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Kelly Howard

Coastal Oregon | Member Since 2008

155
HELPFUL VOTES
  • 51 reviews
  • 81 ratings
  • 1 titles in library
  • 15 purchased in 2014
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  • Zombie Fallout 5: Alive in a Dead World

    • UNABRIDGED (11 hrs and 9 mins)
    • By Mark Tufo
    • Narrated By Sean Runnette
    Overall
    (1399)
    Performance
    (1311)
    Story
    (1319)

    In the latest installment of Mark Tufo's zombie fallout series, Mike Talbot and his family continue their fight for survival as Eliza plots their demise.

    Teddy says: "Feels like Tufo was Stalling"
    "Series started mediocre, went downhill"
    Overall
    Performance
    Story

    ZF5 contains several flashbacks of IMMENSE length, showing Michael & his Good Buddy Joel and the Good Times they had. Maybe it's just me, but I found these interludes excruciating: long, long, lonnnggg tales of drunk, stoner pranks and partying. I found myself wondering how good friends they'd be if they actually remembered half of what they did.

    Most of what goes for the rest of the Zombie Fallout series goes for #5 as well: 2-D characters, repetitious occurrences, supposedly experienced (by book 5) survivors making stupid mistakes, going off alone (AFTER having a discussion about how stupid horror movie characters are to get separated)...As the series went along, I got the distinct impression that Tufo was taking one or two books & s-s-t-r-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g them out to maximise his bucks for [lack of] our bang. With me, that strategy boomeranged; I won't be wasting my money on him again. Whatever he's gotten from me is already too much.

    The characters:

    Michael, the wise-cracking, snarky hero. But, he's considerably over the top with the snarky cracks and deficient in the wise.

    Tracy, the wife, who mainly is Mondo Witch (she seems serious when, in ZF1, she's ticked off at Michael because he's ruining the resale value of their house as he's trying to zombie-proof it). Occasionally she slips into icky-sweet "Oh darling, I love you forever and ever and ever and I'm always behind you etc etc etc" gag.

    BT: the Big Black Dude Sidekick. I actually liked BT, and really, really wished he was given something interesting to do in addition to just being the BBDS. (Interestingly, he seems to be the only African American to survive the apocalypse in any of the books. Hispanics do only slightly better, with one small family. Asians & other groups apparently are right out). BT had no existence & evidently no interests whatsoever outside Michael & his little group.

    Henry the dog: He farts. He sleeps. That's basically it. We get lots of paeans to bulldogs & how wonderful they are but no evidence to support this claim. (Hey, now I'm just DYING to get a dog who does nothing but release toxic farts & sleep!!). On more than one occasion Michael has to carry the dog -not up ladders, but just across flat terrain. I wondered if the dog was ancient, but nothing about that was said. Bulldogs are too lazy to walk?! This is news to me.

    Basically, I can see someone who really gets off on say, Adam Sandler movies or TV shows like "Workaholics" really liking this series. Unfortunately, I loathe both and wish I'd stopped at ZF1. Why did I keep listening to them? Partly because good zombie/horror books are fairly thin upon the ground & some tiny hopeful part of me kept hoping Tufo would improve (plus, there was a sort of horrified fascination in seeing what words he'd mangle next -see below), partly because I'm laid up a lot & even irritating boredom gives some distraction from pain at times.
    I can't decide whether I'm more depressed or alarmed by all the 5 star, frothingly enthusiastic reviews here.

    And now, a side issue with writing style/vocabulary: what IS it with Tufo & words?! And has an editor ever looked at his manuscripts, an editor with a good vocabulary that is; as in someone who not only knows big words, but knows the actual MEANINGS of the big words? Tufo or whomever (both?) continually, repeatedly, come up with words that sound close to what they actually mean but really aren't at all correct. This drives me crazy enough in an audiobook; in print my head would explode.

    Bizarrely enough, Tufo actually used "clowder" correctly in ZF5 (the actual term for a group of cats, like "murder" is the delightful term for a group of crows. But almost nobody knows "clowder"). Yet Tufo comes out with "sometimes fate "intercedes" (mediates, or interposes on behalf of someone in difficulty or trouble) instead of "intervenes" (gets in the way) -fate intervenes, it never, ever intercedes...that's what novenas are for.

    As always, people nod their heads "in ascension" ("climb, soar, or rise") instead of (presumably) "in assent" (agreement). This nodding in ascension business goes on repeatedly in every ZF book. Maybe when Tufo's people nod, their heads go down, then up, up, and away.

