This book made the subject of adult attachment easy to understand and then use in every day life. Understanding the attachment mechanisms will definately help develop strong relationships either personally or professionally. It was an easy listen and I can't wait to apply what I've learned.
I found this book very enlightening. Once you start thinking about relationships in this way, it makes some of the day-to-day arguments a lot easier to avoid.
After listening to this, part of me suspects that "anxious" and "avoidant" types are just two sides of the same coin -- people who are insecure about relationships and have different kinds of defense mechanisms. I wonder this especially because I have seen someone who seems to be "avoidant" flip to "anxious" when she is in a relationship with another "avoidant" type.
It's hard to believe that "secure" types are really in the majority, because it seems like there are so few of them around, either in popular media or in my day-to-day life. Maybe "secure" is not a type at all, but a way of interacting with others that shows that you have learned to let go of your defenses a bit and interact more maturely.
The authors don't seem to agree with me on these points, and suggest for most of the book that people don't change their basic attachment style, though they suggest in some places that people can learn to be more secure. Maybe they simplified things into a typology to make this theory easier for a general reader to understand, but it left me with a lot of unanswered questions.
... in relationship, trying to figure out relationships, counselors etc etc...
This well written book is easy to listen to, and gives a lot of essential information about what a 'healthy' relationship is. It clarifies what you deserve in a relationship , which people to chose and which to let go. It could help you escape from years of wasted pain and chose a partner that is 'right' for you.The authors in a clear, non-judgemental language give lots of well chosen samples as well as scientific background information, which you can employ in your everyday life to improve your love life and/or get the clues about a partner's potential to be a healthy mate soon nough in the game not to get 'hung up'.
Yes, it's very informative in you knowing what characteristics in someone is best suited for you
Examples of each characteristic trait and tests
No, You couldn't necessarily if you wanted to understand its helpfulness
This book made perfect and complete sense to me. I easily identified myself, along with my boyfriend of the past year. We have had ongoing relationship problems that began when we started to get close, and we had called it quits a few months ago. While we have discussed getting back together, I understand better now why he does the things he does, and why it affects me. It has also made me realize that the relationship is pretty much futile based on our relationship types, and how staying with him would destroy me, unless he can affect change. If nothing else, this book helped me get closure in the relationship so that I can move on, and also helps me identify the type of relationship I need to make me happy.
This is the first book I've read on attachment theory and I thoroughly enjoyed it. A lot of it are things I had picked up on over the years, but it did help me structure the data and also gave me more insight into some of the categories. I suppose if I had already read a lot of books on attachment theory, I wouldn't have gotten as much out of the book but if you are like me, go for it. you have to take some of it with a grain of salt and be careful not to categorize people too soon or too affirmatively.
I suppose for those that have never heard of attachment theory and are having trouble understand relationship mechanics this could be a useful book. But I felt like I didn't learn anything past the first chapter. I kept waiting for new information to be presented.
Prospective buyers should know this book comes from a worldview that regards marriage and family life as morally indifferent matters of personal choice. Most of the couples profiled by the book are unmarried live-ins or sexual partners. One couple is homosexual. Some people will find that unproblematic, but attachment theories may sometimes be associated with people like William Sears and other Christian or pro-family figures. I thought it might be helpful to point out where the book is really coming from.
Personally, I did find some of the relationship advice to be fairly good, though not nearly so original as the authors imply. Much of this material is covered in marraige and communication books. It can be helpful to know if you are dealing with an avoidant or anxious person, so you can respond to them as individuals. Those who are really interested in the material in the book will probably find that reading the book is a better choice. That way, one can skim the chapters that don't seem so relevant, and carefully look at the material they can best use.
Those still dating would be well advised to understand the attachment style of their partners and to make decisions with eyes wide open. Still, if you are young and forming your moral compass, be aware of just how powerful authoritative books like this really are. It is inconsistent to talk about "deep, personal bonds", and then to promote live-in arrangements and unbonded sexual relationships on the next page. It is in the permanence of a solid marriage that people have their best opportunities for lasting happiness.
People new to love, sex, psychology, physiology, or those who are socially awkward
Given less studied information
Nothing, the delivery was ok for research material
It was organized well