• Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

  • By: Chelsea Handler
  • Narrated by: Chelsea Handler
  • Length: 6 hrs and 13 mins
  • 4.2 out of 5 stars (3,527 ratings)

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Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea  By  cover art

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

By: Chelsea Handler
Narrated by: Chelsea Handler
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Publisher's summary

In My Horizontal Life, actress and stand-up comedian Chelsea Handler boldly recounted her one-night stands - the good, the bad, and the disastrous. In this wickedly honest new work, she casts the net wider with even funnier results, recalling the most noteworthy highs and lows of her life to date - including her efforts to diversify by dating red-haired men, her obsession with midgets, and the dog-sitting interlude in which her boyfriend became overly familiar with a Peekapoo.

Whether it's a vacation with her dad during which he tells airline staff they're a honeymoon couple in order to get an upgrade, or her elaborate attempts to convince her third-grade classmates that she's starring in a Private Benjamin sequel, Chelsea lets it rip in these relentlessly entertaining essays. Displaying the candor and irresistible turn of phrase that have earned her a recurring stint as a correspondent on The Tonight Show as well as her own E! series, Chelsea Lately, this deliciously skewed collection is a guilty pleasure.

©2008 Chelsea Handler (P)2008 Simon and Schuster, Inc.

Critic reviews

"Chelsea Handler is a terrific comedian and a hilarious writer. (Jay Leno)
"Chelsea Handler writes like Judy Blume, if Judy Blume were into vodka, Ecstasy, and sleeping with midgets and nineteen-year-olds." (Jennifer Weiner, best-selling author of In Her Shoes)
"There's something suspiciously sophisticated about how [Handler's] jokes line up that suggests the moral austerity of a comic not of [Joan] Rivers' bad-girl school: Tina Fey." ( New York Times)

What listeners say about Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

Average customer ratings
Overall
  • 4 out of 5 stars
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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

i hope there's a chaser...

Great job Chelsea, I very much enjoyed your book, but much more to hear you read it. It just made the experience even more enjoyable - what a funny gal ! The whole transaction of downloading books from Audible was way too easy and the customer assistance I needed was fast and direct - thank you all -
This was a good read, rather - listen, because I really felt during her youth, I could have been there with her - I was even able to place myself in her shoes a couple times...scarey. And who knew one could be " face raped " . I had fun going on your visit to France and decided that dining with " my tickets" on table won't happen nor will I get a massage anywhere that doesn't give " happy endings" . I had fun and now I am off to order my next book -

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1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars

a clever title, but a real disappointment

i thought this might be on par with david sedaris or hollis gillespie. you know, funny and insightful stories told by people you wish you could befriend.
i did chuckle a couple of times, but overall i find her humor shallow, grating, and lacking in redeeming qualities.

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1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

FUNNY AS HELL!!!!!:)

I literally laugh out loud when I listen to this book! It's actually embarrassing when you are around people who have no idea what the hell you are laughing at! LOL I LOVE Chelsea and all the crazy things she gets herself into! I HIGHLY RECOMMMEND this book if you need a good laugh or to lighten you mood...it WILL do that! I WANT MORE CHELSEA!!!! BRING IT!!!!

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  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars

Not very funny

I was expecting at least a few chuckles but the book was rather slow-moving and vapid. Wish I hadn't spent my credit on it.

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1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

If you like Chelsea…

This is the 2nd book of hers I’ve read. After finishing this one I went and bought her other two. She is beyond entertaining and honest..a good read!

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

"Spirited and Hilarious"

"Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea" is a riotously funny and candid audiobook that had me in stitches from start to finish. Chelsea Handler's unapologetic humor and irreverent storytelling style shine in this audio format. With her distinctive wit, she fearlessly shares her personal experiences, often pushing the boundaries of what's considered appropriate, and it's nothing short of hilarious. The audiobook feels like a lively conversation with a close friend willing to spill all her life's outrageous and embarrassing details. Whether you're a Chelsea Handler fan or need a good laugh, this audiobook is a must-listen that will leave you thoroughly entertained and doubled over with laughter.

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  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars

Good but kinda disappointed

I’m not sure if it was supposed to be kind of a joke or not - tongue-in-cheek?, how she would keep up with the tone and volume of quoted bits of dialogue while speaking the “<so-and-so said>”. It was just rather distracting. Narrating someone yelling but continuing with the yelling when saying “…, he yelled!!”

The worst example is when she was speaking the dialogue of someone with a British accent and continued with the (not great) accent as she narrated: “explained the mean guhl sitting on the raugh”. As in; “…girl sitting on the right”

I love Chelsea, but found this habit just too distracting. But truly, I wouldn’t want to listen to any celebrity’s memoir that’s NOT narrated by themselves. And I will probably buy more books she’s penned (and narrated) because she’s very relatable and is only 4 days my senior :-D Eventually it actually became so ridiculous I had to just laugh anyway. Oh Chelsea! :)

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  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars

Don’t pay for this

We all have stories from our lives that are only entertaining to ourselves or others that were present. Chelsea is no different. I was bored to tears listening. And her reading of it was awful! Though I’ve enjoyed Chelsea’s televised comedy, I half-chuckled once every 90 minutes or so and only made it 60% through before I had to shut it down. I felt like I was stuck on an airplane, a captive audience listening to the lady behind me drivel on to the poor person in the center seat beside her. I regretted this purchase even more than “Yes, Please” by Amy Poehler. At least Poehler had a few name drops to earn a half star.

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  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars

Trash

Not even funny. Just re-hashed old garbage from other comedians. Not worth the time!

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Hilarious

Hilarious and entertaining, loved every minute of it. Had me laughing out loud lol


Lol

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