I would have Gilbert Gottfried narrate the entire thing. That would really take this craptacular audiobook to the next level - definitely. Seriously folks...I'm not even kidding - watch the clip of him reading selections of this on You Tube. Classic. Absolute claaaaassssssiiiiiicccc.
Only to people that can laugh at truly bad work that was meant to be taken seriously. In fact, get them all in a room together with copious amounts of alcohol and blast this audiobook. Make it a drinking game - take a shot every time Anastasia refers to her "inner goddess" or sputters "oh, my!" Take another shot every time creepy Grey "levels his intense (serial killer-like) gaze upon Anastasia". On second thought, don't - everyone will wind up dead from alcohol poisoning.
Let's see, was it Ms. Battoe's mind-numbingly dull and droning Valley Girl-esque delivery? Check. Could it be her even worse leaden vocal rendition of the rich-yet-menacingly-sexy sociopath that is Mr. Grey? Check that too. HIGH-LAR-I-OUS. Best yet, I love the fact that it's told in first person through Anastasia's character. In no time you'll be screaming to be let out of her brain. Help! Hellllppp! Someone get me out of here!!
Only to a very small percentage of the population that enjoys books and films meant to be taken seriously but can be enjoyed for all the wrong reasons. Just when you think Anastasia couldn't possibly be more knuckle-draggingly stupid...she manages to reach a new low. Every single time. Guaranteed! In fact, Anastasia Steel is such a cretin that I often wonder how this character could function in daily society. Oh yeah. She can't. It would all make more sense if her character suffered some kind of brain injury that would preclude her being this naive or possessing such a painful lack of cognitive skills with zero tolerance for self awareness.
Folks, this is just a symptom of a much, much bigger problem with the state of extremely successful books and films. Why do we support work that depicts all female leads in today's big hits (I'm looking at YOU, Hunger Games Automaton Catniss and Twilight Boneheaded Bella!) as completely blank maidens in distress that have absolutely no sense of self awareness or willingness to own their own sexuality, much less be completely unable to understand if and why a man finds them attractive, preferring to remain asexual robots until they're felt up or kissed unexpectedly?? Such is the sad state of female leads in books and films. If I didn't laugh, I'd have to give up books and films altogether. If this is considered the only socially acceptable form of porn for mommies, they should have higher standards. We should too.
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