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Ted

Don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Trip's cool though. Use Audible to make gym-training sane... And rip my imagination.

Lancaster, PA, United States | Member Since 2010

988
HELPFUL VOTES
  • 261 reviews
  • 336 ratings
  • 648 titles in library
  • 12 purchased in 2015
FOLLOWING
7
FOLLOWERS
136

  • Bad Blood: A Virgil Flowers Novel

    • UNABRIDGED (9 hrs and 43 mins)
    • By John Sandford
    • Narrated By Eric Conger
    • Whispersync for Voice-ready
    Overall
    (2049)
    Performance
    (1154)
    Story
    (1148)

    One late fall Sunday in southern Minnesota, a farmer brings a load of soybeans to a local grain elevator - and a young man hits him on the head with a steel bar, drops him into the grain bin, waits until he's sure he's dead, and then calls the sheriff to report the "accident." Suspicious, the sheriff calls in Virgil Flowers, who quickly breaks the kid down...and the next day the boy's found hanging in his cell. Remorse? Virgil isn't so sure....

    Bob says: "EXCELLENT!"
    "Don't Start With This... Go Earlier In Series!"
    Overall
    Performance
    Story

    Hey... this is a totally good listen. More a police procedural than a mystery, it's still fun to take a ride with Virgil Flowers around the cold-weather cults. But to both get the nuances re. Flowers' character and to not ruin (there are spoiler alerts throughout this book) earlier Flower novels that are GREAT listens... Enjoy this Sanford novel AFTER the others in the series. Eric Conger is so comfortable that I've come to believe that he IS Virgil Flowers... crime solving and woman-loving cop. And the women are his bright, strong, equals. Hey... I gave it five stars.. so... I say... listen to Bad Blood, but do it in the order that Sanford's written these books. You'll thank me, or thank Sanford and Conger when you do.

    7 of 7 people found this review helpful
  • NYPD Red

    • UNABRIDGED (7 hrs and 7 mins)
    • By James Patterson, Marshall Karp
    • Narrated By Edoardo Ballerini, Jay Snyder
    • Whispersync for Voice-ready
    Overall
    (972)
    Performance
    (820)
    Story
    (826)

    It's the start of Hollywood on Hudson, and New York City is swept up in the glamour. Every night, the red carpet rolls out for movie stars arriving at premieres in limos; the most exclusive restaurants close for private parties for wealthy producers and preeminent directors; and thousands of fans gather with the paparazzi, hoping to catch a glimpse of the most famous and beautiful faces in the world. With this many celebrities in town, special task force NYPD Red is on high alert - and they can't afford to make a single mistake.

    Ann M. Lambert says: "one of the best, if not the best audio books ever"
    "Yeah… Taut As A J-Lo Dress"
    Overall
    Performance
    Story

    Too often big-foot writers outsource something to smaller-shoe collaborators and the results read like a camel instead of a horse. Not here. I don't know how much of this is Marshall Karp's doing but the mix WORKS!

    Zack Jordan and Kylie MacDonald are tugged and fit together like Jennifer Lopez's red-carpet outfits. The plot in NYPD Red's like a NASCAR engine… purring at warp speed yet quietly and confidently. This will be a new series, right? Got to be.

    BTW, don't know the story about the two readers or which is which but it seemed that a substitution was made about 80% of the way in. The replacement carried the ball to score.

    Here's what I want in an Audible mystery/thriller…characters, plot-driven AND driving action, and a puzzle that's intelligently solved at the end. Oh, and a buzz of sexual tension's a useful blob of epoxy to hold my attention. NYPD Red's got it all.

    MORE! MORE!

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  • Dog on It: A Chet and Bernie Mystery

    • UNABRIDGED (9 hrs and 40 mins)
    • By Spencer Quinn
    • Narrated By Jim Frangione
    Overall
    (1431)
    Performance
    (932)
    Story
    (929)

    In this, their first adventure, Chet and Bernie investigate the disappearance of Madison, a teenage girl who may or may not have been kidnapped, but who has definitely gotten mixed up with some very unsavory characters.

    Maggie says: "Great entertainment!"
    "Cute For 5 Min Then... UGH!"
    Overall
    Performance
    Story

    "I've gotta'n idea, we write this book through the eyes of the dog and ba-zing-ga!"
    "Duuuude!? That's not an idea, that's whacked."
    "No.... no... There are readers who'll love it. How many dog owners are there?"
    "You want to write a whole book though the brain of a dog? A DOG!"
    "Yeah, cool huh? We'll make a series out of it."
    "Cool? No, weird. Who'd publish something like that?"

