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In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks...
- . . . And Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy
- Narrated by: Adam Carolla
- Length: 6 hrs and 42 mins
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Publisher's summary
"A couple years back, I was at the Phoenix airport bar. It was empty except for one heavy-set, gray bearded, grizzled guy who looked like he just rode his donkey into town after a long day of panning for silver in them thar hills. He ordered a Jack Daniels straight up, and that's when I overheard the young guy with the earring behind the bar asking him if he had ID. At first the old sea captain just laughed. But the guy with the twinkle in his ear asked again. At this point it became apparent that he was serious. Dan Haggerty's dad fired back, 'You've got to be kidding me, son.' The bartender replied, 'New policy. Everyone has to show their ID.' Then I watched Burl Ives reluctantly reach into his dungarees and pull out his military identification card from World War II."
It's a sad and eerie harbinger of our times that the Oprah-watching, crystal-rubbing, Whole Foods-shopping moms and their whipped attorney husbands have taken the ability to reason away from the poor schlub who makes the Bloody Marys. What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we now settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers. Adam Carolla has had enough of this insanity and he's here to help us get our collective balls back.
In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks is Adam's comedic gospel of modern America. He rips into the absurdity of the culture that demonized the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, turned the nation's bathrooms into a lawless free-for-all of urine and fecal matter, and put its citizens at the mercy of a bunch of minimum wagers with axes to grind. Peppered between complaints Carolla shares candid anecdotes from his day to day life as well as his past Sunday football at Jimmy Kimmel's house, his attempts to raise his kids in a society that he mostly disagrees with, his big showbiz break, and much, much more. Brilliantly showcasing Adam's spot-on sense of humor, this book cements his status as a cultural commentator/comedian/complainer extraordinaire.
Adam Carolla is a radio and television host, comedian, and actor. He is the host of the "Adam Carolla Podcast", before which he hosted a weekday morning radio program broadcast from Los Angeles, and syndicated by CBS Radio. Besides these shows, Carolla is well known as the co-host of the radio show "Loveline" (and its television incarnation on MTV), as the co-creator and co-host of Comedy Central's The Man Show, and as the co-creator and the performer on Comedy Central and MTV's Crank Yankers and is a frequent contributor and contestant on ABC's top-rated program Dancing with the Stars. Carolla also starred in, co-wrote, and co-produced the award-winning independent film, The Hammer. He currently lives in Los Angeles with his wife and their two children.
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- Abridged
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What do the lives of Lincoln, Helen Keller, Joan of Arc, and other historical figures have in common with Paula Poundstone? In the hands of this wryly observant and self-deprecating comedian, the answer is outrageously funny and unexpectedly touching. Poundstone compares her crazy life to theirs, as she holds forth on her children, her career, and the time in her life when it appeared she would lose them both.
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More!
- By Evelyn on 02-11-07
By: Paula Poundstone
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Everything Is Awful
- And Other Observations
- By: Matt Bellassai
- Narrated by: Matt Bellassai
- Length: 6 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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From the break-out star of BuzzFeed and the People's Choice Award-winning comedian comes a collection of hilariously anguished essays chronicling awful moments from his life so far, the humiliations of being an adult, and other little indignities. Matt Bellassai has no idea what he's doing. Well, to be fair, he did become semi-Internet famous by getting drunk at work, making him a socially-acceptable - nay - professional alcoholic. He's got some things figured out. But the rest is all just a terrible, disgusting mess.
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Best Audio Book I’ve heard ever.
- By M on 11-23-17
By: Matt Bellassai
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Is This Anything?
- By: Jerry Seinfeld
- Narrated by: Jerry Seinfeld
- Length: 6 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Since his first performance at the legendary New York nightclub “Catch a Rising Star” as a 21-year-old college student in fall of 1975, Jerry Seinfeld has written his own material and saved everything. “Whenever I came up with a funny bit, whether it happened on a stage, in a conversation, or working it out on my preferred canvas, the big yellow legal pad, I kept it in one of those old school accordion folders,” Seinfeld writes. “So I have everything I thought was worth saving from 45 years of hacking away at this for all I was worth.”
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Joke, joke, joke. Boring, boring, boring.
- By ECMILLER on 10-11-20
By: Jerry Seinfeld
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Wanna Bet?
