We are currently making improvements to the Audible site. In an effort to enhance the accessibility experience for our customers, we have created a page to more easily navigate the new experience, available at the web address www.audible.com/access.
product image

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

In this wickedly honest new work, Chelsea Handler casts the net wider with even funnier results, recalling the most noteworthy highs and lows of her life to date - including her efforts to diversify by dating red-haired men, her obsession with midgets, and the dog-sitting interlude in which her boyfriend became overly familiar with a Peekapoo.
Regular Price:$23.93
  • Membership Details:
    • First book free with 30-day trial
    • $14.95/month thereafter for your choice of 1 new book each month
    • Cancel easily anytime
    • Exchange books you don't like
    • All selected books are yours to keep, even if you cancel
  • - or -

Your Likes make Audible better!

'Likes' are shared on Facebook and Audible.com. We use your 'likes' to improve Audible.com for all our listeners.

You can turn off Audible.com sharing from your Account Details page.

OK

Publisher's Summary

In My Horizontal Life, actress and stand-up comedian Chelsea Handler boldly recounted her one-night stands - the good, the bad, and the disastrous. In this wickedly honest new work, she casts the net wider with even funnier results, recalling the most noteworthy highs and lows of her life to date - including her efforts to diversify by dating red-haired men, her obsession with midgets, and the dog-sitting interlude in which her boyfriend became overly familiar with a Peekapoo.

Whether it's a vacation with her dad during which he tells airline staff they're a honeymoon couple in order to get an upgrade, or her elaborate attempts to convince her third-grade classmates that she's starring in a Private Benjamin sequel, Chelsea lets it rip in these relentlessly entertaining essays. Displaying the candor and irresistible turn of phrase that have earned her a recurring stint as a correspondent on The Tonight Show as well as her own E! series, Chelsea Lately, this deliciously skewed collection is a guilty pleasure.

©2008 Chelsea Handler; (P)2008 Simon and Schuster, Inc.

What the Critics Say

"Chelsea Handler is a terrific comedian and a hilarious writer. (Jay Leno)
"Chelsea Handler writes like Judy Blume, if Judy Blume were into vodka, Ecstasy, and sleeping with midgets and nineteen-year-olds." (Jennifer Weiner, best-selling author of In Her Shoes)
"There's something suspiciously sophisticated about how [Handler's] jokes line up that suggests the moral austerity of a comic not of [Joan] Rivers' bad-girl school: Tina Fey." (New York Times)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

3.9 (1714 )
5 star
 (677)
4 star
 (495)
3 star
 (324)
2 star
 (118)
1 star
 (100)
Overall
3.9 (879 )
5 star
 (341)
4 star
 (257)
3 star
 (167)
2 star
 (62)
1 star
 (52)
Story
4.2 (880 )
5 star
 (462)
4 star
 (227)
3 star
 (118)
2 star
 (38)
1 star
 (35)
Performance
Sort by:
  •  
    Jan 04-08-13
    Jan 04-08-13
    HELPFUL VOTES
    11
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    253
    12
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    1
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "A new fan of Chelsea's."
    If you could sum up Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea in three words, what would they be?

    Real, funny, relateable.


    What other book might you compare Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea to and why?

    I think it's a unique book, at least right now I can't think of another to compare it to.


    What does Chelsea Handler bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

    Chelsea is a good narrarator, and it just adds to the story when the the author narrarates their own work. She made it seem effortless, I concentrated on the book rather than the performance.


    Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

    Several times she had me laughing out loud. She cracks me up, but she has a heart also. I'm not sure I knew that about her before the book. She can be so direct sometimes, she comes off as mean. Now I think that she's just being direct in her own way. I get her.


    Any additional comments?

    I'll be buying her other books after listening to this one. I've always liked Chelsea, but now I'm a fan of her as an author. The book is enjoyable and will crack you up, it did me.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Kate United States 04-06-13
    Kate United States 04-06-13 Member Since 2012

    I love audiobooks. Reading has always been a struggle for me because of my poor eyesight. Audible changed my world and made my commutes a joy.

    HELPFUL VOTES
    16
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    15
    9
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Just not that funny"

    Chelsea Handler can be very witty, but not in this book. Here she's just trying to shock you with how untamed she is. I'm not impressed or amused.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Twila 03-27-13
    Twila 03-27-13
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    1
    1
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Funny read on a bad day"
    Where does Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

    The way it was read, and personalized made me giggle at so many parts. This was definitely a good listen while needing a distraction on a rough day. I recommend it to anyone who needs a good read.


