I Don’t Care about Your Band

What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I’ve Dated

By: Julie Klausner

Narrated by: Julie Klausner

Length: 6 hrs and 23 mins

Publisher's summary

In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care about Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love - and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage.

I Don't Care about Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who seem sensitive. It's the jerks in nice guy clothing, not the players in Ed Hardy, who break the hearts of modern girls who grew up in the shadow of feminism, thinking they could have everything, but end up compromising constantly. The cowards, the kidults, the critics, and the contenders: these are the stars of Klausner's memoir about how hard it is to find a man - good or otherwise - when you're a cynical grown-up exiled in the dregs of Guyville.

Off the popularity of her New York Times "Modern Love" piece about getting the brush-off from an indie rock musician, I Don't Care about Your Band is marbled with the wry strains of Julie Klausner's precocious curmudgeonry and brimming with truths that anyone who's ever been on a date will relate to. Klausner is an expert at landing herself waist-deep in crazy, time and time again, in part because her experience as a comedy writer (Best Week Ever, "TV Funhouse" on SNL) and sketch comedian from NYC's Upright Citizens Brigade fuels her philosophy of how any scene should unfold, which is, "What? That sounds crazy? Okay, I'll do it."

I Don't Care about Your Band charts a distinctly human journey of a strong-willed but vulnerable protagonist who loves men like it's her job, but who's done with guys who know more about love songs than love. Klausner's is a new outlook on dating in a time of pop culture obsession, and she spent her 20s doing personal field research to back up her philosophies. This is the girl's version of High Fidelity.

By turns explicit, funny, and moving, Klausner's debut shows the evolution of a young woman who endured myriad encounters with the wrong guys, to emerge with real- world wisdom on matters of the heart. I Don't Care about Your Band is Julie Klausner's manifesto, and every one of us can relate.

©2010 Julie Klausner (P)2012 Audible, Inc.

fun but disappointing

I've been watching the author's TV show, difficult people, and I absolutely love it. So, I expected this memoir to live up to a certain expectation. It is definitely entertaining, and Julie is a great narrator, but the book is lacking a depth that I've come to expect from her. there were numerous instances where I felt like she was judging other women in ways that just made me kind of sad that she's not as open-minded as I thought she was. Overall, it's a fun romp, but some women may be slightly offended.

excellent, relatable, funny

would definitely recommend this hilarious, relatable and well read book. will listen to it again

Catnip for the Dating Disaster Set

This is a memoir to take to bed and not get up 'til you've heard the the very end.

Poor Julie dated too many jerks in sensitive sheep's clothing— but my god, they provided her a wealth of material: the long-distance internet crushes, the BF fixated on a threesome, and Colin, the vegan, who only liked the taste of his own semen.

This book is pure porn for people who delight in dating disaster stories (who, me?).

A wandering of experiences. I'm OK is OK.

Her perspectives here are wonderful. listening to this is a chance to peek inside her head during moments that as a man I have only seen from the outside looking in the window.

Inspiring, Hilarious Tale of Resilence

I loved this. Julie Klausner is hilarious and I loved hearing her read it. I would recommend it to any girl, especially in your 20s in NYC. Guys should read it if they need help with empathy. Gays will enjoy. It is what I expected but didn't get from HBO Girls.. Just real, relatable stories and why they shouldn't make you feel bad about yourself. Also some great Broadway references, Klausner has a real penchant for little orphan Annie. I have a few unfinished books and completed this in like three days. Also it's going to be a movie!!

Painfully Honest and Funny

Listening to this book made me grateful I'm married, because most of the guys Klausner dated seem like creeps and/or weirdos. I appreciated her honesty as she talked about sexual positions, sexual kinks, sexual diseases, and other topics most people keep private. While I didn't agree with some of Klausner's choices in life, I found her entertaining and funny and rooted for her to find a good guy or at least to stop sleeping with the bad ones.

Julie Klausner’s comedy and wrong style is my go-to comfort

The tone and style of her writing is both captivating and entertaining. Julie Klausner’s penmanship is phenomenal. ‘Difficult People’ is my comfort show, and now ‘I Don’t Care About Your Band’ is my comfort book/audible

As flirty as a pleated skirt

Just loved this book. It kept me laughing throughout. Her fearless retelling of the myriad of relationships she's lived through was hilarious and illuminating. Her narration fit the material perfectly. Much like a brilliant night at a comedy club, to which I rarely get to go, this was a real treat. Massive collection of perfect one liners in this book. Ah, but there was some collateral damage—dumped the latest guy in my life. One of her tales matched mine exactly. She saved me much unneeded emotional kerfuffle. My heartfelt thanks Julie!

I Feel Sorry for the Poor Girl, but She's Fun!

Would you try another book from Julie Klausner and/or Julie Klausner?

No thanks.

What does Julie Klausner bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

She's reads the book like a woman empowered by her experiences which I appreciate.

If this book were a movie would you go see it?

No thanks

Any additional comments?

I guess I thought from the title that this was gonna be a book where the author explains through her experiences that women have transformed into empowered breadwinners or even incredible housewives or queens of the single life while many (not all) of their male counterparts have essentially become superficial, sissy-pants.

That's not what I listened to though.

What it seemed to be instead was a woman talking about all the love and sex she got from losers who she, in fact, knew were losers from the first moments. She describes one guy, for example, as being "crazy" and so you listen and wait to hear about how crazy the guy is, and all that crazy turns out to be is a jerk. But she sleeps with crazy-jerk multiple times, and then seems to acknowledge her wrongdoing. Then, she seems to blame the guy for being a crazy-jerk.

I'm not saying I don't have my stories with guys who turned out to be jerks, but I will say that the moment I uncovered that he was a jerk, I did not give the guy seconds. Forgive me for having a shamefully, self-righteous moment right now, but to stop certain men from being sappy, criminal, unemployed, weird, crazy, jerks then you have to stop sleeping with them. Instead, give the strong, unique, sane, kind, employed, upstanding citizen a chance instead.

I'd also like to acknowledge that I'm aware the author is attempting to inform us about the things she's learned from such experiences, but I can tell from this read, that this author is indeed intelligent. Just, perhaps, easily succumb to her physical needs. If I could simplify this book into a phrase it would be:

Ignore the selfish jerks. No seriously, ignore them. Even when you physically crave them, just don't give them your time 'cause it will eventually turn out bad.

Still Laughing!

Okay, I didn't know what to expect when I bought this book, so I just took a chance. In the beginning, I thought, hmm, not sure about this book. But after a couple of chapters, I was totally laughing out loud! I would listen in my car on my way to work and have tears of laughter rolling down my face. Then when at work, I would share bits of the book with my friends and force them to listen to parts of it at lunch. The humor is so similar to that shared by my friends and me.
I also loved that the author reads this book. Usually I don't like author read books, but this time, hearing her story in her voice made all the difference.
Now, I cannot stress this enough, if you are a prude in any way, do not listen to this book, it will surely offend you. But if you roll with the punches and enjoy true and honest tales that are told with brilliant humor, you will love this book.