Short, Simple, No Spoilers
Any parent with a shred of a sense of humor will find this book to be a veritable hoot. Being narrated by Sam Jackson; priceless.
Academy Award nominee Samuel L. Jackson (Pulp Fiction) rocks this mock bedtime story, capturing a hilarious range of emotions as the voice of a father struggling to get his child to sleep. Go the F**k to Sleep is a bedtime book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don’t always send a toddler sailing blissfully off to dreamland.
"Read the F--king REVIEW!"
A car jockey at a luxury hotel in Beverly Hills, youthful hacker-turned-slacker Rollo Hemphill devises a screwball scheme for making his girlfriend jealous. Through a silly but magical ruse, our hero gets everything he's ever dreamed about - except the real love of a real, live girl. My Inflatable Friend is a witty, cautionary tale about the perils of pretending to be someone you're not - and the hazards of stroking every male's most private and vulnerable part - his swelling ego.
The deathly silence is about to be broken. She disliked the company of others and death did little to warm her spirit. She had led an independent life and she faced death in much the same way. She was finally alone, finally free from the mindless babble of others, at least that's what she thought. May Elizabeth Trump was the rarest of spirits and she was none too happy about it either. She was a dead medium, a ghost who can speak with the living, and her services were to become in great demand.
"Hilarious! Calendar Girls meets Caspar the Ghost."
It began with a letter from my uncle. Now I'm lost in a world of magic and monsters, and running from an evil witch trying to make me into stew...if my new and unusual friends don't kill me first. Worst of all, there's no pizza!
"Come look through this window to see what isn't there where we have dates that simmer in the sun and we have barracuda timing and ideograms in the points of rust to shake your gates as you yawn," said the Sultan, selling dates.
Red Meat played with rattlesnakes when he was a child. When he is grownup he plays with his squaws.
Are you dating Karaoke King? If your man eats frozen pizza rolls and guzzles beer, you may be in trouble.
This dark comedy, written in the style of an article in a history journal, celebrates a huge find. Egyptologists unlock a 3,000-year-old mystery when they unearth a tablet identifying Nebmahket, the forgotten son of Pharaoh Ramesses II. They soon learn why the ancient Egyptians were quick to cover up Nebmahket's existence - the angry young man ate nine babies in his lifetime, two of which were his own children.
Being one of the guys isn't all it's cracked up to be. So when journalist Chastity O'Neill returns to her hometown, she decides it's time to start working on some of those feminine wiles. Two tiny problems: one - she's five feet and 11 inches of rock-solid girl power; two - she's cursed with four alpha-male older brothers. While doing a story on local heroes, she meets a hunky doctor, and things start to look up. Now there's only one problem: Trevor Meade, her first love and the one man she's never quite gotten over....
There are all sorts of idiots we have to work with every day. Every office has them. Fortunately for most of us idiots in the work place are few and far between. However, Hogsbottom Plugs, "the home of bath plugs", has a higher concentration than other work places - from the MD down to the cleaner, they're all idiots. Hear the trials and tribulations of this idiotic workforce as they explain their recent life events through reviews of things they've brought.
This humorous stream of consciousness romp shows the weird side of serving as a juror in Miami's justice system. A young man gets a jury summons for his 18th birthday, thanks to the dual misfortunes of having survived that long and not having committed any felonies along the way. Growing up in Miami in the '80s, it was something of a perfect storm.
Most women have them: those two very distinct, very different voices in their mind. One can usually be chalked up to common sense; the other to mischief, mayhem, or just plain morbid curiosity. Both are always there, though, ready with their two cents' worth. Jemma Keith is no exception to the rule. She doesn't have a problem agreeing to photograph her cheating ex-boyfriend's wedding. The dilemma, however, is what to do once she gets there.
No one said stalking was easy, but if romance was left to the boys, the human race would die out while they logged fantasy football points and punched each other in the balls. Everyone knows that. Emily's not stalking Sebastian...she's saving the world.
