I Don’t Care about Your Band

What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I’ve Dated

By: Julie Klausner

Narrated by: Julie Klausner

Length: 6 hrs and 23 mins

Publisher's summary

In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care about Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love - and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage.

I Don't Care about Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who seem sensitive. It's the jerks in nice guy clothing, not the players in Ed Hardy, who break the hearts of modern girls who grew up in the shadow of feminism, thinking they could have everything, but end up compromising constantly. The cowards, the kidults, the critics, and the contenders: these are the stars of Klausner's memoir about how hard it is to find a man - good or otherwise - when you're a cynical grown-up exiled in the dregs of Guyville.

Off the popularity of her New York Times "Modern Love" piece about getting the brush-off from an indie rock musician, I Don't Care about Your Band is marbled with the wry strains of Julie Klausner's precocious curmudgeonry and brimming with truths that anyone who's ever been on a date will relate to. Klausner is an expert at landing herself waist-deep in crazy, time and time again, in part because her experience as a comedy writer (Best Week Ever, "TV Funhouse" on SNL) and sketch comedian from NYC's Upright Citizens Brigade fuels her philosophy of how any scene should unfold, which is, "What? That sounds crazy? Okay, I'll do it."

I Don't Care about Your Band charts a distinctly human journey of a strong-willed but vulnerable protagonist who loves men like it's her job, but who's done with guys who know more about love songs than love. Klausner's is a new outlook on dating in a time of pop culture obsession, and she spent her 20s doing personal field research to back up her philosophies. This is the girl's version of High Fidelity.

By turns explicit, funny, and moving, Klausner's debut shows the evolution of a young woman who endured myriad encounters with the wrong guys, to emerge with real- world wisdom on matters of the heart. I Don't Care about Your Band is Julie Klausner's manifesto, and every one of us can relate.

©2010 Julie Klausner (P)2012 Audible, Inc.

Loved it!

Cleverly written and brutally honest. I would argue this book is equally for men and women.

The way is the destination

I'm pretty sure you'll enjoy this one. Julie Klausner's unique charm and wit seeps through each interesting and funny tale. I listen to the HWYW podcast so I already enjoy her style, but there is so much that is relatable here it's hard not to chuckle and enjoy.

too much "culture" for me

As a Midwestern girl (and I am not calling myself daft) this had far too many cultural references for me. Literally every 3 sentences included one and most I was like whaaaaaaaht?

Glad I gave it a shot!

What did you love best about I Don’t Care about Your Band?

I liked the anecdotes. The stories were cohesive, relevant and nostalgic. I don't think I stopped the audiobook once I pressed Play.

What did you like best about this story?

Talking about her connection to Miss Piggy.

Have you listened to any of Julie Klausner’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

I have not.

Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

I have laughed in places, but I couldn't point to any specific passage. The story is more of one that makes me think that my life isn't the greatest, but it isn't so bad, either.

pretty raunchy

Would you be willing to try another book from Julie Klausner? Why or why not?

I enjoyed her telling, but she was a bit unsympathetic in her pathological sexual hookups.
There was a clash with how good a writer she is and what pathetic situations she would set herself up in/how judgmental she was of other twenty-somethings trying to find out who they are.

I would give her another chance, because this was witty writing - subject matter is very raunchy, and not in a sexy way - not for everyone.

The morning after: Coffee with Klausner

I actually really liked this book for three main reasons:

First of all: the book is both written and narrated in a very close up, witty and informal manner which really drew me in from the start. It felt like I was sitting in a coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon with one of my funnier girlfriends, listening to her dish about her unfortunate love life. (This setup could either go very well or go terribly wrong, mind you...).

However, secondly and thankfully: Klausner is funny! No dramatic accounts, but what the Dutch like to call sweet/sour stories. Stories that make you see the absurd and comical in "common", sometimes sad, situations. Klausner delivers these stories with a great sense of comedic timing which made me both cringe and laugh out loud.

