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You Are All Diseased
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You Are All Diseased
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Grammy Winner for Best Spoken Comedy Album
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New! Don't miss our AudibleComedy combo, featuring original humor from standups Greg Proops and Steve Marmel.
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Entry-Level Carlin
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George's lighthearted routines and less topical issues complement his overwhelming timing in this classic album. Taken from his performance at the Beverly Theatre in Los Angeles in May 1986, George offers some of his hilarious examinations of "Losing Things" and "You're Lost": "That's the first thing that happens when you get to Heaven," he says. "They give you back everything you ever lost".
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5 out of 5 stars
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Never get enough of him
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Occupation
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What clever insights about growing up on the Upper West Side of New York City in the 1950s! Everything from gang culture to school life! This is George Carlin's fourth album. It was recorded on March 2 and 3, 1973, at the Circle Star Theater in San Carlos, California.
By: George Carlin
Editorial reviews
You Are All Diseased by the Grammy Award-winning American standup comic George Carlin was recorded for HBO on February 6, 1999, but the material remains fresh and funny today. His textured voice and top-notch delivery create an unbeatable listening experience as he covers topics such as airport security, terrorism and religion. The audiobook includes: "Fear of Germs", "Cigars", "Angels", "Harley Davidson", "House of Blues", "Minority Language: A-Happens to Be; B-Openly; C-Urban; D-Girlfriend", "Man Stuff", "Kids and Parents", "TV Tonight", "Names", "Advertising Lullaby", "American Bullshit", "Businessmen", "Religion", and "There Is No God".
Publisher's summary
Tracks:
1. How's Everybody Doin'
2. Airport Security
3. Fear of Germs
4. Cigars
5. Angels
6. Harley Davidson
7. House Of Blues
8. Minority Language: A-Happens to Be; B-Openly; C-Urban; D-Girlfriend
9. Man Stuff
10. Kids and Parents
11. TV Tonight
12. Names
13. Advertising Lullaby
14. American Bullshit
15. Businessmen
16. Religion
17. There Is No God
Explicit Language Warning: You must be 18 years or older to purchase this program.
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 31
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 29
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 29
They’re back! The all-star cast multi-award-winning cult hit comedy returns, with more surreal goings-on in the lives and loves of the doctors and staff at East Hampton Hospital (warning: contains very little medical content).
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5 out of 5 stars
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Wonderful to hear these voices again
- By LucilleB on 05-03-24
By: Victoria Pile, and others
-
The Sirens of Titan
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: Jay Snyder
- Length: 9 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 3,805
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 3,198
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 3,202
The richest, most depraved man on Earth, Malachi Constant, is offered a chance to take a space journey to distant worlds with a beautiful woman at his side. Of course, there's a catch to the invitation....
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5 out of 5 stars
-
Absolutely Outstanding
- By Robert on 01-07-12
By: Kurt Vonnegut
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American Psycho
- By: Bret Easton Ellis
- Narrated by: Pablo Schreiber
- Length: 16 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 5,145
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 4,566
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 4,574
Patrick Bateman moves among the young and trendy in 1980s Manhattan. Young, handsome, and well educated, Bateman earns his fortune on Wall Street by day while spending his nights in ways we cannot begin to fathom. Expressing his true self through torture and murder, Bateman prefigures an apocalyptic horror that no society could bear to confront.
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4 out of 5 stars
-
Fanntastic book but maybe not for everyone....
