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Just Plain FUNNYYYY!!!!!!!!!
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Girl Walks into a Bar...
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Story
Anyone who saw an episode of Saturday Night Live between 1999 and 2006 knows Rachel Dratch. She was hilarious! So what happened to her? After a misbegotten part as Jenna on the pilot of 30 Rock, Dratch was only getting offered roles as "Lesbians. Secretaries. Sometimes secretaries who are lesbians." Her career at a low point, Dratch suddenly had time for yoga, dog- sitting, learning Spanish - and dating. After all, what did a forty-something single woman living in New York have to lose?
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Flowing comedic reality
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By: Rachel Dratch
Publisher's summary
After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, 28-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his 73-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is “like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,” has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:
“That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won’t screw you. Don’t do it for them.”
“Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.”
“The worst thing you can be is a liar...Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.”
More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern’s philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes.
An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny’s, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns’ kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh-t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.
Critic reviews
Featured Article: The Best Comedy Audiobooks to Get You Laughing Out Loud
It’s no secret that good comedy can lighten our spirits and brighten our lives. So if you’re looking for a hilarious new listen to liven up your work day, hit the treadmill, or unwind with some leisure time at home, we’ve got the list for you. With these listens, you can laugh along with stories from some of the world’s greatest comedians, all delivered with pitch-perfect performances. From personal memoirs to multi-cast recordings, we’ve got the perfect listen.
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Story
We never know what will happen next in Florida. We know only that, any minute now, something will. Every few months, Dave Barry gets a call from some media person wanting to know, "What the hell is wrong with Florida?" Somehow, the state's acquired an image as a subtropical festival of stupid, and as a loyal Floridian, Dave begs to differ. Sure, there was the 2000 election. And people seem to take their pants off for no good reason. And it has flying insects the size of LeBron James. But it is a great state, and Dave is going to tell you why.
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Most. Annoying. Narration. Ever.
- By Triple A on 06-21-17
By: Dave Barry
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Lake Wobegon Days
- By: Garrison Keillor
- Narrated by: Garrison Keillor
- Length: 4 hrs and 44 mins
- Abridged
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Garrison Keillor is the consummate storyteller, gifted with the rare ability, both in print and in performance, to hold an audience spellbound with his tales of ordinary people whose lives contain extraordinary moments of humor, tenderness, and grace. This exclusive recording of Garrison Keillor reading a carefully edited abridgement of the book also includes a few segments taken from live performances recorded during a fundraising tour for public radio stations in 1985.
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A great shot of Garrison Keillor...
- By MrGee on 08-28-05
By: Garrison Keillor
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A Very Punchable Face
- A Memoir
- By: Colin Jost
- Narrated by: Colin Jost
- Length: 7 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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If there’s one trait that makes someone well-suited to comedy, it’s being able to take a punch - metaphorically and, occasionally, physically. Told with a healthy dose of self-deprecation, A Very Punchable Face reveals the brilliant mind behind some of the dumbest sketches on television, and lays bare the heart and humor of a hardworking guy - with a face you can’t help but want to punch.
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Amazing
- By Erin E. Kace on 07-27-20
By: Colin Jost
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Furiously Happy
- A Funny Book About Horrible Things
- By: Jenny Lawson
- Narrated by: Jenny Lawson
- Length: 8 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Audie Award, Humor, 2016. In Furiously Happy, number-one New York Times best-selling author Jenny Lawson explores her lifelong battle with mental illness. A hysterical, ridiculous book about crippling depression and anxiety? That sounds like a terrible idea. But terrible ideas are what Jenny does best.
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Review by a Social Worker
- By dudley1125 on 10-21-15
By: Jenny Lawson
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The Daily Dad
- 366 Meditations on Parenting, Love, and Raising Great Kids
- By: Ryan Holiday
- Narrated by: Ryan Holiday
- Length: 9 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Becoming a parent is more than just a biological process—it’s a lifelong commitment to sacrifice, service, and most importantly, love. It’s a challenge to get up every day and put your kids first. You will experience moments of heroic compassion and humiliating failure, sometimes within the same day. But you don’t have to do it alone. From Ryan Holiday, #1 New York Times bestselling author of the smash hit The Daily Stoic, The Daily Dad provides 366 timeless meditations on parenting in a few manageable paragraphs a day—useful for even the most sleep deprived new parent.
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I love the stories …..but it’s full of ESG BS
- By Steven B on 09-20-23
By: Ryan Holiday
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Heads Will Roll
- By: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne
- Narrated by: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne, Tim Gunn, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 6 mins
- Original Recording
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Heads Will Roll is an Audible Original from Saturday Night Live star Kate McKinnon and her cocreator/costar (and real-life sister) Emily Lynne. Produced by Broadway Video, this is not an audiobook - it’s a 10-episode, star-studded audio comedy that features performances from Meryl Streep, Tim Gunn, Peter Dinklage, Queer Eye’s Fab Five, and so many more. Please note: This content is not for kids.
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More like this please
- By Anon893 on 05-03-19
By: Kate McKinnon, and others
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Nothing to See Here
- By: Kevin Wilson
- Narrated by: Marin Ireland
- Length: 6 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Lillian and Madison were unlikely roommates and yet inseparable friends at their elite boarding school. But then, Lillian had to leave the school unexpectedly in the wake of a scandal, and they’ve barely spoken since. Until now, when Lillian gets a letter from Madison pleading for her help. Madison’s twin stepkids are moving in with her family, and she wants Lillian to be their caretaker. However, there’s a catch: The twins spontaneously combust when they get agitated, flames igniting from their skin in a startling but beautiful way.
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Elevated art form.
