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How To Survive a Horror Movie
- All the Skills to Dodge the Kills
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller
- Length: 3 hrs and 31 mins
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- Unabridged
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Marla Mason is the chief sorcerer of Felport, a woman who's tangled with gods and monsters and come out on top (if a bit damaged in the process). Bone Shop tells the story of Marla's evolution from runaway to sorcerer's apprentice to mercenary magician and beyond. Fans of the urban fantasy series from Bantam Spectra that began with Blood Engines will find surprising secrets revealed about Marla's past, and new listeners can get to know the character from the very beginning.
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LIKE LIVING IN A FRAT HOUSE
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By: T. A. Pratt
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Still Alive: Series Box Set, Books 1-4
- By: Javan Bonds
- Narrated by: S.W. Salzman
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Mo Collins, the reluctant hero, has sailed around the country on board the replica pirate ship, the Viva Ancora, and now he finds himself only miles from his childhood home. But now the world has gone to hell. Hordes of naked, blue, biting zombies have flooded the now dead Alabama lake town. Mo and his only surviving shipmate, Crow, spend their days fishing and their nights watching the monsters roam, seeking untainted flesh and leaving a disgusting mess in their wake.
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super hilarious
- By B Deyon on 12-19-19
By: Javan Bonds
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Seven Deadly Sins
- Settling the Argument Between Born Bad and Damaged Good
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- Narrated by: Corey Taylor
- Length: 7 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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For the first time, Slipknot and Stone Sour frontman Corey Taylor speaks directly to his fans and shares his worldview about life as a sinner. And Taylor knows how to sin. As a small-town hero in the early '90s, he threw himself into a fierce-drinking, drug-abusing, hard-loving, live-for-the-moment life. Soon Taylor's music exploded, and he found himself rich, wanted, and on the road. His new and ever-more-extreme lifestyle had an unexpected effect, however; for the first time, he began to actively think about what it meant to sin.
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Glad I didn't read this before buying concert tix
- By S. Adams on 07-23-19
By: Corey Taylor
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The Zombies of Lake Woebegotten
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- Narrated by: Phil Gigante
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- Unabridged
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The town of Lake Woebegotton, MN is a small town, filled with ordinary (yet above average) people, leading ordinary lives. Ordinary, that is, until the dead start coming back to life, with the intent to feast upon the living! Now this small town of above average citizens must overcome their petty rivalries and hidden secrets in order to survive an onslaught of the dead.
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Why is no one making a movie out of this?
- By Cidney on 10-07-11
By: Harrison Geillor
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I Am Not a Serial Killer
- John Cleaver, Book 1
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- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
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John Wayne Cleaver is dangerous, and he knows it. He's obsessed with serial killers, but really doesn't want to become one. So for his own sake, and the safety of those around him, he lives by rigid rules he's written for himself, practicing normal life as if it were a private religion that could save him from damnation. Dead bodies are normal to John. They don't demand or expect the empathy he's unable to offer. Perhaps that's what gives him the objectivity to recognize that there's something different about the body the police have just found behind the Wash-n-Dry Laundromat - and to appreciate what that difference means.
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WRONG CATEGORY - THIS IS NOT A MYSTERY
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By: Dan Wells
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The Postmortal
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In a world where an anti-aging cure is available worldwide, immortality comes with its own unique problems. John Farrell is about to get "The Cure". Old age can never kill him now. The only problem is, everything else still can.
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Interesting concept but bleak and wearing
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The Wide, Carnivorous Sky and Other Monstrous Geographies
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John Langan has, in the last few years, established himself as one of the leading voices in contemporary horror literature. Gifted with a supple and mellifluous prose style, an imagination that can conjure up clutching terrors with seeming effortlessness, and a thorough knowledge of the rich heritage of weird fiction, Langan has already garnered his share of accolades. This new collection includes nine of his substantial stories.
