedic literature. I couldn't put it down and laughed so much I would read it again and again.

David Javerbaum does his work justice by voicing Jehovah; he's charming, funny, and easy to anger... Everything you want in an almighty!

Not necessarily for the bible thumper but anybody religious or not should listen to this fantastic take from the big G himself on the old and new testaments of the bible (with a bit of the Koran thrown in for good measure of course)!

Great and very funny

What made the experience of listening to The Last Testament the most enjoyable?

That I didn't have to read the book. Love the idea of listening to someone else reading it to me like having some one reading a bed time story.

What other book might you compare The Last Testament to and why?

Really not sure I haven't read any other book to compare it to other than the Bible.

Which character – as performed by David Javerbaum – was your favorite?

Not sure

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

Took one day for first part finished the second in one say.

Any additional comments?

Just a great book. Will think about getting the full membership for other books.

Great listen, could have been shorter

I really enjoyed David Javerbaum's (er God's) last ebook. And very much enjoyed most of this one. Once he started counting down the days to the apocalypse, it seemed a bit redundant. I do enjoy learning new things because I was never one to want to spend the time reading the entire bible. I will continue to look for new material from the author. Great cover too!!

Starts good ...but...

Where does The Last Testament rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

The book does not rank that high at all. I knew about the book when it was in print, however I waited for the audio book.

What was most disappointing about David Javerbaum (contributor)’s story?

The story started off great, however it just started getting ridiculous. I just had to stop listening to it.. it was that bad.

Which character – as performed by David Javerbaum – was your favorite?

n/a

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

not at all.

Any additional comments?

The story started great! The author was great in description and story line. I think it was when the story got into the part where God was getting married that it was just off the wall. At that point, I had a hard time staying focused on the book and it was just getting more ridiculous at that point. I just stopped. I didn't even get to the second part of the book.

Requires the right sense of humor

I read this 10 years ago when it first came out. I thought it was HILARIOUS! Listening to it again in 2021-2022, I realized there is a lot that is insensitive. There are still plenty of good-humored laughs, some pieces of wisdom, and good prompts for reflection on Judeo-Christian faith.

Divine comedy!!:-)

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

Absolutely YES! Immensely funny; new; highly entertaining

Who was your favorite character and why?

A-Team

Which scene was your favorite?

The celebrities's dirty secrets

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

The whole book..it shook me...I was shaking with laughter

Any additional comments?

Not for religious zealots

The Book of the Tweet of God

Strong start - Weak finish, but ultimately worth reading. Smart laughs more often than cheap jokes. General knowledge of the Big 3 Abrahamic religions a must for some bits. Definitely worth my time. Would recommend to atheists and religious moderates with a sense of humor.

Bitchin'

Nuff said...(but they require twenty words on this review so I guess I must comply) thanks and goodnight people

I Am Smitten

Not smitten in the way the Almighty liked to smite, but in a good way. I see that I am the first reviewer, perhaps because others fear that if they were critical of this book then they might be cast into the waters or cast into the depths or cast asunder. Yet I have no fear, for I bring only praise. Not just for God, but for his casting. This time it's not asunder, but Javerbaum and In choosing him, God has picked the perfect reader. Pitch, tone, nuance, timing - it's all there. Javerbaum does a great God impression and it had me laughing the whole way. I'm sure this book is funny on the page, but I can't imagine it is as good as hearing Javerbaum's rendition.
My only hesitation in buying this was my fear that the conceit wouldn't sustain, but, verily and merrily, (also the name of a famous sister vaudeville act) though I'm only 3 hours in, it still works and I'm still loving it and I couldn't wait to recommend it, which am doing not just here, but to all my friends and my mother and my Rabbi as soon as I see him.
Lest you think I'm an easy laugh, I will tell you that I am not. Like Javerbaum, I have been a stand-up comedian and a writer for sitcoms (Seinfeld) and can tell you that generally other comedy writers make for a tough room. Even good humor books, though I appreciate them, rarely surprise me. We comedy writers already have the jokes figured out. However, this one constantly has me laughing out loud.
I usually delete my books as soon as I'm done, but this one will stay on there to listen to again and to play favorite excerpts for others. Praise the Lord.

headline oprional

Kind of dragged on towards the end. Pretty funny though and I would recommend it.