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Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea | [Chelsea Handler]

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

In this wickedly honest new work, Chelsea Handler casts the net wider with even funnier results, recalling the most noteworthy highs and lows of her life to date - including her efforts to diversify by dating red-haired men, her obsession with midgets, and the dog-sitting interlude in which her boyfriend became overly familiar with a Peekapoo.
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Publisher's Summary

In My Horizontal Life, actress and stand-up comedian Chelsea Handler boldly recounted her one-night stands - the good, the bad, and the disastrous. In this wickedly honest new work, she casts the net wider with even funnier results, recalling the most noteworthy highs and lows of her life to date - including her efforts to diversify by dating red-haired men, her obsession with midgets, and the dog-sitting interlude in which her boyfriend became overly familiar with a Peekapoo.

Whether it's a vacation with her dad during which he tells airline staff they're a honeymoon couple in order to get an upgrade, or her elaborate attempts to convince her third-grade classmates that she's starring in a Private Benjamin sequel, Chelsea lets it rip in these relentlessly entertaining essays. Displaying the candor and irresistible turn of phrase that have earned her a recurring stint as a correspondent on The Tonight Show as well as her own E! series, Chelsea Lately, this deliciously skewed collection is a guilty pleasure.

©2008 Chelsea Handler; (P)2008 Simon and Schuster, Inc.

What the Critics Say

"Chelsea Handler is a terrific comedian and a hilarious writer. (Jay Leno)
"Chelsea Handler writes like Judy Blume, if Judy Blume were into vodka, Ecstasy, and sleeping with midgets and nineteen-year-olds." (Jennifer Weiner, best-selling author of In Her Shoes)
"There's something suspiciously sophisticated about how [Handler's] jokes line up that suggests the moral austerity of a comic not of [Joan] Rivers' bad-girl school: Tina Fey." (New York Times)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

3.9 (1876 )
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3.9 (1013 )
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4.2 (1013 )
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  •  
    Brad Los Altos Hills, CA, USA 02-13-09
    Brad Los Altos Hills, CA, USA 02-13-09
    HELPFUL VOTES
    39
    ratings
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    24
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    Overall
    "Fun read/listen"

    Refreshing attitude.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Brian Golden, CO, USA 02-03-09
    Brian Golden, CO, USA 02-03-09 Member Since 2008
    HELPFUL VOTES
    12
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    66
    9
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    2
    Overall
    "I love Chelsea"

    Chelsea Handler's short stories will have you laughing and wishing for more

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jenny St. Martinville, LA, United States 12-21-08
    Jenny St. Martinville, LA, United States 12-21-08 Member Since 2015
    HELPFUL VOTES
    21
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    54
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    "hilarilous!"

    If you like Chelsea and her show Chelsea Lately, you'll love her book, and it's especially funny because she is the narrator. I find not only her jokes to be funny, but her delivery is what nails it. It's definitely not for someone who doesn't have an open mind and a liberal sense of humor.
    A word of advice for those people, lighten up, stop taking life so seriously, it's only joking around and cutting up, life is too short to be prude like. Laugh, it'll make you feel better.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Charles Norcross, GA, USA 11-14-08
    Charles Norcross, GA, USA 11-14-08
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    1
    1
    Overall
    "Outrageous and Hilarious"

    Funniest book ever printed!!!!!!! A must-read!

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    David Saint Peters, MO, USA 11-03-08
    David Saint Peters, MO, USA 11-03-08
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    1
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    Overall
    "Compromise"

    The best thing that came from this audio book is the knowledge that I will never have to listen to another Chelsea Handler book for the rest of my life.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    krisjs1767 Mercer Island, WA USA 04-17-09
    krisjs1767 Mercer Island, WA USA 04-17-09 Member Since 2012

    krisjs1767

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Boring!"

    I too am a fan of the show but got less than an hour into this before I had to give it up. Very not funny.

    1 of 5 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Lillian Richardson, TX, USA 04-08-09
    Lillian Richardson, TX, USA 04-08-09
    HELPFUL VOTES
    6
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    6
    4
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    Overall
    "Full of good laughs"

    It has some language so beware, but it gave me some really good laughs!

    0 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Marylou Bend, OR, United States 03-25-09
    Marylou Bend, OR, United States 03-25-09
    HELPFUL VOTES
    52
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    74
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    "Shame on you Chelsea!"

    Let me preface this review by saying I love to watch the Chelsea Lately show, in fact I rarely miss an episode and am known to watch reruns so was sure I would love her book BUT this book is about as crass and inane as anything ever written (and read). Come on Chelsea; your shallow, mean, bigoted attitude and words go beyond excuse. I admit I did chuckle several times but was mostly appalled by the scenarios, the way she trashes her family and friends AND some of the stupid predicaments she gets herself in to. I can only hope this memoir is a figment of her imagination and/or a "not very funny" comedy routine. Obviously I can only take Chelsea in small doses (20 minute show).

    0 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Nona 03-23-09
    Nona 03-23-09 Member Since 2014
    HELPFUL VOTES
    7
    ratings
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    37
    8
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    "Raunchy fun"

    I was disappointed that Chelsea didn't read this book, but the reader did a good job. It's a tacky read, but very fun.

    0 of 3 people found this review helpful
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