Lizzie plots a secret garden wedding for her sister, Jane, and Charles Bingley. Can she outsmart Mother Bennet or will the gorgon prevail? With her nerves in high gear, Mrs. Bennet plans the marriage of her eldest daughter. Behind the scenes, Lizzie races against the clock to design a small garden wedding ahead of her mother's over-the-top ball. Can Darcy cart the unsuspecting Mrs. Bennet to the garden ceremony?
Meet Tash; voluptuous, smart, and sinfully sexy. She's all about having a good time and moving on from men who don't come up to scratch. A born organizer, Tash plans a naughty girl's weekend in Marbella for her friends. Sun, sea, and sex are the only things on the girls' agenda, but Tash didn't plan on hooking up with a hotty like James.
Not Your Mother's Goose proves that fairy tales and nursery rhymes aren't just for kids anymore. Envision it as the Cliffs Notes of children's stories - if Cliffs Notes was overtaken by Dave Barry or the folks at The Onion. Not Your Mother's Goose is a series of totally irreverent, mega-sarcastic fairy-tale recaps, along with a host of hilarious fake news stories and headlines ranging from Rapunzel getting a bikini wax to Old McDonald bombing on Wheel of Fortune after only buying vowels.
After a case of mistaken identity, Jessica finds herself in a massive confusion kerfuffle. She has spent her whole life paralyzed by the fantasy of Beau and her assumptions of Duane's disdain; therefore she's unprepared for the reality that is Duane's insatiable interest, as well as his hot hands and hot mouth and hotter looks. Not helping Jessica's muddled mind and good girl sensibilities, Duane seems to have gotten himself in trouble with the local biker gang, the Iron Order.
"Great Book, Narration ... not so much"
Neurotic tech Zagarat Cole had no choice but to steal 432,985 credits from the Deus Syndicate. It was the only way to pay for his mother's medical treatments. So, when a Deus executive called Zag into his office, he knew the jig was up. Or down. Or however it was you danced a jig. Yet to Zag's astonishment, the executive didn't excoriate, eviscerate, or "ate" him at all. He offered him a job.
A darling and memorable cat story about a not at-all-a-cat-person who comes home one day to find that a stray Abyssinian cat has decided to take up residency in his home. Reluctantly he feeds the cat and allows the cat to sleep on his bed. He begins to adore the cat and comes to admire and respect her regal qualities, eventually naming the cat for an Abyssinian pharaoh, Abucodonozor. But the cat has a different idea.
The gang from The Last Stop Retirement Community is back in 12 hilariously inspiring short stories and 14 new issues of "The Last Stop Bulletin"! "Finders Keepers": Find out what happens when new resident, Benji Little, takes to the halls with his FX-458 Gold Digger X-treme Model 2 Metal Detector.
The Bible offers some clues to God's personality - he's alternately been called vindictive and just, bloodthirsty and caring, all-powerful and impotent, capricious and foresighted, and loving and hateful. But no one has ever fully explored why God might be such a figure of contrasts. Nor has anyone ever satisfactorily explained what guides his relationship not just with angels, the devil, and his son, but also with all of creation.
"Hilarious unique take on the old time story"
Traumatized by the bombing of Dresden at the time he had been imprisoned, Pilgrim drifts through all events and history, sometimes deeply implicated, sometimes a witness. He is surrounded by Vonnegut's usual large cast of continuing characters (notably here the hack science fiction writer Kilgore Trout and the alien Tralfamadorians, who oversee his life and remind him constantly that there is no causation, no order, no motive to existence).
"SO IT GOES"
A masterpiece of satire, this classic has entertained and enlightened readers the world over with its sly and ironic portrayal of human life from the vantage point of Screwtape, a highly placed assistant to "Our Father Below". At once wildly comic, deadly serious, and strikingly original, C. S. Lewis gives us the correspondence of the worldly-wise old devil to his nephew Wormwood, a novice demon in charge of securing the damnation of an ordinary young man. The Screwtape Letters is the most engaging and humorous account of temptation - and triumph over it - ever written.
