We are currently making improvements to the Audible site. In an effort to enhance the accessibility experience for our customers, we have created a page to more easily navigate the new experience, available at the web address www.audible.com/access.
Call anytime(888) 283-5051
Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea | [Chelsea Handler]

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

In this wickedly honest new work, Chelsea Handler casts the net wider with even funnier results, recalling the most noteworthy highs and lows of her life to date - including her efforts to diversify by dating red-haired men, her obsession with midgets, and the dog-sitting interlude in which her boyfriend became overly familiar with a Peekapoo.
Regular Price:$23.93
  • Membership Details:
    • First book free with 30-day trial
    • $14.95/month thereafter for your choice of 1 new book each month
    • Cancel easily anytime
    • Exchange books you don't like
    • All selected books are yours to keep, even if you cancel
  • - or -

Your Likes make Audible better!

'Likes' are shared on Facebook and Audible.com. We use your 'likes' to improve Audible.com for all our listeners.

You can turn off Audible.com sharing from your Account Details page.

OK

Publisher's Summary

In My Horizontal Life, actress and stand-up comedian Chelsea Handler boldly recounted her one-night stands - the good, the bad, and the disastrous. In this wickedly honest new work, she casts the net wider with even funnier results, recalling the most noteworthy highs and lows of her life to date - including her efforts to diversify by dating red-haired men, her obsession with midgets, and the dog-sitting interlude in which her boyfriend became overly familiar with a Peekapoo.

Whether it's a vacation with her dad during which he tells airline staff they're a honeymoon couple in order to get an upgrade, or her elaborate attempts to convince her third-grade classmates that she's starring in a Private Benjamin sequel, Chelsea lets it rip in these relentlessly entertaining essays. Displaying the candor and irresistible turn of phrase that have earned her a recurring stint as a correspondent on The Tonight Show as well as her own E! series, Chelsea Lately, this deliciously skewed collection is a guilty pleasure.

©2008 Chelsea Handler; (P)2008 Simon and Schuster, Inc.

What the Critics Say

"Chelsea Handler is a terrific comedian and a hilarious writer. (Jay Leno)
"Chelsea Handler writes like Judy Blume, if Judy Blume were into vodka, Ecstasy, and sleeping with midgets and nineteen-year-olds." (Jennifer Weiner, best-selling author of In Her Shoes)
"There's something suspiciously sophisticated about how [Handler's] jokes line up that suggests the moral austerity of a comic not of [Joan] Rivers' bad-girl school: Tina Fey." (New York Times)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

3.9 (1673 )
5 star
 (663)
4 star
 (481)
3 star
 (312)
2 star
 (119)
1 star
 (98)
Overall
3.9 (842 )
5 star
 (329)
4 star
 (244)
3 star
 (157)
2 star
 (62)
1 star
 (50)
Story
4.2 (844 )
5 star
 (444)
4 star
 (214)
3 star
 (114)
2 star
 (39)
1 star
 (33)
Performance
Sort by:
  •  
    Teddy Bronx, NY, United States 04-27-12
    Teddy Bronx, NY, United States 04-27-12

    "A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies. The man who never reads lives only one." - Jojen Reed. #ADanceWithDragons

    HELPFUL VOTES
    2782
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    96
    93
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    1146
    22
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Just Plain FUNNYYYY!!!!!!!!!"

    I loved this audiobook! Just plain funny really! Chelsea Handler is comical. She is easily one of those comics of this generation that honestly just knows how to deliver a joke and deliver it well. The pace of the book itself never really died down and she kept landing joke and joke in a nice sequence. I really don't have much more to say about this book was just plain funny!

    27 of 27 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Meryl Hubbardston, MA, USA 04-26-09
    Meryl Hubbardston, MA, USA 04-26-09
    HELPFUL VOTES
    7
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    1
    1
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    "Loved It!"

    This was my very first audio book. I got it to give myself something to do while I sit out and get some sun. It made my sunbathing really entertaining. I'm not one to LOL much, but I did it a lot listening to the stories.

    I would say that maybe some low reviews came from listening to the first chapter, which wasn't nearly as good as the rest. So if you get this audio book, and you're bored at first, just go to chapter 2.

    I recommend this book for women. I don't think it's going to interest the men.

    7 of 7 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Sarah Alabaster, AL, USA 04-13-09
    Sarah Alabaster, AL, USA 04-13-09
    HELPFUL VOTES
    10
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    5
    5
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    1
    0
    Overall
    "One notch below My Horizontal Life"

    I gave her first book 4 stars - it was really a fun listen.