    The answer is Aria brooks, and they've stretched a writing class trick into a seven book series. Which means I will not read 7 3/4 of them since I stopped when it went WAY OVER THE SHARK for me about a quarter of the way in.

    ***

    "Hey, I gotta'n idea, let's write a book through the eyes of a shark that writers leap and ba-zing-ga!"
    "Duuuude!? That's not an idea, that's whacked."
    "No.... no... look how many people liked that dog thing. How many sharks are there in publishing?"

    If you get off on this stunt, I'm thinkin' you could reeeeeeely like the Chet and Bernie series. I didn't so it's Dog-Gone... y'know?

    3 of 3 people found this review helpful
  • The Savannah Project: Jake Pendleton Series, Book 1

    • UNABRIDGED (11 hrs)
    • By Chuck Barrett
    • Narrated By Scott Brick
    • Whispersync for Voice-ready
    Overall
    (209)
    Performance
    (180)
    Story
    (182)

    Terrorism, duty, and personal safety collide when Jake Pendleton, an investigator for the NTSB, is called to investigate an aircraft accident in Savannah, Georgia during the St. Patrick's Day celebration. The accident, which at first appears to be quite run-of-the-mill, turns out to be anything but. Since Jake is not willing to pretend there are no suspicious circumstances and more than the usual share of rather unlikely "coincidences," he sets off a veritable avalanche of secrets, violence and treachery.

    Andrew Pollack says: "Even Scott Brick couldn't save a story arc"
    "Gigglingly Awful!"
    Overall
    Performance
    Story

    You might not believe it but scores of folks in Savannah ire maniacal IRA killers. I know it's Savahanna because Chuck Barrett's read a tourist map of the place... One of those that lists a couple of sentences about every... And I mean EVERY... Historical marker within three blocks of River Street. And for no reason at all, insists upon reading them back at us during pointless chases.

    Both he a nd Scott Brick have the magical ability to turn this explosively baaaaad eleven hour plot into a seemingly sixty hour experience even when you crank up your iPod to 2X. Oh, and just when it should end, Barrett sends his rag-tag cast off to Ireland. That's when I left to return this mess to Audible.

    Savannah should sue.

    5 of 5 people found this review helpful
  • Depraved Indifference: Butch Karp and Marlene Ciampi, Book 2

    • UNABRIDGED (12 hrs and 59 mins)
    • By Robert K. Tanenbaum
    • Narrated By Traber Burns
    • Whispersync for Voice-ready
    Overall
    (48)
    Performance
    (40)
    Story
    (39)

    Butch Karp has never shied away from a difficult case, and when Croatian terrorists hijack a plane and kill an NYPD bomb squad cop in a bomb blast, he’s eager to prosecute the high-profile killers. But Karp’s aggression puts him at risk when his investigations uncover messy government secrets. Certain elements of the FBI and CIA don’t want the trial to go forward, and are willing to go to extremes to sabotage Karp's case.

    Ted says: "ROFL!"
    "ROFL!"
    Overall
    Performance
    Story

    This is a farce. Nope, not an indictment, a definition. Whoever wrote this book, and there's a bunch of controversy over that (Was it someone named Tanenbaum? Does anyone named Tanenbaum exist? Was it some guy named Michael Gruber? Does he exist? My head's going to explode... Go Google 'em and you decide.) But I digress...

    Listen to "Depraved Indifference" as a slow-starting, over the top, jump the shark, broad and blue-humored FARCE! Do that and this book's fun. Oh, it's dirty as a 1970s Red Foxx at work in a smokey grownups' supper club... Adult stuff. And if you watch life through a PC filter... Don't... I'm warning ya'.... DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS BOOK! You will be sooooooo offended that you will become incontinent for weeks.

    Me? I'll probably get the next book in this series :-}

    3 of 3 people found this review helpful
  • Jury Master

    • UNABRIDGED (12 hrs)
    • By Robert Dugoni
    • Narrated By Robertson Dean
    • Whispersync for Voice-ready
    Overall
    (122)
    Performance
    (45)
    Story
    (46)

    David Sloane is the best wrongful death attorney in San Francisco. He's a lawyer who can make juries do anything. But despite his professional success, he's plagued by a nightmare of a childhood he cannot consciously remember. When he receives a package from a White House confidant who then turns up dead by apparent suicide, the contents reveal a history he never could have imagined.

