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I Don’t Care about Your Band: What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I’ve Dated | [Julie Klausner]

I Don’t Care about Your Band: What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I’ve Dated

In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care about Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love - and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage. I Don't Care about Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who seem sensitive. It's the jerks in nice guy clothing, not the players in Ed Hardy, who break the hearts of modern girls.
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Publisher's Summary

In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care about Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love - and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage.

I Don't Care about Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who seem sensitive. It's the jerks in nice guy clothing, not the players in Ed Hardy, who break the hearts of modern girls who grew up in the shadow of feminism, thinking they could have everything, but end up compromising constantly. The cowards, the kidults, the critics, and the contenders: these are the stars of Klausner's memoir about how hard it is to find a man - good or otherwise - when you're a cynical grown-up exiled in the dregs of Guyville.

Off the popularity of her New York Times "Modern Love" piece about getting the brush-off from an indie rock musician, I Don't Care about Your Band is marbled with the wry strains of Julie Klausner's precocious curmudgeonry and brimming with truths that anyone who's ever been on a date will relate to. Klausner is an expert at landing herself waist-deep in crazy, time and time again, in part because her experience as a comedy writer (Best Week Ever, "TV Funhouse" on SNL) and sketch comedian from NYC's Upright Citizens Brigade fuels her philosophy of how any scene should unfold, which is, "What? That sounds crazy? Okay, I'll do it."

I Don't Care about Your Band charts a distinctly human journey of a strong-willed but vulnerable protagonist who loves men like it's her job, but who's done with guys who know more about love songs than love. Klausner's is a new outlook on dating in a time of pop culture obsession, and she spent her 20s doing personal field research to back up her philosophies. This is the girl's version of High Fidelity.

By turns explicit, funny, and moving, Klausner's debut shows the evolution of a young woman who endured myriad encounters with the wrong guys, to emerge with real- world wisdom on matters of the heart. I Don't Care about Your Band is Julie Klausner's manifesto, and every one of us can relate.

©2010 Julie Klausner (P)2012 Audible, Inc.

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

3.7 (191 )
5 star
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4.1 (176 )
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Performance
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  •  
    Mr 04-18-15
    Mr 04-18-15 Member Since 2014
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    6
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    "The way is the destination"

    I'm pretty sure you'll enjoy this one. Julie Klausner's unique charm and wit seeps through each interesting and funny tale. I listen to the HWYW podcast so I already enjoy her style, but there is so much that is relatable here it's hard not to chuckle and enjoy.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jessica Bahr Madison, WI 12-18-13
    Jessica Bahr Madison, WI 12-18-13 Member Since 2013
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Chauvinistic and Homophobic"
    What would have made I Don’t Care about Your Band better?

    The author begins the book with, "I love men so much that I've never once considered what it would be like to take a break from dating them or to focus my mind on other things besides falling in love with one or to look for work in a field that is more female dominated or anything else lesbians suggest you do after a guy breaks your heart".

    The author categorizes any woman who doesn't make dating a priority as a "lesbian" and then speaks about lesbians as if they are evil doers trying to pry women away from men.


    What could Julie Klausner have done to make this a more enjoyable book for you?

    Nothing.


    How could the performance have been better?

    If she would have choked during the first few minutes of reading it.


    You didn’t love this book... but did it have any redeeming qualities?

    No.


    Any additional comments?

    Don't waste your time or money.

    1 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Yin København NV, Denmark 04-04-13
    Yin København NV, Denmark 04-04-13
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    "Julie Klausner is not shy and it's hilarious!"

    I absolutely loved this book! I think once I got used to Julie Klausner's talk about sex, sex and sex, things got really interesting and I was hooked! I don't remember ever being bored and her narration was filled with the right amount of energy that it felt like she was casually telling you about her life. I would like to say that the story was more about her sex life than I expected without any details left out. If you don't like profanity and swearwords this book may not be so entertaining for you but I loved it.

    For the record I have no idea who she is, I just thought the story seemed fascinating and her narrating good. However, sometimes I would remind myself that the people she talk about are real and not fictional characters. She is pretty ruthless about them and at times very rude! But nevertheless I was very entertained and don't regret purchasing it at all.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Sam Reviewer California 02-03-13
    Sam Reviewer California 02-03-13 Listener Since 2004

    Sam Reviewer

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    "I'm too old for this story...."
    Would you try another book from Julie Klausner and/or Julie Klausner?

