Avoidant

How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner

By: Jeb Kinnison

Narrated by: Joe Farinacci

Length: 5 hrs and 29 mins

Publisher's summary

Jeb Kinnison's previous book on finding a good partner by understanding attachment types (Bad Boyfriends: Using Attachment Theory to Avoid Mr. (or Ms.) Wrong and Make You a Better Partner) brought lots of people to JebKinnison.com, where the most asked-about topic was how to deal with avoidant lovers and spouses. There are many now in troubled marriages who are looking for help, as well as people already invested in a relationship short of marriage who'd like help deciding if they should stick with it.

People in relationships with avoidants struggle with their lack of responsiveness and inability to tolerate real intimacy. Relationships between an avoidant and a partner of another attachment type are the largest group of unhappy relationships, and people who love their partners and who may have started families and had children with an avoidant will work very hard to try to make their relationships work better, out of love for their partner and children as well as their own happiness. The avoidants in these relationships are more than likely unhappy with the situation as well - retreating into their shells and feeling harassed for being asked to respond with positive feeling when they have little to give.

The other reason why so many people are looking for help on this topic is that it is an almost impossible problem. Couples counsellors rarely have the time or knowledge to work with an avoidant and will often advise the spouse to give up on a dismissive, especially, whose lack of responsiveness looks like cruelty or contempt (and sometimes it is).

Yet there is some hope - though it may take years and require educating the avoidant on the patterns of good couples communication; if both partners want to change their patterns toward more secure and satisfying models, it can be done.

©2014 Jeb Kinnison (P)2015 Jeb Kinnison

Informational and Well Organized

I really enjoyed this selection. My partner is an avoidant and it really helped me see how different we are at handling confrontation and left much to consider regarding whether or not I will continue seeing him romantically.

The Painful Truth About Avoidants

I have lived a 25 year relationship with an avoidant partner. I have a primarily secure attschment in romantic relationships, but have both avoidant and preoccupied behaviors when triggered. This book both validated and demystified much of my experience with my husband.

It would have been great to see some other resources like specialized counseling or support groups referenced or listed, but it was very enlightening nevertheless.

Great Read?

For anyone looking to understand themselves better as well as the closet people in their lives from an attachment stand point this is the boom for you. The author does a great job explaining concepts and ideas. It helped me a ton as I broke up with my dismissive-avoidant partner. I can now see how we co-mingled for so many years. I can finally move forward opening myself up to a more secure attachment style.
Buy this book, trust me totally worth it! No 🧠 er

incredibly helpful!

This really helped me understand my partner, and why her behavior made me so crazy jealous. understanding both of our attachment styles has really helped improve our previously difficult to understand relationship.

Real insights and answers!

Abundantly helpful for someone confused about their partner's inconsistent and defensive behavior. At 49 and divorced after a long marriage, I thought of myself as very grounded, secure, and pretty good at relationships, until I moved in with my boyfriend. He pulled away abruptly, causing me to become confused, hurt and anxious. It still hurts, but now I know why, have some tools to deal with the behavior, and understand that this happens to a lot of people. Thank you so much for bringing awareness to attachment styles and for providing answers and guidance!

Good Information

This was a good book on avoidant & anxious attachment styles. It had some useful information. Gave me some insight into my own relationships. I do feel like it was a bit unempathetic at times. Some of the things said could make someone feel worse about themselves. other than that it was good info.

Don't Even Think About Dating an Avoidant!

Save yourself some heartache. Learn how to spot these individuals and steer clear of them. This book helped me understand that it's really NOT me.

excelent

despite it was not my first book on attachment. I really found it interesting and useful for me and for my practice as a psychologist

Helpful, but could be more so

This was a good book to listen to, particularly after determining the attachment styles for myself and of the important people in my life. I did not think the narrator was very engaging, but it wasn't too bad. This book seems to be one that might be better in print, but I got along fine with the audio version. Though the information was helpful, I did get the impression that the author is a bit too judgmental and critical of avoidants, even though my purpose for going through this book was to determine next steps with the avoidant(s) in my life. I do recommend it, but maybe not enthusiastically.

Amazing book

This is an amazing book, not only for comfort to make you feel less “crazy” about your relationship but to also give you pointers on how to work with your self and your partner.