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Everything Is Perfect When You're a Liar | [Kelly Oxford]

Everything Is Perfect When You're a Liar

Kelly Oxford is a wunderkind producer of pirated stage productions for six-year-olds, not the queen of the world, an underage schnitzel-house dishwasher, the kid who stood up to a bully and almost passed out from the resulting adrenaline rush, a born salesman, capable of willing her eyesight to be 20/20, that girl who peed her pants in the gas station that one time, totally an expert on strep throat, incapable of making Leonardo DiCaprio her boyfriend, and a terrible liar.
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Publisher's Summary

Kelly Oxford is....

A wunderkind producer of pirated stage productions for six-year-olds

Not the queen of the world

An underage schnitzel-house dishwasher

The kid who stood up to a bully and almost passed out from the resulting adrenaline rush

A born salesman

Capable of willing her eyesight to be 20/20

That girl who peed her pants in the gas station that one time

Totally an expert on strep throat

Incapable of making Leonardo DiCaprio her boyfriend

A writer

A certified therapy assistant who heals with Metallica mixtapes

"Not fat enough to be super snuggly." (Bea, age four)

Not above using raspberry-studded sh*t to get out of a speeding ticket

"Bitingly funny. But everybody knows that." (Roger Ebert)

Sad that David Copperfield doesn't own a falcon

A terrible liar

©2013 Kelly Oxford (P)2013 HarperCollins Publishers

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

3.5 (71 )
5 star
 (20)
4 star
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3 star
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2 star
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1 star
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Overall
3.3 (66 )
5 star
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Story
3.6 (67 )
5 star
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4 star
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3 star
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2 star
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1 star
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Performance
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  •  
    R. Barry Dallas, TX USA 04-05-13
    R. Barry Dallas, TX USA 04-05-13 Member Since 2005
    HELPFUL VOTES
    3
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    "Great stories well told; author/narrator perfect!"
    What about Kelly Oxford’s performance did you like?

    Oxford has a pleasing, engaged, clear voice that strikes an agreeable, conversational tone.


    Any additional comments?

    When you listen to her first story, “Queen of the World or Something,” you’ll know you’re going to be well treated by this wonderful storyteller. Oxford’s episodic recollections of her life from elementary school through motherhood read like rich, often messy, sometimes unflattering, and always honest experiences which she has been able to craft into glittering jewels. Yes, there are plenty of laugh-out-loud moments along the way. What most surprised me, though, is the sense of depth lurking just below the surface of the witty, engaging anecdotes. Oxford subtly invites the reader to learn – or share what she learned – from her remarkable experiences. Personal favorite: “My Zoo.” There are no duds.

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    The Reading Date CA, United States 02-06-14
    The Reading Date CA, United States 02-06-14 Member Since 2011

    I'm an audiobook addict and blog about books at The Reading Date. My favorite genres are YA, New Adult, Fiction & Memoirs.

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Absorbing humorous memoir"

    I was just wishing for a new humorous memoir à la Bossypants or Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me, so I was thrilled to spend an audible credit on Oxford’s book. Oxford’s unfiltered sense of humor is entertaining to listen to and she’s gained a new twitter follower in me. She talks about growing up and working odd jobs and her adventures in parenting, so it’s all very relatable.

    Kelly Oxford is from Canada and the book chronicles her life growing up in Calgary, before starting a family and later moving to Los Angeles. The book starts out with Oxford at age six, going through hoops to try to cast a stage adaptation of Star Wars. She later goes on a wild trip to Los Angeles to try to meet Leonardo DiCaprio and be his girlfriend before Titanic makes him a superstar. She also talks about peeing at a gas station while waiting in line to buy cigarettes, and her weekend trip to Vegas hosted by magician David Copperfield. Oxford is brutally honest in her observations and a fearless sharer of embarrassing moments.

    Oxford is a good storyteller and I found all the essay’s absorbing. She does find the humor in everyday life, and even when she’s discussing a serious topic she gives it a light touch in keeping with the tone of the book. For instance, she talks about the worry that her husband will die and she won’t have a job to support herself, so she takes a job at a nursing home. Oxford actually had a few interesting jobs before doing the writing thing, like washing dishes at a German restaurant at age 12. My favorite stories were the Vegas trip and the family’s trip to Disneyland, but they all are pretty amusing.

    Kelly Oxford reads the audiobook herself, something I always appreciate with memoirs. Who better than the author to read her own stories, right? Oxford speaks clearly and reads with an easy, conversational manner. I did speed up the narration a tad (to 1.25x) with the audible app, and that was just perfect for me. Oxford brings her stories to life with her reading and this is an audiobook I didn’t want to stop listening to.

    If you like humorous memoirs like those by Tina Fey, Jenny Lawson, or Mindy Kaling I think you’ll eat up this book. I hope there’s a part two someday.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    ray LAKE ORION, MICHIGAN, United States 07-15-13
    ray LAKE ORION, MICHIGAN, United States 07-15-13 Member Since 2012
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Light but not overly comedic"
    Would you say that listening to this book was time well-spent? Why or why not?

    Easy to listen to in small bits when you are in and out of the car a lot.


