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On Our Best Behavior
- The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good
- Narrated by: Elise Loehnen
- Length: 11 hrs and 54 mins
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Publisher's summary
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A groundbreaking exploration of the ancient rules women unwittingly follow in order to be considered “good,” revealing how the Seven Deadly Sins still control and distort our lives and illuminating a path toward a more balanced, spiritually complete way to live
Why do women equate self-denial with being good?
We congratulate ourselves when we resist the donut in the office breakroom. We celebrate our restraint when we hold back from sending an email in anger. We feel virtuous when we wake up at dawn to get a jump on the day. We put others’ needs ahead of our own and believe this makes us exemplary. In On Our Best Behavior, journalist Elise Loehnen explains that these impulses—often lauded as unselfish, distinctly feminine instincts—are actually ingrained in us by a culture that reaps the benefits, via an extraordinarily effective collection of mores known as the Seven Deadly Sins.
Since being codified by the Christian church in the fourth century, the Seven Deadly Sins—pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and sloth—have exerted insidious power. Even today, in our largely secular, patriarchal society, they continue to circumscribe women’s behavior. For example, seeing sloth as sinful leads women to deny themselves rest; a fear of gluttony drives them to ignore their appetites; and an aversion to greed prevents them from negotiating for themselves and contributes to the 55 percent gender wealth gap.
In On Our Best Behavior, Loehnen reveals how we’ve been programmed to obey the rules represented by these sins and how doing so qualifies us as “good.” This probing analysis of contemporary culture and thoroughly researched history explains how women have internalized the patriarchy, and how they unwittingly reinforce it. By sharing her own story and the spiritual wisdom of other traditions, Loehnen shows how we can break free and discover the integrity and wholeness we seek.
Critic reviews
“What if women finally found freedom—because we gave it to ourselves? Elise Loehnen brilliantly reframes our toxic cultural programming and helps us to see that what we thought were our sins are actually our greatest virtues. This book is the gift we have all been waiting for.”—Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone
“A stunning, big, and bold encyclopedia of how to live—the first post-pandemic book to take our latest measurements and provide something fresh to comfort, embolden, enlighten, and enrich who we are today . . . On Our Best Behavior is nothing short of a tangible necessity in our new intangible world.”—Lisa Taddeo, New York Times bestselling author of Three Women
“A raw cri de coeur, penetrating social analysis, and revealing personal reflection . . . Elise Loehnen deftly deconstructs one of the central ideological buttresses of patriarchal society: the shaming of women for having human desires, strengths, capacities, and strivings of body, mind, and soul. Doing so, she provides a guide to liberation and a return to the authentic feminine self.”—Gabor Maté, MD, New York Times bestselling author of The Myth of Normal
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The Emotional Edge is an exciting expansion of Crystal's successful brand - she has tackled weight management, confidence building, and spiritual growth; now she combines all that and more into her most powerful program yet. The Emotional Edge is a guide for letting go of the past and embracing a more empowered future. This audiobook is spiritual self-help designed to teach listeners how to overcome behavioral ruts and engage the world from a happier, more empowered place.
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the world needs more of this.
- By Amber Jessop on 11-25-17
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The Second Mountain
- How People Move from the Prison of Self to the Joy of Commitment
- By: David Brooks
- Narrated by: Arthur Morey
- Length: 12 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Author David Brooks explores the four commitments that define a life of meaning and purpose: to a spouse and family, to a vocation, to a philosophy or faith, and to a community. Our personal fulfillment depends on how well we choose and execute these commitments. Brooks looks at a range of people who have lived joyous, committed lives, and who have embraced the necessity and beauty of dependence. He gathers their wisdom on how to choose a partner, how to pick a vocation, how to live out a philosophy, and how we can begin to integrate our commitments into one overriding purpose.
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Pursue meaning, reject hyper-individualism
- By Adam Shields on 05-07-19
By: David Brooks
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Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives
- By: Laura Schlessinger Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Laura Schlessinger Ph.D.
- Length: 2 hrs and 52 mins
- Abridged
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Overall
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Following the tremendous success of her New York Times best sellers, Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives and How Could You Do That?!, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, the conscience of talk radio, now addresses the stupid things men do that diminish their lives and happiness. With real-world examples from her radio show and strikingly honest letters from her male listeners, her book reveals that many men demonstrate a level of sensitivity and insight that will surprise most women.
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Loved it!
- By Ethan on 03-21-18
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To Have and to Hold
- Motherhood, Marriage, and the Modern Dilemma
- By: Molly Millwood
- Narrated by: Molly Millwood
- Length: 9 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
A clinical psychologist’s exploration of the modern dilemmas women face in the wake of new motherhood. When Molly Millwood became a mother, she was fully prepared for what she would gain: an adorable baby boy; hard-won mothering skills; and a messy, chaotic, beautiful life. But what she did not expect was what she would lose: aspects of her identity, a baseline level of happiness, a general sense of well-being.
