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I Suck at Girls Audiobook
I Suck at Girls
Written by: 
Justin Halpern
Narrated by: 
Sean Schemmel
I Suck at Girls Audiobook

I Suck at Girls

Regular Price:$10.49
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Publisher's Summary

Audie Award Nominee, Humor, 2013

"Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it ain't the unknown anymore and it ain't scary. Or I guess it could be a shitload scarier."

Fans of the number-one best seller Sh*t My Dad Says will recognize the always patient voice of Justin Halpern's dad as it crackles through this hysterical new audiobook. The story begins when Justin announces that he's decided to propose to his girlfriend. "You've been dating her for four years," his dad replies. "It ain't like you found a parallel f**king universe."

But eventually he gives Justin some advice: that he should think back over everything he's learned in life about women, relationships, and himself before making his decision. And that's just what Justin does—revisiting everything from his disastrous childhood crushes to the night he finally lost his virginity while working as a dishwasher at Hooters.

Full of his dad's patented brand of wisdom, it's also full of new characters just as funny—from his brother, who provides insights into wedding night rituals, to his first boss, who warns Justin to man up: "That's what a man does. He takes his shots and then he scrubs the shit out of some dishes." The result is a pilgrim's progress through the landscape of sex and love—by one of the funniest writers at work today.

©2012 Justin Halpern (P)2012 HarperCollinsPublishers

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.1 (489 )
5 star
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4.3 (445 )
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1 star
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Performance
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  •  
    Amy HARRISBURG, NC, United States 09-16-12
    Amy HARRISBURG, NC, United States 09-16-12 Member Since 2011
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "I laughed harder than the first book!"

    First, let me say that I am especially happy that Sean Schemmel narrated this book as he did for "Sh-t My Dad Says." The book would not have been the same using a different voice for Justin - and especially for his father. The story was absolutely hysterical - going into more detail about events which took place in the first book, as well as added new adventures. Justin's writing is superb and Schemmel's reading of this story just takes the story great to stupendous. I love that Schemmel has distinct voices for every character which adds to the story so much. I am certain people in the cars next to me at red lights thought I was a maniac as they watched me obviously laughing out loud and doubling over in my seat while listening to this book - not to mention the passengers on the seats next to me on the airplanes. I couldn't stop myself from uproarious laughter while listening. I would recommend this to anyone who is up for a great laugh and who isn't easily offended by the use of curse words. While you do not have to listen to the first book to enjoy this one, I just think it would highten someone's experience if they had the background in the first book before they listened to this one. This was fantastic.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    varun United States 08-20-12
    varun United States 08-20-12
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    6
    2
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    Story
    "Surprisely very good story flow"
    What made the experience of listening to I Suck at Girls the most enjoyable?

    It's quite easy going story just like in everyone's life and very good conversation between father and son .weirdly amazing.


    What did you like best about this story?

    Amazing story flow and quite relaxing book to listen


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Doc 08-16-12
    Doc 08-16-12
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "End-Game"

    Sh*t my Dad Says was good, this one, not so much???sorry Justin! I did not enjoy this at all, not even the few ???Dadisims' interjected here and there!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Ryan M Block Bay Area, California 08-14-12
    Ryan M Block Bay Area, California 08-14-12

    Life is short, make sure you have fun

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    7
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    Story
    "I suck at Reading..."

    S*** My Dad Says (Justin Halpern) set a pretty high level expectation for this read. Although I Suck at Girls was a very entertaining and funny read, it does not quite match up to S*** My Dad Says.

    This book is also a great read for males that were on the more introverted side while growing up - makes our journey look easy (or maybe I am just that cool).

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Elliot Tampa, Florida, United States 08-09-12
    Elliot Tampa, Florida, United States 08-09-12 Member Since 2015

    Molecular biologist. Musician. Lover of science. Lover of music. Dreamer of magic. Thinker of thoughts. ||| "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic" - Arthur C. Clarke ||| As a scientist, science fiction and fantasy inspire me to push the line of discovery forward, beyond conventional imagination, beyond conventional wisdom.

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Okay "sequel" to SMDS"

    I thoroughly enjoyed Halpern's first book as well as Sean Schemmel's performance. Of course, Halpern's infamous father appears in this book as well, but now in much much more of a supporting role to the narrator.