    This one gets lower marks because it's just not quite as funny. The stories drag just a little, in places. And you can't help but feel a little sad about a few of them.

    Also, I preferred the other narrator to Chelsea herself, who narrates this. But one is no better than the other - I just liked the other girl's style.

    Other than those minor things - this book was pretty enjoyable.

    4 of 4 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Mindy Highland, IN, USA 02-08-09
    Mindy Highland, IN, USA 02-08-09 Member Since 2004
    HELPFUL VOTES
    4
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    13
    1
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    "Hilarious!!"

    Anyone who knows Chelsea's comedy will be in stitches listening to this book. I made the mistake of listening while working out at the gym. Numerous times I busted out laughing forgetting not everyone was listening to "Are you there vodka" on my headphones with me. The rest of the time I had to pretend I had an illness that made me laugh out loud every 10 minutes. It was hard to keep up this charade and workout at the same time, but the book was worth the awkward glares and stares.

    4 of 4 people found this review helpful
  •  
    S Wells Ponca City, OK, United States 08-16-11
    S Wells Ponca City, OK, United States 08-16-11 Member Since 2010
    HELPFUL VOTES
    12
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    17
    16
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    1
    0
    Overall
    "Disappointing - not finishing it"

    I enjoy Chelsea's TV show and thought I would like this, but I was wrong. And it's not for lack of a raunchy sense of humor -- I can guffaw with the best of them, but this book is so juvenile, I can't even finish it. Which is not something I take lightly. I spend a lot of time making my selections and have managed to slog through even the worst of books -- but this is a waste of my time.

    3 of 3 people found this review helpful
  •  
    06-08-10
    06-08-10 Member Since 2009
    HELPFUL VOTES
    6
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    13
    7
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    1
    0
    Overall
    "Take a dip in the Chelsea pool . . ."

    A delightfully entertaining listen from the cleverly raunchy Chelsea Handler. Will be especially satisfying if you are one who recognizes the line between polite comedy and inappropriate hilarity and leaps over that line. Particularly humorous is Handler's self-deprecation, as it is insightful yet vain (I don't enjoy feeling TRULY sorry for those I am laughing at, or with). If you don't mind obscenities, or in fact anticipate them, give this a listen. I wonder whatever happened to Kimmy. . .

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Brandy Valparaiso, IN, USA 01-29-10
    Brandy Valparaiso, IN, USA 01-29-10
    HELPFUL VOTES
    6
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    16
    6
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    "I laughed til it hurt"

    Had to be sure to listen to this one alone...not suitable for little ears. I laughed out loud all alone which doesn't happen often.

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Stephanie fairfax, CA, USA 07-24-08
    Stephanie fairfax, CA, USA 07-24-08
    HELPFUL VOTES
    8
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    7
    3
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    2
    0
    Overall
    "Cracked Me Up!!!"

    I love her crass humor. She had me cracking up.
    I cleaned my entire house while listening to her book. Not for the squeamish.

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Tamara Duchesne, UT, United States 02-03-09
    Tamara Duchesne, UT, United States 02-03-09 Member Since 2008
    HELPFUL VOTES
    34
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    60
    34
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    "Chuckle worthy"

    If you like Chelsea from TV, you will like the book. Many times I laughed out loud and other times I was thinking "I can't believe she said that!" (but she did). A good listen if you need something humorus for a change.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Bethann Somers Point, NJ, USA 10-17-08
    Bethann Somers Point, NJ, USA 10-17-08
    HELPFUL VOTES
    1
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    1
    1
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    "FUNNY AS HELL!!!!!:)"

    I literally laugh out loud when I listen to this book! It's actually embarrassing when you are around people who have no idea what the hell you are laughing at! LOL I LOVE Chelsea and all the crazy things she gets herself into! I HIGHLY RECOMMMEND this book if you need a good laugh or to lighten you mood...it WILL do that! I WANT MORE CHELSEA!!!! BRING IT!!!!

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  • Showing: 1-10 of 114 results PREVIOUS1212NEXT

    There are no listener reviews for this title yet.

Report Inappropriate Content

If you find this review inappropriate and think it should be removed from our site, let us know. This report will be reviewed by Audible and we will take appropriate action.

Cancel

Thank You

Your report has been received. It will be reviewed by Audible and we will take appropriate action.