    In ZF3.5 the scientist speaks of identifying something to "species and genome" (genus). In another (I lost track of book #s) someone takes a "controlling" breath before they shoot a gun...perhaps if they took a powerful enough controlling breath they wouldn't have to take a controlled breath in order to accurately shoot. Elsewhere more party crashers arrive than are "interested," not "anticipated." (In my experience people who throw parties --whether pleasant ones, or when the term is used ironically, they aren't interested in any crashers.)

    I have many other examples, but unfortunately jotted them down while listening to the books at night by the light of my ipod, & I can't suss them out. However, there are a very many examples of this kind of demi-illiteracy in all 6 of the Zombie Fallout books, and it is maddening. I have no delusions of being omniscient when it comes to vocabulary but that's why God made dictionaries: LOOK IT UP, for zombie's sake!!

    One final note on ZF5
    *SPOILER ALERT!**SPOILER ALERT!**SPOILER ALERT!**SPOILER ALERT!**SPOILER ALERT!**SPOILER ALERT!**SPOILER ALERT!**SPOILER ALERT!*
    I mean it, I'm about to reveal something about the end. Stop reading NOW if you don't want to know about an end part.

    Really: stop.
    ****************************************

    And then there's Joel. I think I was supposed to feel fond of the schlub, particularly since Tufo kept him around a while despite his being woefully incapable....I mean, it's sort of surprising he managed to make it to the grocery store & back even before the apocalypse. The way the guy is taken out is just gratuitously horrible even for someone in a zombie apocalypse. I found it a bit startling, as if Tufo was nursing some deep personal hatred for the mope (and for cats) & was as vicious as possible to them. That was actually the most disturbing part of the whole series for me. I mean, gruesome killings are all very fine in a zombie book --heck, they're required-- but sheesh....

    17 of 20 people found this review helpful
  • The Kraken Project: Wyman Ford, Book 4

    • UNABRIDGED (12 hrs and 29 mins)
    • By Douglas Preston
    • Narrated By Scott Sowers
    • Whispersync for Voice-ready
    Overall
    (174)
    Performance
    (164)
    Story
    (164)

    NASA is building a probe to be splashed down in the Kraken Mare, the largest sea on Saturn’s great moon, Titan. It is one of the most promising habitats for extraterrestrial life in the solar system, but the surface is unpredictable and dangerous, requiring the probe to contain artificial intelligence software. To this end, Melissa Shepherd, a brilliant programmer, has developed "Dorothy", a powerful, self-modifying AI whose true potential is both revolutionary and terrifying. When miscalculations lead to a catastrophe during testing, Dorothy flees into the Internet.

    Jacqueline says: "Kraken Project? Not Really!"
    "Dorothy needs to be sucked up by a tornado"
    Overall
    Performance
    Story

    I've read a bunch of DP's books, both solo & with L Childs, but this is definitely not one of the winners. I agree with a number of reviewers who said it seems like a YA novel, at least in many parts. None of the characters (including Dorothy, and her little dog [?!] too) seemed particularly believable, & the kiss request was just idiotic & creepy. I found the kid so incredibly obnoxious that I kept fervently hoping he'd get killed off; yes, I know teenagers can be a trial, and he did have tough things to deal with (like the foot thing*), but it is possible to write a problematic character without having him be so loathsome that the reader prays for his death. Of course, the fact that his parents were also utterly intolerable caused me to cut him a teeny bit of slack, but they were another problem. I must say, Preston has a knack for creating characters which I absolutely cannot stand; some of the jerks in this book make me think that he's responsible for certain characters in the books he wrote with Childs...the reporter Smithback in many of the Pendergast books springs to mind...the kid in this one could be his clone in obnoxiousness.

    Preston showed a serious lack of imagination with having two different characters bring somebody out of hiding with the exact same trick-- pretending to abuse something the target cared about. I kept waiting for Ford to mention that he'd learned the trick from the first instance, but it was presented like "what a great idea!" --twice.

    Overall, the plot was beyond my ability to suspend disbelief. Could a computer program really hide the way Dorothy did at the end? Perhaps I just don't understand the physics of computing well enough, but I didn't buy it, along with quite a few other things. The dialogue was rather doubtful at times, also.