- By KayMac on 10-30-19
By: Kevin Wilson
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Bossypants
- By: Tina Fey
- Narrated by: Tina Fey
- Length: 5 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Before Liz Lemon, before Weekend Update, before Sarah Palin, Tina Fey was just a young girl with a dream: A recurring stress dream that she was being chased through a local airport by her middle-school gym teacher. She also had a dream that one day she would be a comedian on TV. She has seen both these dreams come true. At last, Tina Fey's story can be told. From her youthful days as a vicious nerd to her tour of duty on Saturday Night Live. Tina Fey reveals all, and proves what we've always suspected: You're no one until someone calls you bossy.
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Tina Fey broke my new SUV
- By Warren on 04-07-11
By: Tina Fey
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Based on a True Story
- A Memoir
- By: Norm Macdonald
- Narrated by: Norm Macdonald, Tim O'Halloran
- Length: 7 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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When Norm Macdonald, one of the greatest stand-up comics of all time, was approached to write a celebrity memoir, he flatly refused, calling the genre “one step below instruction manuals.” Norm then promptly took a two-year hiatus from stand-up comedy to live on a farm in northern Canada. When he emerged he had under his arm a manuscript, a genre-smashing book about comedy, tragedy, love, loss, war, and redemption. When asked if this was the celebrity memoir, Norm replied, “Call it anything you damn like.”
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Bizarre, funny ride
- By Michael Chauvin on 09-25-16
By: Norm Macdonald
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Is This Anything?
- By: Jerry Seinfeld
- Narrated by: Jerry Seinfeld
- Length: 6 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Since his first performance at the legendary New York nightclub “Catch a Rising Star” as a 21-year-old college student in fall of 1975, Jerry Seinfeld has written his own material and saved everything. “Whenever I came up with a funny bit, whether it happened on a stage, in a conversation, or working it out on my preferred canvas, the big yellow legal pad, I kept it in one of those old school accordion folders,” Seinfeld writes. “So I have everything I thought was worth saving from 45 years of hacking away at this for all I was worth.”
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Joke, joke, joke. Boring, boring, boring.
- By ECMILLER on 10-11-20
By: Jerry Seinfeld
What listeners say about Sh-t My Dad Says
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall
- Michael
- 05-08-10
Really Funny! Should Be Up for an Audie Award
This book had me laughing so hard that I woke my wife up and got curious stares on the bus. While the run time of this audio book is only 3 hours it is the perfect length to get an idea of how Justin's father thinks and you also get a sense that there is absolutely no filter when he thinks something to when he speaks what's on his mind. This very funny book that does use course language because Justin's father is a little gruff! IF you are offended by such language, then stay away.
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21 people found this helpful
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Overall
- Bill M. Fuller
- 06-20-10
Surprisingly hilarious!
I must admit that I have been burned by "blogger books" before, so I was very skeptical about this one, a book based on a Twitter sensation. While the Sh*t Mt Dad Says is the only thing I actually like about Twitter, I couldn't help but think that this book would get stale really quick. Halpern, it turns out, is a pretty great writer. He has a great knack for comic timing and dialog (which, obviously, he got from his father) and understands and conveys the complexities of the father-son dynamic with some terrific anecdotes. In fact, I enjoyed Halpern's stories far more than the short quotes dispersed throughout the book. As far as the narrator goes, he reminded me of Ben Stiller, which seemed sort of appropriate, although the gruff "dad voice" takes some getting used to.
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15 people found this helpful
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- Nicholas
- 12-23-11
So funny i listened 3 times
Any additional comments?
This amazing book lends credit to the line
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1 person found this helpful
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- RED49
- 04-25-18
Laugh out loud
Had my husband and I in stiches at times. could totally relate having two sons.
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- J.S.Sparrow
- 07-30-16
Real American Humor from a Real American Family
I actually feel like I now know both Justin and his Dad, and I like them! In spite of the constant F-Bombs, I would still consider this a nice warm Family Read. Probably because they were dropped by Dad and not the Son.
I gave this book 4 Stars because the Author managed to record one anecdote after another while telling an intimate and funny autobiographical story that moved at just the right pace.
The Narration was well done and if the Character's voices sounded a bit amateurish, it only lent to the notion that I had been most fortunate to stumble across this lovely Portrait of true Americana and not a work of fiction.
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- boone
- 03-30-15
Funny and Full of good lessons
Narrator was awesome. It exceeded my expectations. Great stories and insights about being a decent human being. Oh, it is also hilarious.
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- Marie
- 09-03-12
Funny
Where does Sh-t My Dad Says rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?
At the top of the list
What was one of the most memorable moments of Sh-t My Dad Says?
Too many to mention
What about Sean Schemmel’s performance did you like?
How he explained his feelings with each event.
Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?
When the authors Dad was happy he was sharing his life with everyone, that he really loves him.
Any additional comments?
I bought a copy for each of our children. I am sure everyone will be able to relate to one or more of the events in this book.
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- Lora
- 01-09-15
Great Narration! Funny Story!
This was a lighthearted, laugh out loud, enjoyable audiobook! The narrator was fantastic! There may have been a few too many references to the author's masturbation, but overall, well written. Not having read a print copy, I wonder if it would be as enjoyable, as the narrator's voice he gave the dad added so much to his character. I think the audiobook is the way to go.
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- Leticia
- 03-19-12
very very funny
What made the experience of listening to Sh-t My Dad Says the most enjoyable?
the way it was narrated was spot on.
What was one of the most memorable moments of Sh-t My Dad Says?
the quotes about growing up in school was the funnest.
Have you listened to any of Sean Schemmel’s other performances before? How does this one compare?
this is the first time listening to Sean but i am going to look for more books that he has narrated.
Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?
no
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- E A Anderson
- 08-21-16
what a great time
It was touching and hilarious. The pace kept up, no lulls. The humor and experiences were easily identifiable and entertaining. I am glad and envious of his life with that man!
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