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Happy Endings: The Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch | [Jim Norton]

Happy Endings: The Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch

Comedian Jim Norton is dirty...really dirty...the kind of dirty that makes The Aristocrats look like a knock-knock joke. Fortunately for him, his kind of dirty humor has earned him the distinction of being third microphone on the immensely popular Opie & Anthony syndicated radio show. In Happy Endings, Jim brings his raw, hilarious, and offensively honest comedy to AudibleĀ® listeners.
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Publisher's Summary

Comedian Jim Norton is dirty...really dirty...the kind of dirty that makes The Aristocrats look like a knock-knock joke. Fortunately for him, his kind of dirty humor has earned him the distinction of being third microphone on the immensely popular Opie & Anthony syndicated radio show. In Happy Endings, Jim brings his raw, hilarious, and offensively honest comedy to AudibleĀ® listeners.

Jim will discuss everything from his affinity for hookers to stalking Black Sabbath and Alan Alda to always getting stuck with the hot girl's fat friend. He will share some of his experiences with Opie and Anthony, including his arrest on the infamous Voyeur Bus (a bus filled with naked girls that drove around Manhattan flashing passers-by). Many more heartwarming stories will be included in what is sure to be the most controversial title of 2007.

In addition to being a regular on the Opie & Anthony Show, Norton sells out comedy shows across the country. He starred on the recent HBO series Lucky Louie and was a regular on Comedy Central's Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn. He has appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, The Late Show with David Letterman, and other national shows.

Norton had this to say about his forthcoming title: "It's ironic that many of the stories revolve around prostitution, because that's where all proceeds from this...will be going. Actually, that's probably more disgusting and creepy than ironic."

Explicit Language Warning: You must be 18 years or older to purchase.

©2007 Jim Norton. All rights reserved; (P)2007 Simon and Schuster Inc. All rights reserved.

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

3.7 (282 )
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4.0 (86 )
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4.1 (82 )
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Performance
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  •  
    08-18-07
    08-18-07
    HELPFUL VOTES
    95
    ratings
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    107
    11
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    5
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    Overall
    "Good comic, Good book"

    Maybe I learned a little too much about his habits with "tainted" ladies, but this was a funny book. He is very down on himself sometimes, but that is his schtick. A nice listen and I would bet that it is much better than the printed version as he is the reader.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Joseph kissimmee, FL, USA 08-06-07
    Joseph kissimmee, FL, USA 08-06-07
    HELPFUL VOTES
    1
    ratings
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    4
    2
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    "good book"

    jimmy really nails it down loved the book frrrrrrmpkis

    1 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Oranges Melbourne, Australia 01-01-13
    Oranges Melbourne, Australia 01-01-13 Member Since 2010
    HELPFUL VOTES
    3
    ratings
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    3
    3
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    "Degenerate rubbish"
    Would you try another book from Jim Norton and/or Jim Norton?

    I would never try another book from this small sad man, who apparently thinks that indulging in memories of his depravity is interesting to anyone other than the therapist he needs to see.


    Would you ever listen to anything by Jim Norton again?

    Not listening to this idiot ever again.


    How did the narrator detract from the book?

    I narrator voiced his memoir in a monotone, making the story even less interesting.


    What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?

    I felt sad that I'd wasted some time listening to this crap.


    1 of 4 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Diane United States 02-22-11
    Diane United States 02-22-11 Member Since 2008
    HELPFUL VOTES
    180
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    "Extremely vulgar"

    I'm not a prude - I love Lewis Black and plenty of other foul-mouthed comedians - but this book was over the top. I stopped listening before the end.

    It was honest and well-written, however.

    1 of 4 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Christopher Wayne, PA, USA 05-05-10
    Christopher Wayne, PA, USA 05-05-10
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    1
    1
    Overall
    "Depraved and hilarious"

    Jim Norton is certainly not an easy thing to listen to if you like things like boundaries and have a moral compass. If you are unburdened of such things, then you should absolutely eat this up! He is quite the silly goose!

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Alan San Diego, CA, United States 03-23-08
    Alan San Diego, CA, United States 03-23-08 Member Since 2007
    HELPFUL VOTES
    80
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    "Strangely funny"

    I have not heard of Norton before. My first reaction to the book was disgust but I found it funny a few minutes later. Yes, the humor is very immature but none the less it made me laugh. A book that can make me laugh all the way through gets a good grade regardless of how vulgar the humor and it is very vulgar.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Terry Rancho Cordova, CA, USA 07-20-07
    Terry Rancho Cordova, CA, USA 07-20-07 Member Since 2005
    HELPFUL VOTES
    1
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    "I like this book more than exclamation points!!!!!"

    This book is so much funnier than the comic strip Howard Huge, that I give it a Big A! James makes it his dooty to make us loff, again and again, so much it gives me the twitchels. E-Rocks! I can't wait to listen to the rest, but the first 7 minutes have been great! If I had a Nicolini for every time I LOL'd, I'd be a fancy man....................... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I can only sum up with one word: Frunkus (which means "Meow" in the ancient Norden dialect).

    1 of 4 people found this review helpful
  •  
    01-17-09
    01-17-09 Member Since 2008
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    69
    1
    Overall
    "Boogers and piss"

    A hysterical and honest collection of writings from Norton's life. I'm a particular fan of his self analysis of poems and letters he wrote and received growing up.

    0 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    John East Haven, CT, USA 10-26-08
    John East Haven, CT, USA 10-26-08
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    2
    1
    Overall
    "Inane babblings of a raunch comic looking for love"

    I can't believe this guy could even read a book let alone write one, but here it is. Having the author read the book to me was a special experience, especially since I usually listened to it while sitting at my desk at work. Picturing him under the porch performing oral favors for his little friends, when he was younger, made me giggle like a schoolgirl.

    From time to time I'd get caught by coworkers actually laughing out loud, or saying something like "I can't believe he said that". If you're expecting it to be funny you'll be severely disappointed. His book is nothing like his stand-up act. His act is actually pretty funny. The book, on the other hand, and especially his reading of it, really made me feel sorry for him.

    I hope he finally realizes that he's been looking for love on the wrong side gym floor. It's obvious to probably everyone but him, that he gets much more sexual gratification from the company of men, than anything he gets from the women in his life; and that includes all the professionals he turns to, some of whom are really men dressed as women. (a fact he pretends not to be aware of) He's spent his entire adult life trying to accept his love of penis. Even when he's with a woman, pro or otherwise, he usually has to finish up on his own, because he can't finish unless he's touching one. It's high time he started to enjoy life, and started dancing in the Monster Rain.

    0 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Erich Auckland Park, South Africa 01-31-08
    Erich Auckland Park, South Africa 01-31-08

    Speaker, Leader, innovation consultant, kilt-wearer, South African.

    HELPFUL VOTES
    35
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    "This just isn't funny."

    I'm not American, so maybe that's why I find this book the opposite of funny. It's just a self-conscious rant about masturbation and prostitution. It's sad, is all. It's not even offensive. Just sad.

    2 of 12 people found this review helpful
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