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The Last Testament: A Memoir by God | [David Javerbaum (contributor)]

The Last Testament: A Memoir by God

Over the course of his long and distinguished career, God has literally seen it all. And not just seen. In fact, the multi-talented deity has played a pivotal role in many major events, including the Creation of the universe, the entirety of world history, the life of every human being who has ever lived, and the successful transitioning of American Idol into the post-Simon Cowell era. Now, as the earth he has godded so magnificently draws to a Mayan-induced close, God breaks his 1,400-year literary silence with his final masterpiece, The Last Testament.
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Publisher's Summary

Over the course of his long and distinguished career, God has literally seen it all. And not just seen. In fact, the multi-talented deity has played a pivotal role in many major events, including the Creation of the universe, the entirety of world history, the life of every human being who has ever lived, and the successful transitioning of American Idol into the post-Simon Cowell era.

Now, as the earth he has godded so magnificently draws to a Mayan-induced close, God breaks his 1,400-year literary silence with his final masterpiece, The Last Testament.

As dictated to his mortal amanuensis, 11-time Emmy Award-winning comedy writer David Javerbaum, God looks back with unprecedented candor on his time in the public sector. He takes us behind the scenes of Genesis, setting the record (un)straight on the real first couple, Adam and Steve, and challenging long-held notions about the viability of containing a phylogenetically complete double bestiary within a 450,000-cubic-cubit watercraft.

For the first time, he breaks his silence on Jesus Christ, shedding light on a father-son relationship as heartwarming as Will and Jaden Smith’s. And he reveals his true feelings about his third great faith, Islam, WHICH ARE NOTHING BUT POSITIVE AND RESPECTFUL.

But The Last Testament doesn’t just look back. It also offers God’s perspectives on the perennial quagmires of love, marriage, and smiting. And he takes an 27.99 unfiltered look at contemporary society, addressing such hot-button topics as:

  • Why he loves America
  • What he listens for in a good prayer
  • Which sports teams he really roots for
  • Which celebrities are totally gay
    • Sometimes preachy, sometimes holier-than-thou, but always lively, The Last Testament is a tale of courage, adversity, and triumph. It’s the ultimate celebrity autobiography, sure to appeal to not only hardcore God fans and "worshipers", but to anyone who’s ever had total omnipotence. If you place complete faith in the literal truth of one book written by God, make it The Last Testament.

      ©2011 David Javerbaum (P)2011 Simon & Schuster

What the Critics Say

"Damned comical. Amen." (Kirkus)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

3.9 (71 )
5 star
 (31)
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2 star
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Overall
3.9 (61 )
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Story
4.1 (61 )
5 star
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3 star
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2 star
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1 star
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Performance
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  •  
    Marc Jaffe 11-30-11
    Marc Jaffe 11-30-11 Member Since 2009
    HELPFUL VOTES
    12
    ratings
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    1
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    Story
    "I Am Smitten"

    Not smitten in the way the Almighty liked to smite, but in a good way. I see that I am the first reviewer, perhaps because others fear that if they were critical of this book then they might be cast into the waters or cast into the depths or cast asunder. Yet I have no fear, for I bring only praise. Not just for God, but for his casting. This time it's not asunder, but Javerbaum and In choosing him, God has picked the perfect reader. Pitch, tone, nuance, timing - it's all there. Javerbaum does a great God impression and it had me laughing the whole way. I'm sure this book is funny on the page, but I can't imagine it is as good as hearing Javerbaum's rendition.
    My only hesitation in buying this was my fear that the conceit wouldn't sustain, but, verily and merrily, (also the name of a famous sister vaudeville act) though I'm only 3 hours in, it still works and I'm still loving it and I couldn't wait to recommend it, which am doing not just here, but to all my friends and my mother and my Rabbi as soon as I see him.
    Lest you think I'm an easy laugh, I will tell you that I am not. Like Javerbaum, I have been a stand-up comedian and a writer for sitcoms (Seinfeld) and can tell you that generally other comedy writers make for a tough room. Even good humor books, though I appreciate them, rarely surprise me. We comedy writers already have the jokes figured out. However, this one constantly has me laughing out loud.
    I usually delete my books as soon as I'm done, but this one will stay on there to listen to again and to play favorite excerpts for others. Praise the Lord.

