Difficult Conversations

How to Discuss What Matters Most

By: Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen

Narrated by: Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen

Length: 5 hrs and 40 mins

Publisher's summary

Dealing with your ex-husband, who can't seem to show up reliably for weekends with the kids; navigating a workplace fraught with office politics or racial tensions; saying "I'm sorry" or "I love you."

We all have difficult conversations, no matter how confident or competent we are. And too often, no matter what we try, things don't go well. Should you say what you're thinking and risk starting a fight? Swallow your views and feel like a doormat? Or should you let them have it? But - what if you're wrong?

Difficult Conversations shows you a way out of this dilemma; it teaches you how to handle even the toughest conversations more effectively and with less anxiety. Based on 15 years of work at Harvard Negotiation Project and consultations with thousands of people, the authors answer the question: When people confront the conversations they dread the most, what works?

Difficult Conversations walks you through a proven, concrete, step-by-step approach for understanding and conducting tough conversations. It shows you how to get ready, how to start the conversations in ways that reduce defensiveness, and how to keep the conversation on a constructive track regardless of how the other person responds.

Whether you're dealing with your baby-sitter or biggest client, your boss or your brother-in-law, Difficult Conversations can help.

©1999 Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen (P)1999 Random House, Inc., All Rights Reserved

Critic reviews

“Does this book deliver on its promise of an effective way through sticky situations, whether ‘with your babysitter or your biggest client’? It does.” (The New York Times)

“These talented communicators blend a daunting array of disciplines into highly readable and practical advice.” (Booklist)

“I’m on my third reading. Half the pages are dog-eared. This is a mind-bogglingly powerful book. For life.” (Tom Peters)

Actionable and to the Point

Wow— as a leader at a consulting company, coach, husband, and father the tools presented in this book helped in nearly every arena of my life. Grateful for the content and the tools it provides its audience.

listen to this before a tough conversation

do you have a difficult conversation that you'd like to start? listen to this first and you will get many good nuggets of gold and great frameworks

Very well done… just… really?

I was able to internalize much of the material and hope to be able to put it into practice as situations arise. The “application” side of the program is certainly something I will revisit. However, there was much of the presentation that seemed way to preoccupied by social issues to the point it was distracting. Inclusion and diversity is an important part of coexisting, especially in the world we live in. But, there was certainly what appeared to be an overcompensation with social issues bisexuality, interracial romantic relationships, racism in the work place, gender roles, and interpersonal dynamics. It is understood that these are often sources of uncomfortable conversations, and provide good foundations for the lessons (when applied as such), but often it appeared to simply inserted for no other purpose than to make sure there was one person with an “ethnic” background in a relationship with someone else with an ethnic upbringing talking about their interpersonal relationship that had nothing to do with what they were talking about. It was distracting. Over all a good read.

A complete game changer!

I have been struggling with having difficult conversations for many years now. I only had part of what this book has provided. Getting all the information has completely changed everything for me...

Supper helpful

This book has been a blessing and super helpful. My ex husband and I gave not been able to have a productive conversation for years. We listen to this book together and it found that it was spot on. It helped us to try to communicate on a learning level and stop attacking each other, Thank you!

Content good, presentation not so much.

The eontent & info was good however, the presentation platform used was a bit distracting.

Excellent book

Has many scenarios and strategies to help w conversations with coworkers or family. Wish I’d read this 40 years ago.

Everyone needs this book

Excellent! Brilliant advice in a very easy way to understand. Loved it! Would highly recommend

Great tool but poor narration

This book is very valuable and it provides tactical help in dealing with difficult conversations in business and personal settings.
authors should try to resist the temptation to narrate their own text. Leave it to professionals please... It was slow and the dialogue sounded awkward.

Life changing

Everybody who wants to have successful interactions with other humans needs this book. It's a must for every age, occupation, and communication style. Great read!