"This is the Best Audio Screwtape, a Masterpiece"
Breakfast of Champions (1973) provides frantic, scattershot satire and a collage of Vonnegut's obsessions. His recurring cast of characters and American landscape was perhaps the most controversial of his canon; it was felt by many at the time to be a disappointing successor to Slaughterhouse-Five, which had made Vonnegut's literary reputation.
The world will end on Saturday. Next Saturday. Just before dinner, according to The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch, the world's only completely accurate book of prophecies, written in 1655. The armies of Good and Evil are amassing and everything appears to be going according to Divine Plan. Except that a somewhat fussy angel and a fast-living demon are not actually looking forward to the coming Rapture. And someone seems to have misplaced the Antichrist.
"At long last!!"
The hero of John Kennedy Toole's incomparable, Pulitzer Prize-winning comic classic is one Ignatius J. Reilly, "huge, obese, fractious, fastidious, a latter-day Gargantua, a Don Quixote of the French Quarter". His story bursts with wholly original characters, denizens of New Orleans' lower depths, incredibly true-to-life dialogue, and the zaniest series of high and low comic adventures.
After a long and eventful life, Allan Karlsson ends up in a nursing home, believing it to be his last stop. The only problem is that he's still in good health, and in one day, he turns 100. A big celebration is in the works, but Allan really isn't interested (and he'd like a bit more control over his vodka consumption). So he decides to escape. He climbs out the window in his slippers and embarks on a hilarious and entirely unexpected journey, involving, among other surprises, a suitcase stuffed with cash.
"Full of Surprises and Unexpected Events"
Gary Karkofsky is an ordinary guy with an ordinary life living in an extraordinary world. Supervillains, heroes, and monsters are a common part of the world he inhabits. Yet, after the death of his hometown's resident superhero, he gains the amazing gift of the late champion's magical cloak. Deciding he prefers to be rich rather than good, Gary embarks on a career as Merciless: The Supervillain Without Mercy. But is he evil enough to be a villain in America's most crime-ridden city?
"Amazing - Get it!"
Leigh Epstein and friends are single, twenty-something-year-old schoolteachers living relatively normal lives until Leigh stumbles upon a magic writing desk. What will happen with Leigh and her band of magical misfits as they bounce from disaster to catastrophe when she discovers the extent of her powers?
Bernadette Fox is notorious. To her Microsoft-guru husband, she's a fearlessly opinionated partner; to fellow private-school mothers in Seattle, she's a disgrace; to design mavens, she's a revolutionary architect, and to 15-year-old Bee, she is a best friend and, simply, Mom.
Then Bernadette disappears. It began when Bee aced her report card and claimed her promised reward: a family trip to Antarctica. But Bernadette's intensifying allergy to Seattle - and people in general - has made her so agoraphobic that a virtual assistant in India now runs her most basic errands.
"One of my top 10 listens of the year!"
After discovering just how filled with magic, intrigue, and adventure the parahuman world of being an undead American can be, Fredrick Frankford Fletcher did exactly what was expected - he became a certified parahuman accountant. Myths and legends, as it turns out, are not so great at taking appropriate deductions and keeping their receipts, and Fred is more than happy to return to a life others view as woefully dull, expanding his accounting business to cater to various monsters.
"More Like A Second Season Than A Sequel"
The Zombie War came unthinkably close to eradicating humanity. Max Brooks, driven by the urgency of preserving the acid-etched first-hand experiences of the survivors from those apocalyptic years, traveled across the United States of America and throughout the world, from decimated cities that once teemed with upwards of 30 million souls, to the most remote and inhospitable areas of the planet.
"Good but Too Short!"
People start dropping dead around Charlie, giant ravens perch on his building, and it seems that everywhere he goes, a dark presence whispers to him from under the streets. Strange names start appearing on his nightstand notepad, and before he knows it, those people end up dead, too. Yup, it seems that Charlie Asher has been recruited for a new job, an unpleasant but utterly necessary one: Death.
"A truly inspired bit of lunacy!"
