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Sh-t My Dad Says | [Justin Halpern]

Sh-t My Dad Says

After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, 28-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his 73-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is “like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,” has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him.
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Publisher's Summary

After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, 28-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his 73-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is “like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,” has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:

“That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won’t screw you. Don’t do it for them.”

“Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.”

“The worst thing you can be is a liar...Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.”

More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern’s philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes.

An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny’s, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns’ kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh-t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.

©2010 Justin Halpern (P)2010 HarperCollins Publishers

What the Critics Say

“If you’re wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes.” (Christian Lander, New York Times best-selling author of Stuff White People Like)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

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  •  
    NDiaye barberville, FL, United States 06-04-12
    NDiaye barberville, FL, United States 06-04-12 Member Since 2011
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Could not stop laughing"
    Where does Sh-t My Dad Says rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

    Top five


    Who was your favorite character and why?

    The father, this man reminds me of my mom and the s@#t she says


    What about Sean Schemmel’s performance did you like?

    his voice was good , all the characters were portrayed equally


    Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

    yes


    Any additional comments?

    should be longer

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Corey Brookyln, NY, United States 04-12-12
    Corey Brookyln, NY, United States 04-12-12 Member Since 2009

    Hi, I'm an alumi of NYU and I'm also huge into MMA. I love books I read a lot and review the stand outs. I'll give you guys the goods.

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Very Funny"

    This is a amazingly funny novel that really have a few deep and touching moments thrown in. I highly recommend getting this one.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Nicholas Oak Grove, KY, United States 12-23-11
    Nicholas Oak Grove, KY, United States 12-23-11 Member Since 2015

    Travel a lot for work and spend a good deal of time in the car.

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "So funny i listened 3 times"
    Any additional comments?

    This amazing book lends credit to the line

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Sandeep NEW YORK, NY, United States 09-02-11
    Sandeep NEW YORK, NY, United States 09-02-11 Member Since 2010
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Awesome listen!"
    What did you love best about Sh-t My Dad Says?

    Loved the narration!!!


    Who was your favorite character and why?

    The dad is absolutely hilarious!

    I liked his character because it reminded me a lot of my dad! Also, you don't expect him to be a doctor and that completely throws you off!!!


    Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

    Made me laugh out loud!


    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Angela Kaukauna, WI, United States 07-01-11
    Angela Kaukauna, WI, United States 07-01-11
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Hilarious!"

    I LOVED this book! Absolutely wonderful. I just couldn't turn it off. I am hoping there will be a "part 2" some day.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    M. Clipper Phoenix, AZ 08-31-10
    M. Clipper Phoenix, AZ 08-31-10 Member Since 2013
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    77
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    "A must listen for @sh*tmydadsays Twitter followers"

    I've been following @sh*tmydadsays on Twitter for some time now. I knew that the author had signed a TV deal based on his Tweets, but I had no idea that he had a book until I was browsing around on Audible one night. I'm glad I found this book because I enjoyed it immensely. In following the @sh*tmydadsays tweets, I just thought the author's dad was just a crazy old coot, but after listening to this book, I realized just how wise the dad is. If I had just one complaint, it would be that this book is too short, but I guess there's always that TV series to look forward to. I just hope it's half as good as the book.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    R. Spangler Norfolk, VA 07-29-10
    R. Spangler Norfolk, VA 07-29-10 Member Since 2011
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "A fun, funny book"

    A self-depricating look at his life growing up, Justin Halpern has written a book that made me chuckle, smirk, and occasionally laugh out loud listening to it. I have known people like his father and that fact made this book all the more enjoyable.

    Not for the prudish, it is a great listen and it made me remember that childhood was a traumatic, emotional experience best laughed at than cried about.

    3 of 4 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Steve Kinston, NC, United States 06-22-10
    Steve Kinston, NC, United States 06-22-10 Member Since 2007
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    "A Laugh Riot !!"

    I was really needing a change of pace, and this came along at the right time. Light and not too long, worth a credit in my opinion..

    3 of 4 people found this review helpful
  •  
    steve kearny, NJ, United States 06-25-10
    steve kearny, NJ, United States 06-25-10 Member Since 2010

    Addicted to Audible since 2009

    HELPFUL VOTES
    560
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    "Simply hilarious!"

    Clever, creative, unique and a very funny listen, which had me laughing out loud from beginning to end!

    4 of 6 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Christopher Richardson, TX, USA 05-27-10
    Christopher Richardson, TX, USA 05-27-10
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Good book. Great narration."

    Enjoyed the book and the blog. But the audiobook, however, is really special.

    2 of 3 people found this review helpful

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