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Girl Walks into a Bar...
- Comedy Calamities, Dating Disasters, and a Midlife Miracle
- Narrated by: Rachel Dratch
- Length: 5 hrs and 12 mins
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Publisher's summary
In this side-splitting memoir, the former Saturday Night Live star recounts the hilarious adventures and unexpected joy of dating and becoming a mother when she least expected it - at the age of 44.
Anyone who saw an episode of Saturday Night Live between 1999 and 2006 knows Rachel Dratch. She was hilarious! So what happened to her? After a misbegotten part as Jenna on the pilot of 30 Rock, Dratch was only getting offered roles as "Lesbians. Secretaries. Sometimes secretaries who are lesbians."
Her career at a low point, Dratch suddenly had time for yoga, dog-sitting, learning Spanish - and dating. After all, what did a forty-something single woman living in New York have to lose? Resigned to childlessness but still hoping for romance, Dratch was out for drinks with a friend when she met John.
Handsome and funny, after only six months of dating long-distance, he became the inadvertent father of her wholly unplanned, undreamed-of child and moved to New York to be a dad. With riotous humor, Dratch recounts breaking the news to her bewildered parents, the awe of her single friends, and the awkwardness of a baby-care class where the instructor kept tossing out the f-word.
Filled with great behind-the-scenes anecdotes from Dratch's time on SNL, Girl Walks into a Bar is a refreshing version of the "happily ever after" story that proves female comics - like best sellers Tina Fey and Chelsea Handler - are truly having their moment.
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Part memoir, part comedy routine, part advice manual, Challenge Accepted! is Celeste at her best, revealing her secrets to love, friendship, family, and marriage (oh hai, #hothusband), and how to deal with life’s many challenges - why she checks the bath for sharks, how Nutella quite literally shaped who she is as a woman, and why being famous on Instagram is like being rich in Monopoly. It’s real, like totally, really real.
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Prepare to crack up in the grocery store
- By Chicago_Mama on 05-30-19
By: Celeste Barber
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I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends
- Confessions of a Reality Show Villain
- By: Courtney Robertson, Deborah Baer
- Narrated by: Courtney Robertson
- Length: 7 hrs and 2 mins
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Complete with stories, tips, tricks, and advice from your favorite Bachelor alumni, and filled with all the juicy details Courtney fans and foes alike want to know, I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends is a must-listen for every member of Bachelor nation.
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I didn't come here to make friends
- By Carolyn on 06-10-15
By: Courtney Robertson, and others
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Dirty Daddy
- The Chronicles of a Family Man Turned Filthy Comedian
- By: Bob Saget
- Narrated by: Bob Saget
- Length: 6 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Millions of viewers know and love Bob Saget from his role as the sweetly neurotic father on the smash hit Full House, and as the charming wisecracking host of America's Funniest Home Videos. And then there are the legions of fans who can't get enough of his scatological, out-of-his-mind stand-up routines, comedy specials, and outrageously profane performances in such shows as HBO's Entourage and the hit documentary The Aristocrats.
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Meh to the 2nd Power
- By Hilary on 06-30-14
By: Bob Saget
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A Little Bit Wicked
- Life, Love, and Faith in Stages
- By: Kristin Chenoweth
- Narrated by: Kristin Chenoweth
- Length: 6 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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In this frank and funny memoir, the Tony Award-winning star of stage and screen shares her journey from small-town Oklahoma to big-time Broadway, vamping on what it takes to stand firmly on a foundation of family and faith while wearing a hot pair of Jimmy Choo platform sling-backs.
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Salt of the Earth + Sparkles
- By Holly on 10-01-09
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She Memes Well
- By: Quinta Brunson
- Narrated by: Quinta Brunson
- Length: 8 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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From comedian Quinta Brunson (creator and star of Abbott Elementary) comes a deeply personal and funny collection of essays about trying to make it when you're struggling, the importance of staying true to your roots, and how she's redefined humor online. In her debut essay collection, Quinta applies her trademark humor and heart to discuss what it was like to go from a girl who loved the World Wide Web to a girl whose face launched a thousand memes. This special Audible edition includes never-before-heard details about the making of Abbott Elementary.
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That moment you know you’re a TEACHER…
- By chrissybrown on 09-19-22
By: Quinta Brunson
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American on Purpose
- The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot
- By: Craig Ferguson
- Narrated by: Craig Ferguson
- Length: 7 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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In American on Purpose, Craig Ferguson delivers a moving and achingly funny memoir of living the American dream as he journeys from the mean streets of Glasgow, Scotland, to the comedic promised land of Hollywood. Along the way, he stumbles through several attempts to make his mark - as a punk rock musician, a construction worker, a bouncer, and, tragically, a modern dancer.