- By So Fain on 03-27-11
-
Escape from Virtual Island
- An Audio Comedy
- By: John Lutz
- Narrated by: Paul Rudd, Jack McBrayer, Sue Galloway, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 28 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 6,892
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 6,113
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 6,110
In the year 2038, there’s only one destination that can play host to the world’s wealthiest adventure seekers: the Pengalaman Island Resort and Virtual Reality Theme Park. Located on a private South Pacific island, guests here live out their wildest fantasies in custom-made virtual reality simulations while also enjoying the usual amenities of an exclusive five-star getaway. All is relatively breezy until famed billionaire and avid guest, Mr. Wagner, goes missing within a virtual simulation. His only hope? A daring rescue led by Derek Ambrose and his ragtag search party.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Story is a Bit Stupid
- By Jeffrey veals on 04-03-20
By: John Lutz
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Last Words
- By: George Carlin
- Narrated by: Tony Hendra, Patrick Carlin
- Length: 6 hrs and 24 mins
- Abridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 830
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 646
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 643
As one of America's preeminent comedic voices, George Carlin saw it all throughout his extraordinary 50-year career and made fun of most of it. Last Words is the story of the man behind some of the most seminal comedy of the last half century, blending his signature acer-bic humor with never-before-told stories from his own life.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Outstanding insight... Well read
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George Carlin Reads to You
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 3,841
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 3,390
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Story4 out of 5 stars 3,346
If one George Carlin audio is funny, then two are funnier and three must be funniest, right? That's our thinking behind this new collection. t's a HighBridge library of laugh-out-loud, award-winning recordings featuring George himself performing many of his best bits.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Like a Cast of Thousands
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When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
- By: George Carlin
- Narrated by: George Carlin
- Length: 7 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,550
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 743
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Story4 out of 5 stars 734
Following his two New York Times best sellers, Brain Droppings and Napalm & Silly Putty, comes George Carlin's third audiobook, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, a riotous journey through the mind of one of America's premiere comic observers.
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4 out of 5 stars
-
I nice pragmatic view of life.
- By Aaron on 10-19-04
By: George Carlin
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Complaints & Grievances
- By: George Carlin
- Length: 54 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 87
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 65
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Story5 out of 5 stars 64
If you missed the HBO special, it's all here and it's all hysterical. George goes off on every subject under the sun and a few other planets too. Be the first one on your cell block to buy this great performance.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Funny
- By M on 02-21-17
By: George Carlin
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Life Is Worth Losing
- By: George Carlin
- Length: 1 hr and 11 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 110
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 80
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 80
George Carlin's 18th album. It was recorded simultaneously with the live broadcast of his 13th HBO special.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
classic
- By Brad on 02-13-09
By: George Carlin
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Parental Advisory
- Explicit Lyrics
- By: George Carlin
- Length: 53 mins
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 79
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 55
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 53
Okay, you might want to remove children under the age of nine from the room before listening to this brilliant album. When they turn 10, you might want to reconsider. Kids are going to learn this language sooner or later, so why not from George? It's Carlin's 12th comedy album, and most of it comes from his seventh HBO special Doin' It Again.
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5 out of 5 stars
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George Carlin- The Greatest Observer of Mankind.
- By BusDriverNYC on 03-23-19
By: George Carlin
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Last Words
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- Narrated by: Tony Hendra, Patrick Carlin
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 830
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 646
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 643
As one of America's preeminent comedic voices, George Carlin saw it all throughout his extraordinary 50-year career and made fun of most of it. Last Words is the story of the man behind some of the most seminal comedy of the last half century, blending his signature acer-bic humor with never-before-told stories from his own life.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Outstanding insight... Well read
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George Carlin Reads to You
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 3,841
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 3,390
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Story4 out of 5 stars 3,346
If one George Carlin audio is funny, then two are funnier and three must be funniest, right? That's our thinking behind this new collection. t's a HighBridge library of laugh-out-loud, award-winning recordings featuring George himself performing many of his best bits.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
Like a Cast of Thousands
- By Rick on 07-16-12
By: George Carlin
-
When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
- By: George Carlin
- Narrated by: George Carlin
- Length: 7 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,550
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 743
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Story4 out of 5 stars 734
Following his two New York Times best sellers, Brain Droppings and Napalm & Silly Putty, comes George Carlin's third audiobook, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, a riotous journey through the mind of one of America's premiere comic observers.
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4 out of 5 stars
-
I nice pragmatic view of life.