Third and most important of all, Klausner really knows how to juggle with words. I love it when books have (for lack of a better description) a balanced sequence of both words and sentences. This book felt a lot like that. Nice sentences, nice rhythm. Makes you want to read it on paper after you've heard it. Since I'm no writer, that's the best I can explain it. Nicely written.

So you're sitting over a latte with you're pal Klausner and she tells you all about these guys she's dated.. Sometimes she's pretty harsh and she tends to be a bit heavy handed with the gay and lesbian references (not in a negative way)... but she's funny, so you're laughing.

However, it is a pretty one sided conversation and Klausner's cleverly phrased stories may prompt you to hit the pause more than once or to go back 'cause you just missed on of the many jokes she's able to fit in a single sentence, but heck... You asked to be entertained and if that's what you're after, this will be a credit well spent!

One quick word of warning: her fast pace will keep you on your toes and sometimes it might tend to the frantic.

Four stars! Yay!

Very Funny

This is a wonderful listen. I love when audiobooks are read by the authors, if done well, and in this case Julie Klausner does a beautiful job of narrating. She is so funny-- I have told all my friends to read it. Definitely a girl's book though. It really spoke to me, I could relate to SO many of her sentiments on dating. I will probably listen again at some point!!

Bitter Girl Bitches Loud and Hard!

Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not?

At the beginning I thought I would, and I enjoyed myself until about chapter 5 or 6. After that point, I realized that Julie Klausner would be A LOT funnier and her stories would be much more compelling if she weren't such a one-way BITCH! No, I would not recommend this book to my friends because it was a tiresome account of what was wrong with everyone JK dated (or tried to date) with very little, if any, empathy for these characters; A woe-is-me type tale of all the ways she is smarter than and better than the men she sets herself up for. This, of course, being her one downfall. POOOOR Julie! Uggghhh.

Would you ever listen to anything by Julie Klausner again?

She read well, but I was so irritated by her superiority complex only loosely masked by the theme of "oh, look what losers I choose" that I could barely finish this one.

Could you see I Don’t Care about Your Band being made into a movie or a TV series? Who should the stars be?

No!

Any additional comments?

JK is obviously bright and some of these stories *might* be funny if told differently. They are not really that crazy and none of them are that raunchy except for her language choices. (which don't offend me by any means- it's just funny to see what she says to get a reaction from readers/listeners). She has to try pretty hard to make most of the stories interesting, honestly. I know a ton of women who have much funnier, more interesting, dirtier dating stories... whatever you want. These stories just don't go anywhere!!! She dates boring or "loser-ish" guys and by and large, most of them don't like her that much. The problem is that she is so unbelievably mean, rude and unsympathetic to the characters she describes in her re-telling of the events. Who wants to hear 6 hours of a bitch fest from a girl that needs to do some soul searching before she does more writing? Please, Julie... If you can't have more empathy with your characters before you write about them... let alone (fuck) them or (blow) them, then think about how your poor parents must feel listening to this.

Possibly better than the book itself...

Would you listen to I Don’t Care about Your Band again? Why?

Totally! I came to Julie Klausner through her podcast, which starts with a witty and insightful monologue. In a way, this book feels like her very best and funniest monologues playing one after the other after the other.

What does Julie Klausner bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

I read the book a year or so ago, and enjoyed it to be sure, but her writing is so polished that it almost didn't seem as personal or something. Sort of the way David Sedaris' stories are so sublime but because they are so well told, you lose the sense of his participation in those events. But her reading of her own material about her own life had such feeling behind it. You realize that not only has she crafted a great telling of a story, but she's lived these events too.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

Yes and I very nearly did.

Any additional comments?

I want another ten books from Miss Klausner at her convenience

I laughed, I cried laughing, I barfed

I’m not sure if it is the colorful use of language that gets me on this or the raw tell it like it was story that compelled me to suck in every word. I have recommend this to both my friends at the risk of them asking “are you taking non-prescription drugs?” and have adopted some of the terms Julie uses as my own. (I think I only need to credit the author twice in conversations, that’s right isn’t it?) There are important messages for a blossoming young woman buried beneath the hilarious commentary. I give this book 10/10 rubber chickens and say well done Julie you are actually pretty funny!