- A Degenerate Gambler's Guide to Living on the Edge
- By: Artie Lange
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 6 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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The two-time best-selling author, comedian, actor, and radio icon explains the philosophy that has kept his existence boredom-free since the age of 13 - the love of risk. An avid sports better and frequent card player, Lange believes that the true gambler gets high not from winning, but from the chaotic unknown of betting itself. He recounts some of his favorite moments, many of which haven't involved money at all. In this candid and entertaining memoir, he looks back at the times he's wagered the intangible and priceless things in life: his health, his career, and his relationships.
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who needs Artie (to read)
- By B. Wenners on 08-24-18
By: Artie Lange
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Lawn Boy
- By: Jonathan Evison
- Narrated by: P. J. Ochlan
- Length: 8 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
For Mike Muñoz, a young Chicano living in Washington State, life has been a whole lot of waiting for something to happen. Not too many years out of high school and still doing menial work - and just fired from his latest gig as a lawn boy on a landscaping crew - he knows that he's got to be the one to shake things up if he's ever going to change his life. But how?
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CATEGORY AND SUMMARY MISLEADING
- By Gretchen on 05-01-18
By: Jonathan Evison
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I Hate Everyone, Except You
- By: Clinton Kelly
- Narrated by: Clinton Kelly
- Length: 4 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Clinton Kelly is probably best known for teaching women how to make their butts look smaller. But in I Hate Everyone, Except You, he reveals some heretofore unknown secrets about himself, like that he's a finicky connoisseur of 1980s pornography, a disillusioned critic of New Jersey's premier water parks, and perhaps the world's least enthused high school commencement speaker.
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Filthy language overshadowed stories
- By Doris on 04-29-17
By: Clinton Kelly
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What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker
- A Memoir in Essays
- By: Damon Young
- Narrated by: Damon Young
- Length: 8 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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For Damon Young, existing while Black is an extreme sport. The act of possessing Black skin while searching for space to breathe in America is enough to induce a ceaseless state of angst where questions such as “How should I react here, as a professional black person?” and “Will this white person’s potato salad kill me?” are forever relevant. What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Blacker chronicles Young’s efforts to survive while battling and making sense of the various neuroses his country has given him.
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Reviewed by a B![c# @$$ White Boy
- By netusera on 04-13-19
By: Damon Young
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I Regret Nothing
- A Memoir
- By: Jen Lancaster
- Narrated by: Jen Lancaster
- Length: 9 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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New York Times best-selling author Jen Lancaster has lived a life based on re-invention and self-improvement. From Bitter Is the New Black to The Tao of Martha, she’s managed to document her (and her generation’s) attempts to shape up, grow up, and have it all - sometimes with disastrous results...Mistakes are one thing; regrets are another. After a girls’ weekend in Savannah makes her realize that she is - yikes! - middle-aged (binge watching is so the new binge drinking), Jen decides to make a bucket list and seize the day.
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The Smug Is Strong With This One
- By T. Filowitz on 05-24-15
By: Jen Lancaster
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Easy for You to Say
- By: John Melendez
- Narrated by: John Melendez
- Length: 6 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Easy For You To Say is "Stuttering" John Melendez's memoir of his childhood being bullied in school for his stutter; his years as an on-air personality with The Howard Stern Show; and his subsequent 10-year career as a writer and on-air announcer for Jay Leno's Tonight Show. It details his famously acerbic relationships with celebrities he interviewed/insulted (Raquel Welch once punched him in the face). In the audiobook, Howard Stern emerges as a surprisingly mean, stingy, and megalomaniacal boss - and Jay Leno as a seeming sufferer from OCD.
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Was expecting more
- By Amazon Customer on 10-25-18
By: John Melendez
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Hyena
- By: Jude Angelini
- Narrated by: Jude Angelini
- Length: 3 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Hyena is a collection of autobiographical stories by Jude Angelini, which takes the listener on his journey of heartbreak, depravity, and hilarity, deftly moving between his adult life and his childhood growing up in a factory town outside of Detroit. Each story is told with brutal honesty yet maintains a gallows humor that will leave you shaking your head in disbelief.
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Awesome book, would steal it
- By Dylan S on 09-20-17
By: Jude Angelini
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You're Better than Me
- A Memoir
- By: Bonnie McFarlane
- Narrated by: Bonnie McFarlane, Alexander Cendese
- Length: 7 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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In the spirit of Mindy Kaling, Kelly Oxford, and Sarah Silverman, a compulsively listenable and outrageously funny memoir of growing up as a fish out of water, finding your voice, and embracing your inner crazy person from popular actress, writer, and comedian Bonnie McFarlane.