- By Aaron on 10-19-04
By: George Carlin
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Complaints & Grievances
- By: George Carlin
- Length: 54 mins
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 87
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 65
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Story5 out of 5 stars 64
If you missed the HBO special, it's all here and it's all hysterical. George goes off on every subject under the sun and a few other planets too. Be the first one on your cell block to buy this great performance.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Funny
- By M on 02-21-17
By: George Carlin
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Life Is Worth Losing
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 110
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 80
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 80
George Carlin's 18th album. It was recorded simultaneously with the live broadcast of his 13th HBO special.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
classic
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Parental Advisory
- Explicit Lyrics
- By: George Carlin
- Length: 53 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 79
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 55
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 53
Okay, you might want to remove children under the age of nine from the room before listening to this brilliant album. When they turn 10, you might want to reconsider. Kids are going to learn this language sooner or later, so why not from George? It's Carlin's 12th comedy album, and most of it comes from his seventh HBO special Doin' It Again.
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5 out of 5 stars
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George Carlin- The Greatest Observer of Mankind.
- By BusDriverNYC on 03-23-19
By: George Carlin
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Classic Gold
- By: George Carlin
- Length: 2 hrs and 26 mins
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 203
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 141
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 139
This set contains three of George Carlin's classic albums from the 1970s in their entirety: FM & AM, Class Clown, and Occupation Foole.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Don't listen and drive
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 10-05-12
By: George Carlin
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A Place for My Stuff!
- By: George Carlin
- Length: 51 mins
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 96
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 65
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 60
Classic Carlin all the way. His eighth comedy album after a five year break. Unlike earlier releases, A Place For My Stuff contains a number of studio tracks in addition to live performances, and he pokes fun at the format and candor of community radio, commercials, and television with aplomb.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Comdedy Classic
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Brain Droppings
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 603
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 350
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 345
Grammy Winner for Best Spoken Comedy Album
Performed by George Carlin himself, and filled with thoughts, musings, questions, lists, beliefs, curiosities, monologues, assertions, assumptions, and other verbal ordeals, Brain Droppings is infectiously funny.
New! Don't miss our AudibleComedy combo, featuring original humor from standups Greg Proops and Steve Marmel.
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5 out of 5 stars
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If you like the Carlin of late...
- By Rod A. on 12-12-11
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Seven Dirty Words
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- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 148
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 121
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Story4 out of 5 stars 123
In Seven Dirty Words, journalist and cultural critic James Sullivan tells the story of Alternative America from the 1950s to the present, from the singular vantage point of George Carlin, the Catholic boy for whom nothing was sacred.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Carlin's CV with no Depth or Insight
- By Dubi on 01-23-14
By: James Sullivan
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Back in Town
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 55
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 40
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 40
George Carlin's ninth HBO special, it was recorded in 1996 at the Beacon Theater in New York City, his first of many performances there. Carlin said it featured the best writing and performing he'd done in 36 years.
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5 out of 5 stars
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George Carlin is Irreplaceable!
- By Tracy P. on 07-24-18
By: George Carlin
-
Carlin on Campus
- By: George Carlin
- Length: 47 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 26
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 19
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 18
This fourth HBO special by George Carlin was recorded on April 18 and 19, 1984 and features mostly new material. The opening features Carlin in Catholic school with a short version of "Class Clown" and animation shorts. The ending features Carlin playing piano to an original song called "Armadillo Blues".
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5 out of 5 stars
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A legend
- By Jewels88 on 03-26-21
By: George Carlin
-
How to Talk Dirty and Influence People
- An Autobiography
- By: Lenny Bruce, Lewis Black - preface, Howard Reich - foreword
- Narrated by: Ronnie Marmo
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- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 337
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 287
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 286
During the course of a career that began in the late 1940s, Lenny Bruce challenged the sanctity of organized religion and other societal and political conventions; he widened the boundaries of free speech. Critic Ralph Gleason said, "So many taboos have been lifted and so many comics have rushed through the doors Lenny opened. He utterly changed the world of comedy". Although Bruce died when he was only 40, his influence on the worlds of comedy, jazz, and satire are incalculable.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Where is the Lenny Bruce of this era?
