• Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

  • By: Chelsea Handler
  • Narrated by: Chelsea Handler
  • Length: 6 hrs and 13 mins
  • 4.2 out of 5 stars (3,527 ratings)

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Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea  By  cover art

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

By: Chelsea Handler
Narrated by: Chelsea Handler
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Publisher's summary

In My Horizontal Life, actress and stand-up comedian Chelsea Handler boldly recounted her one-night stands - the good, the bad, and the disastrous. In this wickedly honest new work, she casts the net wider with even funnier results, recalling the most noteworthy highs and lows of her life to date - including her efforts to diversify by dating red-haired men, her obsession with midgets, and the dog-sitting interlude in which her boyfriend became overly familiar with a Peekapoo.

Whether it's a vacation with her dad during which he tells airline staff they're a honeymoon couple in order to get an upgrade, or her elaborate attempts to convince her third-grade classmates that she's starring in a Private Benjamin sequel, Chelsea lets it rip in these relentlessly entertaining essays. Displaying the candor and irresistible turn of phrase that have earned her a recurring stint as a correspondent on The Tonight Show as well as her own E! series, Chelsea Lately, this deliciously skewed collection is a guilty pleasure.

©2008 Chelsea Handler (P)2008 Simon and Schuster, Inc.

Critic reviews

"Chelsea Handler is a terrific comedian and a hilarious writer. (Jay Leno)
"Chelsea Handler writes like Judy Blume, if Judy Blume were into vodka, Ecstasy, and sleeping with midgets and nineteen-year-olds." (Jennifer Weiner, best-selling author of In Her Shoes)
"There's something suspiciously sophisticated about how [Handler's] jokes line up that suggests the moral austerity of a comic not of [Joan] Rivers' bad-girl school: Tina Fey." ( New York Times)

What listeners say about Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

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  • 4 out of 5 stars
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  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
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Story
  • 4 out of 5 stars
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  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars

Just Plain FUNNYYYY!!!!!!!!!

I loved this audiobook! Just plain funny really! Chelsea Handler is comical. She is easily one of those comics of this generation that honestly just knows how to deliver a joke and deliver it well. The pace of the book itself never really died down and she kept landing joke and joke in a nice sequence. I really don't have much more to say about this book was just plain funny!

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35 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

Loved It!

This was my very first audio book. I got it to give myself something to do while I sit out and get some sun. It made my sunbathing really entertaining. I'm not one to LOL much, but I did it a lot listening to the stories.

I would say that maybe some low reviews came from listening to the first chapter, which wasn't nearly as good as the rest. So if you get this audio book, and you're bored at first, just go to chapter 2.

I recommend this book for women. I don't think it's going to interest the men.

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10 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars

don't waste your book credit

I was hoping for a good laugh when I purchased this book, but it was a waste of a credit. She is not funny, her storys are really boring, and her voice is horrible to listen to for long periods of time.

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8 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars

One notch below My Horizontal Life

I gave her first book 4 stars - it was really a fun listen.

This one gets lower marks because it's just not quite as funny. The stories drag just a little, in places. And you can't help but feel a little sad about a few of them.

Also, I preferred the other narrator to Chelsea herself, who narrates this. But one is no better than the other - I just liked the other girl's style.

Other than those minor things - this book was pretty enjoyable.

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7 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

Hilarious!!

Anyone who knows Chelsea's comedy will be in stitches listening to this book. I made the mistake of listening while working out at the gym. Numerous times I busted out laughing forgetting not everyone was listening to "Are you there vodka" on my headphones with me. The rest of the time I had to pretend I had an illness that made me laugh out loud every 10 minutes. It was hard to keep up this charade and workout at the same time, but the book was worth the awkward glares and stares.

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7 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars

Disappointing - not finishing it

I enjoy Chelsea's TV show and thought I would like this, but I was wrong. And it's not for lack of a raunchy sense of humor -- I can guffaw with the best of them, but this book is so juvenile, I can't even finish it. Which is not something I take lightly. I spend a lot of time making my selections and have managed to slog through even the worst of books -- but this is a waste of my time.

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5 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars

Take a dip in the Chelsea pool . . .

A delightfully entertaining listen from the cleverly raunchy Chelsea Handler. Will be especially satisfying if you are one who recognizes the line between polite comedy and inappropriate hilarity and leaps over that line. Particularly humorous is Handler's self-deprecation, as it is insightful yet vain (I don't enjoy feeling TRULY sorry for those I am laughing at, or with). If you don't mind obscenities, or in fact anticipate them, give this a listen. I wonder whatever happened to Kimmy. . .

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4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

I laughed til it hurt

Had to be sure to listen to this one alone...not suitable for little ears. I laughed out loud all alone which doesn't happen often.

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4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars

Dud.

I was disappointed with this download. I noticed it was in the top 10, wanted something lighthearted, and missed it in this book. Handler is not funny. She got a few snorts out of me, no LOLllers. She comes across, rather than funny, as bitchy, grating, and mean.

Maybe that's her MO in standup. Some of you may like that brand of vodka in comedy.

But for me, my recommendation is to use your credit elsewhere.

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3 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars

are you there Chelsea?

The book is 7 or 8 stories. Some are funny and cute, like when Chelsea makes up a story about being in the sequel to Private Benjamin for her 12 year old classmates, and how an enterprising Chelsea babysat for a terror with an intense sugar high, and when she got a massage from a Chinese place that had only the most basic English skills.
Some of the stories are just sad like a birthday party for a 30 year old woman she hardly knew, a DUI arrest, a fist fight with teenagers, and a disrespectful portrait of her father which she refers to as Bitchtits.
Lacking, is any cohesion or theme to the chaotic events that happen to her. What's left is a troubled,wise cracking, self absorbed, TV star who needs to know why she is on this earth.
A much better choice is Steve Martin's memoir.

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3 people found this helpful