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Sandy!!! She wrote a book...it's crazy, a book!!!
- By Jonathan Placek on 03-02-16
By: Bonnie McFarlane
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The Kings of Cool
- A Prequel to 'Savages'
- By: Don Winslow
- Narrated by: Holter Graham
- Length: 7 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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In Savages, Don Winslow introduced Ben and Chon, twentysomething best friends who risk everything to save the girl they both love, O. Now, in his high-octane prequel, Winslow reaches back in time to tell the story of how Ben, Chon, and O became the people they are. Spanning from 1960s Southern California to the recent past, it is a tale of family in all its forms. As the younger generation does battle with drug dealers and crooked cops, they learn that their future is inextricably linked with their parents' history.
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The truth always come home...
- By Darwin8u on 09-28-17
By: Don Winslow
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Be a Man
- The Ultimate Guide
- By: The Be a Man Guy
- Narrated by: The Be a Man Guy, John Fiore
- Length: 3 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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On Tik Tok, Instagram, and his podcast, The Be a Man Guy discusses what it takes to be a man. Now, this funny and insightful book showcases all new stories, vignettes, anecdotes, and pearls of wisdom.
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Be a Man
- By David S. on 10-05-23
By: The Be a Man Guy
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More than just hilarious
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Quite entertaining, but repetitive...
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No Safe Spaces
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You have the right to to remain silent.... Terrifying violence on college campuses across America. Students lashing out at any speaker brave enough to say something they disagree with. Precious snowflakes demanding "Safe Spaces" to protect them from any idea they haven't heard from their liberal professors. In this book and the accompanying movie, Dennis Prager, Mark Joseph, and Adam Carolla expose the attack on free speech and free thought. It began in the universities, but - fair warning - it's coming to your neighborhood and your workplace.
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Must have for any Adam Carolla Fan!
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What listeners say about In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks...
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall
- elpeposo
- 11-24-10
Save your money: racist, ignorant, loud babble
Starts very slow. An autobiography that goes on forever. I wouldn't mind if he were saying some jokes as he went along, but it's all the same rags-to-riches story we've heard a million times. Adam has as nice tone and it sounds like a friend is telling his story after too many beers, so you plow through it. You get a hint of his homophobia and racism. Not funny. But tolerable.
The middle of the audiobook picks up some speed. Adam gets to some funny stuff, not very original, but still funny. Airport security. Urinals and bathroom protocols. How doctors and auto repair shops overcharge you etc. You know, the same topics comics beat over and over these days. Some of it funny.
Then downhill. A freakin' list of movies he likes and dislikes that goes on forever. Nothing to do with the title or theme of the book. Just his list. Did I just pay fifteen bucks to listen to this?
And then his loud, long rant about his favorite music and who he likes from the '80s. You start feeling the ripoff. You beg for him to say something funny, show a new angle, something fresh that will make you smile. Instead he starts yelling and you have to turn the volume down to adjust. All about his taste.
It gets worse. Racist rants against Mexicans. In the same line as people who say "I'm not racist, I just don't like black people". Adam has nothing against Mexicans, it's just their culture, their being, their opportunism that he doesn't like. Jails are full of non-whites, and there's a reason for it. A family is a man and a woman, not gays. Women belong in the house. White men have made all good inventions in this world. On and on.
They advertise this as if he's some new George Carlin. By the end you realize it's just Jeff Foxworthy leftovers.
He complains that people call him a KKK Grand Wizard when he tells these 'plain truths'. Well, just go to any white supremacist website. You'll find the same jokes for free.
Save yourself $15 and go buy beer. At least you'll feel good about it.
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27 people found this helpful
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Overall
- shari
- 11-02-10
Adam Carolla does no wrong...
Plain and simple...
there is no honesty... no true insight... no opinions these days. Adam Carolla is the truth.
Check out his podcasts.
from old lovelines to his true self in his podcasts u can't find better...
always insightful...
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25 people found this helpful
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Overall
- Gregory
- 11-10-10
Adam says what we're all afraid to say
The title should probably say stand up and let em dangle. Adam says what we all want to say but stays humble and true to his roots. This audiobook is not a direct read from the book and is all over the map so if you already have the book (like me) get this audiobook as well to experience the full essence of Carolla, the visceral carnal spanking that society needs and Adam delivers. Thanks Ace.