    Sowers did a decent job with what he had to work with. At least he didn't do what the guy who read the Dresden Files did on the first book, which was give vent to these humongous sighs at intervals, like reading the book was the worst thing he'd ever had to trudge through (he either got more interested as the books went along, or learned to suffer in silence).

    *granted, I know nothing about surfing, but I had real problems with him never being able to surf again because one leg was shorter than the other. What a weenie! People surf without arms, with 1 1/2 legs, with no legs... there's a picture of a guy without arms OR legs riding a board with a girl with one arm, fa cryin' out loud! Okay, they're not shooting the pipe (or whatever it's called) on a monster 40 foot wave, but sheesh!

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  • The Book of the Dead

    • UNABRIDGED (15 hrs and 14 mins)
    • By Douglas Preston, Lincoln Child
    • Narrated By Scott Brick
    • Whispersync for Voice-ready
    Overall
    (1886)
    Performance
    (886)
    Story
    (887)

    The New York Museum of Natural History receives their pilfered gem collection back, ground down to dust. Diogenes, the psychotic killer who stole them in Dance of Death, is throwing down the gauntlet to both the city and to his brother, FBI Agent Pendergast, who is currently incarcerated in a maximum security prison.

    V.A. says: "Not bad"
    "a good pendergast, not great"
    Overall
    Performance
    Story

    I've been re-listening to this series of DP & LC's every now & then for several years; they're great brain candy, take my mind off of the trials of life while I'm driving, gardening, whatever. I'd give this 3.5 stars for the story itself, if I could. It's not, IMO, the best of the series. The reasons I downgrade this particular book (all the judgement on this book --& the series-- is based on them being the aforementioned literary equivalent of cerebral gummy bears, not deathless literature):
    1. The perfection of both Pendergast & his bro in all their endeavors stretches even my ability & willingness to suspend disbelief past the breaking point. These guys can do anything, be anything, & they know everything. They're masters of everything from hand-to-hand fighting to great literature (papyrus through Romantic poets to modern day), to gourmet food & wine, every science, computer programming, neurosurgery without a scalpel, morse & all other codes....these guys are incredibly proficient at absolutely everything. They can masquerade as someone else so successfully that people who've had close & extended contact with both characters remain totally clueless (despite the fact that another character notices that one of the brothers has an extremely unique 'personal scent', which goes unnoticed by other people who work with him for years & years).
    The Superman-like abilities they have with absolutely everything just goes beyond absurd & reaches annoying this time out..

    2. Some of the 2nd tier characters are simply loathsome, when (I think) they're supposed to be sympathetic characters. I'm thinking particularly of Bill Smithback here; he's arrogant, egotistical, devious, obnoxious, ethics-free, and a dreadful snob. Every time he appears in the books, since about 1/3 of the way through "Relic," I've been hoping somebody would kill him off & put him out of my misery. Several of the lesser characters, especially the cops/FBI guys, are so revolting & just so utterly, purely, total jerks that it even goes beyond my ability to believe (Capt Waxey [sp?] in the other book, Agt Coffey in this one).

    3 This isn't the writers' fault, but this production has these really annoying, random moments of "mood music" that pops up at idiotic times. In several places they'll run up the music & stop the reader for a few moments, then let him continue, with the music playing under the narration. These gaps come right smack in the middle of scenes, not at natural break points. Far from enhancing the scary or thrilling mood, they totally kill it & aggravate the heck out of the listener. The director should quit audiobooks & go work in radio or movies, if what they really want to do is play with music. When they're working with audiobooks they should stick to audiobooks.

    Scott Brick does an excellent job with this one. I wasn't wild about him the first time I heard him, but either he's gotten better or I've learned to appreciate him more. I just listened to his reading of "The Passage" (Justin Cronin), & thought he did an outstanding job, even better than any of his renditions of Preston & Child's books.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  • The Martian

    • UNABRIDGED (10 hrs and 53 mins)
    • By Andy Weir
    • Narrated By R. C. Bray
    • Whispersync for Voice-ready
    Overall
    (5894)
    Performance
    (5601)
    Story
    (5612)

    Six days ago, astronaut Mark Watney became one of the first people to walk on Mars. Now, he's sure he'll be the first person to die there. After a dust storm nearly kills him and forces his crew to evacuate while thinking him dead, Mark finds himself stranded and completely alone with no way to even signal Earth that he’s alive—and even if he could get word out, his supplies would be gone long before a rescue could arrive. Chances are, though, he won't have time to starve to death. The damaged machinery, unforgiving environment, or plain old "human error" are much more likely to kill him first. But Mark isn't ready to give up yet. Drawing on his ingenuity, his engineering skills—and a relentless, dogged refusal to quit—he steadfastly confronts one seemingly insurmountable obstacle after the next. Will his resourcefulness be enough to overcome the impossible odds against him?"