    Would you be willing to try another book from Kelly Oxford? Why or why not?

    Probably not - this was ok but not overly funny. Some amusing bits - but not what I would have expected.


    What does Kelly Oxford bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

    She reads it very well -


    If this book were a movie would you go see it?

    no


    Any additional comments?

    Her reading is vry good - and this is mildly amusing. But I have not found a comedic book that elicits more than a few amusing moments.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Danielle M Bay Area, CA 06-19-13
    Danielle M Bay Area, CA 06-19-13 Member Since 2013
    ratings
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    4
    1
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    Story
    "Love Kelly Oxford"
    Which character – as performed by Kelly Oxford – was your favorite?

    Herself, obviously.
    Her kids.


    Any additional comments?

    I do wish there was more cohesion in this story. I made the mistake of listening to this one shortly after listening to "BossyPants" by Tina Fey, and it just wasn't as well-constructed. Enjoyable for me, yes, but partly because I'm a weirdo and want to feel like I "know" Kelly Oxford. (I'm a total creeper.) If you don't share this feeling with me, I don't think you'll enjoy this book so much.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Lindsay Denver, CO, United States 05-30-13
    Lindsay Denver, CO, United States 05-30-13 Member Since 2011
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Enjoyable but not so relatable for me"
    Would you say that listening to this book was time well-spent? Why or why not?

    I don't regret listening to it, but I don't think I'll listen to it again. And I probably wouldn't buy any more books by her. Now, this is not because I think she is a bad writer, but because I had a hard time relating to her because her personality is so different than mine.


    Would you be willing to try another book from Kelly Oxford? Why or why not?

    Probably not. I thought most of the stories were entertaining, but I just couldn't relate to her life. I also felt that some of the stories were a little petty, but that's just me. Perhaps I'm just more of a Tina Fey type person.


    What about Kelly Oxford’s performance did you like?

    I enjoyed her story about working as a physical therapist. I think that story really showed a genuine side of her that I wanted to hear more about. That's not true, I felt the whole book was genuine, but that story was one that I felt connected to her over.


    Was Everything Is Perfect When You're a Liar worth the listening time?

    I'd say so. I'm not in love with the book, but I don't regret listening to it.


    Any additional comments?

    I think that women who are adventurous and free-spirited would like this book. Women who identify with Tina Fey or Mindy Kaling might have a harder time connecting to Kelly Oxford's work.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    bradley Long Beach, CA, United States 05-17-13
    bradley Long Beach, CA, United States 05-17-13 Member Since 2011
    ratings
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    7
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    Story
    "I'd be a liar if I said it was funny"
    What would have made Everything Is Perfect When You're a Liar better?

    If the content was funny.


    What did you like about the performance? What did you dislike?

    Kelly has a great voice - very easy to listen to.


    Any additional comments?

    I really wanted to love and laugh at this audiobook - but I barely smiled. To be fair, the bar was set pretty high after listening to Tina Fey's "bossy pants". So that might have something to do with my disappointment. I really like Kelly's tweets -- but for a book, she needs more compelling content, and/or more interesting and humorous ways to package it.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jeanine Galloway, OH, United States 04-24-13
    Jeanine Galloway, OH, United States 04-24-13 Member Since 2009
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Why did I listen to the whole thing"

    I hate to be mean but this was not very good at all. I wanted to turn it off many times but kept hoping it would get better. Her stories are boring and I did not laugh once ever.

    She smoked a lot, I mean a lot of pot as a teenager and into her 20's was basically lazy and worries at every turn that she will get AIDS or some kind of disease making her sound completely un educated. Or maybe I just don't get her humor.

    I should have knows from the get go that is was not going to be funny when she conversers with her young children on what to write in the introduction of the book and her 8 year old says "your book how I molest your mother". Um can someone tell me what is funny about that?

    Overall boring, I cannot recommend this book.

    4 of 8 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Mike Arlington, WA, United States 04-13-13
    Mike Arlington, WA, United States 04-13-13 Member Since 2013
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    "Very entertaining"
    Where does Everything Is Perfect When You're a Liar rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

    First audiobook I've tried since I'm now commuting.


    What was one of the most memorable moments of Everything Is Perfect When You're a Liar?

    Her experience at the senior center was so sad, and Disney land was so adorable. I can't wait to be a parent now.


    Which scene was your favorite?

    The drunken car ride.


    Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

    I would've if I could have.


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    LMB crystal lake, IL, United States 08-14-13
    LMB crystal lake, IL, United States 08-14-13 Member Since 2011

    LMB

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Horrible Ramblings of Soulless Brainless Teenager"

    Oh my. What a waste of money. There is no amount of boredom that would benefit from the silly crap stories from a teenager. ARgh. If you had to listen to the whole thing, it could kill you. What simplistic language full of obscenities trying to spice up or startle an audience that no doubt has stopped listening. I kept thinking about other reviews that said this was funny. "the funny stuff must be coming up soon," I consoled myself. But I can't wait anymore for it. Looking at a tiny piece of tree bark would be so much more exciting and rewarding. Angry I wasted money on this. But at least I didn't waste more time.

    0 of 2 people found this review helpful
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