    Ted says: "80% Riveting 20% …. Huh?"
    "80% Riveting 20% …. Huh?"
    Overall
    Performance
    Story

    Robert Dugoni's a powerful writer. But like Phillip Margolin, he cannot end a story with much less than contempt for his readers. I've written before about the cheap trick of the ancient Greeks called Deus Ex Machina. Where a playwrite'd work himself in to an impossible situation only to have a god appear in a chariot, and abruptly solve all the mystery. Well that is exactly what Dugoni does here, entirely cheating his readers. Nope, you didn't see that coming, because it wasn't! Once upon a time, I'd put this down to an early novel and try the author's next attempt in hopes that he'd really have a plot the next time.

    Unfortunately I did that with Margolin and got burned with his awful "Ties That Bind". It taught me a lesson about wasting time and treasure in hopes that a bad author but a good writer might discover his craft on my dime.

    You want spiritual improbability? Join up with Scientology, or maybe some cult political movement. Don't spend money on "Jury Master."

    4 of 4 people found this review helpful
  • The Silkworm

    • UNABRIDGED (17 hrs and 22 mins)
    • By Robert Galbraith
    • Narrated By Robert Glenister
    • Whispersync for Voice-ready
    Overall
    (5186)
    Performance
    (4733)
    Story
    (4732)

    When novelist Owen Quine goes missing, his wife calls in private detective Cormoran Strike. At first, Mrs. Quine just thinks her husband has gone off by himself for a few days - as he has done before - and she wants Strike to find him and bring him home. But as Strike investigates, it becomes clear that there is more to Quine's disappearance than his wife realizes. The novelist has just completed a manuscript featuring poisonous pen-portraits of almost everyone he knows.

    H James Lucas says: "A well-worn genre enlivened with fresh characters"
    "What's Latin for 'Dreadful'?"
    Overall
    Performance
    Story

    Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet..... ZZzzzzzzzz.....

    Okay, J.K. Rowling gives two keys for interpreting her intent in this thing. She has one of the wriggling dark characters explain to us the difference between 'narrative', and 'plot'. And at another point a character laments about the way the rules of genre keep literary writers outside of well defined categories.

    So Here Rowling is attempting to create the literary mystery sub-genre and winds up with narrative numbing out plot. Writing teachers demand their students "write what they know." And since one of the world's richest writers knows publishing, well in'The Silkworm' , she writes about it... and writes over it, and writes under it, and through it.

    And her cellophane characters speak latin at each other! Yeah, her... one-legged, ex-millitary, determined-blue- collar-culture, Cormoran Strike (that's his name... really, honest...), breaks into latin the way musical-theater set-eaters abruptly spit songs into one another's faces. These characters are bombastic... all 700 of them. Or were there 937? I lost count... And care. But I did finish it to its flaccid end.

    Look,they couldn't sell 'Cuckoo's Calling' the first book in this series, until J.K. Rowling revealed herself as its author. Okay, now we have a new mystery. I gave 'The Cuckoo's Calling' 15 stars! I totally liked it. But I think we've got a different sort of mystery with 'The Silkworm.' Is it possible that this book was really written by somebody named Robert Galbraith?

    Can't explain this pretentious twaddle any other way.

    ---consectetur adipisici elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua.... ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

    5 of 7 people found this review helpful
  • The Cuckoo's Calling

    • UNABRIDGED (15 hrs and 54 mins)
    • By Robert Galbraith
    • Narrated By Robert Glenister
    Overall
    (8442)
    Performance
    (7635)
    Story
    (7650)

    After losing his leg to a land mine in Afghanistan, Cormoran Strike is barely scraping by as a private investigator. Then John Bristow walks through his door with an amazing story: his sister, the legendary supermodel Lula Landry, famously fell to her death a few months earlier. The police ruled it a suicide, but John refuses to believe that. The case plunges Strike into the world of multimillionaire beauties, rock-star boyfriends, and desperate designers, and it introduces him to every variety of pleasure, enticement, seduction, and delusion known to man.

    Tracey says: "Unbelievable debut mystery set in London"
    "Perfect!!!! 15 Stars."
    Overall
    Performance
    Story

    Everything works. J.K. Rowling is a master craftswoman. Each plot-part locks tautly with its mates. The whodunnit's plotted tighter than a CD wrap. OKAY, it's cinematic. Uh-huh the characters are tailored to fit Hollywood's best character actors. Or maybe Britain's. But so what? And yeah, Cormoran Strike, a rugged, 6' 3", one-leged war hero turned PI, might be a bit of stretch for most of filmdom's munchkin leading men (Oh I hope that Tom Cruise doesn't buy the rights then surround himself with all the little-people who played Hobbits).