    Brian says: "Duct tape is magic and should be worshiped"
    "probably will be most enjoyed by real space fans"
    Overall
    Performance
    Story

    This is one of those books I'd really like to give 3 1/2 stars. I mostly enjoyed it but while listening, the thought occurred many times that it was a good thing that I'm really "into" the space program, because otherwise I'd probably be bored. The premise is fascinating --guy gets accidentally stranded on Mars, how can he possibly survive until they can come rescue him (IF they can rescue him at all)? But aficionados of Thrillers or Action/Adventure books are likely to be disappointed; there is no "Big Thing" to thrill or provide action. Everything is pretty much within the realm of reality --no aliens, no killer asteroids, no wild action. The thrills & action lie within the realm of the mundane; he puts in an enormous amount of work to survive, have food & oxygen sufficient to last.

    So if the basic realities of the space program arent' interesting enough for you, you'll probably be rather bored. If the problems & difficulties inherent in traveling to & surviving in non-Earth & outer space environments fascinate you, you're golden.

    The reader did a decent, workmanlike job; not inspired or amazing, but solidly competent.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  • Nocturnal: A Novel

    • UNABRIDGED (22 hrs and 23 mins)
    • By Scott Sigler
    • Narrated By Phil Gigante
    Overall
    (234)
    Performance
    (226)
    Story
    (227)

    Homicide detective Bryan Clauser is losing his mind. How else to explain the dreams he keeps having - dreams that mirror, with impossible accuracy, the gruesome serial murders taking place all over San Francisco? How else to explain the feelings these dreams provoke in him - not disgust, not horror, but excitement? As Bryan and his longtime partner, Lawrence 'Pookie' Chang, investigate the murders, they learn that things are even stranger than they at first seem.

    valarie says: "Another AMAZING story"
    "book is so-so, bad directing ruined a good reader"
    Overall
    Performance
    Story

    Overall, I give the book itself a "Meh" & the reading a raspberry for somebody ruining a good reader's performance.
    I haven't read anything by Sigler before. I decided to give him a try while reading through a listing of books narrated by one of my fave readers, Phil Gigante. I first heard him reading Joe R Lansdale's Hap & Leonard books, with which he does an absolutely fantastic job. I figured no matter what the book was like, at least the reading would be excellent. HA! I did not count on it being directed by someone who apparently dreams of being a major Foley artist in Hollywood; this reading is utterly ruined (for me at least) by tons of "special effects" which are totally unnecessary; leave Gigante alone & you'll have a great reading. But no. When the 2 main characters use the "2-way" function of their cell phones, you get these ear-splitting beeps & electric tones. When someone is thinking/talking to himself, Gigante sounds like he's being recorded while reading inside one of those old concrete-and-steel, Interstate highway rest stop bathrooms...most of these inner thoughts were so echo-ey & muddled I couldn't understand them at all. Instead of letting the very talented Gigante do different voices for the monsters, they used electronic idiocy which rendered those voices somewhere from annoying to incomprehensible.

    And speaking of annoying, there were many aspects of the book itself which I found worse than fingernails on a chalkboard. Worst of all was the protagonist's sidekick/partner, "Pookie," who has to be one of the most irritating characters in modern fiction (& I don't mean just his idiotic nickname). He always talks like some kind of gangsta-wannabe, just overflowing with moronic jokes, sexist & racist remarks, and tons of juvenile humor.

    It was not at all clear to me why the beautiful young pathologist (o course) so fervently loves the main character, Brian (even though they've split up, she's still gaga over him). The guy has all the emotional range of a mollusk...no, actually octopi have more. I guess it's supposed to be sort of a Spock/Data thing, where supposedly the woman has a burning desire to "wake up" the emotional stone. Although, both the Vulcan & the android are (to me) more believable love interests.

