Bringing Up Bébé

One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting

By: Pamela Druckerman

Narrated by: Abby Craden

Length: 9 hrs and 8 mins

Publisher's summary

The secret behind France's astonishingly well-behaved children is here.

When American journalist Pamela Druckerman has a baby in Paris, she doesn't aspire to become a "French parent". French parenting isn't a known thing, like French fashion or French cheese. Even French parents themselves insist they aren't doing anything special.

Yet the French children Druckerman knows sleep through the night at two or three months old while those of her American friends take a year or more. French kids eat well-rounded meals that are more likely to include braised leeks than chicken nuggets. And while her American friends spend their visits resolving spats between their kids, her French friends sip coffee while the kids play.

Motherhood itself is a whole different experience in France. There's no role model, as there is in America, for the harried new mom with no life of her own. French mothers assume that even good parents aren't at the constant service of their children and that there's no need to feel guilty about this. They have an easy, calm authority with their kids that Druckerman can only envy.

Of course, French parenting wouldn't be worth talking about if it produced robotic, joyless children. In fact, French kids are just as boisterous, curious, and creative as Americans. They're just far better behaved and more in command of themselves. While some American toddlers are getting Mandarin tutors and preliteracy training, French kids are - by design - toddling around and discovering the world at their own pace.

With a notebook stashed in her diaper bag, Druckerman, a former reporter for The Wall Street Journal, sets out to learn the secrets to raising a society of good little sleepers, gourmet eaters, and reasonably relaxed parents. She discovers that French parents are extremely strict about some things and strikingly permissive about others. And she realizes that to be a different kind of parent, you don't just need a different parenting philosophy. You need a very different view of what a child actually is.

While finding her own firm non, Druckerman discovers that children - including her own - are capable of feats she'd never imagined.

©2012 Pamela Druckerman (P)2012 Random House

Good book but …

Good book but the fake French accent of the reader ruined it, so unnecessary ! I’m pissed. If you haven’t bought it, just go for the paper book

Interesting book, poor audio performance

The content of this book was interesting as it compares the difference between the education of French and American kids. the big problem was the reading of this book. the reader tried too hard to do something that was supposed to be a French accent and it impacts the understanding of the book.
I recommend anyway

A complete joy, even with older children!

I love the French accents and the clear explanations! I wish I read this much earlier in life, but it's still helpful and pertinent now.

Inspiring

I started listening to Bringing Up Bébé the very same day it came out. Having a “bébé” of my own who is rapidly morphing into a destructive whirl of Tasmanian Devil-style energy, I was immediately sucked in by the title of the opening chapter of Pamela Druckerman’s book: “French Children Don’t Throw Food.” Oh really… I’m listening.

I’m not sure that there’s any one big Holy Grail of child-rearing here but this book proved to be charming, funny, and VERY informative, and I’ve found it’s been helpful in guiding my thinking about what kinds of values I want to try to instill in my child. Some of these have been surprising. For instance, Druckerman writes that in American households we force “please” and “thank you” down our kids’ throats - convinced that if they can master these two critical mantras of etiquette then they will be society ready. In France they teach this too, but there are two other, even more critical, words: “hello” and “goodbye”. French children don’t slink into the room or run to the TV when their parents' friends are visiting. They look the adult in the eye and say “hello”. The reverse plays out when the visitor leaves. French parents feel that this confers respect – that doing this forces their children to acknowledge the humanity of another person. Listening to this while driving to work I found myself practically fist-pumping. “Yes! I want my daughter to acknowledge the humanity of other people too!” She goes on to point out that much of the hostility that American tourists experience from the French originates from the fact that we don’t say “bonjour” upon getting in a cab or entering a restaurant. Who knew?

Overall this was a truly enlightening listen, filled with lots of inspiring little tidbits like this. Druckerman is funny and relatable and Abby Craden as the narrator was perfection. I was actually surprised it wasn’t the author reading it because her delivery is so natural and she sounds so connected to the material.

Another way to learn about French Culture

On the surface this is a book comparing American vs French pregnancy and child rearing. In another way it is a book exploring aspects of French culture through children. The biggest thing I walked away with was the importance of the "Bon Jour" in French culture and a willingness to try making yogurt cake (so easy French children make it). There were aspects of the book that I found annoying. The author expresses self doubt and keeps going on about a need to 'mirror'. To me it sounds like a whiny American. Ignoring that there are several gems and insights in the book about the French, particularly French women, Anglophone women, and attitudes towards children and food.

The only baby book you need France sounds great

This is one mind opening book on parenting. I've read through a couple of other parenting books (American style). After reading through this, I've realized those books are basically garbage that will do more harm to our kid and our marriage. To avoid any bias, I'm first generation Chinese American in my early 30's. I'm near 100% agreement with Pamela's observation of the French's style of parenting. The book does a great job comparing and most importantly, demonstrating the difference in American style approach AND the ultimate result. It does not bold well for American style (i.e.., entitlement, selfishness,, lack of manners, obesity, etc). The funny thing is, I can actually see it based on observations from our friends' kids.... The saddest realization is actually how awful our childcare systems are from birth, to maternity leave, to day care, to pre-school. You pay an astronomical amount for these things in the state, basically out of pocket, and its still mediocre at best. Politics aside, this is not right. My key takeaways 1) Learn to condition the child to wait for basically everything. To teach them patience and that they're not the center of the world. 2) Let the kid be curious to explore on their own. This teaches them to learn to be independent. 3) Raising kids is not about giving up everything to dedicate your life to your kids. It's important for both the child and you to draw boundary between kid time and adult time. Definitely important 4) Need to re-read it again. 5) France sounds like an awesome place to raise your kids. 6) How does one move to France?

Great to listen to with your partner!

If you’re raising a tiny person, this is a great book! I liked listening with my partner bc we could discuss what we want to change/start/stop parenting wise. We’re also both teachers, so we loved it from that perspective, too. :)

A great take on parenting your kids as if they are real people (because they are)

I really enjoyed this book and how the author delves into French parenting from an American perspective. She isn’t absolute about “how things should be done,” as some parenting books (and, lets be honest, relatives) can be. Rather she gives the reader her honest observations on French parenting, some research and background to back it up, and her own attempts with her children. All in all, I really enjoyed this book and will be revisiting it here and there once my own baby is born this summer.

Life-changing view on parenting

I loved this book and found it mind-blowing. I have read so many parenting books to help make motherhood easier and more enjoyable and I have followed everyone's advice to a T but overall kids seem more and more omnipotent. This really changed my view on how I raise my children and how I view life itself. An example that blows my mind is that several American therapists have recommended that I give my daughter choices when she is getting dressed. According to this book, NON! The child is not in control and the child needs to learn that in life, sometimes there are no choices. Whenever I gave my very intelligent daughter choices, she chose not to choose. The best phrase from the book is, "It is me who makes the decisions." In America, we use to have something similar, "Because I said so." But I never hear that anymore. This book is a must read. Learn how to create a frame for your child and provide freedom within that frame. Learn how to have a life and raise polite children. I love the idea of children being forced to say, "Bonjour" when they greet everyone. I hate when I see a sulky American kid who refuses to acknowledge the adults in their life and is on a video game.

Excellent for future mothers

This book gives a great hint that parents lives should not be focused on the child's live only when he/she is born! And also that a child who is allowed, always only admired and doesn't know word "no" will not be a happy child! Of course all children are different and not all hints will work for all children and all cultures, but the base of this book gives a great perspective on how parents could behave and some things to think through before the child is born! I would recommend this book to all the parents to be!