    But look, I buy mystery stories for entertainment. Rowling's as entertaining a writer as any who's working in the genre and I cannot wait to get The Silkworm to hear Robert Glenister bring this ensemble back to life.

    Thank you Ms. Rowling for bringing your perfect craftswomanship here to the mystery-lover's space.

    7 of 8 people found this review helpful
  • A Conspiracy of Faith: Department Q, Book 3

    • UNABRIDGED (15 hrs and 27 mins)
    • By Jussi Adler-Olsen
    • Narrated By Graeme Malcolm
    • Whispersync for Voice-ready
    Overall
    (892)
    Performance
    (792)
    Story
    (802)

    Detective Carl Morck has received a bottle that holds an old and decayed message written in blood. It's a cry for help from two young brothers, tied and bound in a boathouse by the sea. After floating in the ocean for years before turning up, the bottle sat forgotten, unopened, on a police department windowsill, before the seal was cracked and the gruesome message, written in Danish, was analyzed. Could it be real? Who are these boys, and why weren't they reported missing? Could they possibly still be alive?

    John S says: "Alternative to Nesbo/Harry Hole Novels"
    "Darkly Good. Best Dept. Q So Far!"
    Overall
    Performance
    Story

    Detective Carl Mørck is as poorly served by everyone around him as he serves them back. Every member of this ensemble has a conscience, and an agenda that coates their ability to act like molasses. But then... that's what life does to all of us, it's just that Jussi Adler-Olsen pours more of the stuff over his stories than most of us wade through. That's what dramatic license's all about, right? And what builds tension and the slope of a story arc. Graeme Malcom's voices make the climb up the arc easy as levitating. Start this series at the beginning... but enjoy "A Conspiracy Of Faith".

    A fine listen.

    5 of 6 people found this review helpful
  • Unleashed: Andy Carpenter, Book 11

    • UNABRIDGED (6 hrs and 51 mins)
    • By David Rosenfelt
    • Narrated By Grover Gardner
    • Whispersync for Voice-ready
    Overall
    (533)
    Performance
    (459)
    Story
    (459)

    Andy Carpenter's accountant, Sam Willis, receives a surprise call from Barry Price, a friend he hasn't spoken to in years. Barry needs Sam's financial acumen and Andy's legal expertise. But when Sam almost runs over an injured dog on the way to Barry's house, he can't drive off without waiting for help. By then, Barry's taken off on a private airplane headed to who-knows-where. Soon after they learn that Barry's plane has crashed, and they come to the terrifying realization that Sam was also supposed to have been killed on that plane.

    Amazon Customer says: "Over Too Soon"
    "Twistiest Yet!"
    Overall
    Performance
    Story

    If you like Andy Carpenter told through Grover Gardner's tongues... Yes tongues... There's a different one for every character... and you're charmed by Tara... And... and... plots that twist like a Golden Retriever at play... This book's perfect. I'd say it's Rosenfelt's best in this series but...damn... I say that every time!

    Warning, start the Andy Carpenter books with "Open & Shut"... You'll thank me for the advice.

    9 of 10 people found this review helpful
  • A Killer's Kiss

    • UNABRIDGED (9 hrs and 40 mins)
    • By William Lashner
    • Narrated By William Dufris
    • Whispersync for Voice-ready
    Overall
    (13)
    Performance
    (9)
    Story
    (10)

    Over the course of his shady legal career, Victor Carl has made a host of bad decisions, but letting his ex-fiancee Julia, fall back into his life and into his bed might be the worst. Julia's husband has just been murdered, her fingerprints are all over the crime scene, and $1.7 million in cash has inexplicably vanished. If Victor didn't know better, he might think Julia was setting him up.

    Ted says: "All We Need Is Love"
    "All We Need Is Love"
    Overall
    Performance
    Story

    If you buy that love can besot almost an entire ensemble of average folk... And that, drugged by a hormonal rush they will juggle power saws, vials of nitro, and writhing Death Adders... Or things at least that risky. And that they will never learn doing stuff like that is NEVER is a good idea... Well, you'll like "A Killer's Kiss". Me? I thought they were groaningly dumb. Worse yet, I get the sense that Lashner was an English Lit major who's turned to thrillers to make a living. Who else has college notes like these to crib allusions from?

    But still, William Dufris is a marvelous reader. And William Lashner can write both dialogue and monologue that's so authentic you feel like your standing right there among these voices. You know what? I'm going to get another Lashner novel some time. But not until I've washed all that hormonal splatter off my imagination. It's irritating stuff.

    4 of 5 people found this review helpful

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