    The main character does gain some emotional activity as the book progresses, but very little of it is positive. I found him fairly unlikeable as a protagonist. I suppose I should put in a *Spoiler ALERT*, as I'm about to say something which occurs late in the book, his feelings upon learning something about his background. Stop here if you don't want to learn something early. *Spoiler ALERT**Spoiler ALERT* I don't understand Brain's reaction to finding out he was adopted, & liked him even less after). He didn't even wait to get the details; even before he talked to his "father" or knew anything at all about the circumstances, he was completely enraged. Why? I realize that learning you're adopted could be a shock, but he's furious to his Dad for "lying" to him even before he learns that he's genetically one of the bad guys. He went from mourning his beloved mother & living & respecting his dear father to despising them before learning anything. Then his putative father explains things & Brian hates them more & disowns them. He never gives either parent the benefit of a doubt even for an instant, which to me is not a sign of a likable or sympathetic character.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  • The Dark Design: Riverworld Saga, Book 3

    • UNABRIDGED (17 hrs and 59 mins)
    • By Philip José Farmer
    • Narrated By Paul Hecht
    Overall
    (83)
    Performance
    (46)
    Story
    (49)

    Best-selling author Philip José Farmer crafted an SF landmark with his wildly imaginative Riverworld series. In this third installment, much has transpired since Earth’s denizens found themselves resurrected along the shores of a river 22 million miles long. With the truth of this strange river’s creators, the Ethicals, still shrouded in mystery, Sir Richard Francis Burton, Samuel Clemens, King John, and Cyrano de Bergerac face a fantastical voyage of discovery.

    Battaglia says: "The series seems to get longer and longer."
    "third in the series, dead last in quality"
    Overall
    Performance
    Story

    I first read "Riverworld" in the 70s, & I remember enjoying it. I didn't enjoy it enough to get all 3 books, though...& after listening to this dog, I wish I'd kept it that way.

    We do get (sort of) the main characters from the first 2 books together, which was nice; I missed Burton & his bunch in #2. But for some reason, Farmer decided to intro a brand new main character & couldn't have come up with a more annoying person if he'd studied for years. Jill is one of the more obnoxious characters to appear in fiction in a long time. She's constantly, aggressively on the defensive, knows everybody is out to get her & deny her genius & incredible capabilities, & --best of all-- she has the amazing ability to take ONE LOOK at anyone, determine their gender, race, & time of origin, & immediately she knows EXACTLY what that person thinks about her, about women, & precisely how badly they're going to treat her. And then she condemns them for their egregious bigotry. Um, hypocrite much? She even periodically tells herself that she should quit this, but does she ever actually improve? Take a guess.

    Other than the loathsome Jill, & bouncing back & forth between Sam & Burton's groups, with quite a few LOONNNNNG & incredibly boring side lectures on religion, the plot can be summed up fairly briefly:
    1. someone wants to build a great big something to get to the source.
    2. They toil mightily, get into intrigues & war with the neighbors for the raw materials,
    3. They spend all their time in wild angst over who gets to run the thing when it's done.
    4. Then they usually lose it.
    Repeat, with different or the same people, different or the same great big something.

    Unless I dozed off at the end (possible; I had to keep backing up b/c I'd gotten so tired of building, bickering, & bi*ching) we never really get a satisfactory idea of who or what is behind the Riverworld, or why. And by then, I didn't care.

    The reader does an okay job; he's not too good with voices, so it wasn't always easy to figure out who was talking if there weren't adequate cues in the text, and I'm not wild about his voice, but he was...acceptable. At least as good as the book itself, which is sorta damning with faint praise. I gave him 1 more star than the book itself because his performance didn't inspire me to want to commit actual violence, unlike the book.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  • Citizen of the Galaxy

    • UNABRIDGED (8 hrs and 59 mins)
    • By Robert A. Heinlein
    • Narrated By Grover Gardner
    • Whispersync for Voice-ready
    Overall
    (29)
    Performance
    (29)
    Story
    (28)

    In a distant galaxy of colonized planets, the atrocity of slavery is alive and well. Young Thorby was just another bedraggled orphan boy sold at auction, but his new owner, Baslim, is not the disabled beggar he appears to be. Adopting Thorby as his son, Baslim fights relentlessly as an abolitionist spy. When the authorities close in on Baslim, Thorby must find his own way in a hostile galaxy. Joining with the Free Traders, a league of merchant princes, Thorby must find the courage to live by his wits and fight his way up from society's lowest rung.