    Schemmel still does a pretty good job of bringing life to the stories, though I do remember him making every female character sound like a stereotypical "dumb girl." Though, maybe those are the only kinds of girls Halpern has any real interaction with? Eh.

    I found myself not being able to keep my attention during a lot of the anecdotes, which I found to be filled with "more of the same". And I don't even mean the same stuff from Halpern's first book. No, no, but more of the same in terms of vaguely entertaining stories of Halpern hooking up with hot co-workers who inexplicably dump him and all seem to disappear. Watching a teen movie will deliver the same punch-lines, but Halpern's book at least is a little bit more mature. I suppose the title is pretty damn accurate, so in that case... it delivers!

    it's a nice light read if you want to chuckle inside, a little bit, and get a self esteem boost if you're feeling like you too have troubles with the opposite sex. But, don't get the wrong impression, Halpern gets plenty. Though, the book only gets 3.

    1 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Krista Henderson Riverside, CA United States 07-11-12
    Krista Henderson Riverside, CA United States 07-11-12 Member Since 2015
    ratings
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    49
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    "funny, but not as funny as the first"
    Any additional comments?

    Not as good as Sh*t My Dad Says, but still funny and an enjoyable read.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    David PASADENA, CA, United States 07-10-12
    David PASADENA, CA, United States 07-10-12 Member Since 2010

    Started audiobooks years ago. Now instead of pop music on my ride to work or walk around the neighborhood I get enriched and smarter.

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "The sequel is always less exciting"
    Would you try another book from Justin Halpern and/or Sean Schemmel?

    Sure. The content is funny.


    Would you be willing to try another book from Justin Halpern? Why or why not?

    Sure, the stories are funny, but it seems like the best stuff made it into Sh*t My Dad Says.


    What about Sean Schemmel’s performance did you like?

    Does great voices, even though not accurate, they're funny


    Do you think I Suck at Girls needs a follow-up book? Why or why not?

    Nope, this is the follow up book


    Any additional comments?

    Not as good as the previous book, but still ok.

    2 of 4 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer 07-08-12 Member Since 2010
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "A Good Belly- Laugh!"
    What did you love best about I Suck at Girls?

    This is a funny story of Justin Halpern's struggles with relationships. It brings back the wise-cracking, sometimes crass, always hilarious Dad - the famous one that says SH** - you know, THAT Dad. In some ways, this was more enjoyable than "SH** my Dad Says" because it had a little more of a story to it.


    What was one of the most memorable moments of I Suck at Girls?

    I really liked the part where Justin and his Surfer-Dude friend, Ryan go to Europe and meet up with Vietnam Joe. There were some funny lines and jokes that I know I will repeat and still snicker over, for sometime to come!


    Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

    This book could easily be listened to all in one sitting. It's a quick listen and holds enough attention to fill the time with laughter.


    Any additional comments?

    Another credit-worthy offering if you like sarcastic, silly, somewhat sophomoric humor - definitely worth the time!

    1 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Chris Nashville, TN 07-02-12
    Chris Nashville, TN 07-02-12 Member Since 2014
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Guy Lit, if there is such a thing, and excellent."
    What was one of the most memorable moments of I Suck at Girls?

    When the author enlists his 'friend' to help him conquer his fear of going into the canyon. That episode is an adolescent adventure worthy of Tom Sawyer. That unexpected sense of "victory or death" at its conclusion had me laughing out loud.


    Any additional comments?

    The theme that I, and I suspect many men, can relate to so easily is that of having great advice regularly pressed upon you, but without the ability to comprehend the advice until it's in hindsight. Halpern captures this perfectly, and you come away feeling like he told part of your story too.

    2 of 4 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jim FORT MYERS, FL, United States 06-25-12
    Jim FORT MYERS, FL, United States 06-25-12 Member Since 2012
    HELPFUL VOTES
    1
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    "No one can suck this bad at closing the deal."
    Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not?

    Depends on the friend.


    What could Justin Halpern have done to make this a more enjoyable book for you?

    He's telling his life story, hard to change that.


    Have you listened to any of Sean Schemmel’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

    He is great.


    Was I Suck at Girls worth the listening time?

    Most of the time.


    1 of 2 people found this review helpful

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