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Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea | [Chelsea Handler]

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

In this wickedly honest new work, Chelsea Handler casts the net wider with even funnier results, recalling the most noteworthy highs and lows of her life to date - including her efforts to diversify by dating red-haired men, her obsession with midgets, and the dog-sitting interlude in which her boyfriend became overly familiar with a Peekapoo.
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Publisher's Summary

In My Horizontal Life, actress and stand-up comedian Chelsea Handler boldly recounted her one-night stands - the good, the bad, and the disastrous. In this wickedly honest new work, she casts the net wider with even funnier results, recalling the most noteworthy highs and lows of her life to date - including her efforts to diversify by dating red-haired men, her obsession with midgets, and the dog-sitting interlude in which her boyfriend became overly familiar with a Peekapoo.

Whether it's a vacation with her dad during which he tells airline staff they're a honeymoon couple in order to get an upgrade, or her elaborate attempts to convince her third-grade classmates that she's starring in a Private Benjamin sequel, Chelsea lets it rip in these relentlessly entertaining essays. Displaying the candor and irresistible turn of phrase that have earned her a recurring stint as a correspondent on The Tonight Show as well as her own E! series, Chelsea Lately, this deliciously skewed collection is a guilty pleasure.

©2008 Chelsea Handler; (P)2008 Simon and Schuster, Inc.

What the Critics Say

"Chelsea Handler is a terrific comedian and a hilarious writer. (Jay Leno)
"Chelsea Handler writes like Judy Blume, if Judy Blume were into vodka, Ecstasy, and sleeping with midgets and nineteen-year-olds." (Jennifer Weiner, best-selling author of In Her Shoes)
"There's something suspiciously sophisticated about how [Handler's] jokes line up that suggests the moral austerity of a comic not of [Joan] Rivers' bad-girl school: Tina Fey." (New York Times)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

3.9 (1932 )
5 star
 (796)
4 star
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3 star
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2 star
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Overall
4.0 (1058 )
5 star
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1 star
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Story
4.3 (1057 )
5 star
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3 star
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2 star
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1 star
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Performance
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  •  
    Debbie Austin, TX, United States 02-09-10
    Debbie Austin, TX, United States 02-09-10 Member Since 2005
    HELPFUL VOTES
    24
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    165
    20
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    3
    0
    Overall
    "Funny in some parts but crass"

    I found a lot of this book to be obnoxious. I laughed in parts, but, it was often pretty mean, gross, offensive, or crude humor.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Some Girl Denver, CO 08-01-08
    Some Girl Denver, CO 08-01-08 Member Since 2007

    Gina

    HELPFUL VOTES
    2
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    5
    2
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    "Dud."

    I was disappointed with this download. I noticed it was in the top 10, wanted something lighthearted, and missed it in this book. Handler is not funny. She got a few snorts out of me, no LOLllers. She comes across, rather than funny, as bitchy, grating, and mean.

    Maybe that's her MO in standup. Some of you may like that brand of vodka in comedy.

    But for me, my recommendation is to use your credit elsewhere.

    2 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    R. Alloy San Francisco 04-19-15
    R. Alloy San Francisco 04-19-15 Member Since 2013
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    15
    2
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Funny"

    Some good fun stories had me laughing. The sound had too much reverb and was hard to endure for long stretches.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Denise French 04-09-15

    Denise

    ratings
    REVIEWS
    21
    5
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Absolutely Hilarious!!!"

    Exceeded my expectations. You end the book feeling like you know Chelsea. With Chelsea narrating the book herself just adds to the comedy and story line. Just love her and her books. Def recommend.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    ASH 03-25-15
    ASH 03-25-15
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    1
    1
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Boss"

    I hate doing these reviews. But love the book!... And I tried to just submit this and was told i need at least 15 words.... What a dilemma...

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Chelsie Olson 03-09-15 Member Since 2015
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    2
    1
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Cracks me up"

    Chelsea is hilarious... This book got me in trouble in my cubical at work as I couldn't help but laugh out loud!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Dave 02-09-15
    Dave 02-09-15 Member Since 2014
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    3
    2
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Pretty funny short stories easy read"

    Love her books too funny! Easy read I would recommend. I like both her books that I have read thinking about ready the one her friends did based on the lies she's told.




    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    murphyll 01-23-15
    murphyll 01-23-15 Member Since 2013
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    6
    3
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Laughed so hard"

    Loved the stories, her humor & voice. She is so funny. I found myself laughing like a lunatic while walking around Boston listening to this silly book. I loved it! Want to read all her books now.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jason 12-29-14
    Jason 12-29-14
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    4
    2
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    "love her"

    she is hilarious and has my sense of humor. bravo Chelsea. can't wait for your next book

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Walkinonsunshine Elkton, MD 12-17-13
    Walkinonsunshine Elkton, MD 12-17-13
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    5
    4
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Hilarious!"

    Witty and raunchy can best describe Chelsea Handler AND her book. Not only was the story absolutely enjoyable, but her narration is what truly makes the audio version of this book so great. I've read the book and listened to it, and I must say I almost prefer the audio version which is rare for me. I recommend this to anyone who is a fan of Chelsea or her type of comedy, and I will certainly listen again (I've already listened a few times at that!).

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
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