    Sherry says: "Very dated."
    "two classics together; can't get much better!"
    Overall
    Performance
    Story

    I've been a fan (weak term, actually) of Robert Heinlein for decades. I discovered the readings of Grover Gardner several years ago, & he's tops on my readers list. Put 'em together, what a treat!
    I feel somewhat guilty about not giving RAH 5 stars across the board, but truthfully, CotG isn't my favorite Heinlein book. It's just not up there with Stranger in a Strange Land or Time Enough for Love, or even some of the "boys" books (but it's definitely better than some of his last clunkers, like "Friday" which I felt sorta stunk...forgive me, RAH).
    Anyway, this is the story of Thorby's sequential life disruptions --from child slave bought by the kindly (& mysterious) "Pop" Baslam the Beggar, to part of the Sisu Trader family, to the brief stint in the galactic military to his final (surprise) return to his "real" identity. Heinlein uses Thorby & his adventures to discourse (at times somewhat excessively) on one of his favorite themes, freedom & its inverse, the loathsome slavery. It's because of the sometimes pedantic tone that I give this 4 stars instead of 5, because the book bogs down a bit occasionally.
    But I thought after rereading it for the first time in decades, that it's held up well; Heinlein's visions of star travel seem as likely & vivd now as they did then, & big business & people are every bit as sleazy now as portrayed then...with a few good folks here & there, still trying to fight the good fight. Like a lot of Heinlein, it contains grains of hope toward humanity without ever (ever!) being overly optimistic.
    Rich characters and interesting situations --Heinlein gives free rein to his anthropological ideas in this one-- make this a diverting read/listen. And of course, Grover Gardner does it right!

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  • Needle

    • UNABRIDGED (7 hrs and 30 mins)
    • By Hal Clement
    • Narrated By Eric Michael Summerer
    Overall
    (30)
    Performance
    (15)
    Story
    (15)

    A manhunt within a man. The hunter from space's depths chose Robert Kinncaid as his "host" and invaded his body, controlled his thoughts, and began the search. The Quarry was lurking in another human being somewhere. It was like searching for a needle in a haystack- a needle that carried death and destruction.

    Kelly Howard says: "Interesting book that's aged well"
    "Interesting book that's aged well"
    Overall
    Performance
    Story

    I was quite surprised when I heard, at the end of the book, that the copyright date was 1950. I certainly noticed that some modern tech was lacking --cell phones, for one-- but the book didn't really seem too terribly dated beyond that.
    Other than that, I found it a pretty good listen. Though not exactly an 'edge of your seat' page turner, it was nonetheless quite interesting. The characters were well fleshed out & the developing relationship between Bob & the Detective was well portrayed, with Bob being neither too terrified nor too easily accepting of his unexpected internal partner, The Detective was an interesting character as well, also complex enough to seem a real character --despite being considerably advanced in physics & as a symbiote, he (it?) nevertheless makes some mistakes with Bob, thus escaping the "omniscient alien" type that too often appears in SF.
    I did get tired of the somewhat pompous tone that appears at times, most notably the various characters who refer to assorted antagonistic entities as "our friend the [whatever]". If the doctor had used the phrase "our friend the plasmodium" one more time I'd have had to do something dire to somebody.
    The reader did a solid if unspectacular job.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  • Fearless Fourteen: A Stephanie Plum Novel

    • UNABRIDGED (6 hrs and 38 mins)
    • By Janet Evanovich
    • Narrated By Lorelei King
    • Whispersync for Voice-ready
    Overall
    (1433)
    Performance
    (489)
    Story
    (489)

    Personal vendettas, hidden treasure, and a monkey named Carl will send bounty hunter Stephanie Plum on her most explosive adventure yet. Dom Rizzi robbed a bank, stashed the money, and did the time. His family couldn't be more proud. He always was the smart one. Joe Morelli, Dom Rizzi, and Dom's sister, Loretta, are cousins. Morelli is a cop, Rizzi robs banks, and Loretta is a single mother waiting tables at the firehouse. The all-American family.

    Patricia says: "Laughed out loud..."
    "Dull, downright bad entry in the Plum series"
    Overall
    Performance
    Story

    I really enjoyed the earlier Stephanie Plum books both in audio & print form, but Evanovich seems to've totally phoned this one in...& phoned it in poorly. The first 8 or so chapters are beyond dull; nothing happens, we get repeated, extended descriptions of Bob the dog tinkling & eating, Stephanie eating comfort food, Stephanie driving around Jersey endlessly, tons of Lula finding things to complain about (more on her in a moment). It's mundane crud, and even the introduction of an aging country music star with massive "quirks," which I assume was supposed to add spice & humor to the book, just provided another series of thuds.

