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My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands | [Chelsea Handler]

My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

You've either done it or know someone who has: the one-night stand, the familiar outcome of a night spent at a bar, sometimes the sole payoff for your friend's irritating wedding, or the only relief from a disastrous vacation. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool.
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Publisher's Summary

You've either done it or know someone who has: the one-night stand, the familiar outcome of a night spent at a bar, sometimes the sole payoff for your friend's irritating wedding, or the only relief from a disastrous vacation. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men and lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles her romp through the different bedrooms of a variety of suitors, a no-holds-barred account of what can happen between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated, outgoing woman during one night of passion. From her short fling with a Vegas stripper to her even shorter dalliance with a well-endowed little person, from her uncomfortable tryst with a cruise ship performer to her misguided rebound with a man who likes to play leather dress-up, Chelsea recalls the highs and lows of her one-night stands with hilarious honesty. Encouraged by her motley collection of friends (aka: her partners in crime) but challenged by her family members (who at times find themselves a surprise part of the encounter), Chelsea hits bottom and bounces back, unafraid to share the gritty details. My Horizontal Life is one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning.

©2005 Chelsea Handler; (P)2008 Tantor

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

3.5 (1045 )
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3.7 (534 )
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Performance
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  •  
    DovaSmith 03-05-11
    DovaSmith 03-05-11 Member Since 2009
    HELPFUL VOTES
    4
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    "hilarious!!"

    No holds barred, definitely not for the prude, but funny, funny and funny!! I laughed so hard reading most of this!

    2 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Leah York, PA, United States 11-05-10
    Leah York, PA, United States 11-05-10 Member Since 2010
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Def good listening!"

    I laughed out loud many times and received many stares from strangers when listening to Chelsea's book out in public. I think the book works so much better when the author can read the book. This is so true for this book. I would recommend for a good laugh.

    2 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Shelly Eddyville, IA, United States 08-24-10
    Shelly Eddyville, IA, United States 08-24-10
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    "If you dont like Chelsea or sex dont read this."

    But..... If you do. YOU WILL LOVE THIS BOOK!! It gives some hilarious insight into her life.

    2 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    M. Blair TX 01-15-10
    M. Blair TX 01-15-10
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    "Eww"

    I am someone who actually seeks out raunchy humor. I enjoy erotic novels even. But this was painful to listen to! It's NOT funny. Chelsea Handler basically sets out to act like a man-whore and succeeds. Spoiler alert! She sleeps with a lot of random men. Then she complains about their skills and their endowments. But her jokes have all been done before by other comics. If it had been written better, it might have been worth reading. All in all, it came off as a tired, overdone, boring read. It takes a really rare talent to make sex boring. Don't waste your money!

    15 of 25 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Victoria Provo, UT, United States 09-14-14
    Victoria Provo, UT, United States 09-14-14

    RangerGirl

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    "why?"

    I am not objective in my review, so my apologies for that. I have no idea, why and how I acquired this book, granted, that I am strongly against the stupidity of one night stands and "free" sex. So, I never even managed to listen this book for more than the first ten or so minutes.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    funkyman33 Ottawa, Canada 08-12-14
    funkyman33 Ottawa, Canada 08-12-14

    funkyman33

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    "Not funny. Not even a chuckle."

    I got about halfway through this book. It's just not funny. At all. I stopped.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Javier 07-28-14
    Javier 07-28-14 Member Since 2012
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    "wasnt worth it."
    This book wasn’t for you, but who do you think might enjoy it more?

    m


    What was most disappointing about Chelsea Handler’s story?

    the stories were boring nothing to wow me or keep my attention.


    How did the narrator detract from the book?

    maybe if it was actual Chelsea reading the book


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Ditarh 07-07-14
    Ditarh 07-07-14 Member Since 2014
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    "Imitation Sex and the City"
    What would have made My Horizontal Life better?

    The stories, the way it was written, everything was pretty much terrible. The reader herself sounded bored with the material and it came across as an even more shallow version of sexy and the city.


    You didn’t love this book... but did it have any redeeming qualities?

    Not really, I enjoy the author's stand up but this book was painfully bad. Her opening story about her father getting ready to beat her because she walked in on her parents having sex was too over the top. Not because I don't believe she walked in on her parents having sex, nor do I think her father didn't hit her. But the fact that she starts talking about her options as she's hiding from her parents as though she's and adult now instead of the pre-school child she was. So basically being led to believe that a 7 year old kid was thinking of calling child services, getting a divorce from her parents, payments from them, etc. was just a little hard to believe.

    I understand that this is "supposed" to be a comedy book, and I'm sure most of the stories in here aren't real, but you can only suspend disbelief for so long. The whole book came across as a less funny version of "I hope they Serve Beer in hell", which also wasn't a terribly funny or believable book.

    Additionally, about half way through the book, she starts talking about going to a friends wedding, which was the exact same as one of the earlier chapters. Roughly 90% of the material was re-used and I actually checked my phone to make sure I was on the right chapter. I could only stand listening to about 60% of this book before I gave up on it. It's not funny or entertaining. Chelsea should stick to stand up comedy.


    Any additional comments?

    Chelsea should stick to stand up comedy.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Christopher Houston, TX, United States 01-23-14
    Christopher Houston, TX, United States 01-23-14 Member Since 2012
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    "Not as salacious as I thought it would be...."
    Would you listen to My Horizontal Life again? Why?

    Maybe....


    What was the most interesting aspect of this story? The least interesting?

    ......sleeping with the guy who looked like a less attractive "Scott Wolf". Without giving anything away I loved how she took that unexpected surprise in utter horror and hilarity shrugged it off and kept on moving. Also....least interesting isn't the word, but a little to gross was the underwear incident. Still made me laugh like hell though.


    Would you listen to another book narrated by Cassandra Campbell?

    Yes, she was really easy to listen to and she hit the punchlines in all the jokes like a pro.


    Any additional comments?

    I love Chelsea Handler, but.....I dunno I had been meaning to check this out for a long time and now that I finally got around to it I was just not super impressed. It was cute. Definitely made me actually LOL more than a handful of times. I still think she is awesome, but maybe I was just expecting to much from the book.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Objective Living NC, United States 12-08-13
    Objective Living NC, United States 12-08-13

    alrdye

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    "Disapointing, I expected more based on the reviews"
    What would have made My Horizontal Life better?

    A single funny or slightly sexy story.


    What didn’t you like about Cassandra Campbell’s performance?

    It was rote, unemotional, and almost as dry as the contents of the book itself.


    You didn’t love this book... but did it have any redeeming qualities?

    Not really.


    Any additional comments?

    From the other comments I expected something funny, erotic and well written. This book contains none of the above... or any other positive traits for that matter. At least I got it on the $4.95 sale. If you love really bad reality TV, you may enjoy this. If you are looking for erotic stories of an adventurous and humorous lady, look elsewhere. She doesn't come across as white trash exactly but she just iterates over the worst of her life without bringing in any redeeming aspects. The book is a downhill read without ever coming up for air. It's not like a bad movie that's fun to watch because of how bad it is. Rather it becomes increasingly sad, embarrassing, and depressing straight through to the end, at which point her dad tells her she needs to write a book. Sadly, she took his advise.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
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