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I Suck at Girls Audiobook

I Suck at Girls

Fans of the #1 bests eller Sh*t My Dad Says will recognize the always patient voice of Justin Halpern's dad as it crackles through this hysterical new audiobook. The story begins when Justin announces that he's decided to propose to his girlfriend. "You've been dating her for four years," his dad replies. "It ain't like you found a parallel fucking universe."
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Publisher's Summary

Audie Award Nominee, Humor, 2013

"Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it ain't the unknown anymore and it ain't scary. Or I guess it could be a shitload scarier."

Fans of the number-one best seller Sh*t My Dad Says will recognize the always patient voice of Justin Halpern's dad as it crackles through this hysterical new audiobook. The story begins when Justin announces that he's decided to propose to his girlfriend. "You've been dating her for four years," his dad replies. "It ain't like you found a parallel f**king universe."

But eventually he gives Justin some advice: that he should think back over everything he's learned in life about women, relationships, and himself before making his decision. And that's just what Justin does—revisiting everything from his disastrous childhood crushes to the night he finally lost his virginity while working as a dishwasher at Hooters.

Full of his dad's patented brand of wisdom, it's also full of new characters just as funny—from his brother, who provides insights into wedding night rituals, to his first boss, who warns Justin to man up: "That's what a man does. He takes his shots and then he scrubs the shit out of some dishes." The result is a pilgrim's progress through the landscape of sex and love—by one of the funniest writers at work today.

©2012 Justin Halpern (P)2012 HarperCollinsPublishers

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.1 (446 )
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4.3 (404 )
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Performance
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  •  
    Elliot Tampa, Florida, United States 08-09-12
    Elliot Tampa, Florida, United States 08-09-12 Member Since 2015

    Molecular biologist. Musician. Lover of science. Lover of music. Dreamer of magic. Thinker of thoughts. ||| "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic" - Arthur C. Clarke ||| As a scientist, science fiction and fantasy inspire me to push the line of discovery forward, beyond conventional imagination, beyond conventional wisdom.

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    "Okay "sequel" to SMDS"

    I thoroughly enjoyed Halpern's first book as well as Sean Schemmel's performance. Of course, Halpern's infamous father appears in this book as well, but now in much much more of a supporting role to the narrator.

    Schemmel still does a pretty good job of bringing life to the stories, though I do remember him making every female character sound like a stereotypical "dumb girl." Though, maybe those are the only kinds of girls Halpern has any real interaction with? Eh.

    I found myself not being able to keep my attention during a lot of the anecdotes, which I found to be filled with "more of the same". And I don't even mean the same stuff from Halpern's first book. No, no, but more of the same in terms of vaguely entertaining stories of Halpern hooking up with hot co-workers who inexplicably dump him and all seem to disappear. Watching a teen movie will deliver the same punch-lines, but Halpern's book at least is a little bit more mature. I suppose the title is pretty damn accurate, so in that case... it delivers!

    it's a nice light read if you want to chuckle inside, a little bit, and get a self esteem boost if you're feeling like you too have troubles with the opposite sex. But, don't get the wrong impression, Halpern gets plenty. Though, the book only gets 3.

    1 of 2 people found this review helpful
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    Krista Henderson Riverside, CA United States 07-11-12
    Krista Henderson Riverside, CA United States 07-11-12 Member Since 2015
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    "funny, but not as funny as the first"
    Any additional comments?

    Not as good as Sh*t My Dad Says, but still funny and an enjoyable read.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    David PASADENA, CA, United States 07-10-12
    David PASADENA, CA, United States 07-10-12 Member Since 2010

    Started audiobooks years ago. Now instead of pop music on my ride to work or walk around the neighborhood I get enriched and smarter.

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    "The sequel is always less exciting"
    Would you try another book from Justin Halpern and/or Sean Schemmel?

    Sure. The content is funny.


    Would you be willing to try another book from Justin Halpern? Why or why not?

    Sure, the stories are funny, but it seems like the best stuff made it into Sh*t My Dad Says.


    What about Sean Schemmel’s performance did you like?

    Does great voices, even though not accurate, they're funny


    Do you think I Suck at Girls needs a follow-up book? Why or why not?

    Nope, this is the follow up book


    Any additional comments?

    Not as good as the previous book, but still ok.