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Unabashedly Honest
- By Diane on 12-09-09
By: Craig Ferguson
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The Wrong End of the Table
- A Mostly Comic Memoir of a Muslim Arab American Woman Just Trying to Fit In
- By: Ayser Salman, Reza Aslan - foreword
- Narrated by: Ayser Salman, Assaf Cohen
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Part memoir and part how-not-to guide, The Wrong End of the Table is everything you wanted to know about Arabs but were afraid to ask, with chapters such as “Tattoos and Other National Security Risks,” “You Can’t Blame Everything on Your Period; Sometimes You’re Going to Be a Crazy Bitch: and Other Advice from Mom,” and even an open letter to Trump. This is the story of every American outsider on a path to find themselves in a country of beautiful diversity.
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Not what I was looking for
- By Amazon Customer on 09-01-22
By: Ayser Salman, and others
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If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother
- By: Julia Sweeney
- Narrated by: Julia Sweeney
- Length: 6 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Since her time on Saturday Night Live, where she created the infamous androgynous character "Pat", Julia Sweeney has gone on to establish herself as a witty, captivating performer of one-woman shows, like God Said Ha!, In the Family Way, and Letting Go of God. She gave a TED talk sharing how she explained the birds and the bees to her eight-year-old daughter, Mulan, which ignited an incredible response. Now, when it comes to talking about motherhood, people want to hear what Julia has to say.
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I Love Julia Sweeney
- By Lisa on 04-05-13
By: Julia Sweeney
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Here's the Story
- Surviving Marcia Brady and Finding My True Voice
- By: Maureen McCormick
- Narrated by: Maureen McCormick
- Length: 5 hrs and 58 mins
- Abridged
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Overall
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Marcia Brady, eldest daughter on television's The Brady Bunch, had it all. But what viewers didn't know about the always sunny, perfect Marcia was that offscreen, her real-life counterpart, Maureen McCormick was living a very different - and not so wonderful - life. Maureen tells the shocking and inspirational true story of the beloved teen and the woman she became.
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Gripping
- By Chris on 08-12-14
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The Unspeakable
- And Other Subjects of Discussion
- By: Meghan Daum
- Narrated by: Meghan Daum
- Length: 6 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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It's a report tempered by hard times. In "Matricide", Daum unflinchingly describes a parent's death and the uncomfortable emotions it provokes; and in "Diary of a Coma" she relates her own journey to the twilight of the mind. But Daum also operates in a comic register. With perfect precision, she reveals the absurdities of the marriage-industrial complex, of the New Age dating market, and of the peculiar habits of the young and digital.
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Complaining about her dead mom.
- By Erik Hermansen on 11-23-14
By: Meghan Daum
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Has Anyone Seen My Pants?
- By: Sarah Colonna
- Narrated by: Sarah Colonna
- Length: 6 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Story
Has Anyone Seen My Pants? is a laugh-out-loud trip around America (and Mexico!) with Sarah as she braves crying in nail salons, mother-daughter road trips, Iowan casinos, and single-shaming resorts. From a fling-gone-wrong to friend breakups and a new romance, Sarah's signature wit and sharp observations take you on a journey at once so deviously funny and surprisingly compassionate that it might just steal your heart - not to mention your pants.
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clearance shelf material
- By lisa martinez on 04-28-15
By: Sarah Colonna
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What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding
- A Memoir
- By: Kristin Newman
- Narrated by: Kristin Newman
- Length: 7 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Kristin Newman spent her 20s and 30s dealing with the stresses of her high-pressure job as a television comedy writer, and the anxieties of watching most of her friends get married and start families while she wrestled with her own fear of both. Not ready to settle down and yet loathe to become a sad-sack single girl, Kristin instead started traveling the world, often alone, for a few months each year, falling madly in love with attractive locals who provided moments of the love she wanted without the cost of the freedom she needed.
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Struggled to Finish
- By YITBOS on 11-21-15
By: Kristin Newman
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In the year 2038, there’s only one destination that can play host to the world’s wealthiest adventure seekers: the Pengalaman Island Resort and Virtual Reality Theme Park. Located on a private South Pacific island, guests here live out their wildest fantasies in custom-made virtual reality simulations while also enjoying the usual amenities of an exclusive five-star getaway. All is relatively breezy until famed billionaire and avid guest, Mr. Wagner, goes missing within a virtual simulation. His only hope? A daring rescue led by Derek Ambrose and his ragtag search party.