    12 of 13 people found this review helpful
  •  
    andrew Singapore, Singapore 02-01-12
    andrew Singapore, Singapore 02-01-12 Member Since 2008
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Divine comedy!!:-)"
    Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

    Absolutely YES! Immensely funny; new; highly entertaining


    Who was your favorite character and why?

    A-Team


    Which scene was your favorite?

    The celebrities's dirty secrets


    Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

    The whole book..it shook me...I was shaking with laughter


    Any additional comments?

    Not for religious zealots

    6 of 8 people found this review helpful
  •  
    03-03-12
    03-03-12 Member Since 2007
    HELPFUL VOTES
    52
    ratings
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    49
    6
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    "Starts good ...but..."
    Where does The Last Testament rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

    The book does not rank that high at all. I knew about the book when it was in print, however I waited for the audio book.


    What was most disappointing about David Javerbaum (contributor)’s story?

    The story started off great, however it just started getting ridiculous. I just had to stop listening to it.. it was that bad.


    Which character – as performed by David Javerbaum – was your favorite?

    n/a


    Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

    not at all.


    Any additional comments?

    The story started great! The author was great in description and story line. I think it was when the story got into the part where God was getting married that it was just off the wall. At that point, I had a hard time staying focused on the book and it was just getting more ridiculous at that point. I just stopped. I didn't even get to the second part of the book.

    2 of 5 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Aimee Addison, NY, United States 02-15-12
    Aimee Addison, NY, United States 02-15-12 Member Since 2011

    mom with special child

    HELPFUL VOTES
    2
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    "not the best"
    What would have made The Last Testament better?

    I tried to listen to this book many times and just couldn't get into it i even skipped ahead and just didn't like it.


    2 of 5 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Carla Marlboro, NY, United States 10-01-13
    Carla Marlboro, NY, United States 10-01-13
    ratings
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    "So hard to listen to!"
    What would have made The Last Testament better?

    It could have been a little funnier...I guess I was expecting something else, a little more humor. It was just so slow and boring, and frankly, I didn't like the reader's voice.


    What do you think your next listen will be?

    Fifty Shades Darker is what I'm listening to now.


    How could the performance have been better?

    He could have used more humor. I didn't listen to much, because I was so bored.


    What character would you cut from The Last Testament?

    I wouldn't cut anyone....it was just bad.


    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    David G. Edelstein 04-03-12
    HELPFUL VOTES
    12
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    3
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    "A really awful book"
    What disappointed you about The Last Testament?

    Too many poor jokes. A neat idea just destroyed by one awful joke after another.


    Any additional comments?

    Can I get my money back?

    2 of 7 people found this review helpful
  • Showing: 1-6 of 6 results
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  • Michael Spencer
    7/8/14
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "a balance between dark humour and darker satire"
    What did you like best about this story?

    It seems to be a fantastic balance between humour, theology and satire without being heavy handed.


    Have you listened to any of David Javerbaum’s other performances? How does this one compare?

    No


    Any additional comments?

    Handelling of the deeper subjects varies from well thought to silly. The bible references seem well researched. The humour is very american. Definitely going to upset a few people but what would you expect?

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  • David
    OTLEY, United Kingdom
    7/1/14
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Sorry, this wasn't enjoyable!"
    What would have made The Last Testament better?

    I read a similar book to this called The Creation Memos years ago, and enjoyed it. This one isn't remotely in the same league. The story wasn't well structured and the presentation really didn't help.


    How did the narrator detract from the book?

    The voice just wasn't godlike.


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  • e
    coventry, United Kingdom
    4/13/13
    Overall
    "Holy funny!"

    If you want a light-hearted, intelligent and funny review of the the last testament and you're not easily offended then listen to this.



    I bought this book for my holiday to Israel and it contains many interpretations of the bible. if you like the works of Monty Python then you will like this.



    Adam and Steve get a mention, and the book is narrated by god. So what you get is the real thing! Enjoy.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  • Showing: 1-3 of 3 results

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