    2 of 4 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Reney 07-08-12
    Reney 07-08-12 Member Since 2010

    I like to listen to adventure stories and funny stories. I have a real preference for travel tales and sometimes even enjoy a good mystery. I love fiction, but also like to learn facts. I like all kinds of stories. Follow me, if you do too!

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    "A Good Belly- Laugh!"
    What did you love best about I Suck at Girls?

    This is a funny story of Justin Halpern's struggles with relationships. It brings back the wise-cracking, sometimes crass, always hilarious Dad - the famous one that says SH** - you know, THAT Dad. In some ways, this was more enjoyable than "SH** my Dad Says" because it had a little more of a story to it.


    What was one of the most memorable moments of I Suck at Girls?

    I really liked the part where Justin and his Surfer-Dude friend, Ryan go to Europe and meet up with Vietnam Joe. There were some funny lines and jokes that I know I will repeat and still snicker over, for sometime to come!


    Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

    This book could easily be listened to all in one sitting. It's a quick listen and holds enough attention to fill the time with laughter.


    Any additional comments?

    Another credit-worthy offering if you like sarcastic, silly, somewhat sophomoric humor - definitely worth the time!

    1 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Chris Nashville, TN 07-02-12
    Chris Nashville, TN 07-02-12 Member Since 2014
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    "Guy Lit, if there is such a thing, and excellent."
    What was one of the most memorable moments of I Suck at Girls?

    When the author enlists his 'friend' to help him conquer his fear of going into the canyon. That episode is an adolescent adventure worthy of Tom Sawyer. That unexpected sense of "victory or death" at its conclusion had me laughing out loud.


    Any additional comments?

    The theme that I, and I suspect many men, can relate to so easily is that of having great advice regularly pressed upon you, but without the ability to comprehend the advice until it's in hindsight. Halpern captures this perfectly, and you come away feeling like he told part of your story too.

    2 of 4 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jim FORT MYERS, FL, United States 06-25-12
    Jim FORT MYERS, FL, United States 06-25-12 Member Since 2012
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    "No one can suck this bad at closing the deal."
    Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not?

    Depends on the friend.


    What could Justin Halpern have done to make this a more enjoyable book for you?

    He's telling his life story, hard to change that.


    Have you listened to any of Sean Schemmel’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

    He is great.


    Was I Suck at Girls worth the listening time?

    Most of the time.


    1 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Heather Phoenix, AZ, United States 06-25-12
    Heather Phoenix, AZ, United States 06-25-12 Member Since 2015

    Avid reader/listener of romance, action, thrillers, and spy novels.

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    "Hilarious Listen"
    What did you love best about I Suck at Girls?

    It's honest approach to his life and how his parents helped him cope with girls throughout his life.


    What was one of the most memorable moments of I Suck at Girls?

    There are many, but I loved the canyon and homeless guys story.


    What about Sean Schemmel’s performance did you like?

    Everything. He was hilarious.


    If you were to make a film of this book, what would be the tag line be?

    And you thought your parents were frank....


    Any additional comments?

    I got this book on a whim because I read that it was funny. It was a great look at what my generation of single people go through and how life shapes us all. There's so much love within this family, but it's expressed so vulgarly that it's funny. And you'll find yourself remembering your childhood and nodding along with the narrator.

    2 of 4 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amanda Lansing, MI, United States 06-20-12
    Amanda Lansing, MI, United States 06-20-12 Member Since 2016
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    "Too Funny"

    I laughed so hard at this book. The reader reminded me at times of South Park characters and personally found that hysterical. When I finished with this book I borrowed J. Halpern's first novel from my library and listened to it twice in a row it was so funny.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Roger Smith Orlando, Florida United States 06-15-12
    Roger Smith Orlando, Florida United States 06-15-12 Member Since 2007

    Say something about yourself!

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    "Father is Hilarious, Son is Boring"

    Halpern's first book about his father was fantastic. This second work about his own life is pretty boring - except when his father makes an appearance. Go for the first book and skip this one.

    1 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jeffrey Petaluma, CA, United States 06-15-12
    Jeffrey Petaluma, CA, United States 06-15-12 Member Since 2015
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    "Yes it is as funny as everyone says."

    This is a very funny story. I wish my dad was that smart. Mr. Halpern could write meditational books.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful

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