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My Horizontal Life Audiobook

My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

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Publisher's Summary

You've either done it or know someone who has: the one-night stand, the familiar outcome of a night spent at a bar, sometimes the sole payoff for your friend's irritating wedding, or the only relief from a disastrous vacation. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men and lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles her romp through the different bedrooms of a variety of suitors, a no-holds-barred account of what can happen between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated, outgoing woman during one night of passion. From her short fling with a Vegas stripper to her even shorter dalliance with a well-endowed little person, from her uncomfortable tryst with a cruise ship performer to her misguided rebound with a man who likes to play leather dress-up, Chelsea recalls the highs and lows of her one-night stands with hilarious honesty. Encouraged by her motley collection of friends (aka: her partners in crime) but challenged by her family members (who at times find themselves a surprise part of the encounter), Chelsea hits bottom and bounces back, unafraid to share the gritty details. My Horizontal Life is one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning.

©2005 Chelsea Handler; (P)2008 Tantor

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

3.6 (1451 )
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3.7 (875 )
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Performance
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  •  
    Sean Sioux Falls, SD, United States 08-12-10
    Sean Sioux Falls, SD, United States 08-12-10 Member Since 2009
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Sometimes funny; always pathetic"

    Ms Handler makes her way from meaningless hookup to meaningless hookup throughout her early adult life, sometimes finding herself in some truly funny situations. The thought occurs to me over and over again while listening that she seems quite unhappy, and it's largely because of the unnecessary lies she's told for her own amusement while pursuing these disposable relationships; any chance of a connection is gone because of how she got to where she did. Her cynicism shines through loud and clear, though, talking about how she doesn't want to waste her "first marriage" on a gay man, for instance.

    It's no spoiler to say that she hits bottom (a couple of times) and starts thinking about settling down by the end of the book. I wonder, though: who would have her after reading this?

    1 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Diana 08-08-09
    Diana 08-08-09 Member Since 2016
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    "Expecting so much, what a let down"

    I love Chelsea and was excited to get this book. Sadly, it was one of the worst books I've ever listened to. I would have loved to have quit after the first few chapters but it's my personal commitment that if I'm going to review something I should at least finish it. Well, it never got better. I am not easily offended and the first half of the book was just gross and crass--not the least bit entertaining. If anything you felt sorry for her. Then, the last half was just plain boring. I'm sure she has led an exciting life and to think she found a publisher to put out these particular stories is amazing--don't waist your time or money--just check out her show.

    2 of 5 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Kevin Christy Orange County, CA 07-12-09
    Kevin Christy Orange County, CA 07-12-09 Member Since 2001

    kkchristy

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    "Wow, what a thoroughly unlikeable woman..."

    She is at turns shallow, cruel, self-absorbed and needlessly deceitful to others... just a thoroughly unlikeable person. I found myself really pitying the men who had the misfortune to get involved with. I like your show Chelsea, but jeez... I turned this off in disgust not at her sex life but at her lack of simple decency to other people.

    2 of 5 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Brad Los Altos Hills, CA, USA 02-13-09
    Brad Los Altos Hills, CA, USA 02-13-09
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    "OK, not great"

    After hearing her book on Vodka, I thought this book would be better than it was.
    But, I like her attitude.

    1 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Victoria 09-14-14
    Victoria 09-14-14 Member Since 2008

    RangerGirl

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    "why?"

    I am not objective in my review, so my apologies for that. I have no idea, why and how I acquired this book, granted, that I am strongly against the stupidity of one night stands and "free" sex. So, I never even managed to listen this book for more than the first ten or so minutes.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amanda Winchester, TN, United States 02-06-12
    Amanda Winchester, TN, United States 02-06-12 Member Since 2016
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    "I love Chelsea Handler"
    Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

    Yes, Chelsea Handler is so funny and you can't help but laugh at her stories.


    Who was your favorite character and why?

    Chelsea is my favorite character. Is there even another logical option?


    Did Cassandra Campbell do a good job differentiating all the characters? How?

    She did ok. However, I have read an audiobook that Chelsea Handler narrated herself and it was amazing. Listening to someone else after listening to Chelsea just wasn't the same. So this has caused her to have an unfair rating. But it is a fact, she did not do as good as Chelsea did.


    If you were to make a film of this book, what would be the tag line be?

    Why I Don't Give a Sh-t


    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Andrew Sidney, NE, United States 08-07-09
    Andrew Sidney, NE, United States 08-07-09 Member Since 2007

    Say something about yourself!

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    "dreadful, cheap, hollywood"

    I am kicking myself for wasting money on this stupid, ridiculous autobiography of a drug using moron of a woman. Simply dreadful, and its only redeeming feature was that the sex was not explicit at all.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Chris Reich Northern, CA 07-23-09
    Chris Reich Northern, CA 07-23-09 Member Since 2009

    Business Physicist and Astronomer

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    "Moments of Amusement But ..."

    This is what is typically classified as "trash" reading. It is.

    So, I knew what I was getting into. My bad.

    You can be amused by this audio book if you can overlook the pathetic aspect of this girl's life.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Laurie Louisville, KY, USA 07-12-09
    Laurie Louisville, KY, USA 07-12-09
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    "Goes downhill after the first chapter.."

    I read a review elsewhere from someone who thought that the first chapter was great and then it just went downhill from there.

    I would have to agree. The first chapter had me laughing out loud at my desk...the rest of it, not so much.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Sarah Alabaster, AL, USA 04-13-09
    Sarah Alabaster, AL, USA 04-13-09
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    "Hilarious, which is weird."

    I don't love her TV show - but this book was hilarious. I plan to go back and listen to it again. The narrator seems bland at first - but it ends up working very well, because it lets the stories shine through. (Chelsea herself narrated her next book, and it made me miss this narrator.)

    I was laughing out loud at work. If you can get past the fact that she lies to people - the lies and the ensuing situations are very entertaining.
    You have to be a little bit crass and smutty to really enjoy the book though.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful

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