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Pretty good
- By C Sandell on 03-07-21
By: Molly Millwood
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How to Be Sad
- Everything I’ve Learned About Getting Happier by Being Sad
- By: Helen Russell
- Narrated by: Helen Russell
- Length: 10 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Helen Russell has researched sadness from the inside out for her entire life. Her earliest memory is of the day her sister died. Her parents divorced soon after, and her mother didn’t receive the help she needed to grieve. Coping with her own emotional turmoil — including struggles with body image and infertility — she’s endured professional and personal setbacks as well as relationships that have imploded in truly spectacular ways. Even the things that brought her the greatest joy — like eventually becoming a parent — are fraught with challenges.
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More an self biography
- By Jaime Murillo on 04-27-24
By: Helen Russell
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Bad Sex
- Truth, Pleasure, and an Unfinished Revolution
- By: Nona Willis Aronowitz
- Narrated by: Nona Willis Aronowitz
- Length: 9 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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At thirty-two years old, everything in Nona Willis Aronowitz’s life, and in America, was in disarray. Her marriage was falling apart. Her nuclear family was slipping away. Her heart and libido were both in overdrive. Embroiled in an era of fear, reckoning, and reimagining, her assumptions of what “sexual liberation” meant were suddenly up for debate.
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I was born in the 50s, sexually active in the mid 70s
- By Pixel on 08-22-22
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Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen
- The Emotional Lives of Black Women
- By: Inger Burnett-Zeigler
- Narrated by: Adenrele Ojo
- Length: 7 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Black women are beautiful, intelligent, and capable - but mostly they embrace strong. Esteemed clinical psychologist Dr. Inger Burnett-Zeigler praises the strength of women while exploring how trauma and adversity have led to deep emotional pain and shaped how they walk through the world.
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Amazing!
- By charlene lindsey on 09-08-21
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Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture
- 11 Steps to Keep Her Happy, Healthy, and Safe
- By: Meg Meeker
- Narrated by: Lisbeth Carol Keen
- Length: 6 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Learn about the essential, complementary roles that mothers and fathers play; the dangers of social media - and how to help your daughter navigate them; what every daughter needs to know about God; how to launch your daughter into successful womanhood; and more.
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Should had read the details instead of the title.
- By Ms. Burke on 11-15-20
By: Meg Meeker
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The Ten Commandments
- The Significance of God's Laws in Everyday Life
- By: Laura Schlessinger Ph.D., Rabbi Stewart Vogel
- Narrated by: Laura Schlessinger Ph.D., Rabbi Stewart Vogel
- Length: 2 hrs and 43 mins
- Abridged
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Overall
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The Ten Commandments are the first direct communication between a people and God. Designed to elevate our lives above mere frantic, animal existence to the sublime levels humanity is capable of experiencing, they are the blueprint of God's expectations of us and his plan for a meaningful, just, loving, and holy life. Each commandment asserts a principle, and each principle is a moral focus point for real-life issues relating to God, family, sex, work, charity, property, speech, and thought.
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The Ten Commandments
- By PineappleGirl on 12-08-06
By: Laura Schlessinger Ph.D., and others
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Trapped in the Mirror
- Adult Children of Narcissists in Their Struggle for Self
- By: Elan Golomb
- Narrated by: Angela Brazil
- Length: 11 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
The difficulties experienced by adult children of narcissists can manifest themselves in many ways - for example, physical self-loathing that takes the form of overeating, anorexia, or bulimia; a self-destructive streak that causes poor job performance and rocky personal relationships; or a struggle with the self that is perpetuated in the adult's interaction with his or her own children. These dilemmas are both common and correctable, Elan Golomb tells us.
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Am I trapped?
- By D. Villalpando on 10-11-16
By: Elan Golomb
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How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
- By: Patricia Love, Steven Stosny
- Narrated by: Laural Merlington
- Length: 6 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Men are right. The "relationship talk" does not help. Dr. Patricia Love’s and Dr. Steven Stosny’s How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It reveals the stunning truth about marital happiness: Love is not about better communication. It's about connection.
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Must read if your on the verge of loosing it all!
- By Chris on 07-19-15
By: Patricia Love, and others
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The Feminine Mystique
- By: Betty Friedan
- Narrated by: Parker Posey
- Length: 15 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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The book that changed the consciousness of a country - and the world. Landmark, groundbreaking, classic - these adjectives barely describe the earthshaking and long-lasting effects of Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique. This is the book that defined "the problem that has no name", that launched the Second Wave of the feminist movement, and has been awakening women and men with its insights into social relations, which still remain fresh, ever since.
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A landmark book of its time and relevant now
- By Anthony on 01-23-15
By: Betty Friedan
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The Wonder of Boys
- By: Michael Gurian
- Narrated by: Michael Gurian
- Length: 3 hrs and 18 mins
- Abridged
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Overall
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Performance
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What can parents, mentors, and educators do to shape boys into exceptional men? Michael Gurian, a respected therapist, storyteller, and recognized expert in family systems, explains the basic needs of every boy: a primary and extended family, a relationship with mother, father, and mentors, and support from his community.