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Hold the shrieking !
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Yearbook
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Hi! I’m Seth! I was asked to describe my audiobook, Yearbook for websites and shit like that, so...here it goes!!! Yearbook is a collection of true stories that I desperately hope are just funny at worst, and life-changingly amazing at best. (I understand that it’s likely the former, which is a fancy “book” way of saying “the first one.”) I talk about my grandparents, doing stand-up comedy as a teenager, bar mitzvahs, and Jewish summer camp, and tell way more stories about doing drugs than my mother would like.
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Good until it turned political
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Born Standing Up
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In the mid-70s, Steve Martin exploded onto the comedy scene. By 1978 he was the biggest concert draw in the history of stand-up. In 1981 he quit forever. Born Standing Up is, in his own words, the story of "why I did stand-up and why I walked away".
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Fantastic
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What listeners say about Girl Walks into a Bar...
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall
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- Amazon Customer
- 09-26-20
Loved it! Loved it!
This is one of the best books my husband and I have listened to in a very long time! Rachel reads as if she were sitting beside you and talking a blue streak. Her story is so funny and kinda sad at the same time but We laughed so much I just have to recommend this one to EVERYONE!! Whether you are familiar with Debbie Downer or any of her other great SNL characters, you’ll love her take on real life. Don’t miss out on a really good one!
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- Chelsey J Leon
- 08-22-22
Really liked it!!
I’ve always loved seeing Rachel in things not realizing that’s all she plays!! I loved her actual reading of the book and would recommend to people who love celeb autobiographies!!
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- Christopher Lion-Transler
- 03-29-23
What A Sweetie!
Rachel is very sweet and makes even the most embarrassing moment hysterical. I don’t understand why she’s not a bigger star.
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- James J. Kane
- 06-13-23
Real, uplifting and funny
Love the lack of glamorous life style and the realism of being a human.
Thank you Rachel Dratch!
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- Ginger H
- 03-05-24
Delightful
Thank you, Rachel! I must be your target audience. Married, age 70, college educated, able bodied, woman.
I thoroughly enjoyed being inside your head for a few days and nights as you read me your book on audible. You are pretty cool, and kooky, very brave and super brilliant.
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- Pamela J
- 06-26-12
Girl walks into your heart.....
This is the most human "Hollywood" story I've ever heard. While we like to pretend that talent and fortitude will always win out, we know when we say it that's not necessarily true. And this story of someone trying and succeeding and failing and trying and getting depressed and trying some more just hits home with sincerity and comic timing that is flawless. Could not have been performed by anyone else, and reminds us that maybe, just maybe, talent IS enough to get us to prevail.
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26 people found this helpful
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- Jeanine
- 04-10-12
Could not stop listening
If you could sum up Girl Walks into a Bar... in three words, what would they be?
Funny, Funny & Heartwarming
Who was your favorite character and why?
Rachel of course.
Have you listened to any of Rachel Dratch’s other performances before? How does this one compare?
Was not aware that she has read or written other books. I loved her voice and would listen to her read menu.
Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?
Yes, and could have if I had not started so late at night and needed to get to bed.
Any additional comments?
I have a feeling I will listen to this again and again over the next few years. It was just really that enjoyable of a book.
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23 people found this helpful
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- Nadia
- 11-19-14
Now, I really like this girl
What did you love best about Girl Walks into a Bar...?
She is such a down to earth person, with real people problems, and she really can make you laugh about it. Also, there's one specific part, talking about motherhood, really beautiful! it can make you cry a lot!
What about Rachel Dratch’s performance did you like?
With the tone of her voice, you could really feel what was going on with her at every minute of the story.
Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?
Yes
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- Lala
- 11-13-14
Comfortable listen with a handful of laughs
This is definitely not your typical comedian book. It's more of an autobiography with some funny parts, but still worth a listen. My only complaint would be that some of the parts went on a little long and with a bit more detail than I needed, but just about as soon as I was reaching my "annoyed" point, she moved on so no harm no foul.
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- Jim
- 02-04-15
Hoping for a sequel
I've seen Dratch on Snl and 30 Rock but never gave her much thought so it was pretty random that I end up listening to her book. After listening to this book I came away with one overwhelming thought: "This book needs a sequel!" Dratch was hilarious and so accessible that at times it was easy to forget we weren't two friends chatting over coffee. I love how real she was and how honest and revealing she was. I recently saw her Amazon pilot and I hope it gets picked up to give her more book material. It's safe to say she can add one more straight guy to her list of fans.
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