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23 people found this helpful
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Overall
- Perry
- 12-16-10
a little disappointed..
This is one of the first books I have purchased from Audible I just could not finish. While I love his sarcasm, I think his stories are a little more interesting to him then they are to anyone else. It has its moments.. just not enough of them. And his voice eventually is just irritating.
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17 people found this helpful
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Overall
- Kitsuno
- 11-20-10
Adam IS the Voice of Reason
Adam Carolla might rant and rave, but it's pretty much what every reasonable person is already thinking- or would be if the crazy left or right wing didn't try to guilt or bully them out of it. The left and the right might be loud, might have the soapbox, and each might be the flip-side of the same two-party coin, but Adam just tells it like it is, and illustrates time and time again that most people just plain don't think things through, or think critically enough to form reasonable or realistic opinions about anything. Adam's the blue collar hammer-swinging version of Jon Stewart, and not afraid to take on majority opinion or skewer the sacred cows. Adam is a great reader - and equally good at digression - so get an entertaining lesson in common sense with Adam Carolla, and download this now!
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16 people found this helpful
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Overall
- Greg
- 11-07-10
Truth
With all the sledge that inhabits our society these days, Adam Carolla, through his book as well as his other forms of media, has managed to bring me some hope for our society. In addition to being one of the funniest, most enjoyable reads I have had in a while, it is the truth and validity in his views on life that make this book such a rewarding and relevant accomplishment.
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15 people found this helpful
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Overall
- Vogel Family
- 12-03-10
Hilarious Book
This book is awesome. The fact the "Ace" (Adam Carolla) reads it himself makes it even better. I laughed so many times while listening to this book that I had to stop it just to catch my breath on a few ocassions. Kudos to Adam for writing this and pointing out the little things in life that are both irritating and funny. If you like witty and ocassionally offensive sarcasm, you would be a fool not to buy this book. Thanks for reading this Adam. No other reader could have made it as good as you did.
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13 people found this helpful
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Overall
- shortforu
- 11-12-10
I'd like to write something but jeez i'm just a
p****. I agree with the whole sanitzer/lawyer/whatever crazy culture in the U.S. Carlin was one of the best on this topic. But give me a frickin' break - chicks/women/p*****'s are the worst thing in the world Adam??!! 'scuse me, I forgot how crappy we are. How awful it would be if our testerone-injected culture could turn it down a notch. You've got it all backwards. And yes, I'm happily married to a great guy but sick and tired of this kinda "feel sorry for me, I'm a tortured white guy being made to be a girl" stuff.
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13 people found this helpful
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Overall
- Think B4 Eating
- 12-18-10
Surprised me by being a d*ck!
Wow, I really thought I liked Adam Carolla but upon hearing his world view I am no longer a fan. Adam is very forthright in the beginning of this book by admitting he is dumb, i.e. he doesn't know how to read or write due to his focus on sports in high-school and the fact that he was just passed over from grade to grade.
That admission aside, he then goes on to actually prove his stupidity by attempting to explain how he thinks US tax policy should work. Great, an admitted moron now thinks he is smart enough to develop a fair system of taxation. Purely due to the fact that he is a friend of Jimmy Kimmel, this ass-wipe thinks that he "worked hard" and "earned" all his millions of dollars in annual income. Loser here would still be a high-school drop-out and digging ditches for $7.00 and hour if not for Jimmy Kimmel. He has zero talent and has zero work for all the millions in income he has. Given that he luckily sneaked into the upper-class purely by knowing someone who has talent, he then goes on to rationalize his millions and to rant on our current taxation system. Specifically, that the rich are over taxed in the US! He is angry that the top 1% of the US pay 40% of the taxes in the US. Really? Well maybe you should also mention that the richest 1% of the US also owns as much as the combined wealth of the bottom 90%, or perhaps even more, before you start ranting that the poor rich people in the US are over-taxed.
What a total douchey ass-wipe. Unsubscribing from his podcast now.
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10 people found this helpful
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Overall
- Eric
- 11-17-10
Hilarious
Ace is the man. His points of view are hilariously accurate. If you're an opinionated person that likes his pod cast then you'll love the book. MUST listen.
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9 people found this helpful