    Mabye


    Would you ever listen to anything by Julie Klausner again?

    She reads well. I'm sure she can tell a good story.


    Have you listened to any of Julie Klausner’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

    No


    If you could play editor, what scene or scenes would you have cut from I Don’t Care about Your Band?

    The vulgar parts.


    Any additional comments?

    I think it's a generational thing. I don't relate to this particualr context. Maybe the 25 to 35 would relate better. Also, if I wanted to hear the vulgar words to describe the acts of sex, I would have read erotica. I just cringed when out of nowhere I'd get hit by something

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    John Dawson 01-30-13
    John Dawson 01-30-13 Member Since 2011
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    "I laughed, I cried laughing, I barfed"

    I’m not sure if it is the colorful use of language that gets me on this or the raw tell it like it was story that compelled me to suck in every word. I have recommend this to both my friends at the risk of them asking “are you taking non-prescription drugs?” and have adopted some of the terms Julie uses as my own. (I think I only need to credit the author twice in conversations, that’s right isn’t it?) There are important messages for a blossoming young woman buried beneath the hilarious commentary. I give this book 10/10 rubber chickens and say well done Julie you are actually pretty funny!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Lacie Cedar Rapids, IA, United States 01-29-13
    Lacie Cedar Rapids, IA, United States 01-29-13 Member Since 2014
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    "Glad I gave it a shot!"
    What did you love best about I Don’t Care about Your Band?

    I liked the anecdotes. The stories were cohesive, relevant and nostalgic. I don't think I stopped the audiobook once I pressed Play.


    What did you like best about this story?

    Talking about her connection to Miss Piggy.


    Have you listened to any of Julie Klausner’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

    I have not.


    Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

    I have laughed in places, but I couldn't point to any specific passage. The story is more of one that makes me think that my life isn't the greatest, but it isn't so bad, either.


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    pamela 01-28-13
    pamela 01-28-13 Member Since 2015
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    "Fabulous! Could not put down"

    Brazenly honest and hysterically funny.

    Bravo! This book speaks to so many truths (women) we are not allowed to admit. One of the most entertaining and touching books I have read. Thank you.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Oz Toronto, Ontario, Canada 01-14-13
    Oz Toronto, Ontario, Canada 01-14-13 Member Since 2015
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    "Possibly better than the book itself..."
    Would you listen to I Don’t Care about Your Band again? Why?

    Totally! I came to Julie Klausner through her podcast, which starts with a witty and insightful monologue. In a way, this book feels like her very best and funniest monologues playing one after the other after the other.


    What does Julie Klausner bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

    I read the book a year or so ago, and enjoyed it to be sure, but her writing is so polished that it almost didn't seem as personal or something. Sort of the way David Sedaris' stories are so sublime but because they are so well told, you lose the sense of his participation in those events. But her reading of her own material about her own life had such feeling behind it. You realize that not only has she crafted a great telling of a story, but she's lived these events too.


    Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

    Yes and I very nearly did.


    Any additional comments?

    I want another ten books from Miss Klausner at her convenience

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Elin Malmoe, Sweden 01-11-13
    Elin Malmoe, Sweden 01-11-13
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    "Seriously funny!"
    Any additional comments?

    This is such a true story it almost hurts - yet feels so good at the same time. I know so many women who can relate, including myself, and it's an amazing achievement to manage to write about sex and still make it fresh, true, and relevant. Bravo. More funny, awkward, feminist shit like this, pleeeease!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Elisa Hong Kong, Hong Kong 01-11-13
    Elisa Hong Kong, Hong Kong 01-11-13 Member Since 2007

    I'll give everything a try

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "i don't know what to say"
    Any additional comments?

    i first downloaded this to get a few laughs. And in the beginning, I wasn't too disappointed.

    Then, it changed. I was hoping for wild mishap dating experiences, and instead, I got long rants on how bad the guys were. I couldn't finish it.

    2 of 4 people found this review helpful

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