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Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea | [Chelsea Handler]

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

In this wickedly honest new work, Chelsea Handler casts the net wider with even funnier results, recalling the most noteworthy highs and lows of her life to date - including her efforts to diversify by dating red-haired men, her obsession with midgets, and the dog-sitting interlude in which her boyfriend became overly familiar with a Peekapoo.
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Publisher's Summary

In My Horizontal Life, actress and stand-up comedian Chelsea Handler boldly recounted her one-night stands - the good, the bad, and the disastrous. In this wickedly honest new work, she casts the net wider with even funnier results, recalling the most noteworthy highs and lows of her life to date - including her efforts to diversify by dating red-haired men, her obsession with midgets, and the dog-sitting interlude in which her boyfriend became overly familiar with a Peekapoo.

Whether it's a vacation with her dad during which he tells airline staff they're a honeymoon couple in order to get an upgrade, or her elaborate attempts to convince her third-grade classmates that she's starring in a Private Benjamin sequel, Chelsea lets it rip in these relentlessly entertaining essays. Displaying the candor and irresistible turn of phrase that have earned her a recurring stint as a correspondent on The Tonight Show as well as her own E! series, Chelsea Lately, this deliciously skewed collection is a guilty pleasure.

©2008 Chelsea Handler; (P)2008 Simon and Schuster, Inc.

What the Critics Say

"Chelsea Handler is a terrific comedian and a hilarious writer. (Jay Leno)
"Chelsea Handler writes like Judy Blume, if Judy Blume were into vodka, Ecstasy, and sleeping with midgets and nineteen-year-olds." (Jennifer Weiner, best-selling author of In Her Shoes)
"There's something suspiciously sophisticated about how [Handler's] jokes line up that suggests the moral austerity of a comic not of [Joan] Rivers' bad-girl school: Tina Fey." (New York Times)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

3.9 (1967 )
5 star
 (815)
4 star
 (562)
3 star
 (361)
2 star
 (122)
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 (107)
Overall
4.0 (1088 )
5 star
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3 star
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2 star
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1 star
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Story
4.3 (1086 )
5 star
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4 star
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3 star
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2 star
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1 star
 (35)
Performance
Sort by:
  •  
    C Mayfair 05-02-10
    C Mayfair 05-02-10 Listener Since 2010
    HELPFUL VOTES
    15
    ratings
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    32
    12
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    Overall
    "Some good laughs"

    There are some good laughs here, no doubt hence the 4 stars....sadly the stories are so disjointed and painfully random that it is a little hard to beleive. And who knew, Chelsea has a really bad habit of ditching people. Surprised she has any friends left!

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Becky Smith 04-21-10
    Becky Smith 04-21-10 Member Since 2014
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    5
    3
    Overall
    "Not very funny"

    This book was good for a few laughs, but I was very underwhelmed by the lack of humor. Chelsea Handler is much funnier in person than she is in print. Don't waste your money on this book.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Erin Marlton, NJ, USA 03-29-09
    Erin Marlton, NJ, USA 03-29-09 Member Since 2012
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    1
    1
    Overall
    "Made a loooong trip feel short!"

    This was the perfect book for a 14 hour drive to Florida a couple of months ago. She has an amazing gift to appeal to both men and women with her humor. When I reached my destination, I listened to it again with the adult women in my family. It is that funny.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    michelle 03-12-09
    michelle 03-12-09
    HELPFUL VOTES
    10
    ratings
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    35
    10
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    Overall
    "VODKA"

    I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Brad Los Altos Hills, CA, USA 02-13-09
    Brad Los Altos Hills, CA, USA 02-13-09
    HELPFUL VOTES
    39
    ratings
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    43
    24
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    0
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    Overall
    "Fun read/listen"

    Refreshing attitude.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Brian Golden, CO, USA 02-03-09
    Brian Golden, CO, USA 02-03-09 Member Since 2008
    HELPFUL VOTES
    12
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    66
    9
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    2
    Overall
    "I love Chelsea"

    Chelsea Handler's short stories will have you laughing and wishing for more

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jenny St. Martinville, LA, United States 12-21-08
    Jenny St. Martinville, LA, United States 12-21-08 Member Since 2015
    HELPFUL VOTES
    21
    ratings
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    55
    16
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    1
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    Overall
    "hilarilous!"

    If you like Chelsea and her show Chelsea Lately, you'll love her book, and it's especially funny because she is the narrator. I find not only her jokes to be funny, but her delivery is what nails it. It's definitely not for someone who doesn't have an open mind and a liberal sense of humor.
    A word of advice for those people, lighten up, stop taking life so seriously, it's only joking around and cutting up, life is too short to be prude like. Laugh, it'll make you feel better.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Charles Norcross, GA, USA 11-14-08
    Charles Norcross, GA, USA 11-14-08
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    1
    1
    Overall
    "Outrageous and Hilarious"

    Funniest book ever printed!!!!!!! A must-read!

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    David Saint Peters, MO, USA 11-03-08
    David Saint Peters, MO, USA 11-03-08
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    1
    1
    Overall
    "Compromise"

    The best thing that came from this audio book is the knowledge that I will never have to listen to another Chelsea Handler book for the rest of my life.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    krisjs1767 Mercer Island, WA USA 04-17-09
    krisjs1767 Mercer Island, WA USA 04-17-09 Member Since 2012

    krisjs1767

    HELPFUL VOTES
    18
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    Overall
    "Boring!"

    I too am a fan of the show but got less than an hour into this before I had to give it up. Very not funny.

    1 of 5 people found this review helpful
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