If the author had written a new, fresh novel that didn't bore me to tears. It was as if there was some preset guidelines that instructed "Insert royal jerk here" and "Place handsome brooding he-man there" or "This is where the emotional unattainable beautiful woman suddenly realizes that perhaps she could fall in love, but of course it will be with the last guy she thought possible." Sort of a mad libs feel.
I'll admit. I'm not a romance fan. I find them insipid and silly. I THOUGHT this book was going to be more of an action/adventure flavored by an unexpected romance, but boy was I wrong! The supposed action was only there to bring two unlikely characters together who could then have lots of "Oh why doesn't he LISTEN to me!" and "I'll show her how awesome Navy Seals are" moments.
It was fine.
I might try reading a book by these authors as opposed to listening to it. It was hard to determine if the pervasive bad attitude of every. single. character. in. this book. was because of the writing itself or the way the narrator read.
1. Quit using so many cliches.
2. Stop referring to people as a "wild card" (see number 1).
3. Don't refer to the main female character (and other female characters) consistently by both their first and last names while all male characters are always called by last name only.
4. Write plot lines that are at least semi-believable.
I could go on...
Every single character line was read with as much spit and vinegar as Ms. Rodgers could muster. Every single line. Every single character. Every single moment. EVERYONE was pissed off. All the time.
Here's a scene (I believe) was actually deleted from this book. Read each line aloud in manner of premenstrual woman who has just discovered someone ate her last chocolate.
Kendra Michaels stood in the line of the grocery store while the clerk rang up her purchases.
"Paper or plastic?" the bag boy, Smith, snarled at her.
Kendra Michaels regarded him cooly, then replied, "Your obvious interest in the forestry industry compels me to choose paper."
Smith startled, then sneered, "How did you know that? I'm a mysterious wild card. No one can ascertain my true nature."
Kendra Michaels shot back, "I see by the crimson fuzz on your coat that you wore a plaid flannel shirt yesterday. The callus on your thumb could mean either that you play too many video games or you spend a great deal of time handling a chainsaw. I also detected the slightest whiff of pine needles on you. This would not be detectable to the common nose, but I was able to sniff it out immediately. All these things could mean you freelance as a Christmas tree salesman, but the more logical explanation is that you are a lumberjack in your free time; therefore, your interests would lead you to desire your customers to choose paper over plastic."
"You are freaky weird, Kendra Michaels. I find it both disturbing and titillating that you were able to see through my wild card exterior to the true me."
Smith pondered the situation and realized he wanted to feel the silky smoothness of Kendra Michael's hair beneath his callused thumbs. He was sexually attracted to her, but now was not the time nor the place for his skilled overtures.
Kendra Michaels, meanwhile, thought of how she and Smith had come to know each other better in the last ten minutes than most people did in a lifetime.
"Close your eyes, Smith," she murmured...
Well, you get my drift. The only way I got through this book was to regard it as satire, BUT I did finish the story because I wanted to find out who the bad guy was. Even though it all turned out so ridiculous, I did see it through to the end; hence, the two stars for story.
I really liked the premise of this book. I love that the main characters are a struggling couple who don't have it all together. It made me laugh when they discover their marriage therapist eating the couple who keeps the weekly appointment before them, and who, incidentally, they can't stand. Despite the zombie mayhem, this book made me often laugh out loud. I can't wait to get the next in the series.
The humor coupled with zombie destruction.
She did a great job reading the story and really brings the characters to life.
This is my favorite genre, but this story just wasn't worth listening to. Not only did the story drag and seem to follow pre-fab predictable story lines, but I also did not like the graphic depiction of homosexual sex. Those things, combined with the over-the-top reading, made me finally turn the book off. I just don't even care what happens next.
Maybe if I had read this book myself instead of listening to it, I would have enjoyed it more.
At this point, no. The reading of this story was the thing that drove me the most crazy. Have you ever watched The Chronicles of Riddick with Vin Diesel? It's like Scott Brick is consciously copying Vin Diesel's manner of speaking in that movie. It's all drawled out and presented in an "I'm too cool for my vampire teeth" kind of way. Oh wait. Except apparently these vampires don't have vampire teeth. They draw blood the old-fashioned way- with a needle.
Uhm..... Nothing that jumps out at me.
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