    The characters have become caricatures of themselves, or worse. All the usual suspects are here: Stephanie somehow continues to be a clueless bounty hunter --after 13 books of doing it, you'd figure she'd learn something-- yet at the same time she makes occasional near-Sherlockian leaps & bounces between a terrified & queasy newbie & a weary pro. She's just not authentic at all. And the outrageous and creative situations she used to get into are in the past, with nothing particularly inventive happening in the whole book.

    Ranger, the sexy, near-ninja mystery man, has ended up in the truly unfortunate position of being uxorious toward Stephanie without actually having any kind of relationship with her --the most he gets is an occasional pat on the hand, maybe, but he acts like her lap dog anyway.

    Joe Morelli has turned into a cardboard generic "cop" who adores Stephanie. Period. Yawn.

    Lula gets the shortest stick in a veritable pile of match-sized kindling, though: whereas she used to be funny, quirky, and a unique character who (tho a former ho) had a considerable helping of...well, innocence or naivete may not describe it, but a rather charming sort of clueless unsophistication that made her endearing despite her volatile nature. Now Lula just seems dumb and downright mean, and her campaign against Tank verges on creepy....she's a worse stalker than the guy who's supposedly stalks the country singer, who just seems to be a harmless dweeb.

    All in all, if this is the turn that the Stephanie Plum books take from now on in the series, I'm done with her. I suppose I should be happy that there were a dozen or so good ones, but it's annoying to have an author get so lazy & sure of their audience that they churn out garbage & hope nobody notices, or that their fans will be grateful for garbage if it's THEIR garbage, or however Evanovich excuses this tripe (other than the "laughing all the way to the bank" excuse). I do know that most authors get a certain number of fans who're so rabid that they will gobble up anything that author deigns to produce & they'll gush & fawn over it, no matter how wretched the dreck is (Laurell K Hamilton springs to mind as a particularly egregious example of dreck with rabid fans). I'd hope most people are more discerning & don't so enthusiastically reward lousy, lazy writing. I certainly won't. I may reread the old books, but am going to require proof of quality before throwing my hard-earned money in Evanovich's direction.

    Lorelei King does what she can with this turkey, but not even her skillful reading can save it. It also seems as if the director has to pad the audiobook to get it near the requisite length; the pauses between chapters are the longest I've heard on any audiobook....I kept thinking my ipod batteries had died. I don't know how many pages the book was...however many it was, it was a waste of trees.

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  • Visions in Death: In Death, Book 19

    • UNABRIDGED (11 hrs and 18 mins)
    • By J. D. Robb
    • Narrated By Susan Ericksen
    • Whispersync for Voice-ready
    Overall
    (853)
    Performance
    (546)
    Story
    (550)

    On one of the city's hottest nights, New York Police Lieutenant Eve Dallas is sent to Central Park - and into a hellish new investigation. The victim is found on the rocks, just above the still, dark water of The Lake in the park. Around her neck is a single red ribbon. Her hands are posed, as if in prayer. But it is the eyes - removed with such precision, as if done by the careful hand of a surgeon - that have Dallas most alarmed.

    Holly Helscher says: "Interesting Ending"
    "good, solid, typical Eve Dallas story"
    Overall
    Performance
    Story

    I've been looking for an "In Death" book that features Peabody more, because I'm getting really, really tired of Dallas. She's such a Suzie 1-note...every book is the same; Eve gets wigged out because some murder (no matter what the circumstances) throws her back into her traumatic childhood memories, she acts like Testosterone Trixie, kicking ass, guzzling coffee, acting as if she grew up on Mars & has never heard of things like parties, housewarming or baby shower gifts, etc, etc. The woman clearly pays no attention to anything that goes on around her (other than murder things & her traumatic childhood flashbacks). Roarke continues to love her madly, wildly, etc even tho she's a monumental pain in the neck, a constant grouch, always late, etc yada (that's why it's a romance novel; no matter how obnoxious she is, the world's richest, most gorgeous guy stays besotted with her. Riiiiight).

    I find Peabody to be a much more interesting character, largely because not only is she nicer, she's more lifelike & complex, she grows & changes some as the books go by, she's funny, she's decent --simultaneously hard-nosed and caring.