    Would you be willing to try another book from Chelsea Handler? Why or why not?

    Yes


    Have you listened to any of Chelsea Handler’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

    Yes but I can't remember which one.


    Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

    Yes


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Sean Houston, Texas, United States 03-26-13
    Sean Houston, Texas, United States 03-26-13 Member Since 2004

    Say something about yourself!

    HELPFUL VOTES
    33
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    104
    24
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Mostly not funny"

    One or two decent stories, but mostly she's having a run at Jenny McCarthy's Crude-but-unfunny title.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Claudia Olathe, KS, United States 03-18-13
    Claudia Olathe, KS, United States 03-18-13
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    1
    1
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Mostly entertaining."
    Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not?

    Depends on the friend. It is really funny, for the most part. There are some parts that are just too crass for me, but it didn't stop me from finishing the book. I thought she would be a better narrator; she's not horrible, but it was hard to keep listening in the beginning. Glad I did, her narration got better as the book went on.


    Would you listen to another book narrated by Chelsea Handler?

    Maybe.


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Kristen Mentasti Washington, DC 03-09-13
    Kristen Mentasti Washington, DC 03-09-13

    Kristen M. Mentasti

    HELPFUL VOTES
    1
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    33
    7
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    1
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "I will listen to this book over and over and over!"
    What made the experience of listening to Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea the most enjoyable?

    This is one of the funniest book I've ever listened to; and I must say...I've never been a Chelsea Handler fan! THE GIRL CAN WRITE!! And it helps that she is also the narrator. 100% comedy in every chapter, love it to death and more. <3


    What other book might you compare Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea to and why?

    Many of Heather McDonalds' books.


    What does Chelsea Handler bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

    Her personality is not for the faint at heart; which is why I adore her. She's hilarious. I can't put into words how awesome this book is.


    Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

    LMAO. Yes. I don't want to ruin it for you. But it takes place at a massage parlor.


    Any additional comments?

    Keep doing your thing, Chelsea!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Krystal Oxnard, CA, United States 02-23-13
    Krystal Oxnard, CA, United States 02-23-13 Member Since 2012
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    1
    1
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Hilarious and worth it!"
    If you could sum up Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea in three words, what would they be?

    Funny, perverse, unbelievable.


    Who was your favorite character and why?

    Chelsea!


    Would you listen to another book narrated by Chelsea Handler?

    Yes. Just purchased 'My horizontal life'


    Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

    Yes. You could not believe one story and had to hear another.


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer 01-23-13 Member Since 2012

    I work. I ski. I play. I write. I have a family. I garden. I coach. I volunteer. I sketch. I run. I read.

    HELPFUL VOTES
    11
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    49
    30
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    2
    1
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "The sound of white noise (no pun intended)"

    This is a light book. I could zone out and still catch the gist of it. I thought it was going to be annoying but it actually provided some comic relief in my days. Light and easy.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    iluvhumboldt Humboldt County, CA 01-15-13
    iluvhumboldt Humboldt County, CA 01-15-13 Member Since 2012
    HELPFUL VOTES
    1
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    8
    2
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Wonderfully hilarious!"
    Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

    I would absolutely recommend this book to anyone. Well, anyone who is not easily offended.


    What did you like best about this story?

    I enjoyed laughing out loud too many times to count.


    What does Chelsea Handler bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

    Comic timing, sarcasm.


    Any additional comments?

    Loved it!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Julie United States 01-14-13
    Julie United States 01-14-13 Member Since 2012
    HELPFUL VOTES
    1
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    7
    4
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Laugh Riot!!"
    Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

    This book is a "Laugh til you Cry" book with so many Great Stories about her friends and Family so I would definetely recommend it to my friends and Family!!


    What did you like best about this story?

    The parts about her parents and sister are priceless!


    Which scene was your favorite?

    The scene with the police and the jail after her drinking and driving stunt when she just turned 21 with her crazy friend!!


    Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

    Laugh til I cried of course!!


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  • Showing: 21-30 of 114 results PREVIOUS123412NEXT

    There are no listener reviews for this title yet.

Report Inappropriate Content

If you find this review inappropriate and think it should be removed from our site, let us know. This report will be reviewed by Audible and we will take appropriate action.

Cancel

Thank You

Your report has been received. It will be reviewed by Audible and we will take appropriate action.