Verily, the story Biff has to tell is a miraculous one, filled with remarkable journeys, magic, healings, kung fu, corpse reanimations, demons, and hot babes. Even the considerable wiles and devotion of the Savior's pal may not be enough to divert Joshua from his tragic destiny. But there's no one who loves Josh more (except maybe "Maggie," Mary of Magdalan) and Biff isn't about to let his extraordinary pal suffer and ascend without a fight.
"A Worthy Book, indeed"
Back on Earth with nothing more to show for his long, strange trip through time and space than a ratty towel and a plastic shopping bag, Arthur Dent is ready to believe that the past eight years were all just a figment of his stressed-out imagination.
"Missing Adams' classic narration, but still great."
Finding themselves permanently stuck in this strange new world, the gang tries to make the best of it by finding the nearest tavern and getting shitfaced. The plan goes just fine until they lose Katherine and Chaz.
"Low-brow nerd humor that I can't get enough of!"
Emmy Award-winning actor Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad, Malcom in the Middle) follows in the exasperated footsteps of Samuel L. Jackson, giving voice to the long-suffering father whose indifferent child will just not eat in this hilarious follow-up to Adam Mansbach's international best seller, Go the F--k to Sleep.
"Another role that Bryan Cranston plays to a T."
This touching and uproarious novel by author Paul Murray made everyone’s best fiction of 2010 lists, including The Washington Post, Financial Times, Village Voice, and others. Why Skippy dies and what happens next is the mystery that links the boys of Dublin’s Seabrook College (Ruprecht Van Doren, the overweight genius obsessed with string theory; Carl, the teenager drug dealer and borderline psychotic; Philip Kilfether, the basketball-playing midget) to their parents and teachers in ways that no one could have imagined.
"Funny, touching, entertaining"
Walter Starbuck, a career humanist and eventual low-level aide in the Nixon White House, is implicated in Watergate and jailed, after which he (like Howard Campbell in Mother Night) works on his memoirs. Starbuck is innocent (his office was used as a base for the Watergate shenanigans of which he had no knowledge), and yet he is not innocent (he has collaborated with power unquestioningly and served societal order all his life). He represents another Vonnegut Everyman caught amongst forces he neither understands nor can defend.
Claire is a 20-something, single mom who grudgingly helps her best friend sell sex toys while she attempts to make enough money to start her own business to give her foul-mouthed, but extremely loveable (when he's asleep) toddler a better life. When Carter, the one-night-stand from her past that changed her life forever, shows up in her hometown bar without any recollection of her besides her unique chocolate scent, Claire will make it a point that he remembers her this time. With Carter's undisguised shock at suddenly finding out he has a four-year-old son and Claire's panic that her stretch marks and slim-to-none bedroom experience will send the man of her dreams heading for the hills, the pair will do whatever they can to get their happily ever after.
Meet Rabo Karabekian, a moderately successful surrealist painter who we meet late in life and see struggling (like all of Vonnegut's key characters) with the dregs of unresolved pain and the consequences of brutality. Loosely based on the legend of Bluebeard (best realized in Bela Bartok's one-act opera), the novel follows Karabekian through the last events in his life that is heavy with women, painting, artistic ambition, artistic fraudulence, and as of yet unknown consequence.
"Still as great as I remember"
Woody Allen - writer, director, and actor - can now add narrator to his long list of achievements, as he’s teamed up with Audible to make his best-selling books available in audio for the very first time. The Woody Allen Collection, featuring four of his classic short-story books, highlights the comedian’s biting wit and signature style - performed as only he can. These hilarious stories examine the deepest of human questions from the highest heights of absurdity.
"Well worth the wait"
Perhaps the most autobiographical (and deliberately least disciplined) of Vonnegut's novels, Slapstick (1976) is in the form of a broken family odyssey and is surely a demonstration of its eponymous title. The story centers on brother and sister twins, children of Wilbur Swain, who are in sympathetic and (possibly) telepathic communication and who represent Vonnegut's relationship with his own sister who died young of cancer almost two decades before the book's publication.
