• Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

  • By: Chelsea Handler
  • Narrated by: Chelsea Handler
  • Length: 6 hrs and 13 mins
  • 4.2 out of 5 stars (3,527 ratings)

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Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea  By  cover art

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

By: Chelsea Handler
Narrated by: Chelsea Handler
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Publisher's summary

In My Horizontal Life, actress and stand-up comedian Chelsea Handler boldly recounted her one-night stands - the good, the bad, and the disastrous. In this wickedly honest new work, she casts the net wider with even funnier results, recalling the most noteworthy highs and lows of her life to date - including her efforts to diversify by dating red-haired men, her obsession with midgets, and the dog-sitting interlude in which her boyfriend became overly familiar with a Peekapoo.

Whether it's a vacation with her dad during which he tells airline staff they're a honeymoon couple in order to get an upgrade, or her elaborate attempts to convince her third-grade classmates that she's starring in a Private Benjamin sequel, Chelsea lets it rip in these relentlessly entertaining essays. Displaying the candor and irresistible turn of phrase that have earned her a recurring stint as a correspondent on The Tonight Show as well as her own E! series, Chelsea Lately, this deliciously skewed collection is a guilty pleasure.

©2008 Chelsea Handler (P)2008 Simon and Schuster, Inc.

Critic reviews

"Chelsea Handler is a terrific comedian and a hilarious writer. (Jay Leno)
"Chelsea Handler writes like Judy Blume, if Judy Blume were into vodka, Ecstasy, and sleeping with midgets and nineteen-year-olds." (Jennifer Weiner, best-selling author of In Her Shoes)
"There's something suspiciously sophisticated about how [Handler's] jokes line up that suggests the moral austerity of a comic not of [Joan] Rivers' bad-girl school: Tina Fey." ( New York Times)

What listeners say about Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

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    5 out of 5 stars

Such a GREAT listen!

I didn’t even have a CLUE how much I LOVE Chelsea Handler! Wow! Never watched her show much (for some reason), but now I’m going to get EVERYTHING she’s written!!! Love her! Also one of my fave people to listen to, HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS to women (of course) AND men! Don’t miss this one!!!

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Pure Entertainment

You must have a sense of humor to enjoy Ms. Handler's books and then they are simply over the top. How she comes up with so many different stories is amazing. And her performances of reading them is equally incredible. If you are sensitive to "Political Correctness", then the book is not for you. But if you can read it without judging it or Ms. Handler, you will laugh and laugh. Good dreading!

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  • CG
  • 09-11-22

I've just discovered chelsea, where have I been?

I very much enjoyed the book until we got to the midget. I have a true fear of midgets and dwarfs. it was all good till then. I can't wait to listen to more of Chelsea's books and I will be seeking her out on youtube. she's very very funny. we just have to dump the midget stories, I can't deal. I'm almost 5 ft tall, so it's not a height thing
I'm

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classic Chelsea! loved it!

loved it, wish it was longer! more pros than cons. classic chelsea Handler. ready to read the next one!

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Loved every minute!

This book literally had me laughing out loud! A great listen with mind blowing tales of the fabulous Chelsea Handler!

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  • 04-16-22

My favorite

This is my favorite book! I have listened to it so many times and shared it w/my friends who also love it.. it’s just so good! Hilarious!!

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so funny

in love with Chelsea Handler! this is the second book I've listened to of hers and I just can't stop laughing at her hysterical humor

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Funny

Chelsea always delivers. A laugh out loud funny book. I enjoyed it thoroughly. Give it a go. It will be glad you did.

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funny AF

must listen!! great story, funny and sounded even real life. share it with others so they can laugh!!

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smart, dry, ramblings from a comedic powerhouse

I have to say that Chelsea Handler brings a refreshing take on life on life's terms, by abandoning PC culture and offending just about everybody... Exactly what I look for in humor. If you're easily offended... oh, I wouldn't recommend it. if you want to laugh until you cry, and would like to relate to someone's inner ramblings while questioning your integrity then don't hesitate on giving this a go...
from her first experiences with her vagina, to her DUI, or obsession with little people, Chelsea's dry wit and knee slapping humor is enough to put any modern comedian to shame. She is unbiased in her biases and do I agree with everything she says? No. Hell no. But I'm laughing all the way through and it makes me think of how I would react in the same situation that she brings to life. from her whack-a-doo family, to her relationship with coworkers, Chelsea Handler is a real person and it's endearing to here A Memoir that is not littered with celebrity gossip and hoity toity stuck up complaining.
this is my favorite of all of her books, with Uganda be kidding me as number two. I really wish Chelsea would have narrated my horizontal life, because I adore her early books. Anyway, get your kaslapuss in order and listen.

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