- By Amazon Customer on 02-20-19
By: Lenny Bruce, and others
-
Still Foolin' 'Em
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- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 5,623
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 5,050
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 5,029
Billy Crystal is 65, and he's not happy about it. With his trademark wit and heart, he outlines the absurdities and challenges that come with growing old, from insomnia to memory loss to leaving dinners with half your meal on your shirt. In humorous chapters like "Buying the Plot" and "Nodding Off," Crystal not only catalogues his physical gripes, but offers a road map to his 77 million fellow baby boomers who are arriving at this milestone age with him. He also looks back at the most powerful and memorable moments of his long and storied life.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
Disarmingly Honest
- By David Shear on 09-12-13
By: Billy Crystal
-
Jammin' in New York
- By: George Carlin
- Length: 56 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 74
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 53
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 52
George Carlin's eighth HBO special, taped on April 24 and 25, 1992, at the Paramount Theater, on the grounds of Madison Square Garden in New York City. Topics include the recently ended Persian Gulf War, similarities and differences among average Americans, language used at airports and more.
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1 out of 5 stars
-
Nothing new here.
- By J. Miller on 03-06-13
By: George Carlin
-
Napalm & Silly Putty
- By: George Carlin
- Narrated by: George Carlin
- Length: 2 hrs and 28 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 226
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 194
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 191
Yes, George Carlin is here with more of what he did better than any other comic: uproarious observations, laser-targeted crankiness, linguistic legerdemain, and inspired weirdness. ("If the shoe fits, get another just like it." "When you sneeze, all the numbers in your head go up by one.") Napalm & Silly Putty is just what his fans have been waiting for—another generous helping of notions, nonsense, assertions, assumptions, mockery, merriment, silliness, sarcasm, and, to be sure, plenty of disturbing references and toxic alienation.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Good, but not like the stand-up
- By Anonymous User on 10-10-21
By: George Carlin
-
Class Clown
- By: George Carlin
- Length: 48 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 87
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 51
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 50
Comedian George Carlin's definitive monologue was delivered on this 1972 album, his third, in the form of Seven Dirty Words You Can Never Say on Television. The FCC and Supreme Court held the routine as the epitome of tastelessness, threatening to yank the license of any station that dare play it over public airwaves. So you know it has to be funny. Buy it today and shock your parents!
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5 out of 5 stars
-
Top 5 comedy album of all time
- By Kent on 06-24-08
By: George Carlin
-
Is This Anything?
- By: Jerry Seinfeld
- Narrated by: Jerry Seinfeld
- Length: 6 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 2,886
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 2,414
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 2,364
Since his first performance at the legendary New York nightclub “Catch a Rising Star” as a 21-year-old college student in fall of 1975, Jerry Seinfeld has written his own material and saved everything. “Whenever I came up with a funny bit, whether it happened on a stage, in a conversation, or working it out on my preferred canvas, the big yellow legal pad, I kept it in one of those old school accordion folders,” Seinfeld writes. “So I have everything I thought was worth saving from 45 years of hacking away at this for all I was worth.”
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1 out of 5 stars
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Joke, joke, joke. Boring, boring, boring.
- By ECMILLER on 10-11-20
By: Jerry Seinfeld
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What listeners say about You Are All Diseased
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Anonymous User
- 05-08-21
This Taping Is Amazing
Great recording, and you’ll be sure to remember it. But this is all on YouTube. Look it up.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- RIP IT UP!
- 11-10-17
another classic Carlin
will never cease to amaze and get you questioning everything. we miss you George. thank you
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall1 out of 5 stars
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Performance1 out of 5 stars
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Story1 out of 5 stars
- Carol Martorelli
- 01-16-18
Disappointed
Always loved George but not this time. Usually funny because it's relatable but this was nothing more than vulgar anger.
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Overall2 out of 5 stars
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Performance3 out of 5 stars
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Story1 out of 5 stars
- Ramon
- 09-17-23
Disappointing
I expected a more witty performance it was overall just too angry for my humor
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