Whether he is accidentally cooking his brain with hand warmers or yanking his lure away from a trophy fish just before it takes the bait, Bill Heavey can do no right. For almost a decade, he has chronicled his incompetence on the back page of Field & Stream, where his hilarious dispatches about life as a hapless outdoorsman who lives in suburbia have earned him legions of fans.
"could have been good"
Set a thousand years (give or take) before the events of Disenchanted, Distopia tells the story of Wyngalf the Bold, the legendary hero renowned for ridding the land of Dis of the scourge of dragons. The story begins as Wyngalf, a young missionary for an obscure religious sect, arrives in the port city of Skuldred. Desperate to prove his worth to his superiors, Wyngalf finds himself drafted into leading a missionary voyage across the sea to the semilegendary land of Dis.
Eugene Debs Hartke describes an odyssey from college professor to prison inmate to prison warden back again to prisoner in another of Vonnegut's bitter satirical explorations of how and where (and why) the American dream begins to die. Employing his characteristic narrative device - a retrospective diary in which the protagonist retraces his life at its end, a desperate and disconnected series of events here in Hocus Pocus show Vonnegut with his mask off and his rhetorical devices unshielded.
Two childhood friends from Scotland and two illegitimate half-brothers from the deep South suffer and enjoy all manner of bizarre adventures that, it turns out, are somehow interconnected and, even more surprisingly, meaningful. The eclectic cast of characters features Socrates, Carl Jung, and Tony Randall, along with an ex-television evangelist with a penchant for booze, prostitutes, and uncomfortable knitwear who gets mugged in Miami by an almost pure-blooded Watusi warrior - and sets off on a road trip in a stolen motor home.
"Hillarious and thought-provoking"
A fabulously entertaining audiobook from the ultimate authority on those almost believable tales that always happen to a "friend of a friend". Alligators in the sewers? A pet in the microwave? A tragic misunderstanding of the function of cruise control? No, it didn't really happen to your friend's sister's neighbor: It's an urban legend. And no matter how savvy you think you are, you are sure to find in this collection of more than 200 tales at least one story you would have sworn was true.
Fifteen years ago, a murder/suicide in room 712 rocked the grand old Bellweather Hotel and the young bridesmaid who witnessed it. Now hundreds of high school musicians, including quiet bassoonist Rabbit Hatmaker and his brassy diva twin, Alice, have gathered in its cavernous, crumbling halls for the annual Statewide festival; the grown-up bridesmaid has returned to face her demons; and a snowstorm is forecast that will trap everyone on the grounds. Then one of the orchestra’s stars disappears—from room 712.
"Fun and Perceptive Musical Mystery"
As a teen Maddy Harvey was a bit of an ugly duckling. Luckily she's blossomed since then, and Maddy thanks God for this small miracle when a tall, handsome stranger comes to her rescue one starry summer's night. But instant attraction turns to a disaster in the making when Maddy learns the identity of her superman: Kerr McKinnon. Of all the colorful residents of the small Cotswold town of Ashcombe, why did it have to be him? Because, as family feuds go, the Montagues and the Capulets have nothing on the Harveys and the McKinnons.
Where the art of improvisation meets the art of literature. Based on the improv game First Line, Last Line, Colin Mochrie of Whose Line Is It Anyway? fame, puts a unique spin on works of classic literature. Taking the first line and last line from classic books and poems, Colin recasts these familiar stories in his own trademark offbeat style.
Bleak Expectations' recounts the remarkable adventures of young Pip Bin as he tries to repair his destroyed family and distinctly damaged life, aided by his best friend Harry Biscuit and definitely not aided by his cruel and ironically named guardian Mr Gently Benevolent and his accomplices, the fearsome Hardthrasher siblings.
Now, available in audio for the first time, Side Effects is narrated by Woody Allen himself. A humor classic by one of the world’s funniest writers, Side Effects is a treat for Allen fans and those just discovering how gifted he is. In classics including "Remembering Needleman", "The Kugelmass Episode", "Confessions of a Burglar", and others, Allen discusses such subjects as the nature of relativity, the UFO menace, and the predicament of modern man.
"Pretty good. Several laugh out loud moments."