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My Horizontal Life Audiobook

My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

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Publisher's Summary

You've either done it or know someone who has: the one-night stand, the familiar outcome of a night spent at a bar, sometimes the sole payoff for your friend's irritating wedding, or the only relief from a disastrous vacation. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men and lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles her romp through the different bedrooms of a variety of suitors, a no-holds-barred account of what can happen between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated, outgoing woman during one night of passion. From her short fling with a Vegas stripper to her even shorter dalliance with a well-endowed little person, from her uncomfortable tryst with a cruise ship performer to her misguided rebound with a man who likes to play leather dress-up, Chelsea recalls the highs and lows of her one-night stands with hilarious honesty. Encouraged by her motley collection of friends (aka: her partners in crime) but challenged by her family members (who at times find themselves a surprise part of the encounter), Chelsea hits bottom and bounces back, unafraid to share the gritty details. My Horizontal Life is one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning.

©2005 Chelsea Handler; (P)2008 Tantor

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

3.6 (1383 )
5 star
 (424)
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 (386)
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3.7 (823 )
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Story
3.7 (813 )
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Performance
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  •  
    Diana 08-08-09
    Diana 08-08-09 Member Since 2016
    HELPFUL VOTES
    48
    ratings
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    47
    31
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    Overall
    "Expecting so much, what a let down"

    I love Chelsea and was excited to get this book. Sadly, it was one of the worst books I've ever listened to. I would have loved to have quit after the first few chapters but it's my personal commitment that if I'm going to review something I should at least finish it. Well, it never got better. I am not easily offended and the first half of the book was just gross and crass--not the least bit entertaining. If anything you felt sorry for her. Then, the last half was just plain boring. I'm sure she has led an exciting life and to think she found a publisher to put out these particular stories is amazing--don't waist your time or money--just check out her show.

    2 of 5 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Kevin Christy Orange County, CA 07-12-09
    Kevin Christy Orange County, CA 07-12-09 Member Since 2001

    kkchristy

    HELPFUL VOTES
    454
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    38
    29
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    Overall
    "Wow, what a thoroughly unlikeable woman..."

    She is at turns shallow, cruel, self-absorbed and needlessly deceitful to others... just a thoroughly unlikeable person. I found myself really pitying the men who had the misfortune to get involved with. I like your show Chelsea, but jeez... I turned this off in disgust not at her sex life but at her lack of simple decency to other people.

    2 of 5 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Brad Los Altos Hills, CA, USA 02-13-09
    Brad Los Altos Hills, CA, USA 02-13-09
    HELPFUL VOTES
    39
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    "OK, not great"

    After hearing her book on Vodka, I thought this book would be better than it was.
    But, I like her attitude.

    1 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Andrew Sidney, NE, United States 08-07-09
    Andrew Sidney, NE, United States 08-07-09 Member Since 2007

    Say something about yourself!

    HELPFUL VOTES
    7
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    Overall
    "dreadful, cheap, hollywood"

    I am kicking myself for wasting money on this stupid, ridiculous autobiography of a drug using moron of a woman. Simply dreadful, and its only redeeming feature was that the sex was not explicit at all.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Chris Reich Northern, CA 07-23-09
    Chris Reich Northern, CA 07-23-09 Member Since 2009

    Business Physicist and Astronomer

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    0
    Overall
    "Moments of Amusement But ..."

    This is what is typically classified as "trash" reading. It is.

    So, I knew what I was getting into. My bad.

    You can be amused by this audio book if you can overlook the pathetic aspect of this girl's life.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Laurie Louisville, KY, USA 07-12-09
    Laurie Louisville, KY, USA 07-12-09
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    1
    1
    Overall
    "Goes downhill after the first chapter.."

    I read a review elsewhere from someone who thought that the first chapter was great and then it just went downhill from there.

    I would have to agree. The first chapter had me laughing out loud at my desk...the rest of it, not so much.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Sarah Alabaster, AL, USA 04-13-09
    Sarah Alabaster, AL, USA 04-13-09
    HELPFUL VOTES
    12
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    5
    5
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    1
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    Overall
    "Hilarious, which is weird."

    I don't love her TV show - but this book was hilarious. I plan to go back and listen to it again. The narrator seems bland at first - but it ends up working very well, because it lets the stories shine through. (Chelsea herself narrated her next book, and it made me miss this narrator.)

    I was laughing out loud at work. If you can get past the fact that she lies to people - the lies and the ensuing situations are very entertaining.
    You have to be a little bit crass and smutty to really enjoy the book though.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Duane Linstrom California 09-15-10
    Duane Linstrom California 09-15-10 Member Since 2007
    HELPFUL VOTES
    1
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    22
    1
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    Overall
    "This is a terrible book"

    This review is based on 90 minutes of listening. After 90 minutes I couldn't take any more and had to quit. What a waste of time. I kept hoping there was a plot or a meaning to it, but no meaning, no plot, no purpose ever developed. If this book is true, or anywhere near true, I feel sorry for the author. Surely she was doing something besides having sex with multiple partners. She makes sex as boring and meaningless as a three course meal comprised of oatmeal, oatmeal, and oatmeal. Well, I take that back; I apologize to oatmeal for comparing it to the sex in this book.

    1 of 5 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Carol Benicia, CA, United States 03-27-11
    Carol Benicia, CA, United States 03-27-11 Member Since 2009
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    16
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    Overall
    "disgusting"

    Not worth the time, unless you just want to read pure trash. The worst book I have ever tried to read.

    0 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Kendall Dallas, TX, United States 08-24-10
    Kendall Dallas, TX, United States 08-24-10 Member Since 2014
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Drunken sex humor is for those who aren't funny"

    This book gets one star only because giving it less doesn't register. Its humor if the cheapest, lowest, kind; drunken and sexual. You know, the kind people who don't really have anything funny to say use. I've no doubt it will be popular--that's why I read it after all, to see what the fuss was about--especially among the under 30 set whose pre-frontal lobes haven't developed yet. That annoying part of the brain that gives you judgement and foresight. Or, even the under 50, late developers set. This is the kind of book that makes me wish books were like appliances: you're not satisfied in seven days, return it for a full refund.
    Even if you like drunk sex humor, it isn't even really a book. It just a series of episodes where the author/memoirist makes you think she experiences growth and will reward you with some kind of insight if you stick it out. Her learning however, it that in today's America sluts (the actual, honest-to-God meaning of that word, can cash in by writing their memoirs. Geez

    0 of 2 people found this review helpful

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