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Great Book for Mothers and Fathers
- By Janine on 05-20-09
By: Michael Gurian
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Why Good People Do Bad Things
- By: Debbie Ford
- Narrated by: Debbie Ford
- Length: 8 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Why Good People Do Bad Things exposes the pervasive and often hidden impulses that influence our everyday decisions. The headlines are full of stories of good people gone astray. They show up on the evening news and are splashed across the weekly tabloids.
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Examples but no help changing...
- By Rebecca on 12-13-11
By: Debbie Ford
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A Natural History of North American Trees
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A good review of NA silva
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Life Worth Living
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What makes a good life? The question is inherent to the human condition, asked by people across generations, professions, and social classes, and addressed by all schools of philosophy and religions. This search for meaning, as Yale faculty Miroslav Volf, Matthew Croasmun, and Ryan McAnnally-Linz argue, is at the crux of a crisis that is facing Western culture, a crisis that, they propose, can be ameliorated by searching, in one’s own life, for the underlying truth.
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Evangelical Tripe
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Crossings
- How Road Ecology Is Shaping the Future of Our Planet
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Some 40 million miles of roadways encircle the earth, yet we tend to regard them only as infrastructure for human convenience. While roads are so ubiquitous they're practically invisible to us, wild animals experience them as entirely alien forces of death and disruption. In Crossings, environmental journalist Ben Goldfarb travels throughout the United States and around the world to investigate how roads have transformed our planet. A million animals are killed by cars each day in the US alone, but as the new science of road ecology shows, the harms of highways extend far beyond roadkill.
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Great book, but narration doesn’t fit.
- By Anonymous User on 09-22-23
By: Ben Goldfarb
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What listeners say about On Our Best Behavior
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Alicia Schumacher
- 06-08-23
Love
Love this book! My hope is all will read/listen and reflect on how best to deconstruct our patriarchal society.
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- c p
- 06-28-23
no surprise
Elise hit a home run. Are we really surprised? She is one of the most brilliant humans I know. I used to cringe hearing the word "patriarchy" thrown around like it was the trendy thing to discuss. I quickly realized how much I did not know/realize about it. My mind was blown and expanded time and time again as I read this book. Thank you, Elise, for being intelligent enough and brave/vulnerable enough to put these much needed words out into the Universe.
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
- Courtney Nestler
- 07-23-23
Every Woman NEEDS to read this book
I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Sometimes thru tears, rage, and sadness but wow how I needed this book.
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- M.T.
- 01-31-24
Shadow Work at its finest.
This book is an in depth look at the parts u
Of us that we have been taught to ignore. It shows clearly that when we do have the courage to look at those shadowy parts of us that is where true power lies to heal and transcend the modern day challenges of Patriarchy.
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- Jessica
- 05-29-23
Loved it!
I will be gifting this for all of my friends! So insightful and thought provoking! I can’t wait for Elise to write more.
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- EGV
- 08-14-23
Essential reading
This book is essential reading for all. I can’t recommend it highly enough. Elise is brilliant and this is a thorough investigation of the waters in which we swim unwittingly.
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- Carrie
- 01-09-24
Everyone needs to read this ✨
I’ll admit, I bought this book because I was in awe of the cover art. My expectations were low because I didn’t know what to expect. This book will easily be on the top 3 books I’ll read in 2024 and I feel so thankful I happened to read it while I am in the midst of looking at my life values to decide how I want to show up in the world as I prepare to become engaged and start planning a family at the same time I’m preparing to expand in my career.
This book put words to so many feelings I’ve been filtering through and unsure how to approach with myself or any other human being. It helped me understand my own trauma and how that has led to me short circuiting my own pleasure as its always feels tainted and I’ve always felt responsible for the situation that unfolded. I now have words to help me move forward from that and express my need to heal that part of myself.
My absolute favorite part of this book is when Elise opens up about her experience with grief when she lost her BIL. It hit so close to home for me as I too lost my young BIL who I was close with and spent just as much time with him as I did with my sister. I don’t often hear families speak of their in-laws as people they feel close to, more so that they feel obligated to them. When David passed I didn’t know how to express that losing him was losing a brother because many people around me do not consider in-laws as close. Knowing there is anyone else out there who understands how tragic it felt helped me feel so validated in my grief.
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- bookLover
- 02-17-24
i love how thorough this book is
this book just might change my view of myself and our responsibilities in the world
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- Lauren C
- 05-20-24
A logical way of explaining how women are conditioned in our society.
This was great. I really enjoyed rhe perspective and how logical it was put forth.
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- Lsmith
- 06-16-23
Insightful and empowering
This was an incredibly insightful and empowering book. I’ll need to read it again to fully grasp the message as I’m sure I missed some valuable info.
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