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Sh-t My Dad Says Audiobook
Sh-t My Dad Says
Written by: 
Justin Halpern
Narrated by: 
Sean Schemmel
 >   > 
Sh-t My Dad Says Audiobook

Sh-t My Dad Says

Regular Price:$13.22
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Publisher's Summary

After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, 28-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his 73-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is “like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,” has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:

“That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won’t screw you. Don’t do it for them.”

“Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.”

“The worst thing you can be is a liar...Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.”

More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern’s philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes.

An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny’s, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns’ kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh-t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.

©2010 Justin Halpern (P)2010 HarperCollins Publishers

What the Critics Say

“If you’re wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes.” (Christian Lander, New York Times best-selling author of Stuff White People Like)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.1 (2591 )
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Performance
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  •  
    DS 03-12-13
    DS 03-12-13

    Say something about yourself!

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "DOWN HOME WISDOM"

    Nice stories about a Father - Son relationship that will make you laugh. The father doesn't pull any punches, tells it straight, and the son has the usual, vaguely uncomfortable reaction. There is a lot of basic truth in this book.

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Heather United States 12-08-14
    Heather United States 12-08-14 Member Since 2014

    Goodreads reviewer and blogger... also dentist and wife/mom when I get the time!

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "A fun, touching, easy listen"

    *Audiobook edition*

    How fabulous was that?!

    I was expecting this book to be funny and quotable, but I wasn't expecting it to be so touching.

    I think when I heard the concept for this book I expected Sam Halpern to be kind of a dick. A funny dick, but a sort of mean and grumpy person. Though he is really direct, I was shocked at how kind and loving Sam Halpern was. Hilarious and supportive, that is how I would describe him.

    This book was like a humorous lesson in valuing family. As a parent, I related to SO much of this story. And as a kid of parents who are still very much involved in my life, I also related to Justin, too. I really got the dynamic between Sam and Justin, and I found myself smiling and nodding along the entire time I was listening.

    As an audiobook, this was excellent. Sean Schemmel really killed the narration, getting all of the characters' voices perfectly and with nice inflection and cadence. This was a super easy listen, perfect for when you are kind of busy and can't focus on a long story, but still want something to entertain you.

    High recommended.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    NDiaye barberville, FL, United States 06-04-12
    NDiaye barberville, FL, United States 06-04-12 Member Since 2011
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    "Could not stop laughing"
    Where does Sh-t My Dad Says rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

    Top five


    Who was your favorite character and why?

    The father, this man reminds me of my mom and the s@#t she says


    What about Sean Schemmel’s performance did you like?

    his voice was good , all the characters were portrayed equally


    Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

    yes


    Any additional comments?

    should be longer

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Mark Reno, NV, United States 05-09-12
    Mark Reno, NV, United States 05-09-12 Member Since 2012
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    "A slight book but I laughed out loud often"
    Any additional comments?

    This was a good purchase during one of the half-price sales. It's too slight to be worth a full credit but I must say I loved it and laughed out loud often. What I enjoyed the most was the way the dad (and Justin) were able to say such jerky things but with such obvious affection for each other. It's not easy to insult others with love and without condescension. And the final story about the dad's first wife was a nice touch that gave the book a little heft without ruining the good times. The narrator perfectly captures what the dad's voice should sound like: abrasive yet funny. However, the narrator is HORRIBLE at women's voices, to the point that they're almost insulting. (One of my favorite lines: "Being three years old doesn't give you a license to be an a*hole.")

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Corey Brookyln, NY, United States 04-12-12
    Corey Brookyln, NY, United States 04-12-12 Member Since 2009

    Hi, I'm an alumi of NYU and I'm also huge into MMA. I love books I read a lot and review the stand outs. I'll give you guys the goods.

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Very Funny"

    This is a amazingly funny novel that really have a few deep and touching moments thrown in. I highly recommend getting this one.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Nicholas Oak Grove, KY, United States 12-23-11
    Nicholas Oak Grove, KY, United States 12-23-11 Member Since 2015

    Travel a lot for work and spend a good deal of time in the car.

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "So funny i listened 3 times"
    Any additional comments?

    This amazing book lends credit to the line

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Sandeep NEW YORK, NY, United States 09-02-11
    Sandeep NEW YORK, NY, United States 09-02-11 Member Since 2010
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    "Awesome listen!"
    What did you love best about Sh-t My Dad Says?

    Loved the narration!!!


    Who was your favorite character and why?

    The dad is absolutely hilarious!

    I liked his character because it reminded me a lot of my dad! Also, you don't expect him to be a doctor and that completely throws you off!!!


    Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

    Made me laugh out loud!


    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Angela Kaukauna, WI, United States 07-01-11
    Angela Kaukauna, WI, United States 07-01-11
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    "Hilarious!"

    I LOVED this book! Absolutely wonderful. I just couldn't turn it off. I am hoping there will be a "part 2" some day.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Teresa Okemos, MI, United States 10-24-10
    Teresa Okemos, MI, United States 10-24-10 Member Since 2007
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    "Ho hum"

    Not worth the price or the time. Marginally amusing, but not much more. Word, word, word.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    M. Clipper Phoenix, AZ 08-31-10
    M. Clipper Phoenix, AZ 08-31-10 Member Since 2013
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    "A must listen for @sh*tmydadsays Twitter followers"

    I've been following @sh*tmydadsays on Twitter for some time now. I knew that the author had signed a TV deal based on his Tweets, but I had no idea that he had a book until I was browsing around on Audible one night. I'm glad I found this book because I enjoyed it immensely. In following the @sh*tmydadsays tweets, I just thought the author's dad was just a crazy old coot, but after listening to this book, I realized just how wise the dad is. If I had just one complaint, it would be that this book is too short, but I guess there's always that TV series to look forward to. I just hope it's half as good as the book.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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