    Another gripe with this book; Eve spouts that old, idiotic, tired, untrue myth about hair growing after death. Why can't authors grow a brain & stop with the stupidity on that? It drives me nuts! Hair and fingernails DO NOT KEEP GROWING AFTER DEATH. It doesn't add anything to the plots I've encountered it in, other than to point up the stupidity of the author. (Tho this wasn't as bad as another book I listened to recently, where a character not only claimed the hair 'n' fingernails garbage, but also that both dead bodies and STEAKS AT THE GROCERY WERE ALIVE AT A CELLULAR LEVEL(!!!). Ye gods, I know science is like voodoo to some people, but how dumb does it get? Moronic, apparently.

    Susan Erickson does her usual excellent job with the reading; she nicely & consistently walks the line between straight reading & acting, her pacing is always good, her pronunciation is almost 100% perfect. Sometimes the 'special effects' they do with the computer &/or droid voices get overdone, but that's not the reader's fault, & they don't get so bad they overwhelm the book.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  • Rot & Ruin

    • UNABRIDGED (13 hrs and 12 mins)
    • By Jonathan Maberry
    • Narrated By Brian Hutchison
    • Whispersync for Voice-ready
    Overall
    (730)
    Performance
    (601)
    Story
    (606)

    Fifteen-year-old Benny Imura lives in a world infested with zombies where, when a kid turns 15, he must get a job to continue receiving food rations. Benny has no interest in the family business of zombie killing, but figures he doesn’t have much of a choice. He’s tried out a bunch of other jobs, and hasn’t found anything he likes. But as Benny starts training with his brother, he learns things about being human that he never expected.

    Amanda says: "Just when you thought it was safe....."
    ""meh" book, loathsome lead character"
    Overall
    Performance
    Story

    Yeesh, I see there are other books in this universe. I hope Benny grows a brain, because I found him utterly, intolerably obnoxious in this book. Perhaps I haven't spent enough time around teenagers; maybe they are this bad. However, even if that is so, I don't want to read about a guy who's this much of a jerk, utterly condemning his older brother based upon "memories" from a horrific night that happened when he was 18 months old, treating Tom with contempt despite the fact that Benny would be dead many times over without him --died that night, died since from hunger or lack of care.

    I don't actually believe anyone remembers things from that young anyway, beyond perhaps hazy impressions of emotional states --comfort, fear, drastic hunger. 18 month old brains just don't work in such a fashion that they could pass along memories like that, not the way adult brains do. One of the people that I respect & admire most in all the worlds & time, Ray Bradbury, said that he remembered some things from when he was three. I believe him, but he was one of the most brilliant people that ever lived & had one of the finest minds that ever cogitated.

    Benny Imura does not fit any of those descriptions. He's not too bright, he's not too perceptive, he's not too thoughtful, he's not too nice. He's lazy. He can be pretty schmucky to his friends. He sits listening avidly to self-aggrandizing, obviously false stories told by two reprobate zombie hunter/killers, guys who any idiot with half a brain would immediately see are BAD guys, serious bad news, liars, cheats, & probably murders. But Benny doesn't have half a brain.

    I kept forcing myself to listen further; all that kept me going was pretending that Benny would be eaten by a "zom"...it's not a good sign when a reader is praying the protagonist gets devoured.

    Tom is also fairly unrealistic as a character, being far too saintly in dealing with his jackass younger bro. Most of the characters are cardboard.

    There are other things that bother me about the book; the people in the town behave all alike in too many ways; NO ONE will talk about First Night (come on, some old boor would sit around blathering about how heroic they were), NO ONE will even consider trying to get electrical power going again. Even if a sort of religious taboo had grown up against electricity, after 14 years NO ONE has decided they're sick of washing clothes by hand? Puh-lease; after 14 DAYS, SOMEBODY woulda been out there trying to get things going again, no matter how loudly the zealots screamed. People just don't behave in lock-step like that. The entire remaining population of America is not going to just meekly abandon their mod cons, no matter what the provocation or how few are left.

    Another peeve --& I know this is strictly a personal, idiosyncratic gripe-- but the term "zom" instead of "zombie" absolutely drove me up the wall.

    Even if this is a 'YA' book, which I'm not entirely sure is the case, there are just too many things about it that are too simplistic, starting with the characters.

    The reader, Brian Hutchinson, does a serviceable job with the material.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful

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