Tony

I used to think that humor was about making myself look witty and brilliant at the expense of others. What I thought was humor turned out to be an unimpressive mix of sarcasm and pass-aggressive contrariness that put people on eggshells around me. If you messed up, then you were gonna get it. I was going to take a "shot" at you, because then look at big me and little you. It was different than good-natured jazzing because it hurt and I could feel it. Then a man told me that I ought to start telling jokes where I was the object of my own ridicule - self-deprecating humor. I started to realize that the only people I trusted were those who did not take themselves too seriously. Dr. Hawkins is one of those people. He makes fun of his own ego in a way that encourages others to identify with him and not feel like he is above them. This is the acme of humility, as far as I can tell. That we are able to laugh at ourselves, because there really are no big deals in reality. The ego takes everything heart-attack seriously, and I think it is all a big "so what" to Divinity. Another man told me that if I ever learned to laugh at myself I might never cease to be amused....:)

So this inventory business, which the Doc calls "owning one's downside" is a key to self-acceptance and "wearing the world like a loose garment", as St. Francis says. I do a lot better in life when I don't try to figure things out and don't assume I know what's best. I always thought that if I wanted to help someone I had to come at it from a moralistic perspective. If I showed them what a "good person" I was, or how to become a "good person" then they would want to become a "good person". Then I heard that Jesus said, "why callest thou me Good. There is no one Good but the Father." So this is the Prince of Peace talking and here I am thinking I can get to heaven by being "righteous"! I think I can impress God. I am going to con the guy in charge....talk about delusional!

So I realized that the ego is always looking for ways to take credit for anything good in my life and it is all a lie. I learned too that people were not interested in my righteousness. They wanted to hear how I had it all and blew it, because I had done such an excellent job at it! I think it was less threatening to them that way. They wanted to hear me "share" and not "tell". No one I ever told what to do listened very long. It is intuitively repugnant to human nature if I think that you are trying to sell me something. We just don't stand for it. Punch me in the face, but please don't lie to me by being nice to me "with strings attached". People who shared how they got out of the mess and what it was like now got my attention. They tended to laugh a whole lot more than I did. They didn't have any hidden agendas or strings attached. They just wanted to share themselves with me in love. This sort of thing is infectious beyond computing.

I believe spirituality is about unity. It is about ending the sense of "conscious and unconscious spiritual separation" from our Loving Father God, because we are all God's kids, every one of us. When I was attacking God's kids I was attacking myself. Every time I took one of those "shots", I was furthering my sense of isolation and separation. Eventually it piles up, and I am walking around with a whole lot of guilt and I think I am a victim of the world and that the world owes me. In truth, I had set the ball rolling. I had been bullying people with words and I has disconnected myself from my Source. I bought the lie that spirituality was wishful thinking, so I sought out people who helped me to continue in the delusion that I was a victim. I compounded the fracture by gossiping about the people whom I had attacked for not giving me more attention. I did not want to admit that, because then I would have to realize that I chose my lot in life. I chose to pass the responsibility for how I felt onto other people. I realized that I may need to forgive these people whom I had dubbed my "enemies" and that seemed like a whole lot of work. Then Jesus says "everyone forgives their friends, what merit is there in that?" Then I was really in a bind and I had to do some praying again!

This is why the Doc's work is so important. All of us have been looking for this sense of unity all along and the last place we want to look is inside ourselves. I think God has the best sense of humor of all!