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Forgot the Horror
- By Dylan on 10-04-18
By: John Langan
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Waiting for Snow in Havana
- Confessions of a Cuban Boy
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- Unabridged
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A childhood in a privileged household in 1950s Havana was joyous and cruel, like any other - but with certain differences. The neighbor's monkey was liable to escape and run across your roof. Surfing was conducted by driving cars across the breakwater. Lizards and firecrackers made frequent contact. Carlos Eire's childhood was a little different from most. His father was convinced he had been Louis XVI in a past life. At school, classmates were attended by chauffeurs and bodyguards. Then, in January 1959, the world changed....
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Poorly chosen narrator
- By LS on 02-10-16
By: Carlos Eire
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Blood Oranges
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My name's Quinn. If you buy into my reputation, I'm the most notorious demon hunter in New England. But rumors of my badassery have been slightly exaggerated. Instead of having kung-fu skills and a closet full of medieval weapons, I'm an ex-junkie with a talent for being in the wrong place at the right time. Or the right place at the wrong time. Or…whatever. Wanted for crimes against inhumanity I (mostly) didn't commit, I was nearly a midnight snack for a werewolf until I was "saved" by a vampire calling itself the Bride of Quiet.
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Great Narration, Subpar Book
- By Mel Thomas on 12-17-14
By: Kathleen Tierney
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Nightlife
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In New York, there's a troll under the Brooklyn Bridge, a boggle in Central Park, and a beautiful vampire in a penthouse on the Upper East Side. Of course, most humans are oblivious to this, but Cal Leandros is only half-human. His father's dark lineage is the stuff of nightmares - and he and his entire otherworldly race are after Cal.
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Excellent debut for promising new series
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Practical Demonkeeping
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In Christopher Moore's ingenious debut novel, we meet one of the most memorably mismatched pairs in the annals of literature. The good-looking one is one-hundred-year-old ex-seminarian and "roads" scholar Travis O'Hearn. The green one is Catch, a demon with a nasty habit of eating most of the people he meets.
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I named my cat after the demon Catch
- By colleen on 08-24-11
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Horror Movie
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In June 1993, a group of young guerilla filmmakers spent four weeks making Horror Movie, a notorious, disturbing, art-house horror flick. The weird part? Only three of the film’s scenes were ever released to the public, but Horror Movie has nevertheless grown a rabid fanbase. Three decades later, Hollywood is pushing for a big budget reboot. The man who played “The Thin Kid” is the only surviving cast member. He remembers all too well the secrets buried within the original screenplay, the bizarre events of the filming, and the dangerous crossed lines on set that resulted in tragedy.
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What listeners say about How To Survive a Horror Movie
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Tabatha
- 01-17-13
Entertaining. What I expected
Is there anything you would change about this book?
Nope, he has it covered.
Was How To Survive a Horror Movie worth the listening time?
Yes, I didn't listen to it as I would a normal audiobook. I would listen to a chapter or two a morning as my day was getting started for some amusement. Then, when it was easier to focus my attention or listen in longer chunks of time I would switch to whatever else I was listening to for more serious "reading". I bought it during a sale on audible and am happy I did. However, I would not spend a whole credit on it. But since the question is "is it worth the listening time", I will say yes. Just understand what kind of book it is first, though, or you may be disappointed.
Any additional comments?
The book was a fun listen overall. I thought it was narrated very well. I often found myself chuckling at one thing or another. At other times I felt like the author was reaching a bit to be humorous and stretch the length of the book.Do not go into this book thinking there is an actual story. It is written in the format of any other kind of survival manual only I am even less likely of needing this one than my zombie apocalypse survival manual (wouldn't have thought that possible). So, it could be a bit tedious to listen to for long periods at a time.
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28 people found this helpful
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- SAMA
- 12-14-13
Useful to escape demonic alien psychopaths
I was trapped in a horror movie with devil worshipping psychopaths from another dimension who wanted to destroy earth by casting a curse that would kill everybody in seven days. This book worked great!
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19 people found this helpful
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- DCinMI
- 11-29-12
Short but hilarious!
If I watch a horror movie, I want to be scared--not startled. One of my biggest pet peeves is a horror movie that confuses the two. Worse yet is one that can't even startle me because they practically hold up a warning sign right before the startling thing happens. Example: Somebody says, "We'll be safe here." right before the "scary thing" comes bursting into the scene.
This book points out those warning signs so that you can tell whether or not you are in a horror movie and, if so, how to thwart the screenwriters and save yourself. I think it's a riot!
Some of the chapter titles are even funnier than the text. I think my favorite chapter title was, "What to Do if There are Children in Your Corn." At times like those, I could practically "see" the narrator moving his tongue into his cheek to keep from laughing, himself.
Highly recommended if you need a few hours of "the best medicine."
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17 people found this helpful
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- Carolyn
- 01-15-13
Funny, but not fantastic
This is a good listen if you're into horror movies and you know a lot of the clichés and common tropes in those movies - its entire content is about playing off those things. It has chapters called things like "How to Find Out What Type of Horror Movie You're In" and is full of tongue-in-cheek advice on how to stay alive. It is funny and clever, but it's not particularly original. Good for a quick, light listen, but nothing special.
I don't mind the narrator but I do wonder if he was the best pick for this particular book - he sounds like an old-school radio DJ à la Casey Kasem and it doesn't really go with the content about zombies, slasher movies, etc. I think it could have been better with a different style of narration, but it's not too distracting as is.
Overall, it does succeed at being funny and we enjoyed listening to it, but there's nothing in it you wouldn't expect. It was just okay; not bad, but nothing you'll remember in any detail a few days after you listen to it.
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16 people found this helpful
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- Kenya
- 05-29-13
In love
If you think you need the book for the one or two visuals don't bother. The visuals in the book are just lacking and the reader trumps them by a mile. He really gets into the character that 'wrote' the book and its just awesome. I think he made the audible.
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11 people found this helpful
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- Donna
- 08-04-12
Great Fun :)
Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?
Definitely. Like my headline says, this book is great fun. It would have been great to read anyway, but Johnny Heller's narration was fabulous and made it extra special.
What other book might you compare How To Survive a Horror Movie to and why?
Haven't read or listened to anything like this before...
Have you listened to any of Johnny Heller???s other performances before? How does this one compare?
Not to my knowledge, but I'll be looking for his name in future.
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
Lots of laughs and smiles here for me. As soon as I finished listening to it I went back and started it again. This will get multiple listens.
Any additional comments?
If you're looking for something fun, this is for you.
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11 people found this helpful
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- Stephanie Abbott
- 01-02-13
Glad I didn't pay full price.
Would you try another book from Seth Grahame-Smith and/or Johnny Heller?
Oh sure, I like the novels ok. Loved Lincoln. I was just expecting to really laugh out loud and it never got to that point.
Would you recommend How To Survive a Horror Movie to your friends? Why or why not?
probably not, unless they were already a fan.
What three words best describe Johnny Heller’s voice?
Unforgettable? Regular guy? I can't remember it being outstanding in any way.
Was How To Survive a Horror Movie worth the listening time?
So-so.
Any additional comments?
I'm glad I didn't pay full price, it was ok but not something I thought about later at all, didn't find it all that funny or interesting. And I LOVE the idea of it. Sorry!
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8 people found this helpful
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- Zhigghay
- 03-23-16
Good for what it is.
This was a short fun book with a lot of laughs. Hardcore horror fans are sure to love it as he nails a lot of the cliche horror movie happenings. This book pokes fun at horror movies and itself and that's something we all need to be able to do.
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4 people found this helpful
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- Desdinova
- 10-19-13
The perfect survival guide
There are all kinds of survival guides in this world ranging from living in the frozen tundra to not being baked or eaten alive if you have to make an emergency landing in the Sahara. But none of these even come close to preparing you for what awaits you in life like How To Survive a Horror Movie.
If you enjoy horror and want to get a tongue-in-cheek look at how to deal with some of your old faves, you will enjoy this richly presented audio version of this wonderful book.
Also, listening before bed may help alleviate nightmares since the steps within can be converted to dealing with those also.
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4 people found this helpful
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- Mark
- 02-06-15
Wildly funny and very well read
This one really comes together. The text is great. It covers all the standard cliches of horror movie writing and it's read in one of the best ways of reading it: with the tough, weary cynicism of a veteran.
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3 people found this helpful